


Words of Solace

by Likara



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Avengers Compound, Bruce Banner Is a Good Bro, Bucky Barnes Is a Good Bro, Canon Divergence - Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Drama & Romance, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, Loki (Marvel) Lives, Post-Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Sam Wilson Is a Good Bro, Slow Burn, Smut, Some Humor, Thor (Marvel) is a Good Bro, beta reader wanted!- inbox me :)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-11
Updated: 2020-02-03
Packaged: 2020-03-01 05:51:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 32
Words: 112,560
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18794263
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Likara/pseuds/Likara
Summary: ***"You’re using me.“His voice was just like his face, there was nothing sarky or arrogant or even angry about it, just so very astonished.She looked at him. A mix of frustration and perplexity of her own in her voice when she eventually responded."What?“"You want to feel. Something. Anything. You’re using me only for this intention.“"Well, this is normally the reason why people do this Loki… they want to feel.“ she growled at him puzzled. What the heck was his problem?!"Oh this is not what this is, my dearest.“ There was the smugness she was getting used to again.He kissed her... suddenly, roughly. When he broke the kiss his lips stayed close to hers, his hot breath washed over her face as he spoke.You want to be chastened. You use me as your punishment.“***The most horrific event the universe had ever seen is undone. But how to cope with it?Follow a counselor, the remaining Avengers, super soldiers and other remarkable beings like a very special God of Mischief on their journey through a world, that yet again has to rebuild itself. And witness what two of them might find in each other...





	1. Prelude

**Author's Note:**

> Hey there.  
> The thought of how the heck to go on with life after the events of Endgame doesn't leave me. So I try to get a story done that is in my head since then.  
> Endgame spoilers ahead. It will be Loki / OFC focused. I update weekly (most of the time)
> 
> More notes in later chapters.
> 
> Oh and... Not a native english speaker, no bata. Sorry. I'll keep editing it. Have mercy. :)

**Prelude**

 

His pace slowed down which left her quite frustrated. She met his hips with more dedication, tried to encourage him to speed up again, unsuccessfully. His thrusts became shallow. Carina felt him lifting his head from the crook of her neck. He held himself up above her. She felt his long hair touching her face slightly. Her eyes were still closed, her frustration growing just like her desire for the sweet release… it was close…

_What was he doing?!_

He said nothing, but she felt his eyes on her. She didn’t want to look at him. She could avoid to look him in the eyes since they reached her bed. And she really, really liked to keep it that way. So she tried to allure him to move again. She let the hand on his back slid down to his ass and the one on his shoulder between them, right down where their bodies connected. While her fingers grazed his cock, her palm pressed down on her clit. It made both of them moan and for a moment she thought she had won when he gave her a harder thrust, but her victory was short living.

With a movement, too fast for her foggy mind, he grabbed the hand between them and pinned her wrist next to her head.

Surprised, this made her open her eyes.

If anything, Carina expected a smug look on his face. A triumphant, sinister smile on his captivating features. But nothing like this greeted her. Loki looked at her with something she could only describe as astonishment. His bluish-green eyes, still dark with lust but also so very amazingly bright, fixed on hers. His mouth was slightly open and his breathing still heavy. His dark hair framing his face gracefully. A few more heartbeats passed before he finally spoke.

"You’re using me.“

It sounded like a detection of his. His voice was like his face, there was nothing sarky or arrogant or even angry about it, but so very astonished. She looked at him. A mix of frustration and perplexity of her own in her voice when she eventually responded.

"What?“

"You want to feel. Something. Anything. You’re using me only for this intention.“

"Well, this is normally the reason why people fuck Loki… they want to feel.“ she growled at him puzzled.

_What the fuck was his problem?!_

"Oh this is not what this is, my dearest“

There was the haughtiness she was getting used to. He kissed her suddenly, roughly and withdraw from her heat at the same time before driving back in, harder than before. When he broke the kiss his lips stayed close to hers, his hot breath washed over her face as he spoke, his hips never stopping the deep strokes, making her moan again.

"You want to be chastened. You use me as your punishment.“

He gave her no time to respond. His mouth was on hers again in a demanding and filthy way, very much like his cock in her pussy. And just as he seemed to have mercy with her burning lungs, his lips, teeth and tongue trailed down her cheek and throat, licking, biting and sucking, leaving marks on her flesh.

Carina didn’t care.

She wrapped her legs around his hips, letting him go deeper, rolled her pelvis against him. This made Loki snarl and he pushed harder into her, his hold on her wrist tighten even more. Somewhere in her mind, she knew it would bruise.

She didn’t care.

Carina shut her eyes again. Her panting grew louder, but she heard it only from a distance. The peak was near again. Loki was ruthlessly driving into her core and she only wanted him to keep going till she found her release. His lips found hers again, his tongue demanding entrance which she gave so very willingly. The brunette clawed her short nails in this shoulder blades, urging him on. Even if his hard muscles and skin wouldn’t prevent it, she didn’t care about leaving scars. His tall tight body seemed to surround hers completely.

Eventually, her climax caught her off guard, it came harder than she expected and with an intenseness she rarely experienced. Hadn’t Loki's lips sealed her mouth, she was sure she would have screamed.   
She felt herself squeezing his cock and bathing him in her juice. He fucked her right through it but tore his lips from hers. Her eyes fluttered open when her high glinted out.

Without meaning to, Carina locked gaze with the eyes above her. She did not know what she saw in his face, nor what he saw in hers.

When he found his own release, he buried his head in her neck again, biting down on her shoulder, marking her come once more. She felt his cock jerking in her, sending a few more small waves of pleasure through her willing body. A few shallow thrusts later there was just their heavy breathing.  
He was still in her but held himself up so his weight won’t crush her. After a few moments, he slipped out and let himself drop down next to her.

Their bodies were still touching. His right leg was laying over hers. His arm was around her sweaty stomach and his left hand was still holding her wrist, even though far more loosely than before. It was a strangely pleasurable feeling. So she let him touch her, even leaned her forehead against his fingers to have a little more contact.

A weakish voice in her whispered about the lack of protection. She had no idea if this man… _no, this alien_ … might leave something with her, something maybe much more frightening than a disease. But at this moment it was all the same.

_I simply do not care._

Carina was spent. She felt calm. Loki’s breathing became steady and even and so did hers. Her eyes were closed again. She had no desire to clean herself up. If he wished to, he could leave now, even when she wouldn’t mind if he stayed. The loss of his touch would be alright. For a moment she thought he would do just that when his hands left her skin... but it was only a moment, then she felt her sheets being draped over her and his arm was around her again. The last thing she felt was his breath on her cheek before her mind went dark.

 

 


	2. 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everyone who was interested in the Prelude. So here is the start of the story…it starts with the second to last scene of Endgame. So yes... Spoilers. Everything is pretty much like in the MCU movies so far, with the exception that Heimdall and Loki came back through the snaps in Endgame (we will see how and which snap ;) ) and of course there is a OFC.

_Five months earlier_

 

Funerals weren’t so strange anymore. In the last five years, she felt like she was witnessing a burial every day. Of course not really. Not literally.  
But in Carina’s line of work, with the events five years ago, every day felt like one. Every day she listened and talked about the loss people endured. Tried to help them, tried to give them guidance to move on, even when she so clearly couldn’t.  
Stark’s human resources made a great effort to give people some kind of aid. So in the last five years, she wasn't helping the low Avengers stuff - like technicians who happened to get into the line of fire, or rarely some Ex-Shield agent- to get over PTSD or any other kind of trauma after a mission. A few months after the world-changing events, the newly married Pepper Stark had asked her to led the counselor division. Mostly for every Stark Industries employees and their families but also an open program for everyone who sought out help.  
Carina had a duty that helped her to function. It’d always been like this. When there was a job to do, she did it. It kept her going. And she did good work. She was excellent at her job.  
Didn’t mean she didn’t scream into her pillow at night for years after it happened. Didn’t mean she knew how to stop.

The newest change came suddenly. Unexpected. And even though it was a miracle - she truly, wholeheartedly believed so - she never thought she lived to see, it was no less numbing than the event that once ripped it all away.  
But she had to function. So she did.

Carina wasn’t in the inner circle, but she worked for the Starks for overall ten years. So she guessed there was a higher level of trust than most employees could enjoy. She’d even been to Stark’s lake house a few times before. She hadn't been overly surprised when Pepper invited her to the funeral of her husband. The consultant guessed that she wanted to have an adviser there. A therapist, for people to talk to, or introduce to people.

Tony Stark hadn’t crossed her path much, so she was always amazed that he even knew her name when she came by. Their small talks had always been enjoyable and entertaining. She always thought that everything people said about him was true and false at the same time. He was strange. He was a good man. She liked him.

Carina didn’t really know where her place was when his wife and daughter placed the flowers in the water. So she stood next to Maria Hill. She knew the woman quite well and had an almost friendly relationship with her five years ago. It seemed appropriate to stand in the back. Carina also met Sam Wilson before. He was a nice guy, decent and clever. She'd had a few encounters with him back in the day. But she had never directly crossed paths with the other Avengers before or those other superheroes, like the king of Wakanda and his entourage, not to mention those other aliens… like the two Asgardians, a tree or those blue guys. However, like most in the last years, she realized that it didn’t affect her at all. The anomaly, the inordinateness, became almost unspectacular, almost common.

At the service Pepper came to Carina and Hill. She hugged both women briefly. Her appearance was tasteful and classy as always. Only her fairy skin looked a little bit ashy and her eyes were slightly red. She had a petite, brunette woman behind her. The four women were standing on the front patio.

"It’s good to see you, Carina. Thank you for coming.“ She smiled.

"Well, of course, Mrs. Stark. I’m honored to be here.“

"Pepper, please. Call me Pepper.“ The smile she gave now looked far more forced and Carina nodded with a fake smile of her own, but with more success than the other woman.

"Carina, I want to introduce you to May Parker.“ The strawberry blond finally said and the two brunettes shook hands.

"Nice to meet you, Mrs. Parker. I’m Carina Miller.“

"Oh please, call me May… and it’s Miss.“ she grinned.

Carina smiled back. A little bit more genuinely this time around. "Sure, I’m Carina.“

"May is Peter Parker's aunt. I told her about you. If it’s okay with you, I would like to give her your contact details.“ Pepper Stark added.

"Oh of course." Carina easily agreed, she understood. "I’ll give you all my infos. You can contact me anytime if you or Peter need anything.“  
May Parker nodded grateful. They shared some polite talk before she left, looking for her nephew.

"Do you have a minute for me Carina? I would like to discuss something with you.“ Pepper asked after a heartbeat of silence. Hill seemed to sense that this was her signal to go and excused herself.

"Of course. What’s the matter?“ Carina responded to the other woman.

"Let’s go down to the lake? Walk for a little bit?“

It took Pepper more than 15 minutes before she finally said anything else. The two women walked slowly and wordless along the shore. It was quite peaceful out here. Carina could fully understand why the Starks came to live here. It was a brutal contrast to the life in the city. The brunette let her boss her time. She always had a high level of empathy, intuition. There was a time to push and a time to bear with them. She knew this was the number one mistake most people did when dealing with people in grief. They felt the need to fill the silence, to say something. Terms of condolence. 'I’m sorry.‘ So many 'I’m sorry.‘  
Carina Miller was sure Pepper Stark heard a lot of them already and she would hear a lot more, maybe for the rest of her life. Almost everyone on this earth knew her late husband, knew what he did. They would tell her how sorry they are, because they were. And at the same time, they would be incredible glad that happened, what caused his death.

_What a strange universe we live in._

So Carina did, what just a few people could do naturally and even most people in her line of profession struggled with. She waited, she endured the heavy sorrow in the air. She said nothing because there was nothing, nothing she could say right now to lessen the pain. A lot of times the most comfort you could give someone was simple in being there. Standing by their side, being patient and available.

"How are things in the New York department going? Is the workload still as high as the last reports said?“ She finally asked.

Carina nodded. "Yes, I’m afraid so. There is quite a demand. I don’t see it going down for a while. I think we can expect the same as five years ago, maybe slightly shorter before things calm down.“

Mrs. Stark looked questioningly at the other woman. "Why do you think is that?“

Carina signed. "A lot of people have a very hard time. You see… five years passed. People grew older. Mothers and fathers came back to see babies suddenly being toddlers. Some what we aspect to be orphans were adopted. Some who thought they lost their significant other remarried. Or worse.“  
The newly widow nodded slowly, knowing what the brunette walking next to her meant.

"There is a lot of happiness. I’m sure mostly happiness. But also guilt and loss. People need to work through this, to resettle. It’ll take a while but it will be alright.“ Carina added.

"Do you need more staff members?“

"Oh no, I don’t think this is necessary for now. We have a tight schedule, but it’s perfectly manageable.“

Pepper was quiet for a few more moments before she finally said "I think I have to insist on it.“

"Boss?“ Carina asked puzzled.

"You’re doing amazing work. You did it for the last few years Carina. And that's why I want you to take a new job at Human Resources. One I really only trust you with. So I would like for you to look for at least two new therapist to fill in the hole you’ll leave at the New York Department.“

She stopped walking so Carina stopped too and turned to her employer. "A new job?“

"Yes, I really hope that you’ll agree. I really can’t imagine anyone else for this.“

"Well, what would you like me to do?“

Pepper smiled softly. "I think it’s best Steve Rogers explains it to you. It was his request and I think it’s a great idea.“

Her statement put a hundred more questions in Carina’s head but before she could asked only one the other woman started walking again, up to the man, standing right on the waterside, his gaze fixed on something over the water. It was no other than Captain America.

___

After kissing Pepper on the cheek and introducing himself to Carina, Pepper left the pair to their business.

"So, what is this new function you would like me to take over Mr Rogers?“ Carina asked right away.

"Did you know Tony had PTSD after New York?“ He said instead of answering her question.

"Yes, I know. Pepper once said something and Mr Stark joked about it like everytime I saw him.“

"I didn’t it. I just heard it a few days ago, when Pepper and I talked about the consultant you're part of." he sighed.

Carina waited. He needed a minute.

"I’m sorry. I…“ he stuttered and dropped his gaze.

"Yeah, I know.“ Carina said calmly.

It took a few more seconds before he looked her in the eyes again.

"Sam told me a lot of great things about you. He said that you’re an excellent therapist.“

"Thank you, I’m glad he thinks so. But I’m just doing my job as best as I can.“

"You’re sure do. As far as I read you prevented 30 potential suicides in the last three months and your evaluation is great.“

 _Okay_ , she thought, _he is reading my statistics_. "Well, they say paper doesn’t blush. Doesn’t mean we fake numbers, but-“

"And you’re humble.“ He interrupted her, grinning.

Carina couldn’t resist but grin right back. "What are you asking Mr Rogers?“

"It’s Steve. And I’m asking you to do what you seem to be really good at.“

"Care to explain…Steve?“

Rogers smiled at her, than let his eyes wander to the water.

"Without Tony… there are no Avengers anymore. Not like what it used to be. But that doesn’t mean that everything we had is gone. There’re still a few left and younger ones to come. It might not be what it used to be, but still… The world still needs this. We’ll build a headquarters... Wanda, Sam and Rhodes will be there. And others.“

He swallow, took a deep breath then looked back at her.

"A few of them went through a lot. From what I heard about you, you’re quite good at getting people. You’re realizing change… you know when someone might be close to doing something stupid. For short, you’re good at your job. We want someone there for them. To talk to if needed. And to spot if something is off.“

"That’s quite a task you have there. I’m not sure if I get what you ask me to do. I’m not a doctor or profiler. I’m helping people after trauma and with depressions. I can’t take the responsibility if some superhuman goes of or misbehaves.“

"Oh no… of course it won’t be your responsibility! That’s not what this would be like, never. We just… we want someone there with your level of skills and experience. You know the system, you know us. Help them to get through dark times. And maybe call it to their attention when and _if_ they're going down dark roads. But… and I insure you… what they do would never be your responsibility.“

She looked into the face of Steve Rogers, with the strong jawline and the clear blue eyes and suddenly understood the fuss. Sincereness, courage and integrity shone in those bright eyes. But also a fine line of sorrow and pain. Enormous pain.

Carina smiled. "Alright Steve. We have to get the modalities straight. But I guess I’m sold.“

 

___

 

The whole service was quiet and respectful and ended as such. As soon as the first left the rest started to follow. Just a few actual human guests were still there. The alien party, who came with their very own spaceship, were left so far, although they were scattered in two groups.  
Happy Hogan brought her here but Maria Hill offered to give her a ride home. Happy would stay with the two Stark females for the night.  
Carina was ready to go, however Hill was still quietly talking to Mr Fury and Captain Rogers so she wasn’t too fond of the idea to interrupt. Nick Fury was quite impressive and seemed like a man who wouldn’t like it. However she had no intention to start a conversation with the remaining guests and she had her first appointment rather early in the morning. There might not be an other option.  
She made her way to the group of Ex Shield agents and just wanted to excuse herself, when behind her, a deep and rich voice beat her to it.

"My dear friends, I must take my leave now.“

Carina stopped a few steps behind the group when the God of Thunder walked passed her and pulled Steve Rogers into a bear hug.

"You’re still standing by your decision?“ Steve asked the blond and bearded man while returning the hug wholehearted.

"Yes, my friend. It’s time for me to be who I am, not what I was supposed to be.“

Steve nodded and smiled, clapping the God on his shoulder, what he returned.

Thor turned his attention to Nick Fury, who spoke before the blond male could. "And what shall we do if 'Real Power' here isn’t behaving and we need some lighting, should we send a raven?“

Fury didn’t look at Thor but over his left shoulder and at first she thought his eye was fixed on her, before she sensed a presence next to her. Turning her head, a tall, dark haired man stood there. His pale face a sharply contrast to his black suit and long hair. The other Asgardian, Loki. The troubled adoptive brother of Thor. Oh and a mass murderer if she remembered the events from 2012 correctly.  
Of course she saw him today and already asked herself what he did here. But at the end it wasn’t bothering her too much. A whole lot of first league superheros were here, a few of them intergalactic. She just trusted that his presence here was safe.  
The God of Lies and Mischief as they call him had his head bend down, but there was a small smile on his lips. His whole face looked quite amused.

"I assure you, my brother will be an ally, not an enemy.“ Thor said with sincerity. Fury didn’t look at least convinced, but he shook the Gods hand.  
"Also, Heimdall will have his eyes on him. And if he steps out of line, Valkyrie will be happily put him back in his place. Wouldn’t be the first time.“

This seemed to make Fury a little bit happier and he almost cracked a smile. The man beside her wasn’t so amused.

"You are aware of the fact that I’m right behind you, brother.“ Loki remarked. His voice was outstanding. She noticed this with dry impartiality. It was deep and smooth, velvety and maybe almost sublime.

"I am brother. I am.“ Thor smiled and said his goodbye to Hill.

"If you don’t mind Thor, I’m not feeling totally convinced with only Asgardian eyes on your little brother. I would like a few of ours on him, too.“ Fury added.

"Very well.“ The blond man nodded.

Carina was looking back and forth between Fury, Thor and Loki. She had to give it to them… the display was entertaining.

Loki sighed dramatically, rolling his eyes. He turned to leave. While doing so his sight graced Carinas, the grin on his face returned, grew bigger and with that he went on his way, his brother, after one last farewell to his friends, followed him.  
She had the urge to turn around and look after them. Impulsivity like this was almost lost to her these days so she greedy followed the urge without a second thought. It was only a swift gaze back, but she was strangely excited to see that the pale face with the bright eyes also turned around and looked at her.

___

 

They all said their goodbyes. Pepper told her that she would talk to her in a few weeks about the details of her new job and Steve Rogers thanked her again for taking the offer, or at least considering it. They drove in comfortable silent back to the city.

When Carina stood under the hot spray this evening, the somewhat too hot water slowly turning her skin red, enjoying the ache it brought her, her head free from any thought, she had no idea that two of the eyes Fury wanted on the God of Mischief were her own.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, right?! How can I lure you in with smut and then that! I hope you’re not too disappointed. There is the slow burn tag. And I really want to explore what it would feel like to live through those TWO snaps and world changing events. There will be smut and more interaction between the pair in the Prelude in the following chapters. And I assure you, the focus is on them in this story.


	3. 2

  
  
"And it’s not like I don’t get it. Because I do… it’s crazy. For her and everyone who wasn’t gone too. But what is she expecting of me?! I mean, I get it.. but she… she just… I guess it’s just… I…“  
  
"You feel betrayed.“  
  
The young man had looked passed Carina's left shoulder the whole time he had spoken, now he glanced into her eyes before he lowered his head, looking at a spot between his shoes. She waited, he inhaled sharply.  
  
"Yes.“ he sighed. "Yes, I feel like… she cheated on me.“ he whispered.  
  
"Did you tell her that? Or do you think you could?“  
  
He shook his head, frustrated. "No… it… I mean I know she didn’t cheat. I know she waited like three fucking years before going on a date again. And she still has my stuff. Pictures of us and such. I know all that. But it doesn’t feel like it.“  
  
"Oh, course it doesn’t. For you none of that time happened.“  
  
"I don’t want to feel like this.“ he whispered, his gaze went back to the point on the wall behind her.  
  
"Are you afraid that she will continue seeing him?“  
  
"No, no… she dumped him. Like instantly when she made sure I was real and she wasn’t hallucinating“ he snorted but with a glimmer of joy.  
  
"How is she now?“ Carina wanted to know.  
  
"What do you mean?“  
  
"How do you think is she doing? How are her moods?“  
  
The man seemed confused. It took him a while to answer. "She is… happy. I mean she couldn’t stop crying for hours after… all of us came back. Also her sister and grandma were gone, a few friends. But she was and is still… over the moon. Didn’t want me out of her sight for days. She is… yeah… happy. That’s why she doesn't get me being… well feeling like this.“  
  
"She is glad you’re back, that _she_ has you back, her boyfriend she thought to be gone forever and wants you to be happy about it too.“  
  
The twenty-something-year-old man swallowed, then nodded. "I guess.“  
  
"How does she look at you?“  
  
"I don’t get what you mean.“  
  
"More the doghouse eyes or do-me-eyes?“ Carina grinned.  
  
The man chuckled. "Yeah… that would be the latter.“  
  
The consultant leaned forward and for the first time in this session her client didn’t shy away from her gaze.  
"Maybe try to think about that when the other thoughts are too strong. You might can’t just turn those other feelings off but you can try to slowly replace them.“  
  
He looked at her for a while, then a tentative smile came to his lips and he shrugged. "Worth a shot.“  
  
Carina leaned back and returned the hopeful smile. "Worth a shot.“  
  
  
  
_____  
  
  
  
"You don’t have to decide this yet Mr Taylor. Just call Alice for an other appointment, if you want to. It’s totally fine.“ She assured him as she walked him to her door.  
  
"Yeah, thank you, will do for sure. And thank you for staying longer today. I really appreciate it, Miss Miller.“  
  
"It’s nothing, Mr. Taylor. You’re welcome.“ she smiled at him.  
  
"Thanks, ma’am. Have a nice evening.“  
  
She nodded approvingly and closed the door behind the young engineer. Carina didn’t think she’ll see him again, at least not as a client. He was a lucky one. As a employee of Stark’s industries his working situation was fine. Pepper had made sure that every last one of the repatriates got their job back and every new one of the last five years would keep theirs, if they wanted to. And his private life? Well, she thought, if he’s not fucking it up it will be fine too.  
His girlfriend was devoted to him, his family handled everything pretty good as well.  
He’ll be fine.    
Cases like this were pretty effortless. Sadly not everyone came out of this mess so well.  
  
Carina stood at her office door for a minute. The whole floor was quite. It was Friday afternoon. The building belonged to Stark’s human resources and even though it was way more busy these days than a few months ago, on Fridays at 5 pm she had the floor to herself. She thought about going home, taking of this pencil skirt,  having some dinner, a glass of wine and maybe calling her mum. Their conversations were mostly the same… her mum complained about all the dust that settled in the house and that she has been cleaning for weeks. Oh and how Mrs blah blah and Mr. blah blah down the street looked so much older and Miss so-and-so left her husband… and…and… and.  
It didn’t really matter. Carina enjoyed hearing her voice. She knew her mum couldn’t help it. For them… not a damn day passed. Of course she took care of their house the best she could. But her parents lived one hour away. She had ended up hiring a service that looked over the abandon houses and apartments once a month. She had done the same for her brothers apartment once his girlfriend had moved out.  
Of course their cleaning hadn’t been to her mothers liking. In her heart Carina knew that her parents loved her dearly and they did say how sorry they were when they heard about what happened. But of course they could never get it, not really. And Carina didn’t hold it against them.  
  
Still, right now going home didn’t feel like the thing to do. She decided to take off her flat shoes, took her mobile out to play some smooth jazz and to get a bit of paperwork done, mostly the documentation for today.  
She finished a good amount when there was a knock on the door. Carina couldn’t help but jump a little.  
Her door couldn’t be open from the outside so she had to get up to see who was there. She didn’t bother to put on her shoes or turn the music down. Maybe it was some cleaning staff.  
She was surprised to look at Sam Wilson when she opened the door. He also brought a friend with him.  
  
"Hey Cari.“ he smiled.  
  
"Sam! Hi. Nice to see you. I didn’t.. didn’t expect you. What are you doing here?“ They shared a hug. At Tony Stark’s burial they hadn't really talked, just a greeting and a goodbye.  
  
"Yeah, we had to take care of a few things and I saw that you're still in the building and thought it was a good chance to stop by. Are we interrupting? Do you have a minute?“  
  
"Sure… I’m just taking care of some paperwork.“ She stepped aside to let Sam and the other man in, closing the door behind them.  
  
"You’re sure? We don’t want to bother you.“  
  
"Don’t be silly. It’s fine.“, she smiled and looked at the other man. She saw him at Stark’s lake house too. He was with Sam and Wanda mostly. She also saw Steve Rogers talking to him.  
  
"Carina, this is Sargent Bucky Barnes.“ Sam introduced the man.  
  
Carina offered her hand. "Nice to meet you, Sargent Barnes. I’m Carina Miller.“  
  
He seemed unsure of his actions, but shook her hand, strong but briefly. "Just Bucky please.“  
She nodded, smiling.  
Now that he had a name she remembered who he was. The winter soldier. The whole Hydra stuff.  You could still find a lot about it on the internet. But… oh well… again, a little bit of yesterday's news. For more interesting… or disturbing things happened in those last years.  
  
"How are you guys doing? You wanna take a seat? Get something to drink?“ Carina asked the two men.  
  
Sam smiled softly. "We don’t want to get in your way for too long. We just didn’t have a chance to talk since… well since I returned from the dead and all.“  
  
"I can imagine you have your hands full.“  
  
"Yeah and you too. But you’re doing okay? I have to say you don’t look like five years passed. When I saw you, I thought for sure you vanished too.“  
  
"Always the charmer.“ Carina laughed. "I’m good Sam. It’s… it’s been alright. And now… well we all needed to wrap our minds around what happened but it's good.“  
  
Sam looked at her closely before he nodded. "That’s good. Really. Glad to hear that.“  
  
"What about you two? How are you going by?“  
She let her gaze also wander to Bucky Barnes. The long-haired man looked at her with blue eyes then back to Sam, then back to her before looking pass her.  
Sam answered for both of them.  
  
"It’s good. We’re doing pretty well. It’s far easier for us. We know that.“  
  
Carina couldn’t help it but kept smiling at him. Sam Wilson was always a joy to be around. She indeed missed him. "I’m glad. It is really good to see you.“  
  
"You too Cari. Oh, and from next week on we’ll see each other more often. The new headquarter is ready. I heard that you’ll be on duty there, too.“  
  
"Oh it’s ready? Pepper didn’t tell me.“ Surprised, Carina leant against her desk. "So I guess I should start to wrap my stuff here up, since I’ll take an office there.“  
  
"Well, I guess Pepper will send people to set everything up for you and help you. You know how the Starks work.“ Sam snickered.  
  
"Oh do I ever. I already changed office ten times before I even knew what was going on… Pepper works fast.“ Carina laughed. "Well, thanks for the heads-up.“  
  
There was a moment of silence between them before Sam said: "So what are you doing tonight? Wanna grab a drink with us? Fill us in about the important movies we missed those last years?“  
  
"Thanks, I would like to, but since I now know that I'll change locations again I have to take care of some things. Most of the cases I'll hand over are ready but there are a few loose ends I want to handle.“  
  
She said easily and smiled at both men, which they returned. For the Bucky character eye contact still seemed to be a challenge. She couldn’t blame him. Decades of torture and after that vanishing, alien invasions and all this stuff can make you a little bit doubtful.  
  
She went on and give Sam an other hug, shook Bucky’s hand and opened the door for them as they turned to leave.  
  
"Alright. We’ll have enough time for an after hour drink at the headquarters.“ Sam remarked. "I mean we’re basically neighbors there.“  
  
  
____  
  
  
It was never a question, that the new area for the headquarters of the whole association - they didn’t really call themselves Avengers anymore, but most people did anyway - wouldn’t be on the terrain of the old one. Too many memories of Thanos, of Tony, of Natasha Romanov.  
They used an area a few miles from there. It was amazing how fast everything was done. There were a few buildings. Labs, training areas, living quarters. Helen Cho had her team there, Bruce Banner, who was a friendly green giant all the time these days, would continue his work there too. Just like a few other big scientists.  
  
Nobody, and she meant really nobody… not Pepper, neither Steve Rogers or Maria Hill said anything to her about moving to the new headquarters area. Working there, yes. Moving, well no. Why should she? It was an hour drive from the city and that was fine with her.  
Sam and Bucky left before she really had the chance to ask anything more. She didn’t really wanted to anyways. Because she had been so puzzled in that moment, Carina hadn’t really knew what to say.  
Pepper had sent her the usually Paperwork, the terms and duties weren’t that different. Manly the location and a few more detail about the whole obligation of secrecy thing oh and a higher salary - no complaints here. But nothing about moving to the compound. That evening she thought about calling Rogers but dismissed the thought. She hadn’t heard anything from him since Tony’s funeral so she guessed he was busy with more important matters.  
  
At the end she talked to Pepper who told her it was her call. They would like for her to live there, but she could. Living there would be rent-free, so she could keep her apartment and just use one apartment in the living quarters doing the week. She had to say it was an arrangement that was fine with her. They were far worse things than having two nice apartments. And her place here was very nice, tasteful furniture, living room and kitchen area didn’t leave any wishes, amazing bathroom with a big shower and a bathtub. The king-size bed was ridiculously comfortable and ten years ago… 24-year-old Carina would have screamed while seeing the walk-in closet. Now she just had a big smile on her face.  
  
She liked her new office as well. It was a little bit bigger than her old one, nice large windows, a nice desk and a pleasant sitting area for the counseling. It wasn’t located in the medical division - as you’d might aspected -  but in the community area. Some might thought this was a sign of negligence or disregard, but Carina found it to be a clever move. Coming to the community area wasn’t conspicuous. She thought it could make it easier for people to reach out to her. A handful of the people she already counseled actually worked here. So she already had some appointments for the next weeks but still enough time to settle in.  
  
It was on her third day at the new location when she got quite the unexpected visitor. Carina never guessed that it would be Nick Fury who was the first one taking a seat on one of her fine, new armchairs, and yet here he was. She just came back from a coffee break when he sat there, in all his usually dark leather.  
  
"Miss Miller, we were never formally introduced.“ He didn’t stand up. Carina closed the door behind her and took a seat across from him.  
  
"No we weren’t and yet you know who I am.“  
  
"Of course I do and you know me.“  
  
"Sure thing.“ She responded. "What can I do for you, Mr. Fury?“  
  
She couldn’t explain it, but she was never really fond of Nick Fury. She didn’t disliked him, far from it. Beside not really knowing much about him, she still thought he was a good guy. Not many people could do what he did. But she had a feeling they would never get close. He seemed to be a guy who kept a lot of stuff to himself, keeping people at distance. Maybe they were just too much alike.  
But she had great respect for him. Maybe, if he knew enough about her, he would have some for her, too.  
  
"Straight to the point, I like that.“ He said. "Miss Miller, are you aware of the accords and the whole situation around it?“  
  
"The Sokovia Accords? As far as I know, they are no longer a thing.“  
  
He nodded. "That’s right. After… everything the whole damn shit was dismissed. Still, there are people who are still nervous about all of this.“ He spread his arms. "We have to give them something to prove them this here is still the safest thing we got and to make them sleep better at night.“  
  
"And where do I come into play?“  
  
Fury smirked. "You’re a smart one Miller. You know already.“  
  
Carina looked at the intimidating man for a while. They were both quite before she sighed. "Mr. Fury, I’m not a profiler or psychiatrist. I am in no way qualified to attest-“  
  
"Let me stop you here.“ He interrupted her. "I don’t want a damn profiler. I don’t want you to be a psychiatrist. I don’t need you to do a mental health check on people. All I want you to do is what I heard you're really good at. You notice things, you notice when someone acts out of their normal behavior. That’s what I need.“  
  
"I’m not a spy either Fury.“  
  
"I want you to be attentive, not a spy.“ He said very seriously. "Look, you just do, what you do anyway, or not? You go around seeing things. I just want you to maybe pay a little extra attention to all the special, remarkable beings who are harbored here. Once a month I need a report. If there is nothing out of the ordinary? Wonderful, then that’s what you’ll write down. If there is something exceptional? You'll write a summary. Nothing big, just so that the nervous people see we pay attention.“  
  
Carina shook her head. "You do know there is something like professional secrecy? Something like this goes against any work ethics of mine.“  
  
"Miss Miller everything you'll write down can be anonymized. Believe me. Also… you’ll write it, you decide what's there to know. There is no need to write anything down what people tell you… I’m more interested in what you observe. I think it'll be fine." With this, he stood up.  
  
"Mr. Fury I think you should talk to Captain Rogers. I told him I couldn't take responsibility for-“  
  
"Captain Rogers is no longer with us.“  
  
"What?!“ Carina cried out.  
  
"Not like that. He retired. But of course, it’s still like he said. Nothing will be your responsibility. Even when you state in you monthly report that everything is sunshine and rainbows and a day later someone goes nuts it won’t be on you. I guarantee you that. Beside, did you signed any contract that said you were responsible?“  
  
Carina shook her head no.  
  
"See? It’ll be fine. You’ll do a good job and figure it out, Miss Miller.“  
  
And with that, Nick Fury left Carina, who still couldn’t quite get what the hell he was expecting of her.

  
"What the fuck got I myself into?“ She whispered to herself.  
  
_____  
  
  
"I was always eating much. Now I eat… well even more. I think I’m always hungry. Sometimes that’s a problem. But no body fat, so most of the time it’s just great.“  
  
Doctor Bruce Banner was such a dorky sweetheart it was almost sappy. There were little things not to like about him. Since her working place was in such a popular area - now Carina thought this move was all Fury -  she saw the Doctor quite a lot and had a few talks with him. They had met each other a few times in the last five years and got along well. It was always good to have someone easy to talk to. This way of living gets lonely, so making a new friend wasn’t a bad idea.  
After a few weeks here he decided to joined her on her Monday morning runs. It wasn’t like the mountain of muscles needed it, he was all but walking calmly beside her with his long, green legs, but he enjoyed talking while she listened. The whole field was quite nice, the forest surrounding it was perfect for morning runs. Bruce sometimes had trouble ducking tree limbs and it was funny to see the giant stumbling. But most of the time she had a heart and chose a barrier-free road when he joined her. Especially since he had his right arm in a sling.  
  
"I wish I could imagine that. But it’s probably for the better. I’d eat chips and chocolate all day.“ She said a little bit short of breath.  
  
"Oh, but there would be no need for all this running.“ Hulky Bruce said.  
  
She looked at him and grinned.  
  
„Nah, I would still do that. It’s not only for the conscience. I’ll always feel better after a run. It cleans the head and the body.“  
  
Bruce snorted. "I'll never get that. Wasn’t ever into this kind of stuff. Physical training, sports…“  
  
Carina laughed, which slowed her down. But she didn’t mind. They were almost at the end of their run anyways. "So funny that you look like a poster boy for body-building now.“  
  
Bruce laughed too. "Yeah, funny life.“  
  
Leaving the forest, they walked in a slow pace. It was still early, but the last summer days promised to be hot ones, so the temperature was already pretty high. The open field was bright with morning sun, a quite brutal contrast to the shadowy forest. At first she couldn't see more than the silhouette of the figure that walked their way. She felt Bruce beside her tensing when the figure was just a few feet away from them, as she realized who it was.  
He wore black pants and shoes that looked a little bit to dressy for this hour and weather. His long sleeve shirt was of a washed-out green color and fit him loosely. He had his right arm behind his back, an open book in his left hand. His black hair wasn’t combed back perfectly like last time she saw him but framed his face.  
  
"Good morning Bruce." The Asgardian said without looking up from his book.  
  
"Morning. Up so early Odinson? Where to go?“ Bruce greeted him and stopped walking, Carina followed his lead.  
  
Smirking, Loki closed the book and brought his left arm also behind his back. He looked up to Bruce.  
  
"Don’t fear big guy. I have no desire to cause a fuss. I merely wish to enjoy an early morning walk. Just like you and your…“ Loki let his eyes wander to the woman beside Bruce. He gave her an once-over, and that quite obviously. His gaze roamed from the bun her long brown hair was in on the top of her head, to her slender shoulders, wider hips, all the way down to her slightly tanned legs and up again. It was such a arrogant gesture she didn’t know if she should feel annoyed or amused. She was sure his purpose was to be intimidating and he didn’t totally failed at it. She just came from a run; sweaty and stinky in her running shorts, sports bra, running shirt and shoes, which were so battered, she soon had to replace them. Beside the out-of-bed look, it was the second-worst appearance she could deliver. But she had learnt in her twenties that it does wonders for your confidence to not care about your appearance that much.  
  
"Companion." He finally finished. "We met before.“ He added tilting his head to the side, his eyes on her.  
  
"Sort of.“ Carina answered. Even though she wasn’t totally sure it was a question.  
  
"I remember. But we were never introduced. Why is that?“ His facial expression was striking, she noticed. It wasn’t overdone or comical, but it was nothing out of the ordinary. It had a genteel vibe. It perfectly matched his smooth, deep voice.  
  
"I’m Carina Miller.“  
  
"A pleasure to meet you, Carina Miller. I'm Loki.“ He smiled and offered her his hand.  
  
"Oh you don’t want that, trust me. I’m kind of sweaty.“ She smiled.  
  
Loki waited, looking at her. He took his hand back.  
  
"Well then maybe an other time. When you’re not that sweaty… yet.“, he grinned. He was nodding to Bruce, then went on his way without an other word, reading in his book again.  
  
Carina and Bruce both looked after him, before she shook her head and continued their path, Bruce following.  
  
"What the fuck is he doing here?“ She finally said, hoping the alien prince was without hearing reach. "Shouldn’t he be in Norway with the other Asgardians? Or with his brother? Or anywhere but here?“  
  
"As far as I know he doesn’t want to be in Norway.“ Bruce answered and shrug his big shoulders.  
  
"Why?“  
  
"I can’t tell you why. I don’t know. Maybe he just wants to be difficult.“  
  
"And since when do we just do what the pale princess wants?“  
  
Bruce laughed. "Oh no. We don’t. He actually wants to live as he pleased on Earth. Surely we can’t have that. It was either New Asgard, with Thor or here with us. Sadly, it somehow went down to "with us‘.“  
  
They walked quietly for a few moments before Carina asked: "Where was he the last five years anyway? Did he somehow just shown up or was he one of the vanished?“  
  
"Oh no… he was… he helped Thor with Hela and stuff, Ragnarok. He was with us on the ship, on the way to Earth when Thanos came for us.“ The memory seemed hard on the scientist and Carina felt bad for asking, just when she wanted to change the subject he continued. "He was killed by Thanos on the ship, just like Heimdall after he sent me to Earth. Before I made the snap, Thor pleaded for me to try to bring both back too. Surprisingly it worked. At least with those two.“  
  
Carina stopped their walk and put a gentle hand on the big guy's arm. When he looked at her his eyes were full of sadness and guilt. A look she knew all too well.  
  
The smile she had to offer him wasn’t much, but he understood with one of his own and they made their way back to the living quarters.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoy this chapter and the picture I'm trying to create of the world after the snaps in Endgame gets clearer... I promise following chapters will have more interaction with the trickster. :) So stay with me...  
> I also try to edit better und faster. Still, keep in mind I'm not an native english speaker. That being said, criticism or feedback is always welcome.


	4. 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things are finally starting to move forward... slowly.
> 
> I hope you enjoy it.

  
  
The rain was falling heavily. Grey and heavy-looking clouds darkened the sky. It has been a hot day, so a summer storm in the evening wasn’t uncommon. But it was one more reason for her not to drive home to her apartment in the city. Carina caught herself doing that a lot these days, finding  
excuses for staying at the compound. She wasn’t ready to fully admit it just yet, but her reservation about living here was slowly fading.  
It wasn’t like she had no reason to go to the city. She still had friends and her little brother there. Both she only saw two or three times since working here. Carina knew it wasn’t okay. Kate and Jake invited her over at least ten times this month. But she just couldn’t. It was easier this way. She talked to them though, weekly phone calls and texts. For now, it was the best she could do.  
  
The common areas had really nice lookouts, especially the lounge she found herself in most. A lot of times she had the room to herself. Maybe because besides a very fancy Espresso Machine and a few bookcases it wasn’t offering much. The other rooms had TVs and all different kinds of entertainment, but it was just right for her this way. She could see the training fields, the forest and aright now, the stormy sky from the big windows the room had. It was always something she missed in the city. Apart from when you live in a penthouse at the top of a skyscraper, you couldn’t see much. It was different here.  
  
Sitting on 'her’ cozy couch, she watched a few young employees running across the field. The rain must have taken them by surprise. They were in training suits and soaked to the bone. Sam told her they were taking in a bunch of new rookies. She saw him and Bucky Barnes training them a lot.  
  
When she heard the door behind her opening she was surprised. Besides that not many visited this room, it was Wednesday evening, almost 8 pm. On days like this most of the staff was going home to there living quarters, taking a shower and called it a day.  
  
Her amazement only grew when she turned her head to see who was arriving.  
  
"Well, hello Carina Miller, it’s nice to see you again. Today not soaked with sweat as it seems.“  
  
The pale God of Mischief looked as out of place and at the same time confident in this environment as ever. He again wore black dress pants and shoes but this time a khaki shirt out of fine material, maybe even silk, with long loosely sleeves.  
Carina wasn’t one to judge an other's dressing choices and sticking with a certain way to dress - since she wasn’t any better. Her ‚work uniform‘ was always the same either. Dark pants or skirts, top in a light color, mostly white or grey. It was easier this way. Right now she was in a black skirt and a white T-shirt.  
  
 _Best combination ever, big advantage: even when I’m sweating you can’t see it._  
  
"Thanks to this amazing air condition system and me not leaving the building since 10 am… no, no I’m not.“ she answered him as he when to the Espresso Machine.  
  
She couldn’t help it. It was still strange to think about him as an alien. Hundreds of years old, born on another planet, looking so human and outlandish at the same time… now getting himself some coffee. When he turned around and made his way to the seatings he kept his eyes at her, looking at her while she looked at him. He had an amused smile on his face. For a brief moment, Carina thought about standing up, maybe offering him her hand, something she denied him last time. He was a foreign prince after all. But then she remembered what he also was and remained where she was. Loki took a seat across from her, still looking at her openly.  
  
Normally Carina was excellent in bearing silence. It wasn’t always easily done but she learned along the way how to manage the pressure. After a few moments of eye contact, she looked out of the window again. She still felt his eyes on her. This wasn’t something she didn’t experience before but it was affecting her faster then she was used too. She felt her breathing pick up slightly, a prickling of indisposition in her stomach and she felt forced to look at him again.  
  
"You're visiting this lounge often? It’s the first time I see you here.“ Carina asked with her regularly clam voice.  
  
Loki looked at her, his smile growling and looking almost victorious.  
  
"I come here from time to time to pay attention to the book collection.“, he answered, sipping his drink.  
  
"And? What kind of impression do you get from earth literature so far?“  
  
"Let’s just say the thing I most regret is not taking more books from Asgard before it perished." he all but sneered.  
  
"Wow. So bad, huh? Maybe Dr. Strange can hook you up with a few good books that are more your taste. Bruce said he has a pretty large library.“  
  
His smirk lessened a little. "I’m sure the would-be wizard has nothing for my liking. And if so, it is a waste in his possession.“ he said calmly.  
  
"There is a bit of bad blood between you two.“ Carina remarked and Loki’s eyes narrowed slightly.  
  
 _Well, shit._ Normally she was pretty good at keeping this kind of annotation to herself.  
  
"And you Carina Miller? Are you sitting here often? All by yourself looking out of the window?“ he asked and the dismissive tone was obvious.  
  
 _So yay, I offended him._  
  
"Please. Just Carina. The whole first and surname thing gives me flashbacks to a medieval play I was in as a child.“ she waved her hand. „And I was terrible in it.“  
  
He studied her intensive. "As you wish, Carina.“  
  
She offered him a smile. "So I guess it’s okay for me to call you Loki?“  
  
"That is my giving name.“ he said slowly… as if she was stupid. And yeah.. she guessed it was exactly what he intended it to sound like.  
  
"Yeah, I guess so. And oh… I come here for the books too. And the view and quietness.“  
  
Loki, for the first time since he turned around from the coffee machine, took his eyes off her and looked outside.

"I see nothing outside worth admiring.“ he commented. "But it’s all in the eye of the beholder I guess.“  
  
Well, she didn’t want to be on the demigod's bad page, but he was starting to piss her off, which was rare these days. So she bit down on her cheeks, to keep from replying to him and also looked out of the window. She tried her hardest to not let the quietness get to her this time but she really didn’t have to, because Loki stood up and walked to get another coffee when he spoke again.  
  
"Can I get something for you, too? I have to admit I negligibly share my brother's fondness of coffee. Not the most enjoyable drink I ever had, but still.“

Carina was taken aback by his question. Did he just offer her to bring her coffee? The arrogant alien prince?  
He gazed over his shoulder, one eyebrow raised.  
  
"No… no, thank you. It’s too late for coffee for me. If I drink one now I can’t sleep till 2 am.“ she finally managed an answer.  
  
The dark-haired man just nodded, fixed himself the other cup and came back to his seat. This time his eyes weren’t glued to her face and she didn’t feel so uneasy about the quietness.  
After a few minutes, it was again Loki who broke it anyways. "Since you seemed to be fond of books yourself, do you have any suggestions for me?“  
  
He was ambiguous. That was for sure. It seemed to be an honest question. There was still this smile on his face but no mockery in his eyes.  
  
"I don’t think I could tell you anything you don’t already know about the great books, classics. I mean, Shakespeare, Dickens … a few months ago I saw a play of Goethe’s 'Iphigenie auf Tauris'. He wrote a few masterpieces, too. Earthly standard of course.“  
  
"I’m not asking for a list of acknowledged classic literature. I asked for your liking.“ his smile was now more amused, it was starting to make her nervous.  
  
 "I don’t think my taste in books is anything you would like.“  
  
"Try me.“ he spread his arms, an inviting gesture but she thought it was more challenging than anything else.  
  
She searched her brain for an answer, trying to picture her bookshelf at home and finding a title she could give him.  
  
"Siri Hustvedts’ 'what I loved‘“ left her mouth before she even knew she thought about it.  
  
Loki’s visage gave nothing away, he nodded. "Well, I’ll look for it.“  
  
She stayed a few more moments then took her leave. Their parting was unspectacular. When she declared her departure he politely wished her a good night and said he was looking forward to continue their conversation an other time.  
  
Carina, not at her finest anymore, just smiled with a "ditto“ - she wasn’t sure she really meant - and a goodnight.  
  
  
______  
  
  
On Friday afternoon that week, Carina just finished her report for Fury. It took her some minutes to klick the button that would send him the encoded file. It wasn’t like there was anything controversial in it. None of the high profile members claimed her service till now and there wasn’t really anybody of her clients she worried about. It still didn’t feel right. In the end she just did it with a curse.

  
"Wow. Language.“ said a pleasant voice and she looked up. Her office door stood open and Sam leaned against the door frame. She could also make out Barnes behind him. Those two seemed close these days but it felt natural. She guessed they both missed Captain Rogers.  
  
 _Thinking of…_  
  
"You’re practicing for being the new Steve around here, Wilson?“ she grinned and stood up, hugging him as he came into the room.  
  
"Closer than you think.“ Bucky remarked, grinning. It was the first time he said something to her without her addressing him first and she was a little bit surprised but smiled and nodded at him, while he and Sam exchanged looks she couldn’t read.  
  
"What can I do for you fine gentleman?“ she asked still smiling at them.  
  
"Well dear, since we are here for four weeks and still didn’t have a drink together we thought today is the day. Bruce is coming, too.“  
  
"Well, I-“  
  
"Ah no.“ Sam held his hands up. „No excuse. I don’t want to hear it. You already called it off like a billion times. We going out today.“  
  
"Sam, at least I must-“  
  
"No, no you don’t, you look fine. Come on…let’s roll.“  
  
_______  
   
  
Carina guessed that close to 800 people worked at the compound. She was never good with numbers and things like this, so she could have been terribly wrong, but she thought it was a good guess. The area was spacious and a few of the research buildings kind of remote from the rest of them, but a lot of people worked there. Not all of them live on the compound, but enough that there were restaurants, a small grocery store, and a bar.  
  
It was a nice inn, the customs were mostly younger employees. At first, the appearance of Falcon, Winter Soldier, and Hulk turned a few heads, after 30 minutes that was over too.  
  
The four of them had a nice time. Carina noticed that the conversation topics stayed mostly in the presents and that was fine with her. Barnes was the quietest of them, Bruce the most talkative. He was just very excited explaining about something  Shuri - the little genius of a sister of Wakanda’s king - sent him, when the room became noticeably quieter. Bruce didn’t break out of his speech but the rest of them looked to the door to see the reason for the change.  
  
It was Loki, in all his strange glory - wearing an all-black suit - who entered the room. His gaze caught hers and his grin grew bigger, nodding at her.  
Carina returned the greeting, with a somewhat insecure smile of her own and a wave of her hand. Finally the Asgardian looked away and took a seat at the bar. Shortly after the conversations in the bar picked up again and were back to normal.  
  
"What the heck is he doing here?“ Bucky Barnes asked for everybody.  
  
"I heard people talking about him coming here a few times. I thought it was all bullshit.“ Sam said. "Why was he greeting you?“ he looked at Carina.  
  
She shrugged. "I don’t know. I had a conversation with him two days ago. He came to one of the lounges.“  
  
"A conversation?“ Bruce asked.  
  
"Yeah, I guess. He came in, drank a coffee and we exchanged a few words.“  
  
"Hmm.“ was Bruce’s only response.  
  
"I still don’t really know why the dude is here.“ Sam said and took a sip from his drink. "I mean, he did more than just a few fucked up things.“  
  
Carina was tempted to say ‚language‘ but she didn’t want it to go old… and the topic didn’t seem appropriate.  
  
"He’s not the only one with history.“ Bucky said in a low voice, his eyes on the table.  
  
"Hey, it’s different than that man. Don’t you go there. You have nothing to do with the likes of him, trust me.“ Sam looked at the other soldier with a stern expression which left no room for disagreement. Bucky glanced up at him, then back down, nodding.  
  
"Well, Thor said he isn’t a threat and I trust Thor on this one. He wouldn't leave his brother here if he wasn't sure of it.“ Bruce shrugged.  
  
"I maybe trust Thor, but not this pale dude.“ Sam said, eying the back of the aforesaid man.  
  
"Oh, I’m far from trusting him either. But I rather have him here where we can keep an eye on him. Stephen Strange can sense when he uses a whole bunch of magic and Wanda… Loki knows how powerful she is. Beside, he might not ever be our friend, but I don’t think he is an enemy anymore.“ Bruce declared what seemed to be the final words on that matter because he soon picked up on the story about Shuri and her research.  
  
From the corner of her eye, Carina could swear for a moment, she saw the dark-haired man on the bar glanced over his shoulder, smirking.  
  
_____  
  
  
The next Monday Bruce couldn’t make it to her morning run. He was at a conference in Washington and would be gone for a week. She went sooner than usual. This early you could smell the coming fall in the air. She liked it. She always had a thing for these few days when the seasons were changing. She didn’t mind Bruce's company, by now it was quite the opposite, but she always loved running on her own. It gave her a sense of calmness. She enjoyed the cold air in her lungs and decided to take a rougher path with more bumps along the way for a change.  
  
"Hello, dearest Carina.“  
  
"What the fuck?!“ she cried out and nearly fell over her own feet, so she had to hold on to a tree.  
  
Suddenly, right beside her, was Loki.  
  
"Where did you just come from?!“ she asked him with wild eyes, one hand on her racing heart.  
His appearance looked stranger than usual in this environment, again black dress trousers, same shoes, just this time a dark blue shirt. He looked like he was enjoying himself enormously.  
  
"Well, I was on my morning walk and saw you going on yours, too. Since your green friend is out of town, I thought you might like company.“  
  
When her heart slowed down and she wasn’t feeling like throwing up anymore, she tentative started running again, still eying him skeptically. He, not much different from Bruce, kept pace with her without making much effort.  
  
 _Damn super-beings with super strength. God, that’s getting frustrating._  
  
"Okay first. Don’t ever do that again. I mean it. I nearly died back there. Don’t ever scare me like this again, please.“ she panted, still not having her breathing completely under control.  
  
"I assure you, I meant no harm, that wasn’t my intention. It shall never happen again.“ he stated with a smile she couldn’t describe as anything but endearing. She wasn’t convinced in the slightest but would let it go for now.  
  
"So you’re up quite early. How is that? An extra-long run to burn off calories from an evening out with the Avengers?“  
  
 _What a little shit…_  
  
"You keeping track of my schedule?“ she countered.  
  
"Heavens, no. Normally I have the forest to myself this time of the day. So your presence was quite obvious, the gasping and panting.“

Carina didn’t look at his face but his arrogant voice was bugging the shit out of her.  
  
"Well, I’m deeply sorry to interrupt your me-time.“  
  
"That’s just another thing I have to live with while being here.“ he sighed.  
  
She bit her tongue. They were quiet for a while.  
She looked at him from the corner of her eye. Carina wasn’t a small woman. At 5’7 she was slightly above average. Loki was tall. Not as tall as Bruce, by far, yet still a tall man, more lean muscle than beefy. But somehow he seemed to take just as much space as Bruce did. And just like him, he seemed to take normal steps while she was running. She noticed that she has never been so close to him before and somehow she couldn’t help a small amount of uneasiness creeping up in her.  
  
"You’re quite tense my dear. Why is that?“, he asked, looking demonstratively concerned.  
  
 _Fuck, is he a dog? Can he smell fear or something?!_  
  
"A certain amount of tension is needed while running.“ she responded.  
  
"Well, maybe you’re worried about someone seeing us together? Perhaps I can help with that.“  
   
She jerked and almost let out a small scream when a green shimmer appeared and instead of Loki some rookie was next to her. One of the young new agents, all dressed up in a training suit they all wore.  
  
"What the hell?!“ she cried out, trying her hardest to just keep running.  
  
"Oh, not to your liking my dear? Hmm, let me try something else. How about America's lost wonderboy. He is one of my favorites.“  
  
And after another green shimmer, the rookie was gone and Steve Rogers was next to her, running in his nostalgic Captain America suit by her side, shield included.  
  
"I really do like this outfit. I think it was his best one. So unobtrusive and humble. It is a shame he changed it, don’t you think?“ Loki’s voice asked her through the mouth of Steve Rogers.  
  
Carina couldn’t help it. She laughed which made her slow her pace. "Stop that. I mean it… you’re giving me nightmares.“  
  
It was even stranger to see a very much Loki-smile on Steve Rogers's face.  
  
"You’re right. It is far too cruel. I mean he is gone and when people see him they’ll get their hopes up. I think I go with the most obvious, shall we?“  
  
Her regular Monday run companion Bruce appeared beside her. Carina shook her head, grinning.  
  
"Oh yes. The most normal thing ever. I am a giant green man now all of the time. All is good. I mean, I’m still painfully awkward in most social situations, finding pants that will fit is still a struggle, but hey… no more smashing. All is good.“  
  
Carina was laughing harder, which led to having a bad stitch. Holding her side, she tripped over a root and nearly felt, hadn’t Hulk-Loki reached out for her. It was only a moment, then she got her balance back and he let go of her arm. Carina bent down, her right hand on her knee, her left arm around her still aching middle. She took deep breaths.  
  
"You’re alright Miss Miller?“  
  
The brunette looked up to see the face of the demigod. He was back in his own form, his gaze fixed on her, expression natural.  
  
"You know, laughing is a stupid thing to do while running. It fucks up your breathing, at least for us earthlings.“  
  
The almost ever-present, small smile returned to his thin lips. "I’ll keep that in mind and shall never make you laugh when you’re running again.“  
  
"Something tells me I shouldn’t be so sure about that.“ she whispered, which widened Loki’s grin.

  
"You might shouldn’t.“  
  
Snorting out another laugh Carina straightened up, stretching her back and looking up into the treetops when she said: "Alright, but at least do me a favor, stay yourself. I think I like your best in your own appearance. As fun at it was, it freaked me out a little.“    
  
Loki was silent, so she took a glance at him.  
  
His gaze was on her, but unreadable.  
  
Nothing new here.  
  
"Very well, my dear. I’ll try.“ he finally answered with his small smile.  
  
Carina sighed. "That’s all we can expect of you.“  
  
And with that, she decided to call it a day and to walk the rest of the way. Loki falling into step beside her.

 

 

 


	5. 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took longer than I had planed and it's still partly in need of editing, but I wanted to get it out. The next one will come out faster.

The following Friday Carina did make the trip to the city to spend the weekend there. She visited her friends Kate and Jake and had dinner with her little brother on Sunday. She was glad that he was doing alright. Toby was someone who always landed on his feet. He did so now too. He didn’t want to talk about it, but it seemed like he and his Vanessa, his girlfriend before the decimation, talked again and maybe would get back together. 

She was happy for them. Even though Carina didn’t hear much from her after she moved out of hers and Toby’s apartment, she liked the girl and always thought them to be a good match.

So, the weekend in her apartment in the city was nice. Still, it wasn’t terrible to get back to the facility on Monday. She even was a little sad that she missed her Monday morning run there. The weather was nice, so maybe she would take one lap in the evening.

For now, she was sitting in her office, looking through her issue for this week. Normally Monday mornings were busy, for everyone, but today she had a lazy one. Her two first appointments were canceled and she got a good chunk of paperwork done so she could afford to take it easy. Carina decided to go to her favorite lounge and get a nice hot coffee, maybe read for a while.

_A truly lazy start into the week… life is fine._

Her good mood felt slightly when she saw who was already taking her favorite spot.

Loki looked up from his book and watched at her as she entered the room.

"Good morning Carina.“ he smiled. 

She forced a small smile on her lips as well and returned the greeting. "Good morning.“

Seriously considering just taking a cup of coffee and going back down to her office, she made her way to the espresso machine. After their strange little run on Monday, she saw him a few times during the week. On Wednesday they crossed paths after she grabbed some food and was on her way to her living quarters and they exchanged a few words. She couldn’t recall anymore what exactly they talked about, just trivial things… but it left her enervated and irritated. He just had this air about him.

She turned around. Even now he bugged the shit out of her, sitting on the sofa she preferred most, looking comfortable and smug, reading again.

"I didn’t see you running this morning?“ he asked her as she slipped on her coffee, still standing by the counter, undecided if she should stay for a while or go. He didn’t even look up as he talked to her.

"Yeah, couldn’t make it this morning.“ She simply answered.

 "Why is that?“

  _He is a noisy little shit, isn‘t he?_

 "I spent the weekend at home. Well... my apartment in the city. I came back this morning.“ This piece of information made him look up.

 "What lovely condition this… institution offers you. Multiple housings and the opportunity to leave this facility. Must be nice.“

 Carina took a deep breath. Everything he said seemed to be ambiguous. Talking to him was challenging, even for her. This she already learned through the few encounters they had. But she wasn’t one to back down from a challenge. He somehow managed to push her buttons, that was so raw these days.

 "It is indeed. So I guess they don’t let you out much? You have to stay on the compound?“ she responded and took a seat across from him. She nearly asked him if he had an electronic tag but could control herself.

 He was smiling a tight lip smile.

"No, actually they do not. But I guess, this compound as you called it is as good as any place on this planet.“

"Why not staying with your kin in Norway?“ Carina didn’t know why she asked. She didn’t want to, it left her mouth before she could stop it, she couldn’t even recall thinking it.

_So much for control._

Loki looked at her, a little bit of irritation flickered in his intelligent eyes.

"Do you have been to New Asgard?“

She was sure if he wanted to put any more disgust in his voice he had to vomit.

"No, no I haven’t.“

"It is a ridiculous, pathetic place. It has nothing to do with Asgard. It’s a preposterous attempt to rebuild something that is long lost. It’s an insult.“ he said it calmly, matter-of-factly.

"Well, maybe with your help it could do better.“ even she heard the mockery in her voice, she couldn’t help it. He was so fucking self-content.

"What do you know human? Why lower myself to such a nonsensically undertaking?“ He didn’t raise his voice but his tone was harsher. She realized that she riled him up. She felt strangely good about it.

Carina just shrugged, sipped on her coffee and looked into his cold burning eyes over the rim of her cup.

He starred at her for a while. Slowly, a smile crept on his face again and she started to regret staying, but before she could think more about it, he closed his book and stood up.

"It’s always a pleasure to talk to you dear Carina. If you excuse me, I must take my leave now. Have a wonderful day.“

Without waiting for her answer he bowed down slightly and quickly left the room.

"Huh.“ Carina breathed to herself, looking at the door closing behind him. "What an odd fellow.“

She wasn’t sure if his sudden exit was a win in her book, but she just took it as such, standing up she took her favorite seat back, sitting on the spot he just left.

It was still warm, a faint smell of soap lingered there. It was nice, almost soothing. She slipped on her coffee while looking out of the window.

 

 ____

 

"Barnes, I swear I will shoot you in the leg if you do that again. I have enough of that shit!“

It was the second time Bucky was lapping him and Sam was at his breaking point. Carina had the hardest time not breaking out into a laughing fit. Wilson asked her at lunch if she liked to have a little run with them in the evening and she agreed. They used the sport field. Carina preferred to run in the forest but here it was more about speed and that was nice for a change too. Of course, she had nothing on the winter soldier. Keeping up with Sam wasn’t easy either but she managed so far.

Bucky was laughing and slowed down. They finished one last round together before walking slowly back to the living quarters. Carinas was in a different building than the former Avengers - her neighbors were normal people like her, medical staff, administrative employees - but it was close to another. They were almost at the boys building when Sams mobile started ringing.

"You have your phone on you while running?“ Carina asked surprised.

"Well some of us need to stay available.“ he stated and answered his cellphone.

"He likes to think he’s important.“ Bucky smirked which made Carina laugh and Sam giving him the finger, then waving at him to go on and give him some privacy.

Carina and Bucky did just that, walking in silence. It was the first time she was alone with Bucky Barnes, and like always she couldn’t come up with a topic to talk about with the man, but right now that was just fine. The run was pleasantly tiring and his company comfortable. She felt no need for Smalltalk.

They were no more than 200 feet from Bucky's and Sams building when a tall, dark-haired figure exited it. He went the other way, in the direction of the community quarters.

"Is he living in your building?“ Carina asked Bucky.

He snorted. "Yeah, he is.“

"Why? I mean… why keep him with you guys?“ she asked, surprised.

"To keep an eye on him. With Wanda and the rest of us in a building, it’s more unlikely for him to do something stupid.“

"Well, I guess I get that. Still. How you guys dealing with him there?“ she looked at Bucky who looked at her then back into the distance.

"It’s alright. He keeps mostly to himself and didn’t cause any trouble so far. It…he…“ he hesitated.

Carina waited, when he didn’t go on she asked gently: "He what?“

Now Buckys eyes went back to hers, holding her gaze.

"I know Sam doesn’t trust him. I do neither. But despite what he did, it can’t be easy for him either. Being here.“

"Sympathy for the devil?“ Carina smiled.

Bucky laughed. "I guess so. I’m just… I know what it is to be looked at like he’s being looked at. I’m not excusing anything, but I guess I can relate to being out of place.“

"You’re way different than him Bucky. What happened to you, your history is different than his.“

"How do you know?“ Bucky asked her. By now they reached the building and he turned, stopping and standing in front of her. "How do you know it is so much different? Do we really know his story?“ he wasn’t angry or loud, but there was a little bit of bitterness in his voice and Carina looked at him puzzled.

Bucky sighed. "Look, I’m sorry. Maybe I’m taking this to personal. As I said, I’m making no excuses for this guy. He did horrible things in the past and he is a crafty character, can be dangerous for sure. He can’t be fully trusted. I just can’t help to think that a few years ago, that was also me.“

He paused, looking at Carina, maybe hoping for her to understand and she thought she might.

"You know… Bruce said he did good things and Thor wouldn’t leave him here if he thought he was a threat, I’m with him on this one. He just…“ Carina looked into the direction Loki took, she could still make him out in the distance.

"He’s still a lot to handle sometimes, I guess. I mean, he is all witty and shit.“ she muttered.

A smile appeared on Buckys face: "Since neither Steve or Sam are here I feel obligated to say language to that.“

Carina grinned, poked him in the unsurprisingly rock hard stomach, before wishing him a good night.

 

_____

 

On Wednesday she saw him from the window of her favorite lounge, sitting on a bench at the edge of the forest, reading.

It was a grey day, not rainy, but there were a few darker clouds in the sky and little sun and it started to get somewhat chilly. She sat in her favorite seat and wanted to enjoy an afternoon coffee and maybe read a little nonsense on the internet before her last appointment for the day came in. But somehow she always had to look to the lone individual outside. She had to think about what Bucky said the other day.

Was it hard on Loki? Being here? She guessed it had to be. But he had a few choices from what she heard, so it wasn’t like he was totally forced in this situation. She remembered - not without a bit of regret- their last conversation and that she kind of enjoyed upsetting him. Without any further thoughts, she took two coffee-to-go cups, filled them and went outside.

Loki looked up to her when she was only a few feet away. The look of surprise on his face was new but short living, replaced with a strange mix of indifference and curiosity.

"Hey. I thought you might want some coffee.“ She gave him a small smile and held out the cup.

"Oh well, thank you.“ He said slowly and eyed her carefully, taking it from her.

He sat in the middle of the bench with no intention to make room for her.

So she asked: "Want some company? Mind if I sit?“

"No, I’m not particularly interested in company. And no, I don’t mind.“ He answered and moved to the left end of the bench.

_Like I thought, so unpredictable and witty_.

Carina sat down on the other end and took a sipped from her coffee. He put this book next to him and looked into the cup.

"It’s black. No milk or sugar.“ She said, looking at him from the corner of her eye.

He nodded. "You’re observant.“

"That I am.“ she grinned.

They sat in silence for a while.

Loki was in black and white today, dark dress pants and shoes and a white button-up shirt. He looked like a businessman on his lunch break. Of course, he was a little too pale and with too long hair for the stock exchange market, just a little too outré. But still businessman. Putting him in Central Park in New York City, he would fit in. The Illusion just ended, when he moved or opened his mouth.

"And how do I earned the honor of you bringing me coffee, Carina?“ he finally asked.

She shrugged. "I saw you from the window in the lounge and I thought you might like some.“

"Just like that?“

"Yeah, just like that. I’m nice like that, you know.“

"Mmm, what a strange coincidence. Just yesterday… I’ve got a visit from our dearest Mr. Nicholas Fury. He, in his overly polite way, suggested that I should use your… service.“

She looked at him, confused. His whole body was turned to her, his eyes fixed on hers. His tone was nothing but sarky and dry.

Carina was lost. "I’m sorry?“

"You are?“

She shook her head. "I’m sorry but I don’t understand. Fury did what?“

"Suggested. That. I. Should. Use. Your. Service.“

He was pausing between every word, talking slow and accentuated. God, why did she came out again? Why did she think she needed to do something nice for this asshole?!

"I got that. But why would Fury suggest this? Is there something you’d like to talk about?“

"What in heavens name should I want to talk about with you?“ he asked and looked truly bewildered. She had to bit her cheeks and take a deep breath. All her professionalism and control were requested here.

"Okay. I am a consultant. People, and in particular the employees here can talk to me. If they're having all sorts of problems… trouble, questions or just want someone to listen. I’m not here to evaluate people. I’m not a psychologist like this. A profiler or something. So, if he brought up to you to talk to me… he might think it-“

"Oh I’m really not interested in your … occupation and your paltry duty here.“ he cut her off, rolling his eyes and taking his book again.

Carina looked at him for a second. Surprise but at the same time not really. His face seemed tense, locked on his reading material. That’s when her gaze went down to the book. She couldn’t help but smile at what she saw.

"Okay… I… I’ll no longer bother you. I hope you enjoy the coffee and have a nice day.“ she said calmly, friendly; standing up without another word.

Loki didn’t grant her with any words of goodbye or even looked at her again. But he didn’t need to. She smiled to herself as she went back to her office.

Loki was reading 'What I loved‘ and from what it looked like to her, he was nearly at the end already.

 

______

 

"Good evening dearest Carina.“

"Jesus!“ Carina jumped in her chair, nearly knocking her cup over.

Another Friday and she stayed late again; partly not wanting to decide if she should drive to her apartment in the city, or stay here and because of this really interesting article about PTSD she found. So she got comfortable… getting right of her shoes, putting her legs under her butt and her hair in a messy bun, while nibbling on some nuts.

And now… Loki was grinning at her from her open office door. She felt like being caught with her hand in the cookie jar.

"No, just me. But I’m sorry for startling you.“

"You have the habit to just… appear.“ She breathed out.

His grin widened.

She put the article down and her snacks back into her desk, using the actions to get some time to get herself together.

"So,“ she started, looking back up to him. "What can I do for you?“

He studied her for a moment, walked into the room but left the door behind him open. There was nobody else in the building anyway.

"I came to the conclusion that I might appear as impolite to you the last time we spoke.“ he said, the ever-present smile still on his face.

Carina lifted an eyebrow. "Okay?“

"You see, the last thing I want is to leave the impression that I’m indelicate. Mind if I sit?“

"Oh no, of course not.“ she said stunned.

Loki’s tall body sat down on the seat across from her. He looked at her, saying nothing. Surely, she thought about their little talk two days ago, even played with the idea to call Fury and ask him, if he did tell Loki to talk to her and if so, why he did it. But she dismissed the thought quickly. In the end, it didn’t really matter.

"So… you came here to apologize?“ Again she found herself not able to hold out the silence.

"Oh no dear, what do I have to apologize for? I just wanted to tell you I wasn’t being impolite and didn’t mean to be it.“

Carina couldn’t help it. She laughed. Talking to him was as entertaining as it cost a tremendous amount of effort. Loki smiled back at her. She had no idea what to say, what he really wanted and why she should care.

"You already ate?“ She asked and he looked puzzled.

"Would you care to elaborate?“

"Something for dinner? I wanted to go down to the Thai Restaurant and get something there. The place itself is okay, but today might be the last summery day, so they have a few tables outside, which is nice. And on Fridays, it’s pretty quiet there.“

His eyes narrowed, his face looked tense and his smile harsher. He looked like he smelled a trap.

Carina breathed deeply. "You can politely decline or politely come along. No judgment here.“

It took him another few seconds before his face soften.

"Well, it would be terrible discourteous to refuse, won’t it?“

Giving answers that were questions seemed to be his thing. But Carina just took it as a yes. He watched her silently as she got ready, clearing her desk for the weekend, slipping into her shoes and jacket and grabbing her bag.

"Ready?“ She asked, standing next to the desk. Loki rose from the chair and walked to the door.

"Please, after the lady.“ He stated charmingly.

 

 


	6. 5

  
  
  
It didn’t take her long to realize what a terrible, terrible idea this was.  
  
The walk to the restaurant was fine. He asked her about the fact that she had two living spaces and how she managed that. She answered him easily and honest. The conversation that followed was mostly effortless. They talked about the compound. He had a few witty remarks about the new rookies that were training on the sport fields, how annoying they were at lunch time. Not that he attended lunch time at one of the cafeterias. Carina didn’t hide her laugh at his -sadly- quite humorously remarks, but she kept to herself that she agreed. Some of the young rookies were a handful.  
When they reached the restaurant he astonished her as he held the door open for her. They took a table outside and like she guess just one other table was taken by some guy who paid no attention to them, he was so focused on his phone. The pleasantness continued when Loki was rather nice to the waitress who was clearly terrified of him, and ordered plain Khao Pad Pak while she had Pad Thai. They both ordered just water to drink.  
But, like it always was in life, all good things had to come to an end.  
  
"So Carina, I can’t help but be curious. I came to the awareness that the so called weekends are spend with family and friends. Why do you want to dine with me on this friday?“ Loki asked and gave her a wide smile.  
  
She couldn’t figure out if he wanted to insult her or if he was just chatting.  
  
Carina couldn’t think of a good answer right away. Especially as she suddenly remembered that she thought about driving to her city apartment. After he turned up she all but forgot about it.  
  
"Well, you showed up in my office and I wanted to get something to eat anyways so…“  
  
"So you ask anybody to joined you for dinner who shows up in your office?“  
  
"What? No that’s… that’s not how-“ she stopped, irritated. “We, humans - at least on this part of the planet, just do this, you know? I don’t know how to explain it to an Asgardian I guess.“  
  
"Oh please, humor me.“ he spread his arms, a gesture appearing so inviting, she almost believed it was innocent.  
  
She looked at him for a moment before she answered. “Okay, here we're all some kind of colleagues. All working for the same company. And people do that, you know. It’s common to socialize with your co-workers or people you meet daily or regularly, to spend time with each other, share meals, be friendly, make friends.“  
  
"Mmm.“, he nodded and seemed to think about her words. “What makes you think I’m in need of a friend?“  
  
"That’s not what I said.“  
  
"Well, you did say ‘make friends‘, so-“  
  
"I explained to you a social activity. How you behave in a community like this.“ she cut him short. "You wanted to know why I asked you to join me for something to eat and that’s an ordinary social concept. Like when you greet someone you pass by, ask how they are.“ she realized she was getting quite defensive and had to stop herself.  
  
He had a smug smile on his face. "Well, thank you for the exemplification.“  
  
She stared at him.  
  
Seconds later the waitress came with their food. Carina was thankful to have something else to do with her hands than clenching them into tight fist and that his lips would be busy with eating. Surely he was too cultivated than to speak with his mouth full of food.  
  
"It still doesn’t answer the question why you don’t share your evening with your family, a significant other or friends, but oh well.“ he muttered right before he put the first bite into his mouth, eyes on this food.  
  
She looked at him, breathing through her mouth, eyes narrowed. "Asking you was an impulse. One I’m regretting more every second that goes by.“  
  
He was laughing. _The little shit is laughing._ He locked eyes with her again, a grin on his chewing mouth, his eyes full of amusement.  
  
Carina tilted her head to the side, returning his gaze. "You are enjoying this… enormously, don’t you? To make people squirm and uneasy.“  
  
He held up a hand, swallowing his food. "I didn’t mean to offend you, my dear.“  
  
"Oh something tells me that’s exactly what you wanted to do.“  
  
"No, not offend. I think you call it teasing, that might be something I do from time to time.“, he grinned at her  so charmingly mischievous she couldn’t help but grin back.  
  
"Huh, you are something.“, she grabbed fork.  
  
"I take that as a compliment.“  
  
Carina just laughed and finally started eating her food. It wasn’t the best Thai food, not by far, but it was acceptable enough.  
  
"And yes, I think I would like it when you… squirm. But I don’t think I have seen you do that just yet.“  
  
Her eyes shot up to his face again.  
  
_What the fuck did he just say?!_  
  
But Loki just grinned the same grin like a few seconds ago and then looked at his food, continuing eating.  
  
_He sure as fuck is irritating._  
  
Shaking her head she followed his lead and dug into her food.  
  
  
They talked a little while eating. Mostly about food. He wasn’t particularly fond of earths nutrition, that became quite obvious, but he shared the information, that he liked some fruits like cherries, bilberries and such. Other than that the food here was pretty plain for him. Carina told him that he shouldn’t judge so fast, since he only knew the stuff the compound had to offer.  
She asked him about the food at his home. She was aware of the bittersweet topic a question like this touched. And Lokis eyes took a far away look for a second, but than he willingly told her about asgardian wine, fruits and vegetables he liked. She couldn’t really memorize the names, but it was nice to have a conversation that seemed to be lighthearted.  
  
After they were done the waitress cleaned up their table and Carina excused herself to use the bathroom and paid the bill on her way back outside.  
She studied his profile for a second. His posture was straight, his long legs crossed. Loki was looking into the distance, his right hand was playing with a napkin on the table.  He turned his head to her when she reached him.  
  
"Well, thank you for joining me. I’ll heading home now.“ she smiled at him.  
  
Loki frowned. “As far as I’m aware, receiving a service or a good like the food we just got, requires some kind of exchange, a payment. You call it money here.“  
  
Her smile grow. Heaven help her but he was amusing sometimes.  
  
"I took care of it. My treat.“  
  
He looked confused. "I beg your pardon?“  
  
"I paid, with money. For you and my food.“ she clarified.  
  
"Why?“  
  
Carina laughed. "You’re welcome.“  
  
She turned to go and Loki stood up and followed her. She barely noticed this time that he opened the doors for her again.  
  
"So you invited me to dinner?“ he asked on their way out.  
  
"I guess I did. No big deal, don’t mention it.“ she waved her hand and started to walk to her living quarters. It was after 9 pm by now. She would stay here, at least for tonight. She could always drive to the city tomorrow. Loki walked beside her, his hands behind his back. She guessed he had no choice, since his quarter was on her way.  
  
"So is this an ordinary social concept? Paying others food?“ he finally said after they walked a while in silence.  
  
"I guess it was an other impulse you will make me regret giving enough time.“ she grinned and made Loki laugh.  
  
Carina looked ahead of them, enjoying the cool air.  
  
"I shall not disappoint you then. So I guess you enjoyed my presence enough to pay for my dinner?“  
  
"Nope.“ she shook her head. "Just felt like it. But if you feel uncomfortable with it then oh well… yeah… it was a reward for the entertainment you offered this evening.“  
  
"Well thank you, I do feel better now. Not wanting to make any debts.“  
  
Now she looked at him. "Huh, so you’re a ‘Quid pro quo‘ guy? I couldn’t possibly have known that.“ she said sarcastically. Maybe she spent to much time with him.  
  
"Quid pro quo?“ He asked, frowning.  
  
She came to the conclusion that she liked his confused face.  
  
"It’s latin. You can look it up online.“ She smiled happily, coming to a stop. They were in front of his building.  
  
"So, thanks again for the company and have a good night.“ she told him, not waiting for his respond as she turned to walk away.  
  
"Carina.“ he stopped her and she looked at him. "If you don’t mind I would like to escort you to your quarters.“  
  
Now it was her turn to look confused. "Why?“  
  
"It’s an impulse.“ He grinned, construing to her to go on, which she did. "And a social concept.“ he added.  
  
"Huh.“ she looked at him and couldn’t fight the grin on her face. "Okay.“ she agreed.  
  
They walked in pleasant silence.  
  
As they reached their destination she gave him a small, but honest smile. "Well, thank you. Have a good night Loki.“  
  
"It was my pleasure. Sleep well, dear Carina.“ He bowed to her slightly, before heading back to his own building. Carina glazed at his diminishing figure as she opened the door, smiling to herself.  
  
  
______  
  
  
She texted Bruce on Monday morning that she was at the compound if he wanted to joined her for her run. He agreed right away. Collecting her at her door they walked to the forest.  
  
"You stayed here for the weekend?“ he asked her.  
  
"Yeah, I felt like having a quite weekend. At first I wanted to drive to the city but… nah. I did some reading and made me feel a little bit more at home here, you know. Hanging up some pictures I had laying around for weeks now. And I went for a run with Bucky and Sam on Saturday.“  
  
Bruce nodded but seemed distracted.  
  
"How was your weekend?“ she asked.

"What? Oh… mostly quite too. I was in the labor a lot, had to keep an eye on some tests.“  
  
"Ah, okay.“ Carina answered. They reached the forest and she took a swing of water from her bottle.  
  
"So… you had a date with Loki on friday?“  
  
Carina nearly choked on her drink and spewed a small fountain out in the process.  
Bruce huge hand patted her on the back as she was coughing.  
  
"I had what?!“ she all but shrieked when she wasn’t suffocating any longer, looking at Bruce with fiery eyes.  
  
He held up his hands in surrender. "I mean no harm. I just…  I heard a few of my assistants talk when I went down to the labor this morning before I came for our run. One saw you two at the restaurant, eating together.“  
  
"We were just… well yeah eating together. Like we eat lunch together. That wasn’t a date! We were at the freaking Thai restaurant on the compound, I paid my own food.“  
  
"And his?“  
  
"What?!“ she looked at Bruce again and if she wasn’t so shocked she would have find the look of fear on his face funny.  
  
"Uhh… well the assistant said you paid for both of your food.“  
  
"What is this? Gossip much?! Since when became my actions so interesting for everyone?“ she snapped.  
  
"Sorry Cari, but when you’re having dinner with one of the most unique characters on the compound there is talking.“  
  
"Oh man… Hollywood has to really step up its game so people will be more engaged in movies and TV shows again.“ she muttered and started to run. Bruce was laughing beside her.  
  
"Oh c’mon Cari. You know I’m right. I mean no harm. People do mean no harm. It’s just… I’m curious.“  
  
"We had dinner Bruce.“ she said, short of breath, she was running faster than normally. "Socializing, you know.“  
  
"Yeah, yeah I get that. I just…“  
  
"You just what?“ she asked him when he stopped. But he was busy avoiding trees, since she very meanly chose a dense trail.  
  
"Well I am curious. I couldn’t imagine Loki eating Thai food. I was sure he would hate earth food.“ he finally said.  
"He kind of does. But he compromised. Which means eating whatever he can tolerate.“  
  
Bruce laughed and nearly fell over a fallen tree which made Carina grin and at the same time feeling bad, so she slowed down, taking one more walkable path.  
  
   
_____  
  
  
  
Maria Hills visit was a surprise but a pleasant one. Carina didn’t hear much from the woman since the day at the Starks' lake house. Everyone was busy these days… getting the world back in order. Especially someone like Maria, who still was Furys right hand.  
She told her that she just dropped by to take care of a few things in the labors and talked to Bruce about something, as she showed up in Carinas office and asked her if she would like to grab a coffee with her.  
They did some catching up, about basic stuff, but also some talking about the new directions Starks human resources took, how the wÖls got by post Iron Man. Tony left a huge spot, that was sure.  
The two brunettes walked outside as they talked and slipped their drinks.  
  
"Cari there is something else I’m meaning to ask you.“ Maria declared after a while.  
  
"Okay, what’s up?“  
Maria took out her mobile device. After see found what she wanted to show her, she handled it to the other woman.  
  
Carina frowned. It was a personnel record. She looked at Maria.  
"Why am I looking at this Maria? Isn’t something like that classified?“  
  
"It is. But you’re also classified to look at it. Remember? With your new contract you upgraded your security level. You have the right to those files now even when their not a client of yours.“  
  
She was right, didn’t mean Carina liked looking at someones record without his or hers permission.  
  
"Well why should I-“, she read the name on the device. "look into Mr. Theodor Kanovskys’ record. Is he russian?“ she asked. The name was odd.  
  
"His grandparents were. They never fixed the name to something more pronounceable for a american tongue. But he goes by Kanov. He’s working for us for a while now. Please, just… take a quick look at Mr Kanovs record. Just some skim reading, would you? And then tell me what you think.“  
  
Carina shook her head and stopped walking, giving Maria the device back. "I’m gonna be honest Maria, I don’t feel comfortable with that.“  
  
"Please Cari, I wouldn’t ask you if it wasn’t necessary. You would do me a personal favor.“ Maria looked sincere and insistently at her.  
  
Taking a deep breath Carina nodded.  
  
"Okay. I’ll look into it. But please Maria, let this be a one time thing. I don’t know what you’re hoping for anyway. I tell you the same thing I told Fury… I’m not a profiler.“  
  
"I know, and I don’t need you to be one. Just… look at it. I send the file to your account. And you call me when you’re done.“  
  
Carina sighed. "Alright.“  
  
Maria gave her a small smile. "Thank you Cari. Really, I appreciate it.“  
  
  
______  
  
  
Her phone was blinking. She saw it in the corner of her eye but ignored it. She wasn’t in the mood to communicate. Today had been a long day and the reading material in her hand wasn’t to her liking.  
Mister Kanovs’ file was quite a big one. No wonder Maria spoke about 'skim reading‘. But Carina wasn’t one for that when it came to something like this. It was disrespectful enough that she read this man's file without his knowledge, if she’ll do it, she would be accurate.

  
Before he came to Stark, he was a SHIELD agent, before that military. Born in 1980, in his forties now, the guy’s life was full of combats. With his fathers permission - his mother died when he was five in a car accident - he joined the army at the young age of seventeen. He had the physical attribute of a good soldier, 6’3 in height, healthy, just like most of his relatives as the family health record showed, and athletic.  
Nothing hugely exceedingly, but above the ordinary.  
His cognitive capabilities were just the same. He graduated just fine, had a slightly above-average IQ, no abnormalities in his social skills, other than that he never married or had children. But again, in his line of work nothing so unusual. No excessive use of violence, not a stand out number of killings.  
She just finished the first part of his biography to the point where he left the forces to work for SHIELD, when she took a break from the words and just looked at the pictures of the man. Theodor Kanov had green eyes and dirty blond hair, which he wore short most of the time. His appearance was similar to what she read about him. He was handsome, not a 'Oh my goodness I’m gasping and gasping‘ kind of handsomeness, but really attractive, no questions.  
She selected and enlarged the image of the seventeen years old Theodor on her device. He could have done so many other things. His father was secured as far as the file said, no records about domestic violence and Theodor visit his father regularly while in the army. But oh well… that doesn’t have to mean anything. Still, a guy like him would have other choices. His ambitions didn’t seem to be overly high. He didn’t came from a military family either.  
Carina put her shoeless feet on her desk as she leaned back in her office chair. She stared into young Theos’ eyes and tried to put her finger on what was missing. Something was off. She thought about simply being bias because Maria had her looking at this man... but no, something was off.  
  
"C’mon, talk to me.“ She muttered, tipping her finger against her chin.  
  
Her phone on the desk started blinking again and this time she looked who it was. Her mother was calling her. She bet the other call has been hers too. Carina knew that she wanted to ask her if she would come home for Thanksgiving. The holiday was still a few weeks away, but her mother was a planer.  
She would call her back tomorrow, if nothing else she always tried to be a dutiful daughter, but right now she couldn’t find the strength to care… or to pretend to care.  
Carina closed the file and called it a day. She would go home, eat something and then take a hot - a too hot- shower. The kind of shower that almost burned her skin and left it red and with the welcoming ache. When she could bring herself to leave the adjuvant hot spray, she would go directly to bed, maybe read something till her eyes hurt and she could sleep.  
  
After she got her stuff together to call it a day she went upstairs to the lounge. She had one book she wanted to return and she always liked to go and see if something she didn’t noticed before caught her eye.  
  
Opening the door, she withheld a groan.    
  
It’s been one and a half week since they had dinner together and they had a few encounters since then. And strangely enough it was fine so far. They passed each other a few times and knowledge the other with a greeting. Once they met after a run and exchanged a few words, and at an other time he sat down next to her as she took her lunch break on a bench outside. And it went alright. Of course he was himself, but both times it was like a ten minute conversation and he was a mix of being irritating, entertaining and almost charming.  
Loki was tremendously sharp witted. She knew this by now. Being in his company meant being alertly. It was exhausting and beside that, today she only preferred her own company.  
  
He sat on a chair by the window, reading. He had a look of surprise on his face as he looked up but he also looked a little bit spent.  
  
_Well, joined the fucking club._  
  
"Good evening Carina. So late on duty today?“  
  
"Hello Loki. Nah, I’m done for today. Just had to return one book and then I’m healing home.“ She went to the shelf and put the book back, her eyes just flying over potential publications she might have missed.  
  
"I have to say I’m impressed of how persevering humans keep on writing books without any of them holding any real importance.“ Loki remarked casually, in this smooth, rich voice of his.  
  
With her back to him she rolled her eyes.  
  
_Yeah, asshole._  
  
"Well, why do you keep reading them?“ She said without turning around.  
  
"What else is there to do? Here on this planet? Maybe I’m an optimist and hope for one book that isn’t a disappointment.“  
  
His statement stung something in her.  
  
"What about Siri Hustvedts’?“  
  
"I don’t know what you mean.“ He responded and she couldn’t help it. Carina turned and took a few steps in his direction.  
  
"The book. The one I recommended. I saw you reading it. A few weeks prior, I saw you reading it on the bench, the day I brought you coffee.“  
  
"Oh, yes. That. Excuse me, it was so plain, I could hardly remember.“ He told her an innocent expression on his face.

She snorted. "God you’re really something else.“  
  
Loki closed the book on his lap, laying it on the table beside his seat before he rose.  
  
"You know Carina, you shouldn’t ask a question if you can’t handle the honest answer.“ He told her calmly. Somehow it only added to the sudden tumult in her.  
  
"Oh I can handle a honest answer just fine. It’s more like _you_ can’t give a honest answer. You are far too busy taking a swipe at anything you see.“  
  
He grinned. "I merely stating my opinion.“  
   
"Your opinion, huh? Well maybe you should reconsider your opinions. You know that your life could look way different right now? People do still remember New York City 2012. But they decided to let you live here.“  
  
Something in Lokis face changed. He didn’t have the slightly amusement in his voice as he spoke next. "Oh yes. How magnificent this place is. How wealth of experience, wisdom, knowledge. Nothing like other planets. What a gift, a true treasure this blue planet is.“  
  
By now the stood in front of each other, a feet apart.    
  
"Why didn’t you go with your brother if this planet is so hideous and dreadful?“ Carina stated and she couldn’t hide the anger in her voice.  
  
Loki stared at her. "You are taking offense to my remarks.“  
  
"YES!“ she called out. "Yes, I am taking offense. How couldn’t I? You do nothing but talk down on people who took you and your people in.“  
  
"Oh so I should be grateful?“ He asked derisively.  
  
"You should be a somewhat decent being!“  
  
"A decent being?!“ He shouted, taking a step closer. "What do you know about being a decent being?! How dare you thinking to know anything! You have no idea what I’ve been through, what I did and still bear is far beyond your people‘s imagination!“  
  
"Ha, you’re so dramatic.“ She couldn’t help but muttered, despite being somewhat perplex with his outburst.  
  
"I died you fatuous woman!“ He spit, stepping towards her, making her jump slightly and taking steps back. "What’s not dramatic about it! I died at the hand of Thanos! Do you think I don’t remember?! If I was this fiend you all think of me… why didn’t I vanished with the Tessarakt when I had the chance? Why should I so foolishly face him?! I knew what he could do to me! I stayed! I fought! I protected my people, protected my brother. Because I am more than what…" He stopped.  
  
He had backed her up against the shelf. His wild, shiny blueish green eyes starring into hers. Carina didn’t know what to say. She opened her mouth a few times, closed it again, swallowing.  
He was still breathing hard when he finally lowered his eyes.  
  
"I’m… I apologize… I….“, he stuttered and turned to leave.  
  
"Loki, wait...“ Carina grabbed his arm.  
  
He lifted his eyes to hers again, they were still wide. She swallowed, then took a step towards him and put one arm around his neck, the other around his waist.  
It was like hugging a tree. He was all tense, so much she was afraid he would snap at any moment. Still she hugged him, even a little bit tighter. His breathing seemed erratic and he clearly had no idea what to do. She guessed it’s been a while since someone hugged him. Well, maybe Thor did before he left, but she couldn’t be sure.  
It took what felt like an eternity but then she felt it. Loki’s body, still all hard and firm, opened to the embrace. She felt his arms, first almost warily, then with more confidence, going around her. One hand between her shoulder blades, one on the small of her back. He pressed her a little bit closer and she felt his breath on her flesh, when he bend down, letting his head rest on her left shoulder, face towards her neck. Taking a deep breath, Carina - maybe for the first time - was aware of his scent.    
  
_Like wind and soap and leather. How odd._  
  
She felt herself relaxing. Since he was a head taller than her, she lifted her face up to put her chin on his shoulder.  
  
It would took a while for either of them to move.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So...more interactions, and a hug. Things are finally going somewhere...maybe... :)


	7. 6

  
  
The Halloween decoration in the laboratories was almost too much. At least she hoped it was Halloween decoration. It was hard to tell with some things. The strange looking plants might just be something they worked on in the botany department.  
Even though they worked and kind of lived together at the compound for almost two months now, it was the first time Carina visited the labs Bruce worked at and she got kind of lost. Finally she made it to his section. She had a bag full of muffins she made with her and some coffee. She hoped it was enough for him to not be to disappointed with her. He asked her to attend the Halloween Party for the staff. Bruce, Rhodey and even Wanda would be there. First she said yes, but right now… she just couldn’t, did not feel like dressing up as whatever and even less she felt like partying like it was 2009.  
She tried. Tried to order a costume or shop for one when she was in NYC last weekend, but she just couldn’t. She didn’t want to disappoint her friend, because by now she thought of Bruce as such. He was always nice to her and a good guy. Sam was visiting family and took his new best buddy Bucky with him, so Bruce really wanted someone else there he was close to. But she was afraid she had to run till her lungs burned of she attend a party right now.  
She just…couldn’t.  
  
She knocked on the door but did not wait for an answer before she opened it. There was a pretty big "Do not disturb“- neon light above the door which was off, so she thought it would be okay. And she wanted to get it over with.

 _Best to get it out right away._  
  
"Hey Bruce. Sorry to just barge in. I just wanted to come by real quick to-“ she stopped.  
  
Not the giant gentle green scientist stood in front of a hologram, looking intensive at something that could be stellar constellation, molecular chains, or some kind of color by numbers for all she knew…. she really had no idea. No, it was Loki, with his arms crossed he turned his head, his stern expression changed into a surprised one.  
  
"Hello Carina. How unexpected to see you here.“ he greeted her but other then looking at her, he didn’t move.  
  
"Well, likewise. What are you doing here? Are you working for Bruce?“  
  
Loki turned his head back, looking at this… well whatever it was he was looking at, before she entered the room.  
"If anything, I would be working with him. But even that is too much said. The dear doctor asked for my expertise.“  
  
"Oh, okay.“ was her oh so smart response.

Loki kept starring at the task in front of him.  
Almost two weeks had passed since the day in the lounge. She had to admit it was less awkward than she expected as they broke apart from their embrace. She had lost count how long they stood there, holding each other, but she knew it was a while and that she was the one who pulled back in the end and as soon as she did, he let go of her as if she burned him.  
The air around them wasn’t necessarily tense but still they parted ways quickly after he stepped back from her. Just a few polite words and then he was gone.  
  
After that their encounters weren’t much different. He didn’t mention the hug and she did neither. She saw no need for it. Carina had no idea what his story was, not really. She knew what everyone on the compound knew, nothing more. But in those moments at the lounge he seemed to be in need of comfort. And giving comfort was something Carina was good at, it was as natural as breathing for her, the most easy thing to do.  
  
 _And it is my working duty. He is a resident here like everybody else. And I’m here for their wellbeing, to counsel, encourage and comfort. So… it was my duty._  
She told herself that evening, when she was under the warm - not hot - spray.  
  
They talked quite a bit since then. A few times at the lounge. Once they even went and got a coffee down at the cafeteria. Some conversations they had were more pleasurable than others, that was for sure. Sometimes his remarks were funny. Sure, always astute and most of the time sarcastic, but entertaining no less and harmless enough. Other times she questioned her decision to even talk to him in the first place. That was when he left the area of being entertaining and went straight to being spiteful, painfully arrogant and derogative.  
The funny thing was that still their meetings ended mostly peaceful.  
  
Carina took a breath and put the coffee and her bag with the muffins down on a table. Loki seemed to be in deep thoughts, quite tense and payed her no attention. She looked at his profile. He started to pull his long dark hair back in a messy knot at the nape of his neck. She saw it like this a few times already. Still a few strands of hair framed his face, his eyes were fixed on whatever he saw in that mess of signs. So she almost thought about just writing a note for Bruce and leave again, but she didn’t know if he would come back into the lab today.  
  
"So… I really hate to interrupt but where is Bruce?“ she finally asked.  
Loki didn't react right away. She almost asked again when he did. "He went to get something. I did not really listen. I think he wanted to get some food. He is gone for a while. I guess he will be back soon. He won’t let me be in his precious labor alone for long.“ A smirk was on his face.  
  
Carina signed. She guessed she could wait for Bruce. Still, it only delayed her stress. She hated disappointing people and she knew Bruce would be disappointed after she canceled tonight. But since there was coffee and muffins…  
  
"If it’s okay for you I wait here for him.“ she said and sat down on one office chair.  
  
"It’s all the same to me.“ he signed and waved one hand with a clearly dismissing attitude. Carina rolled her eyes. She took one of the coffees and opened the bag, getting the box of muffins out.  
As she opened it and bit into the chocolate chip deliciousness she saw his head slightly turning to her.  
  
"If you would like a break, here is some food and coffee. It’s all the same to me.“ she grinned which made Loki look at her fully.  
  
"I’m guessing you bought the food and drink for the doctor.“ he stated.  
  
"Well yes, that was the plan. But it’s enough for all three of us. He can have some when he arrives. And I only bought the coffee, the food I made myself.“  
  
He looked at her, unmoving and suspiciously. Carina had to laugh.  
  
"Come on Loki. Take a break from the points and lines and have a muffin. I promise they are not poisoned. They are actually quite good… earth standard of course. And have the coffee. It’s almost too cold to drink by now, when Bruce gets back anyways.“  
  
The alien prince smirked at her. "Well, it would be a shame to waste it then, wouldn’t it?“ With that he went to the desk, grabbing an office chair on his way and sat down on the opposite of her.  
He took the coffee from her hand and after she nearly pushed the box of muffins into his lap, he also took one.  
  
"You made these?“ he asked, inspecting the baked good from every side. She rolled her eyes again.  
  
"Yeah. They are nothing fancy. Just plain muffins with chocolate. But they are good.“  
She put one of the napkins she brought with her in front of him, since she didn’t want to make a mess in Bruce office. Carina reached into the box to take her second muffin when Loki finally gave his a try.  
There really was no way to eat a muffin gracefully, but somehow he did it. It was quite fascinating, she had to say. She watched as he took the paper off and took a bite from the bottom, which prevented the whole thing from crumbling. She had to give it to him… she never thought about eating a muffin like this. From now on she would.  
  
"So, are you bringing Bruce pastries all the time or is this a special occasion?“ he asked between bites, ripping Carina from her thoughts.  
  
She had to take a slip of her coffee and swallow her bite before she could answer, feeling Lokis gaze fixed on her the whole time.  
  
"No I… I wanted just to drop by and…“ she thought about not telling him, but when Bruce arrived he would know anyway. "Well... kind of… make amends for not going to this Halloween thing for the staff tonight.“  
  
"Why do you have to make amends for not taking part in this… festivity?“  
  
"Well, at first I agreed to go but I kind of changed my mind.“ she said, avoiding his searching eyes.  
  
"You’ve got other plans?“  
  
"Kind of.“  
  
"Which are?“  
  
Carina sighed. He wouldn’t let it go now.  
  
"Dressing up and a lot of people simply aren’t it for me tonight. Netflix put the old Black Mirror seasons back on. Seems like a good way to spend Halloween.“ She lifted her eyes to his again. He looked at her… almost intrigued. She expected a arrogant smirk, but although there was a kind of grin on his lips, it wasn’t necessarily a smug one.  
  
"So you prefer isolation?“ he asked.  
  
"No! I just don’t prefer to party tonight. I’m always fond of company. Just not for me this time. It’s like, when you are getting older… you appreciate quality more than quantity.“  
  
She wasn’t sure if he understood what she meant, she was even less sure, why she talked to him about this anyways, but there she was.  
  
Loki just kept looking at her, finally nodding slowly. He was about to say something, when her giant, green running partner entered his lab.  
  
_________

  
Like she imagined, Bruce tried to convince her into coming to the party regardlessly. He didn’t try to make her feel guilty - she did anyway - but told her, that she didn’t need to wear a costume and could just stay for a drink or two. Loki was quite as soon as Bruce arrived. He - pretty uncharacteristic for him - did not comment once.  
As Bruce finally let it go - the muffins she left him sure helped-, Loki only said her goodbye politely without an other word about their little chat.  
  
After leaving Bruce and Loki to whatever they were doing, she went back to her office, got rid of some paperwork and then wrapped it up for the day.  
Feeling lazy, she decided to go to the Thai place to get some takeaway food.  
  
The young guy behind the counter just took her order and she looked down on her mobile to see through the upcoming appointments for the rest of the week, when a voice at her right said: "Please add some Khao Pad Pak to the lady’s order, would you be so kind? Thank you.“  
  
No other than Loki stood next to her, as she looked up dumbfounded.  
  
"I hope you don’t mind. Of course it is my treat this time.“ he smiled at her and the charming quality of it didn’t help her finding her voice.  
  
"Would you like some dessert too? Maybe the sweet sticky rice? Sounds promising.“ There was the slightly sarcastic tone she could deal with.  
  
"What are you doing?“, she finally asked.  
  
"Oh, I thought it was my turn. You paid last time. And this afternoon you bought coffee and cake.“ he grinned.  
  
Carina was kind of glad that the Thai place was so empty and the guy behind the counter was busy with their order. What he said was meant to be misunderstood and he knew it.  
  
"What?“ she hissed as quietly as she could.  
  
Loki signed. „It really shouldn’t be so hard to understand, dear. My turn this time. I did look it up. You were right, I guess I am a "Quid pro quo“ guy, as you called it.“  
  
His explanation really just added to her confusion.  
  
"Quid pro quo?“ she asked and he just looked at her with raised eyebrows. A look that said: Do I really have to explain it to you again, child? It didn’t fail to annoy her.  
  
"Seems like you didn’t look it up correctly. I didn’t ask for an equivalent. And even if you expect of me to want some, you can’t just decide on what the equivalent should be. That’s not how it works.“  
  
He just looked amused.  
  
The alien guy had his hands in the pockets of the black coat that he wore, first time she saw him in anything else beside his typic black pants and dark colored shirt.    
  
"Well, you did voiced it. This afternoon? Didn’t you say you enjoy company but don’t want to go to the party? So staying at your place it is. Quality over quantity?“  
  
"And what could be more qualitative than spending time with you?“ she asked him with a good amount of sarcasm of her own.  
  
"Precisely.“ he grinned. "So I took the invitation. But… again, my treat, to keep the balance.“  
The guy behind the counter put the bag with the food on it.  
  
"That’s not what happened Loki.“ Carina stated. But Loki ignored her. He paid for the food, took the bag and went to the door. He just looked at her again, when she didn’t move from her spot and he held the door open.  
  
"Please, after you Carina. We should hurry. This food is most… enjoyable… still warm.“ he smirked.  
  
After a few heartbeats and groaning loudly in frustration she moved. Passing him as she walked through the door, she muttered: "Wonder how fast you make me regret it this time.“ Which made Loki laugh hearty as he followed her.  
  
The walk to her quarter was tense and they didn’t talk much. Loki seemed fine with that. She didn’t know how to feel about him inviting himself to her place. Come to think about it she didn’t have a visiter at her space till now.  
However, when they arrived at her apartment and she opened her door with her eye scan, she decided it was just as exhausting to think about it as to argue with him.  
Her place still had an un-personal touch to it. The furniture was white and modern but simple. She requested it like that. It was what she liked. The sofa was dark brown leather. Not terrible comfy, but good enough. She didn’t spend much time on it anyway. She did have a few plants that were easy to care for. She liked green in all the white. And she replace the pre-assembled pictures on the walls with stuff of her own.  
  
"Well, I have to go to the bathroom and clean up for a few minutes. Plates are in the first cabinet next to the fridge, cutlery is in the drawer left to the sink and if you want something to drink look in the fridge. Water, coke, wine… help yourself. Glasses are over there.“ She got rid of her shoes and jacket as she spoke to him and only got a glimpse of his slightly irritated face.  
  
 _If prince tall, dark and pale thought I’ll serve him he is in for a surprise._  
  
She left him alone in the living area to go to her bedroom and bathroom. After peeing, then washing her hands and cleaning her face from what little make up she wore, she leant her hip against the bathroom sink and took a look at herself in the mirror. She had her long dark hair in a bun most days. Carina was in desperate need of a haircut. It grown long and heavy, to a point where her head hurt at the end of the day from keeping it up all day long.    
So she freed it and let it fall down over her shoulders in soft waves, combing it with her fingers.  
Reentering her bedroom, she thought about changing into more comfy clothes. She wore tights, a skirt and a blouse. But she decided to just ditch the last one for a nice soft, dark blue jersey.  
  
When she re-entered the living room she was surprised to find their food on plates on the counter, two glasses of water as well, and Loki washing his hands at her sink. He had taken off his coat and placed it on the garderobe next to her jacket.  
  
"Dinner is served.“ he greeted her as she walked to the counter.  
  
"That I see. And you decided for both of us on the drinks.“ she smirked at him.  
  
"Since you chose the same food like last time, I thought it was the most likely. And you’re welcome.“  
  
Carina snorted but couldn’t prevent the grin on her lips.  
  
"I’m a creature of habit I guess. But you didn’t get innovative either.“  
  
„Well, I’m not so sure about that.“

She didn’t really get his reply but shrugged it off.  
  
"You mind eating on the couch?“ she said and took her plate and glass before he answered.  
  
"Very well.“ he said as he followed her lead.  
  
It was a joy to see the always so confident and graceful Loki struggling eating his meal while sitting on the couch. Her skirt didn’t give her room to sit cross-legged like she preferred, but the seating was wide enough that she could sit on it with bended legs, leaning back and her plate held behind her chin. Sure, there was nothing graceful about it, but she was never trying to be. Lokis’ attempt to eat with dignity was so very clear that she had to try her hardest not to laugh out loud. Mainly for her sake… there was a difference between not eating with grace and snorting rise through your nose because you had to laugh so much.  
Still, it was the most amusing thing how he struggled holding the plate under his chin, while sitting up straight and finding a halfway comfortable position.  
He finally decided to put his food on the coffee table in front of him and bent over it.  
  
"So, what was it you said you wanted to do instead of going to the party? Netflix?“ he finally said, gazing at her.  
  
"Oh yeah, that was the plan. You're familiar with it?“  
  
"Well, I figured it is some kind of entertainment on this thing… television you call it.“ he said and pointed to the big screen on the wall in front of them.  
  
"Yeah, Netflix is a video on demand service. You can watch shows and movies whenever you want. They have this show, Black Mirror. It’s a science fiction series. Every episode is like a short story, it’s kind of dark and with a satirical tone.“  
  
"Science fiction?“ he asked and raised his eyebrows.  
  
"Yeah, you know… when the episode were made, they storyline mostly took place in the future. It shows what good and mostly bad technology can do to your life. At least this show is mostly critical when it comes to that. Not every episode ends very satisfying, in meaning of not having a happy ending“  
  
Loki still looked very skeptical at her.  
  
Carina sighed. She really only wanted to watch one or two of the old episodes and then go to bed, why did she let him come with her?!  
Just as she wanted to suggest to just eat without watching TV he opened his mouth.  
  
"So, what are we waiting for? Let us watch one of those… short stories.“ he pointed to the screen again and kept eating.  
  
Her thoughts were suddenly raising... what episode she wanted to show him? Which one would he get? Which one would he like? Which was most likely triggering him to making fun of the human race? And why should she care?  
  
At the end she took the device for the entertaining system and chose with episode one of season four.  
  
  
  
It turned out to be a good choice. Of course he was making sneaky, debase comments about how humans thought space and space traveling would be, even after she explained to him how long ago this was and that it meant to be nostalgic and corny. But she couldn’t help but feel like at least he wasn’t bored and at best felt even entertained.  
She was surprised when he did not voiced his sympathy for the antagonist but even commented about this being a satisfying ending.  
And she almost thought he looked slightly disappointed when she didn’t suggest to watch an other episode but said that they would call it a day now.  
  
"Very well.“ he said and raised from the couch. She followed him to the door where he put on his coat.  
  
"Thanks for dinner and for joining me this evening.“ she remarked, noticing at the same time that she really meant it.  
  
"It was my pleasure dear Carina. Sleep well.“ he gave her one of his more charming than smug smiles before he bowed to her slightly and she opened the door for him.  
  
After he left she took their plates to the kitchen sink. She had to admit that it was a pleasant evening. It was fun to talk him through the episode, explaining the concept behind it and having him listening attentively. She didn’t noticed that she was still gently smiling to herself about his witty comments when she washed the dishes and put them back into the cabinet.  
  
_______  
  
  
When Wanda first came to her office and ask for an appointment, Carina was downright shocked, although she thought that she hid it quite alright. The young woman kept pretty much to herself. She was friendly with Sam and Bucky. And Carina heard from Bruce that she even visited Clint Barton and his family over a long weekend. But the events around Thanos were hard on her. She was an orphan, lost her brother, her home, then her lover. She had pretty good reasons to ask for counseling, but she just didn’t seem like the type who would.  
As she showed up for the first appointment it went pretty different than Carina thought. Wandas reasons for seeking her counsel was of a purely practical nature. The redhead wanted to acquire the american citizenship.  
Back in the day, right after she got her degree, Carina started her working career as a consultant for people who liked to become americans. Wanda said her that Sam told her about that and she was hoping Carina would help her.  
It was a while ago for the older woman since she worked in that field. If she was honestly it felt like it was a lifetime ago and not just ten years. She had to look into it, see about reformation and such, but she easily agreed to her request. She thought the whole thing would be good for Wanda and she wanted to help the younger woman.  
  
So, on a rainy Thursday afternoon she was sitting in her office and flipping through a few books about citizenship and the process to get there to see if there as anything new she should know, when there was a light knock on her door.  
Since she had music on she had closed the door, she turned it down and took her feet from her desk.  
  
"Come in.“, she called.  
  
Carina looked up from her reading as the door didn’t open right away. For a moment she thought she just imagined the knocking. She was about to get up and see for herself when it did open and a tall figure pushed into her office, leaving the door open.  
  
"Hello Carina. I hope I’m not interrupting anything important?“, Lokis voice was smooth, just like his movements as he walked to her desk and came to a stop in front of it. His hands were behind his back. His pants and shoes were black as usual, his top was a dark, green sweater.  
It was so strange. She could never decide which color his eyes were. Sometimes they just looked so very blue and in other times, like this, she could swear they were green, when he looked at her with this impish glimmer in them.  
  
 _Maybe it’s an alien thing._  
  
She shrugged thanks to her inner thoughts what made Lokis gaze change to slightly confused, what in turn never would failed to make her brightening up if only a little bit.  
  
So, she smiled at him. "Hello Loki. Well of course not. What can be more important than a visit from you.“, she said, her voice full of good old sarcasm.  
  
The god of mischief smirked and sat down on one of her chairs in front of the desk.  
  
He opened his mouth to say something, closed it again, looking away and tilting his head, then looking at her again, puzzled.  
  
"What is this… noise?“, he asked.  
  
"Oh… that. It’s called music in this realm." He rolled his eyes but she just went on. "This one is classic music, to be more precisely.“, she grinned at him.  
  
Loki was quite for a moment, then made an almost surprised sound and muttered: "Interesting.“  
  
"It’s Vivaldi, Four Seasons. A quite popular tune. You like it?“  
  
"Oh liking would be too much said. But I guess it is somewhat… tolerable.“ he returned her grin with a smirk of his own and she just shook her head.  
  
Carina almost told him a few other artist and songs he might thought would be "tolerable“, but then she remembered their talk about books and kept her mouth shut.  
Them having dinner at her place and watching Black Mirror was only two days ago and she hadn’t see him since then.  
  
A few more moments went by in which Loki seemed to listen to the music, he was just about to say something when there was an other knock coming from the doorway and Carina turned her glance there.  
  
"Hey Cari.“ Maria Hill stood in her doorframe. "Sorry, am I interrupting a session?“ she added as her gaze fell on Loki, who smirked at her.  
  
"Hey Maria. Nice to see you. No, no you don’t.“ Carina welcomed the other woman and stood up to give her a hug.  
  
"Didn’t know you were coming.“ Carina said as she pulled back and leant her butt on her desk.  
  
"I just dropped by and wanted to talk to you. You have a minute?“  
  
"Sure.“ she nodded.  
  
Both women looked at Loki.  
  
The tall prince just watched them grinning, making no attempts to stand up or even leave. Maria raised her eyebrows and looked at Carina who rolled her eyes.  
  
"Would you be so kind to give us a minute? We girls like to talk in private.“ she tilted her head to the door.  
  
Carina didn’t think his grin could grow even bigger but was taught wrong. Loki raised from his chair. "Very well. Have a good day, dear Carina, agent Hill.“ he nodded to both of them, before leaving with long, strong strides.  
  
Maria closed the door behind him. "What was that?“ she asked when both women sat down on he armchairs of her small counseling area.  
  
"I have no idea.“ Carina grinned.  
  
Maria eyed her. "Do I even want to know?“ she finally said and Carina laughed.  
  
"What do you mean, do you want to know? What are you thinking?“  
  
The former shield agent just shook her head. "Doesn’t matter. That’s an issue for an other time.“ she sighed. "I haven’t heard anything back from you about Kanov. Did you find time to look into it?“  
  
Right to the point, Carina liked that about Maria. Still, the topic wasn’t her favorite.  
  
"Yeah, yeah I did.“  
  
"And?“  
  
Carina took a deep breath. "I don’t really know what you are expecting for me to find. He has an inconspicuous biography. No drama beside the early loss of his mother, but he seemed to cope well.“  
  
Maria said nothing, just looked at her.  
  
"There is nothing conspicuous about his file. The only thing that is striking is that there is nothing eye-catching.“  
  
"What do you mean?“ Maria asked confused.  
  
"Well, I couldn’t shake the feeling that something is off. I just… everything is so smooth. He is always slightly above average. I mean, really… in like everything. That’s odd. Most people have something that’s swings more to one or the other side of the spectrum. He doesn’t. He’s always right there. Slightly above the ordinary. I mean, even his mothers death. A little bit of drama is common you know? But at the same time… I only have your files. His pages are not everything. He can be below average in a hundredth different other things. Or he is high skilled and just incredible unobtrusive. But if you ask me what I think of his files… there it is. I think there is nothing, beside the fact that there _is_ nothing.“  
  
Maria was silent and seemed to be in deep thoughts for a while before she finally muttered "Okay.“  
  
"I’m sorry for not being much of a help here.“  
  
"Oh no, no. You are, you did help. Thank you Cari. Really. I know you weren’t comfortable with this but it did help. I.. I might come back to you with this topic.“  
  
Maria held up her hand when Carina wanted to say something.  
  
"Don’t worry. No more reading files… just to… discuss. Okay? Don’t worry.“ she smiled.  
  
After the two women said their goodbyes and Carina sat down at her desk again her gaze felt on the chair Loki sat in before Maria interrupted them.  
  
She suddenly realized that he never told her why he came by.  
  
  
  
 


	8. 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I say this waaay to often, but this chapter needs editing. I failed to make time to re-read and editing it but I wanted to update this week so... I WILL edit it in the next few days when I have a little more time on my hands.
> 
> That being said I hope you enjoy it. We're finally coming to the fun parts of the story, I think.

  
  
On Friday morning Carina got a text from Sam. He asked her about her week if she had a fun Halloween and wrote, that he would be gone till Saturday because he had to take care of some family business. But Bucky was back at the compound so if she wanted to have lunch with him, he was free.  
Carina smiled while reading his words. She knew what he was trying to do. Sam and Bucky were nearly inseparable these days. They were picking on each other all the time, that’s for sure. But it seemed like they became really close and she always thought that Sam was worried about the other man. Carina thought that considering everything he went through in his life, he did pretty well.  It took him a while but since their talk about Loki he was more relaxed around her and she thought of him as a friend just like Sam and Bruce, even when she did not spend much time alone with him. So, of course, she sought him outright before lunchtime. He was at the training field, looking with his arms crossed at a few newbies in front of him, doing push-ups. They had to do it for quite a while since they were sweating heavily. Which was kind of impressive, the ground must have been quite cold.  
  
"Hey Sarge.“ she greeted him, smiling.  
  
"Hey Cari.“ he smiled back at her, even though he seemed surprised.  
  
"I see you’re… training the new generation of heroes. How are they holding up?“ she nearly said torturing instead of training but could stop herself at the last second. It would be an insensitive thing to say to him.  
  
Bucky grinned. "Nah, I’m not sure. I guess they need one more round of running if they keep doing halfhearted push-ups because they think I ain’t looking.“ his voice grew louder and he turned his head to give them a hard gaze, what made them pick up their pace instantly.  
  
He looked back at her as she laughed, his voice and face soften.  
  
"How are you doing? Are you looking for Sam? He’s still with his family in Washington. Should be back tomorrow.“  
  
"Oh yeah, I know. I was looking for you. I wanted to ask you to join me for lunch. I mean… when you‘re done here.“ Carina smiled and tilted her head in the direction of the groaning young men on the ground.  
  
It took him a while to answer. Carina kept looking into his blue eyes and made sure that he found no pity in hers. It was an easy task. Because she did not pity him, but she was sure he was thinking about it.  
  
Finally, he nodded. "Sure, give me ten minutes to finish here and we’ll meet at the cafeteria?“  
  
"Yeah, sounds good.“ she smiled. „Bye guys.“ she waved at the poor soldiers on the ground as she turned to leave.  
  
"Alright boys, 50 more and then you’re done. And you should thank the lady for letting you off the hook.“ Bucky shouted.  
  
"Thank you, ma’am!“ came the collective call from the troop and Carina laughed and grinned at Bucky who winked at her before she went to the cafeteria.  
  
  
______  
  
  
She thought he would ask her about Sam and if he told her to look out for Bucky but he didn’t. Instead, they had an easy conversation about the young rookies, food and even about Brooklyn, where her apartment was. He told her that he visited his old home with Sam a few times after… everything but didn’t recognize most of it.  
It was the longest they spent time alone together and talked and Carina wasn’t surprised that Bucky was a pleasant interlocutor. She always thought he would be, once he got comfortable enough and you avoid a few topics.  
At some point, their food was long eaten and they got some coffee, they talked about music and how he really did not get the modern one. Carina herself loved nearly all kinds of music, but she had a soft spot for classical, jazz and the golden age of music in the sixties and seventies of the last century. She had some old Jazz and Blues LPs at her place, some she was more fond of than others and even though they could listen to any kind of music they wanted thanks to Stark's phenomenal music library she saw how excited Bucky was as she spoke of the LPs. He had a record player at his place, but not too many LPs. So, she promised to come by his place after work and give him a few of hers she thought he would like. She saw his discomfort with her offer but she wouldn’t accept a no.  
   
So, she went to his quarter late in the afternoon and met him in front of the door.  
  
"You really didn’t need to do that Cari.“  
  
"Wow, what a greeting.“ she laughed and push the bag with the roughly 20 LPs in his arms. “Here, you‘re carrying them and shut up. I want to do that. And I’m only lending you those. I want at least… five of them back.“ she grinned.  
  
Bucky sighed and couldn’t help but reveal the internal battle he fought. But in the end, he nodded and a tentative smile graced his lips. "Okay, thank you Cari.“  
  
"You’re very welcome.“ she smiled back at him.  
  
"Will you do me the honor and show me how to set them up? I don’t… to be honest I couldn’t figure out how those new players work.“  
  
"Sure, and I’ll tell you which are my favorites.“  
  
Bucky apartment was quite bleak and judging by his embarrassed face he knew it. He had basic furniture. A couch, TV screen, a table and two chairs. A few things he said Steve gave to him, like the LP player. Nothing more. Carina didn’t comment on it.  
Thirty minutes later she talked him through her favorites of the records she brought him and showed him how to use the player.  
  
"Thank you Cari.“ he told her again as they said their goodbyes at his door. "You’re sure I shouldn’t walk you to your quarter? It is dark by now.“  
  
Sometimes he couldn’t hide the fact that he was from the forties. She smiled.  
  
"Thanks but I am sure. We’re on the compound. If we were in Brooklyn I would totally take you up on the offer.“  
  
"You want to join me and Sam for a run tomorrow?“ he asked.  
  
"Oh I would love to, but I’m driving to NYC tomorrow morning. I’ll meet some friends and have dinner with my little brother. Count me in next time.“

"Will do. Have a nice evening. And really Tha-“  
  
"Stop thanking me, alright? You’re welcome. And I’ll only borrow you anything again if you’ll stop thanking me every other minute.“ she laughed and he returned her genuine smile.  
  
"Can’t promise you that but I’ll try.“  
  
She gave him a brief hug which he returned only slightly tense before she left. She only heard him closing his door when she rounded the corner and waited for the elevator.  
  
Waiting and humming to herself she heard a door opening and closing again. She fully expected Bucky to appear in the hall because he just couldn’t help being old-fashioned, but it was another kind of vintage, tall and dark-haired man who walked around the corner.  
  
"Well, good evening Carina. What brings you to this location at this hour?“  
  
She noticed that he looked her up and down but the surprised tone in his voice didn’t match the collected look on his face.  
  
"Hey Loki.“ she greeted him far less formal. "I just dropped by, I’m on my way home.“  
  
He stopped next to her in front of the elevator.  
"You’re going out?“ she said looking at his all-black suit and the black coat he wore. His hair was loose and combed back neatly. She remembered that he went to the bar a few times and his outfit sure looked like going out.  
  
The elevator doors opened and the Asgardian gestured to her to go in first. He followed and pushed the button for the first floor.  
  
"It seems to be common to go out on Friday night.“ he finally answered her.  
  
"So… trying to fit in with the common folks?“ she grinned.  
  
"Oh heavens… no. I guess that would be impossible, even for me. But I do enjoy their reactions when I come to their playground.“  
  
"Oh I bet you do.“ she couldn’t help but laugh.  
  
The elevator stopped and they both left.  
  
"So and you visited the broken soldier?“ he asked, opening the entrance door for her.  
  
Carina stopped, turned her full body, looking him death in the eye.  
"Wow, don’t call him that.“ she told him seriously. She wasn’t surprised by his knowledge of her visit to Bucky. He was a sorcerer after all. And he might even had hear her and Bucky talk at his door. But she hated the mockery in his voice right now. It was one thing to tease about the whole human race… what he did often, but this was something completely different.  
  
"What makes you so protective of him?“ Loki tilted his head, grinning.  
  
"He’s a friend. And I’m not having anybody talking disrespectfully about one of my friends. Alien prince included.“ she told him calm but sternly.  
  
She didn’t shy down from his intense gaze.  
  
"Very well. I do apologize.“ he finally said. He didn’t seem to be sorry, but she didn’t say anything, just went to the door. Then a thought crossed her mind, she turned back to face him.  
  
"Why did you stop by my office yesterday?“ she asked him and Loki took his time to answer, making her rolling her eyes as he closed his coat before meeting her gaze again, his grin in place.  
  
"Oh, I came by for no reason. Just a visit.“  
  
He was lying. She was pretty sure of it but would let it go.  
  
"Okay. So, have a good evening.“ She turned, feeling like he annoyed her enough for today when she felt his hand on her arm.  
  
"Let me make up for displeasing you, my dear.“ his smooth voice coaxing her into turning around far more than his hand.  
  
She looked at him with raised eyebrows, rolling her eyes when he didn’t say anything else. “And how you’d like to do that?“  
   
"Please accompany me and let me show you.“  
  
"I’m not going to the bar with you Loki.“ she stated. His grin grew.  
  
"Oh, we are not going there. What I want to show you is at the laboratories. Please. Trust me. I’m sure you will enjoy it.“  
  
She looked at him hard and long. He returned her gaze with an almost boyish grin and offered her his arm. It was a clear early November night and therefore quite cold. Their breaths were visible in thin clouds.  
  
"I trust you as far as I can throw you.“ she muttered ignoring his arm and moving passed him in the direction of the labors, his laughers following her.  
  
  
_____  
  
  
  
"I… I have to say I did not expect this.“ Carina said as she looked around, spinning around slowly.  
  
"What is this place? What’s it for?“ she asked Loki who took off his coat, hanging it over one chair.  
  
"Dr. Banner said it was built for my brothers former… girlfriend, I think you call it. Jane Foster. But Miss Fosters researches requesting her present somewhere else. So this place is unfinished and unused.“  
  
They were on the top of Bruces’ lab building, in a big room. All walls - besides the one that was connected to the rest of the building where the door was - and the roof looked like they were made of glass. It was quite impressive because there was not one stilt or something that seemed to hold the whole structure. And the roof seemed to be a dome too. It all seemed to be seamless, like a bubble.  
  
Beside a desk with what seemed to be a control unit and a few chairs, there wasn’t much in the roughly 400 square feet large room. The light came from spots on the floor and it was warm in here, so she guessed there was a heater inside the floor too.  
  
"Why is it vitreous?“ Carina asked, touching the vitreous walls lightly. It didn’t feel like glass.  
  
Loki went to the control unit on the desk. "Look up.“  
  
The lights in the room went nearly completely out and she did what he said and couldn’t help but flinch, not expecting what was revealed to her.  
  
Suddenly the stars of the clear, dark night sky seemed to come closer and closer. It was like they were flying out there, into space, passing by stars and stellar constellation and meteorite and all the things she knew nothing about.  
It was beautiful.  
  
"It’s a telescope. The whole roof is. I mean… it feels like an understatement but it is one, right?“  
  
"I guess that’s what you call it.“ Loki answered.  
  
"This is amazing.“ Carina whispered, her eyes fixed on the universe above her. "How come nobody is here? I mean… it’s an ideal night for this. Why aren’t more people, scientist or even lab assistant here?“ she asked tearing her gaze briefly away to look at Loki.  
  
"I’m afraid the technology is quite new for Midgard and needs to be handled sensitive. It’s the best look into the universe this planet has to offer. So the security level is rather high.“ he told her looking all innocent.  
  
She raised an eyebrow. "And it’s your security level?“  
  
He smirked.  
  
Carina snorted and looked back up. "Don’t say anything. I don’t want to know.“  
  
Looking at this she suddenly felt much younger. She was thrown back ten years ago when she was only 24 years old and the world so much different. The room was warm so she got rid of her coat and spread it on the floor to sit down on it. Luckily today she wore tight black dress trousers with a comfy, thin blue jumper tucked into her pants as well as black boots. Dresses and skirts made sitting on the floor much harder.  
She sat crossed-legged, and leaned back on her forearms to lookup more comfortable.  
The brunette didn’t know how it worked but it was like slowly gliding through space. Better than any planetarium she ever visit. Especially since she knew this was real. What she saw wasn’t a computer animation or recording. It was…real.  
  
"Do you like it?“  Loki asked as he walked to her.  
  
"It’s spectacular.“ she answered without looking away.  
  
"That means you do like it?“ he asked again and to her surprise he sat down on the floor next to her, his feet on the ground, long legs bent and arms on his knees. She took a quick gaze at him.  
  
"Of course I like it.“ Looking back to the roof she added. “What’s not to like?“  
  
"This is merely trivial compared to what you could admire on Asgard.“  
  
 _He had to, didn’t he?!_  
  
"Please don’t ruin this for me.“ she whispered and to her surprise he didn’t say anything else. They sat there for a while, before she decided to lay down completely, her left arm behind her head, her legs stretched out in front of her.  
Loki was still sitting to her right beside her.  
  
"Years ago, I was barely an adult - in my early twenties - me and my best friend went to Scandinavia for a few weeks, almost two months to be more precise. She always wanted to go there. So we took some time off between semesters and went there. We flew to Denmark, rented a car and just started driving.“  
  
She didn’t know why she started talking, why she felt the need to tell him. Maybe she just needed to hear the words. Speaking them in her mind wasn’t enough anymore. She wanted to hear them. She felt him looking down at her but kept her eyes on the grandeur above.  
  
"We wanted to go as far north as we could. And stop whenever we felt like it, spotted something we wanted to explore or see. We drove cross-country. We really did, all across Sweden and some part of Norway. We slept in the car, or in the tent we brought along, sometimes in a cheap hotel. It took us weeks to get to the Arctic Circle in Jokkmokk.“  
  
She paused. Part of her waited for him to say something. Maybe asking her to stop her silly story, but he kept quiet, so she continued.  
  
"We rented a little cabin for nearly two weeks. It was so beautiful up there. It was almost fall and quite cold, but I always preferred it over hot weather anyways. The landscape was like nothing I saw before. It seemed to be untouched, pure and wild. It was so quiet there, peaceful. So far up north, there aren’t many people but everyone was so nice. And we saw a wild reindeer herd.“  
   
She sighed with a smile. "The best thing was the nights. That was the main reason why we were there I guess. Every night we drove to a lake. Seriously, there is a lake like, every two miles. They don’t call Sweden land of lakes for no reason. But we had a favorite one. Our lake. We went there every night. Watched the sun go down till there was just this little glimmer on the horizon left and waited for the aurora borealis. It was breathtaking.“  
  
Carina raised her right arm, tracing invisible waves in front of her. "It was like the lights were dancing. It was stunning. We sat there for hours, just watching them. We had hot tea and some food with us. Sometimes we played soft music or played a card game. But most of the time we just watched the sky, those dancing colors. That was enough.“  
Finally, she let her arm sink and rested her hand on her stomach.  
  
A few more minutes passed without either of them saying a word.  
  
"Do you like to stay a little bit longer?“  
  
Carina was kind of lost in those beautiful images above her just as much as in those in her memories. It took her a moment to noticed Lokis low and gentle voice. She looked at him.  
  
"If that’s alright, yeah I’d like to.“ she answered.  
  
"Are you comfortable?“  
  
The questions surprised her. "As comfortable as one can be while lying on the floor.“  
  
 _But it’s worth it._ She wanted to added but stopped herself.  
  
She watched as he stood up - annoyingly graceful - and walked to his coat. Carina raised up on her forearms to see what he was doing.  
Loki held the piece of clothing in front of him and a green shimmer appeared around it, changing it. It was too dark to see it clearly but it looked like something much bigger and thicker now. He was using his magic.  
  
"Are you allowed to do that?“ she asked as he stepped back to her, smirking.  
  
"Something else you don’t want to know. Come on, get up.“ He held his hand and out and she took it, letting him pull her up and back on her feet.  
His big and surprisingly smooth hand let go of her to pick up her coat. He threw it over a chair before spreading out on the floor whatever he did to his coat.  
  
"My lady.“ he said and she complied his request with a grin and a shake of her head and laid back down. Whatever he did, she had to admit it was truly far more comfortable than her coat. Almost like laying on a sofa, what was crazy because even when it looked thick, it wasn’t like mattress-thick. But she guessed that’s just how magic works.  
This time Loki laid down too. The space on his ‘coat’ was a bit narrow, but it was enough for them. She realized that their shoulders barely touched but that was okay. His scent of soap, wind and leather was faintly noticeable just like the warmth of his body.  
  
"What was it about Asgard that made something like this looking simply trivial?“ she asked softly after a few more moments of silence.  
She didn’t mean to be contemptuous or scoffing. She truly wanted to know and hoped he heard the sincereness in her voice.  
  
"There is… there was a lot about Asgard that was worth encomia.“ he responded calmly so she guessed he got her intentions right.  
  
"Tell me about it.“ she sighed, her eyes fixed on the lights above.  
  
"You want me to tell you about Asgard?“ his voice sounded truly surprised.  
  
"Yes, if you don’t mind. I have to admit I know next to nothing about it. But I would like to hear what it was like. What you liked about it most.“  
  
A few heartbeats long there was silence again. Carina truly thought that the god of mischief would laugh in her face, say something insulting like his breath would be wasted trying to tell a lowly being like herself about the glory of his home but he surprised her.  
  
"It wasn’t called the Golden Realm for nothing. Asgard was magnificent.“  
  
  
_____

  
  
"You’re seriously telling me Asgard was like… flat? That you could simply fall off of it?“  
  
"Like I said, the laws of physics were quite different in Asgard but beside this, yes I guess you can say it like that.“  
  
Carina shook her head, smiling. "Earth really is petty and small. I mean we thought this world was flat, yours really were.“  
  
Loki just grinned at her. She was sitting cross-legged again, with her elbows on her knees and her head in her hands. Loki laid on his side, but was leaning on his left forearm, one leg bent. She didn’t know how long they were here, her listening to Loki's undeniable pleasant voice, telling her tale after tale about the wonders of Asgard. From its grand buildings and golden palace, to the culture, nature, knowledge, tradition and poetry. She was sure he only gave a glimpse of what this kingdom once had to offer, but it was enough to amaze her greatly.  
  
Finally she took a look at her watch and was shocked to see it was almost 10 pm. She left Buckys at around six o’clock. So she spent nearly four hours with Loki.  
  
"It got pretty late. I think I’ll have to call it a night and go home.“ She scrambled to her feet.  
  
 _Yes, all about grace here._  
  
"Of course.“ Loki replied and followed her suit.  
  
"I’m sorry I kept you from your audience in the bar. But I guess the night is still young enough for you to unsettle a few night owls out there.“ she grinned while putting on her coat.  
  
"All is well. It was almost as pleasurable as seeing those faces.“ he smirked. Once again the _coat_ gleamed green in his hand and was just that… a coat, which he put on.  
  
"Well, that’s comforting.“ Carina laughed and stretched her stiff body.  
  
Loki pushed a few buttons on the control unit and the roof was simply a vitreous roof again. They left the room, then the whole building quietly.  
Outside the clear night left the air chilly and Carina put her hands in her pockets.  
She was just turning around to say goodbye to Loki when he spoke.  
  
"Would you allow me to escort you to your chamber, Carina?“  
  
A quite easy "Sure.“ left her mouth before she even thought about it.  
  
On the walk to her apartment they didn’t talk much. It was a comfortable silence.

"Thank you for showing me this Loki. I… I really enjoyed it.“ She told him as they reached her building and stood in front of the entrance.  
  
"I did, too.“ Loki replied.  
  
Silence followed. They were facing each other. Far enough apart that she couldn’t feel his body heat but still see the brightness of his eyes, which stared into hers. She felt well and comfortable the whole evening but right now she could sense her heartbeat picking up. Which was strange. She knew she didn’t fear him. Maybe she should, thinking about what he once did, but she just didn’t. He yet had to give her a personal reason to truly be afraid of him.  
But still, the intensity of his eyes, the silence and his very presence seemed to affect her right now.  
  
"Well, I hope you have a nice evening and a good night.“ she finally said and was glad that her voice sounded normal.  
  
Lokis face was unmoving for a few more fast heartbeats, before he smiled. "Sleep well dear Carina.“  
  
He didn’t make any effort to move so she turned around to walk into the building. When she closed the entrance door behind her he was still standing there, looking at her.  
  
  
_______  
  
  
  
Since it was November by now and the forest was still dark in the mornings, Bruce and Carina started to take their runs to the training field. It wasn’t as nice as the forest, but at an early hour mostly empty. Sometimes a few cadets were there too, but that didn’t bother them.  
Thanksgiving was getting closer and Carina felt it in her bones. She talked about it with her little brother on Saturday. She loved and missed her family but all the expectations that came with the visit left her feeling numb. She knew that her own anticipation was the main reason for her anxiety but she couldn’t help it. But to be fair, running with Bruce made it better, at least for a moment.  
  
"So, I didn’t see you since Halloween. How was the party? I fully aspected for you to tell me all about it by now and make me regret not joining you.“ she gasped.  
  
"Oh it was good. We had fun. And it was a nice opportunity to get to know each other.“ he said.  
  
"That’s good. I’m glad you had fun. Next time I’ll be there too.“ she promised, even though she was anything but sure if she could keep it.  
  
"Yeah, we’ll see.“ he laughed. “I’ve got to tell you. I was kind of surprised that you ditched the party to spend time with tall, dark and vicious.“  
  
"What?“ Carina asked confused and stopped running.  
  
"Mmm, Loki. He told me that you two had a… had dinner and watched Netflix. That ain’t true?“ Bruce looked down at her.  
  
"Well no, it is true. But I didn’t ditch the party to watch Netflix with him. I didn’t go because I really wasn’t in the mood and wanted to stay home. I didn’t plan to spend time with him. He more or less invited himself when I was on my way home.“  
  
Carina paused then narrowed her eyes as she looked at Bruce. "What exactly did he say?“  
  
The green scientist looked kind of nervous. "He just said that you preferred an evening at your place with him. He kind of… well made it sound like you planned it instead of going to the party.“  
  
"That little asshole!“ Carina hissed.  
  
She was suddenly angry and couldn’t really tell why. So she started to run again, at a fast pace what surprised Bruce and he needed a moment to catch up with her.  
  
"You know he is full of shit, right? He’s just saying this to annoy you and me and get under our skin. I did not plan to spend time with him instead of being with you guys.“ Carina breathed.  
  
"Yeah, I get that now. But even if… you wouldn’t have to explain yourself to me, you know that.“  
  
"What’s that suppose to mean?“  
  
"It means it’s not a crime to spend time with him. He is living here too after all and he is helping me with something for the last two weeks now… I mean he’s not all sunshines and rainbows to be around, but he is okay.“  
  
Carina didn’t know what to say to that. So she said nothing and just increased her speed for the last round, welcoming the burning in her lungs.  
  
______  
  
  
Of course he was at the lounge that afternoon. Where else would he be?  
  
Carina treated herself with a hot shower and a nice big breakfast after her run. Her working day started with a few appointments following by a long session with Wanda.  
Afterward she planned to relax for a few minutes with a hot coffee. The whole day Bruce words had echoed in her head. It shouldn’t bother her that much. Loki was Loki. Of course he would be making some sneaky comments to Bruce. Still, she somehow felt humiliated. The thought of him only spending time with her - in her private space even - to rub it into Bruce face left a bitter taste in her mouth she wanted to dismiss but just couldn’t.  
And what about Friday night? Would he also tell Bruce about it? Did he only show her the room to have something to tell him?  
  
So, when she saw him sitting in the lounge, sitting as relaxed and elegant in the armchair by the window as ever, she just couldn’t help it. Before he could look up she took a step back, closed the door again and walked back to her office in long, fast steps.  
What she didn’t expect was for him to follow her.  
  
"Carina.“  
  
She heard him as she stood by the elevator and the doors just opened, she ignored him and got in. Carina saw a glimpse of his dark hair as the doors closed.  
  
He must have taken the stairs, because as the elevator opened at her floor he was standing right before her.  
  
"That was appallingly rude, my dear.“ he said calmly in his smooth voice. Carina rolled her eyes and pushed passed him, since he didn’t step aside.  
  
 _Bastard wasn’t even out of breathe._  
  
He followed her. When she shut her office door right into his face he just opened it before she could lock it and closed it behind himself, sighing. Carina kept ignoring him and went to her desk.  
  
"Mind if I ask what caused this childish behavior of yours?“  
  
"My childish behavior? I am childish?“ she snapped, still not looking at him.  
  
"Well yes, I am afraid you are. That and impolite.“  
  
 _He's right._  
  
How she acted was… excessive, almost stagy. And so very not herself. She could have just get some coffee and leave the lounge again. Exchange a few words and then leave. Maybe even tell him that she didn’t want to talk to him right now, or the reason why she felt no desire to have a conversation with him at the moment. He wouldn’t have followed her then. But the way she acted, she almost pushed for unnecessary attention.  
  
The realization was quite disturbing, but not enough to get rid of the feeling of anger and indignity.  
   
She looked at him.  
  
He stood before her desk, his hands behind his back, his posture slightly tilt forward, something she noticed he did often when talking to her. It made it all so more intimidating when his tall figure stood straight.  
Carina leant back in her chair.

"Why did you want to have dinner with me on Halloween and watch some stupid, old show at my place?“ she asked with more calmness than she felt.  
  
Loki raised his eyebrows. "Do you humans have such a bad memory? I wasn’t aware of the fact-“  
  
"Leave.“ she shut him down and waved her hand. Today she wasn’t listening to him insulting humankind.  
  
Loki took a deep breath and looked at her serious, letting his hand hang by his sides. "I really don’t understand what this is about.“  
  
Carina leant forward, resting her elbows on her desk. "Why? Why did you spend Halloween with me?“  
  
He looked at her for a few heartbeats, then his eyes narrowed. “What is this?“  
  
“Was it so you could tell Bruce I rather spend time with you watching Netflix than going to the party? Are you that bored?“ she finally said.  
  
Lokis face went from slightly angry back to confused. Sadly it brought less pleasure to her than it normally did.  
  
“I’m afraid I still can't follow. Me talking to Dr. Banner did this?“  
  
Carina fought the urge to rub her face.  
  
"Just… let me inform you that I don’t appreciate to be part of this… whatever you want to do. Embarrassing Bruce or angering him by telling him I wanted to spent time with you instead of spending time with him and the others. I’m not having any of this.“  
  
If it all was just a charade, the sudden display of realization on his face was a brilliant move.

_Almost convincing._

"You're angered because you believe I use you to offend Dr. Banner?“  
  
"Well, your actions leave little room for any other interpretation.“  
  
Loki stepped closer, his legs hitting the desk, he leaned down and over it, his hands flat on the table, staring into her eyes. Carina didn’t flinched back, even though it was a hard thing to do.  
  
"Let me assure you my dear, annoying Bruce is just an extra benefit.“  
  
She did flinch when he straightened up suddenly and walked out quickly without saying another word.

 


	9. 8

  
  
Carina thought two days about it but in the end… as she sat down in her office to do her unloved duty, she hinted in her report for Fury that there was a security breach at the labors in connection with the security levels. She didn’t type down any details, even claimed she didn’t have any. It was pretty vague and she was sure Fury would have some questions about it, but she would stick to her story: Professional discretion and that she only heard the security system was questionable. Nothing more.  
She didn’t have to write it down, she knew that. Fury asked her to keep her eyes open about any changing behavior of a staff member. So yeah, it was a bit of a stretch but in the end it felt like the right thing to do.  
It had nothing to do with her confused feelings about Loki or his behavior, she assured herself. It was her duty after all. If Sam, Bruce or Bucky would commit a security breach she would do just the same. Well, maybe she would talk to them first. But there was no talking to Loki about such things.  
  
In addition to that she hadn’t seen him in days.  
  
She wasn’t sure who was avoiding who. For her part, she didn’t go to the lounge but other than that didn’t change her routine. A visit to Bruce’s lab wasn’t in the planning, same for the bar. With his super human abilities, she was pretty sure he did the rest. Avoiding her should be easy for him.  
  
_Anyways, I do this because it’s simple what I have to do_.  
  
Still, as she stared at the screen of her laptop, she couldn’t yet bring herself to send it to Fury. She hated this. She knew it was airy enough so she wasn’t going against her own work ethic. But it didn’t sit right with her. She wasn’t a warden or a spy and she shouldn’t be the one who reported misbehaving staff. Fury should have never instruct her to do this ‘keeping an eye open thing.’ She was a consultant. Nothing else.  
Sighing in frustration she closed her laptop. A headache was on its way and she was going in circles and only driving herself mad. The paper was overdue for a few days anyways. It could wait for a little bit longer. In this moment there was a light knock on her door and Carina looked up to see a smiling Sam leaning against the door frame.  
  
"Hey Sam.“ she smiled back at him.  
  
"Hey hon. You’re alright? What’s with the worry lines?“ he came in an sat down in one of her chairs before her desk.  
  
The brunette rubbed her forehead with her left hand. "Yeah, I’m good. Just a long day, and some unpleasant… obligation.“  
  
Sam looked at her, his dark eyes observing, before he said: "Wanna talk about it?“  
  
Carina laughed, trying to not sound too forced. “Nah, I just need a hot shower and maybe a glass of wine later and then I’m good.“ She stood up and went around her desk to sit down on one of the other chairs. She told herself it was so the conversation felt more private than occupational, but if she was honest she just wanted a reason to avoid Sam’s gaze for a little bit.  
  
"So, how are you? What brings you here? I thought we’ll meet for lunch today?“  
  
Him and Bucky had been on a mission - as he called it - for a few days. They just had come back yesterday and they all gone to dinner together with Bruce and Rhodes. It’s been the first time… after the events a few months ago, as far as Carina knew. The men said all went down well.  
It had been on the tip of her tongue to ask more about it, but she guessed it was better not to. They never really talked about any of this… shady stuff. She was still pretty much in the dark what exactly this place was. Stark industries, SHIELD, military… all together? Steve Rogers, Pepper, Fury and even Maria always just called it a headquarter. But the headquarter of what? Rogers said that the Avengers died with Tony Stark but she guessed that wasn’t completely true.  
  
"I thought I fetch you up and we go down there together, talk a little.“  
  
Carina smirked. "Means that you wanted to talk to me alone.“  
  
Sam shook his head slowly, smiling. "Oh Carina, you’re too good at your job.“  
  
"Just as good as you. Alright, let me get my bag and you tell me what’s going on.“  
  
Sam wasted no time. She like that about him. As they left the building and walked the path down to the cafeteria he spoke lowly to her.  
  
"I wanted to thank you for what you did for Bucky, you know? When I had to stay back home. He still has a hard time to socialize at times.“  
  
Carina waved her hand. "You don’t have to thank me Sam. Not for something like this. We’re co-workers, I mean… kind of. And we’re friends right? We spend our time here together. Bucky, you and Bruce… I think of you as friends.“  
  
Sam smiled, flashing his white teeth. "Of course we are. Still, I just wanted you to know that I appreciate it.“  
  
"You’re mostly welcome. But I have a feeling that there is something else.“  
  
This time Sam laughed out loud. "I say it again… you’re really good.“  
  
"Well go ahead. What’s up?“ Carina felt a little more lighthearted. The fresh air helped to lessen her headache, as did the walking.  
  
"I want your opinion on something.“ he finally said, his face more serious.  
  
"Okay, sure.“  
  
"I think Bucky is… beside being a little bit of an asshole… he is doing good. The time in Wakanda helped him, the Hydra stuff is gone. But I would like your thoughts.“  
  
Carina was surprised. She didn’t expect that.  
  
"Yeah I guess… I mean I can’t really compare it to what he was like before since I didn’t know him then, but I think he is doing fine.“  
  
The Avenger looked at her. "You’re really thinking that?“  
  
"Yes, I do. Of course.“ she frowned. "Why are you even asking me this? Is something wrong? Did something happen on the mission?“  
  
"No! No, nothing. Really. Everything went well and Bucky was… he was exemplary if you ask me, a perfect team mate. But I just… I want you’re honest opinion Cari. I know that I might be biased. So even as his friend… I want you to tell me what you think in all honesty.“  
  
Carina still didn’t fully understand what all this was about. She took a long look at Sam before she answered.  
  
"I think - and I’m being totally honest - that Bucky is doing good. He’ll forever be different in some ways. How could he not? But he managed, and so far he did more than well I think. If you’re asking if he is a threat to himself? No. No I don’t think so. There is no evidence to think otherwise. Is he a threat for someone else?“ She paused and they both nodded a greeting to a few people passing their way.  
  
"Only to the bad guys.“ she finished smiling brightly as the passersby were no longer within earshot.  
  
Sam laughed, only slightly relieved.  
  
"You know… there is one more thing.“ He said. They were almost at their destination. “I know about your reports for Fury.“  
  
She looked at him puzzled.

"What? Did Fury-“  
  
"No, no… Maria told me. Don’t give me that look Cari, there is nothing that… It’s not what you think.“ What she was thinking was, that him and Maria were dancing around some serious tension those few last times they were in the same room, which she told him once but she wouldn’t push it now.

  
"Why did she told you? I’m not surprised she knows… I mean her and Fury are… well she was… or is his right hand I guess.“  
  
"She just told me that you helped her with something. And I guess it just slipped out.“ he shrugged. “What I’m asking you is - and I don’t want you to feel obligate to do it - but could you include Bucky in your report? I just want those people in higher positions to know he isn’t what they think he is. So far nobody really said anything. I mean… this whole Thanos mass… people being gone and back again, the government is still struggling. But I can’t help to think about what might happened when they get their shit together, things going back to normal. Some might think he shouldn’t be here.  I can imagine that you’re not a fan of those reports and Maria hinted the same. And you don’t have to, really. I just thought it might- “  
  
"Sam.“ she stopped his rambling. "Sam, it’s alright.“ Carina smiled at him. By now they entered the lunchroom and she saw Bucky sitting at a table just as he also caught sight of them. "I don’t know if it’ll do much. But sure, don’t worry about it.“ she whispered to Sam as she waved at the super soldier and they made their way to him.  
  
Little did Sam know that she already done what he asked for.  
  
______  
  
  
The rain fell in heavy, fat drops down on her. The autumnally trees didn’t offer much cover. The ground was squishy, and mud was splattering on her legs and even on her arms as she run through the forest. She was tired of only using the training fields. She missed the smell of the trees and the sounds of the wood. So she decided to literally make a run for it. Although the rain started to make her regretting this decision. She liked rain, even running in it. But this was not a small shower anymore. Slowly but surely it started to become a full blown torrential rain.  
  
In two weeks she had to go home for thanksgiving. She was ashamed of it but she thought about excuses she could make to cut the visit as short as possible. She knew it was wrong. She loved her parents, the grandma she still had left and her little brother very much. Spending time with them shouldn’t be this exhausting for her. But she couldn’t help it.  
Maybe she got herself all worked up for nothing. Maybe once she was there everything, this feeling of tightness in her chest would disappear. But she wanted to be prepared.  
   
_I stay as long as possible. They are my family, I love them. I just want to-_  
  
Her thoughts were rudely cut off by her slipping left foot.  
  
"Shit!“ was all she could hiss out before her left knee hit the ground hard. She tried to maintain her balance but the ground was just too slippery. She felt down on her forearms which made the impact less damaging. She only felt a small ache on her left cheek from a branch that streaked her.  And of course the piercing pain in her knee.  
  
_Great, just great._  
  
Lying there, on the wet forest ground, soaking to the bone, she took a few deep breaths before she slowly and carefully stood up.  
Carina knocked off the wet dirt on her clothes as best as she could. Rubbing her hands over her face she winced. Looking at her fingers she saw blood, she had a cut on her face. Her knee didn’t feel too bad. Sure it hurt like a bitch, but she guessed it wasn’t a serious injury. But her little run was over.  
  
Carina started her walk back to her quarters and kept as much pressure of her knee as possible.  
When she left the forest the rain died down slightly. She was glad. Her body was cooling down and it started to get quite cold. She walked the empty path - most weren’t so stupid to get out in a weather like this - when she saw a figure crossing her way. He was an easy one to recognize. She guessed she would spot him out by his posture and movement at any day by now, it was so unique. He wore all black, his hair in a knot, an umbrella in one hand, a book in the other, reading. It looked like he was strolling along as it was just an other sunny day.  
  
"Hello Loki.“ she greeted him when their paths crossed and she stood in front of him. He stopped in his tracks too, looked up from his book and she tried to get a glimpse of it to see what he read, but it vanished in a green light before she could.  
  
_Stupid magic_  
  
"Well hello, dear Carina. Haven’t seen you in a while. What are you-“  
  
He stopped and took a step closer. She blinked a few times, annoyed by the rain on her eyelashes, but then looked at his face. He was frowning.  
  
"What happened to you?“ He looked her up and down. His eyes narrowed. "Were you assaulted?!“  
  
"No, no. Of course not. I just… fell. Stupid me, sloppy ground. Bad combination.“  
  
"You are bleeding.“ His face was stern. And there was something else. Anger? Disgust?  
  
_Maybe he despises weakness. Or human blood. Or both._  
  
"Yeah, that can happen when you hit the ground in a full run. No big deal.“  
  
He made a big step towards her and suddenly she was with him under the umbrella. Being out of the rain made it instantly warmer. But maybe it was also his body heat.  
Loki looked at her face exploratory. When his hand came up to her cheek she did not flinch. It was more out of surprise that she stood there motionless and just watched him, than anything else. Her natural reaction by being touched so unexpected would be different.  
  
He looked at his fingertips and his frown deepened. She followed his gaze and saw the red on his white skin.  
  
_So he can’t be too disgusted with human blood._  
  
She had no idea how much she bled, because of the rain it was hard to tell. Before she could even say anything stupid or make a vampire reference a green gleam covered his hand right before a cloth appeared in it. Loki pressed it to her injured cheek.  
  
"Hold it there.“  
  
She did as he said and as her hand covered his, he pulled his away.  
  
"You should be more careful. This is quite a deep cut. You humans are ridiculously breakable.“  
  
She snorted. "Thanks dad.“  
  
That earned her a hard look but he said nothing.  
Carina had to admit that whatever he gave her, it felt good against her throbbing cheek.  
"Really, thanks.“ she said without sarcasm and he simply nodded.  
  
"Well, I’ll go to my place. I really need a hot shower.“ she said after he just looked at her in silence and tried to move passed him.  
  
"You’re limping too.“  
  
_Well, no shit Sherlock._  
  
She bit her lip to not say it out loud. She was annoyed with herself. And seeing Loki now, two weeks after their - could she call it argument? - whatever, wasn’t helping much.  
  
"Yeah.“ she just mumbled and walked passed him.  
  
Loki followed her, keeping the umbrella over her head and walked close beside her, their shoulders touched now and then as they walked.  
  
"I’ll escort you to your chambers. You should consider to seek out a healer.“  
  
She still pressed the cloth to her face and hid a smile at his choice of words.  
They walked the rest of the way in silence.  
  
When they reached her building she turned to him, looking up into his bright eyes.  
   
"Thanks for coming along. Walking in the rain was no fun anymore.“  
  
"You should take care of your wounds.“ He still looked at her with a seriousness that was strange for him. It was a little bit unsettling.  
  
"Yeah, I get myself dry up and lick my wounds and stuff.“ she smirked and the familiar glimmer of mischief was back in his eyes.  
  
He grinned, bowed to her slightly and then walked a few steps away so that she again stood in the drizzle. She took a few quick steps to the door, opening it quickly.  
  
_That little shit._  
  
"Carina.“ she heard him as she was about to close the door and looked at him, she couldn’t decide if she was annoyed or amused.  
  
He stood there, in the light rain, a few feet from the door, tall and dark. "I have a confession to make.“  
  
She raised an eyebrow, waiting.  
  
"I did not mean to offend you.“  
  
And with that, he turned around and went his way.  
  
  
Carina wasn’t sure but she guessed she stood there for at least an other 10 seconds, looking after him before she closed the door and moved carefully to her apartment. Only as she looked into the bathroom mirror she realized she was still holding Loki’s cloth to her cheek.  
As she stood under the nice, warm water of her shower she was pretty sure he didn’t mean their encounter today. Oh no, he meant every word of that.  
He was referring to Halloween and his comments to Bruce.  
  
The next day she didn’t really think about it, she just deleted the short part about the security breach, edit the part about Bucky by a few words, making it stand out more, and sent it to Fury.  
  
  
________  
  
  
She was rubbing up and down her knee absently, glad that she had decided on comfortable tights, skirt, jumper and flat boots this morning. Her little mishap had been two days ago. Carina ended up going to the medical department this morning because she never saw a knee bruising up this fast and this nicely. In the end, it was nothing severe, but it would hurt like a bitch for a while. Effusion of blood right on the kneecap normally did.  
On a positive note, her cheek wouldn’t scar, she was pretty sure of that. There was a scratch but it was healing nicely.  
She was reading through the file of her next appointment that was issued in about 20 minutes. It was a new case, a young new female recruit and she didn’t have the chance to look into it so far.  
  
She suppressed a sigh when there was a knock on the door. She hoped that wasn’t her appointment just yet.  
  
"Come in!“  
  
To her amazement, it was Loki who walked in. He held one cup of coffee in his hand and closed the door behind himself.  
  
"Hey.“ she greeted him.  
  
"Hello Carina. How are you today?“  
  
"I’m good, thanks.“ she answered surprised. "How are you? You bring coffee?“ she grinned.  
  
"I'm excellent, thank you. And yes, quid pro quo.“ he told her smirking and placed the cup on her desk in front of her.  
  
"Okay… and what should I do on my part to earn the coffee?“ she raised an eyebrow suspiciously.  
  
He just kept on grinning. "No, you already did your part.“  
She still had no idea what he meant. He stood before her desk, one hand in the pocket of his dress pants, hair loose on his shoulders, in a dark green button-down shirt.  
_Did he mean Bruce? Was this still about it?_ Somehow she knew it had to be about that.  
  
_The surprises don’t come to an end._  
  
"You know, most people would simple call it an apology. Not quid pro quo.“ she finally said.  
  
Loki laughed. "Well, I don’t see a reason to apologize. And besides that, I guess by now you can tell that I am not most people.“  
  
She tried her hardest to hear the insult but he smiled at her quite charmingly, she just couldn't help but smile back.  
  
"How are your injuries?“ he asked her, the smile still on his face just a little tamer.  
  
"It’s nothing. No big deal.“ she waved her hand and then remembered something. "Oh, your cloth!“ Carina stood up and moved passed him to the little shelf where she put her bag.  
  
"My cloth?“ she heard Loki asking as he moved to her.  
  
"Yeah.“ the brunette dug into her bag but couldn’t find what she was searching for. "I didn’t give you your cloth back. I thought I put it in my bag. It’s at my apartment I guess.“  
  
"There is no harm if you keep it.“ Loki assured her. "You’re still limping.“ he added.  
  
"Oh it’s fine. I’ll survive. No permanent damage. Even this won’t scar.“  
  
Putting her bag back on the shelf she looked up at him, pointing at the mark on her cheek. She wore her hair open today, to cover it up a little bit. Sometimes the compound felt like a campus, gossip and shit.  
  
He looked at the scratch, took a step closer to her, lifting a hand, his fingertips barley touching it, examining the cut. Then his greenish-blue eyes darted back to hers.  
  
"Yes, it won’t scar.“ he confirmed.  
  
His fingers lingered on her skin, their gaze locked on each other. There was something she had no name for. The air suddenly seemed to get thinner. Carina felt as if a tiny shiver creeping up from her fingertips and toe right to the top of her head.  
So it wasn’t like she didn’t see it coming, no she saw the signs, felt them. And she couldn’t stop it, or didn’t want to. She felt his warm breath on her skin, as his face moved closer, she saw his eyes flicker to her mouth, before he covered it with his. At first she was motionless. His thin, soft lips caressed hers tenderly. She felt his fingers on her chin, softly titling it up to give him better access. His tongue touched her bottom lip almost unassertive. That was when she began to move her lips with his and opened her mouth slightly, granting him entrance. He reacted immediately. Loki was still careful, but the fingers on her chin left, now his hand was back on her cheek, holding her in place, but avoiding her cut. When his tongue entered her mouth, touching hers, it was demanding. It was a fight for dominance at first but she quickly let him have his way, accepting his guidance. Let him taste her as she tasted him. Both of his hands held her head now, his body was close, she could feel the heat, but it was not touching hers. Her hands held on to his forearms. Carina couldn’t remember when they got there, but they were.  
His kiss was intoxicating. All of it was, their intertwining tongues, the way he tasted or captured her lower lip, nipping on it with his teeth only to soothed it with his talented tongue.  
  
_Yeah, they don’t call him silver tongue for nothing._  
  
That did it. She broke the kiss. His lips wanted to follow her movement but she lowered her head and took a step back. First she felt his resistance but then he let go of her face.  
Putting enough space between them and sensing that he wouldn’t try for a repeat, she looked him in the eyes. He stood perfectly still, looking back at her intensely.  
  
_What just happened?_  
  
"I’m…“ she cleared her throat. "My next appointment should be here in a few minutes. She’s a new one and I have to look at a few files before she's here. You know, I like to be prepared.“  
  
A few more seconds of silence. Then he nodded, his eyes still on her.  
"Sure, sure. Of course. I leave you to your duty now.“ he responded with a smile on his face.  
  
"Okay.“ she tried to smile back. "Oh and thanks for the coffee.“ Carina added as he moved to the door. Her voice was still not back to normal, but close enough.  
  
"You’re welcome. Have a lovely day.“ he said while opening the door, still looking at her with a grin.  
  
She could only manage a strained smile and a "You too.“ before he finally turned and went out of the door, closing it behind him.  
  
Carina all but collapsed in one of her chairs, letting out a breath she didn’t know she held in.  
  
_What on earth did just happened?!?_  
  
She was still sitting there, starring at the coffee on her desk when her new client knocked on the office door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tada.
> 
> So, the attentive might noticed that the timeline comes close to the prelude. So yeah, things will start to get serious. :)  
> I hope you like it. Excuse all the terrible errors. I'll be back and to some editing as soon as I can.
> 
> Thank you so much for reading!


	10. 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so very sorry about the delay. It's summer, work is busy and so is my social life with birthday and weddings and all kinds of festivities. I'm kind of in a rush still, but I really wanted to post this chapter today.
> 
> I hope this longer chapter makes up for it. And maybe I can get the next part ready at the end of the week.
> 
> Thank you all so much for reading. It really makes me get this done fast and do my best!

  
  
"And americans know all this stuff?“  
  
Carina laughed. "No, of course not. You’ll be far more educated than the average american who got his nationality by birth.“ she grinned at Wanda who smiled back, head shaking.  
  
It was their last meeting on this subject. Wanda would go to Washington D.C. with Sam and Bucky in a few days and if all went well, she’ll come back as an american citizen.  
  
Their went to the coffee shop at the compound. It was Tuesday and a rather busy day. Next week things would be different. A lot of staff members would go home to their families to celebrate Thanksgiving. Those that are going to stay at the facility would have a little party.  
  
"So you’re not here next week?“ Wanda asked as they put their stuff away.  
  
"No, I’ll be at my parents house. It won’t be a big thing. Just a few people.“  
  
"Oh, that’s nice.“ the younger woman said and it sounded a little strained but also honest. Wanda herself didn’t have any family members left. It made Carina feel even more guilty about her constant struggle when it came to spending time with her parents.  
  
"Yeah, it is. But I bet you guys will have a good time here, too. Who else is staying? Rhodey is visiting family, but I know Maria will be here.“  
  
"Yes, Bucky and Sam, too. And Bruce of course.“  
  
The two women made their way out of the shop as Carina’s cellphone rang. She looked at the caller ID and saw her friend Kate’s number.  
  
"Sorry, I'll call back later.“ she told Wanda and was about to put the cell back in her bag.  
  
"Oh no. That’s fine, take it. We’re done and I have to talk to Sam about D.C. anyway.“ Wanda declared.  
  
"You’re sure? I always find it terrible rude to take phone calls in a conversation.“  
  
"Of course. No problem Cari. We’ll see us later, or tomorrow at lunch.“ Wanda assured her and smiled, waving her goodbye as she left her with the still ringing phone in her hands.  
  
Carina smiled and waved back before finally answering the call.  
  
"Hey Katie.“  
  
"Wow! I was so sure you finally ghosted me. Like totally. You can ask Jake. We even made a bet. I was so sure, I said if he wins we’ll spend this christmas at his aunts house. So… thanks for that dear.“  
  
Carina snorted, of course Kate was right.  "I’m sorry. I know I’ve been MIA for like-“  
  
"Weeks, scratch that, months even Cari.“ her old friend interrupted her.  
  
"I know. And I am sorry. I really am. I’m an awful friend.“ she sighed.  
  
"Nah, not awful. Just terrible.“  
  
Carina laughed. She missed this. "Aren’t these two more are less the same?“  
  
"Are they? Well, I guess then you’re awful.“ Kate said lighthearted.  
  
Again, Carina laughed as she heard the smile in the voice of her friend. "I am really sorry Katie. I know I should get in touch more often with you and Jake. I have no good excuse.“  
  
Now it was Kate’s turn to sighed.  
  
"You don’t need one Cari. I know you have a lot on your plate, babe. I do. And I’m not mad. You know that. I’m just a little worried, you know? That you’ll trade me for one of these super people you now basically live with.“  
  
Carina laughed out loud again and started walking back to her office.  
  
"Oh honey, you know that would never be an option. You’re non-exchangeable.“  
  
"Alright, in this case I forgive you. So how are you babe? How is live at the compound? Anything new and exciting?“  
  
Carina swallowed hard. She hated lying to her friend she knew since school. But it was exactly what she was about to do. It was like a stab to the guts.  
  
"Oh more of the same really. It’s far less exciting for me than you might think, believe me. I told you, I’m not an Avenger, just a consultant.“  
  
"Yeah, yeah. You say this every time. And still here I am thinking you’re full of bullshit and just don’t want to tell me. Confidentiality and shit. You’ll have to give me some babe. I always talk to that bitch Tina from Controlling Department about my friend that lives with the heroes and I have no stories to tell so far.“  
  
Carina almost saw her pouting face.  
  
"How are you guys doing Kate? How is Jake? Is his leg giving him a hard time with the colder weather?“  
  
Kate worked as an emergency dispatcher in New York City. Carina truly admired her for that. It was a tough job to do. Not only the issues that she had to deal with, but also the working hours were rough. But she never complained. Kate truly loved her job. As did her husband Jake. It was the passion for their professions that bought them together. He was a firefighter. A few years ago he had got hurt on duty. He still suffered from the injury to his leg from time to time. But he also rarely complained.  
  
"Nah, he’s good. Dude is a tough cookie. You know that. We’re fine. We miss you.“  
  
An other stab to her stomach.  
  
"I miss you guys, too.“  
  
"Are you in the city this weekend? How about you’ll visit us? We have a little pre-Thanksgiving dinner. Jake and I both have the weekend off. You’re going home for Thanksgiving, right? To your parents? So we do an advance celebration.“  
  
"Yeah, I’m going to my parents house next week.“ Carina did her hardest to keep the despondence out of her voice. "Of course I like to see you, I just don’t want to bother you guys. I know you don’t get to spend much time together with your different shifts.“  
  
"I’m so going to hit you for that stupid comment Carina Miller. The day you’ll become a burden is the day Jake’s aunt and I become best buddies.“  
  
It was hard to keep a smile from her face when she talked to Kate, always was.  
  
"Is she really that bad? I mean… I just met her a few times but she seemed okay.“  
  
"She puts pineapple in the Turkey, Cari! Pineapple! Why would anyone do that?! It’s beyond disgusting, a crime against nature and you know it. She’s loony. So? This weekend?“  
  
"Yeah, this weekend.“ Carina laughed.  
  
"Woo hoo. Perfect. And you can come whenever you want, okay. Doesn’t matter. I’m here anyways. We miss you.“  
  
"Okay, I’ll call you. I miss you too. I can’t wait to see you guys.“ and she meant it. Talking to Kate reminded her how much she missed them.  
  
"We do, too. Take care, babe. Love you.“  
  
"Love you, too.“ Carina smiled.  
  
  
Back at her office she managed to keep some of the light spirit Kate’s call gave her. She didn’t realize how badly she needed that after the last days. Still she couldn’t help but think about what happened a few days ago.  
  
Loki and her weren’t necessarily back to avoiding each other, but she on her part tried to keep their interactions at a minimum. Sure she saw him. They greeted each other and exchanged a few words once at the lounge. But she did a lot of her work at her quarter and was only in her office for her appointments with clients. She guessed she was fearing that he could visit her unexpectedly. Loki seemed calm and confident whenever she run into him, witty and mischievous as always. But she thought his eyes were even more alert and observing as usually. When they met, they rarely left her face and she felt them on her even when she turned to leave. She never looked back. But she knew his gaze followed her every time till she was out of his sight.  
  
At first she thought he simply enjoyed the discomfort it bought her. But then she realized it was more than that. He was looking for something, or maybe waiting for something.  
  
She still couldn’t fully understand what happened in her office that day.  
  
What was she thinking?  
  
Spending time with him, kind of… befriending him was one thing. Unorthodox and nerve-racking enough. But this? Letting him kiss her…  
Carina growled. She should be at least honest to herself… She did not just let him kiss her. She kissed him back.

 _There you have it._  
  
She sighed to herself. But before she could get lost further in her thoughts her next appointment knocked on the door.    
  
______  
  
  
"The exercise you talked about… it helps too, I guess. It’s just… sometimes I still get really paranoid.“  
  
"That he’s not yours?“ Carina asked.  
  
"Yeah. It’s stupid. I know. I just… I can’t help it. I still think about making a DNA test. Just for my piece of mind. I mean I look at the photos daily. And the connection is building, I just can’t help it.“ the woman in front of her started to wipe at her eyes again.  
  
The session was harder than the last one they had. Carina was moderately concerned. She feared the technician slowly but steady drifted into a deep depression.  
  
"You give birth to a baby and were robbed five years of your sons life. It’s normal to feel all kinds of things. You have to give it time to get to know your son. But all this pressure can lead to thoughts like this. I’m not saying it would be totally pointless to do such a test, but what if you do, the test says he is yours and you still have this feeling?“  
  
The short haired woman looked at her with wide but knowing eyes. She already had that thought.  
  
"What can I do?“ she whispered.  
  
"Keep up what you’re doing. Build a relationship with your son. Talk to your husband more, let him share more memories with you. It can be much more tangible for you than just photos and videos of your boy growing up those last years. And I would recommend to make an appointment with Dr. Andrews in New York City. I know him for almost ten years.“  
  
"You think medicaments might help?“  
  
"I think a light antidepressant will help you, yes. You see, the pressure does something to your system, the chemicals in your body. And remember… you’re reactions aren’t abnormal. You react perfectly fine to an…“  
  
"An abnormal situation. I know.“ Carina let her client finish, and the woman smiled tentatively.  
  
They issued a new appointment before they said goodbye and Carina was glad it was her last one for today. It was getting late.  
From the exchange with others in her profession she knew that a lot of parents had those issues. For the returnees it was hard to see their kids five years older without witnessing their growth. Especially with younger children it was a challenge sometimes. Women rarely doubt their parenthood, but when you disappear two weeks after giving birth and come back to find a toddler you don’t know it is a bitter pill to swallow.  
  
Carina was lost in thoughts of lose and sorrow and didn’t noticed that her feet carried her to the lounge. She just realized where she was when she opened the door.  
He stood by the coffee machine. Tall and covered in dark colors as usual. He turned around as she opened the door and it was too late to fled the scene without looking like a wimp.  
  
His eyes found hers right away. "Good evening Carina.“  
  
"Hey.“ she replied and forced her legs to move into the room. The click of the closing door behind her was the last sound for a few seconds.  
  
"Would you like a cup of coffee?“ Loki finally asked.  
  
"Yes, please.“ it came out embarrassingly quick and husky and she cursed herself mentally, biting the insides of her cheek.  
Loki of course noticed, gave her a quick look and a small grin, before he turned back to the coffee machine.  
  
Carina stood unsure of what she should do a few feet away from him and it took her a while before she walked to the little bar by the coffee machine and sat down in one barstool. She didn’t want to stay for long. Sitting down in one of the far more comfortable armchairs could look like she wanted to stay longer than she planned. Just a coffee and then she would go to her place.  
She felt tired today. More than usual. Maybe Thanksgiving was getting to her. The incident with Loki wasn’t helping either. She needed to calm the fuck down, she told herself.  
  
_Loki is still Loki. Nothing too bad happened. Whatever it was, it-_  
  
"A coffee for the lady.“ his velvet deep voice snapped her out of her thoughts and she flinched visibly. Loki placed the coffee in front of her.  
  
"Thank you.“  
  
He eyed her attentively and much to her regret, took a seat next to her.  
  
"You are alright Carina?“ he asked her speaking slowly.  
  
"I’m fine. Thank you. How are you?“ she said more out of habit than anything else.  
  
"I’m quite well myself. Forgive me but you don’t seem fine.“  
  
She wanted to roll her eyes but she didn’t. To his credit he sounded almost genuine. She still thought he was only toying with her, enjoying her discomfort.  
  
"Long day.“ was all she answer before taking a sip from her cup. She had to give it to him. He made good coffee. She looked straight ahead so she didn’t have to see his smug face.  
  
"Maybe the consultant needs some consultation?“  
  
"Maybe you should mind your own business.“ she snapped.

God, being this bitchy wasn’t her. Not really. Yes, there was slightly mockery in his voice, but by letting it get to her she didn’t solve anything.  
  
He was quite for a few seconds and Carina seriously thought about apologizing for her harsh tone. But before she could he spoke again.  
  
"Very well then. There is something I would like to talk about with you.“  
  
It was like an alarm in her head went off. So fast it surprised even the God of Mischief, she stood up and left. She mumbled a "Thank you“ and "Bye“ and Loki stood up as well. For a moment she thought she saw his hand reaching for her arm, but he never touched it. She hurried through the door and out of the building.  
  
She almost expected him to follow her, which he didn’t. She wanted to feel relieved about it. But somehow she couldn’t. There was only one feeling. The last time her chest felt so tight was months ago. She took a hot shower. Hotter than she did in a long time. It helped her, but she still downed two glasses of wine before she went to bed, hoping for the blissful sleep to come.  
  
  
_______  
  
  
It was hard for her to shake the tautness and jumpiness in the following days. Almost impossible. She knew that feeling very well. And as much as she wanted to blame it on Loki and his annoying character she knew it wasn’t that easy.  
Going home. Thanksgiving. Her parents, her little brother, her grandma. All back, all of them back. Carina was happy about it. So happy. But the pressure was there and she couldn’t shake it. Didn’t know how. Thursday evening she stayed late in her office. She worked on her report for Fury since she would be gone the whole next week and planed to leave tomorrow for New York City at around noon. She had only two appointments and wanted to be in the City as soon as possible.  
  
Vivaldi always helped her relax, so she played his 'Four Seasons' in the background softly. 'Summer No. 3' just started, she was deep in thoughts, slipping her coffee absently, when it knocked on her door. She flinched.  
  
"Well shit.“  
  
She looked at the brown stain on her nice white blouse.  
  
"Come in!“ she called without looking up, rubbing at the spot with a napkin.  
  
"Good evening Carina.“  
  
She closed her eyes and stilled her hands for a second before rubbing more furiously.  
  
"A little mishap happened there?“ Loki’s cocky voice remarked.  
  
She looked up to him. His grin was in place, as was his dark pants and dark green button-down shirt. Hands folded behind his back he stood before her desk.  
  
"You know most people would ask if they are interrupting something. Maybe I have to take care of something important.“ she fixed him with a hard gaze which he only rewarded with a laugh and a even bigger grin.  
  
"We had this conversation before. You should know by now I’m not most people and what could be more important than talking to me.“  
  
She half snorted, half laughed but said nothing, looking back down on her blouse, sighing unhappy.  
  
"Is the coffee on your garment the cause of your displeased temper?“  
  
Against her will she had to smile at his choice of words. Her voice still sounded childish when she answered. "I liked this blouse.“  
  
"So?“ he asked.  
  
She looked at him annoyed. "It’s ruined. That won’t come out, even the best laundry service won’t do much. It’s a big nasty coffee stain.“  
  
Carina allowed herself a few more seconds of self-pity before she shrugged.  
  
_Nothing I can do about it. And I have bigger problems literally right ahead of me._  
  
"Oh well, whatever. What brings you by Loki?“ she asked the tall man who still stood in front of her desk and looked at her closely. He didn’t say anything, just looked at her.  
  
"What is it?“ she pressed.  
  
"Would you be so kind and stand up?“ he finally said.  
  
Carina looked at him puzzled. "What?“  
  
"Stand up, please. If you like this blouse so much you shall keep it. I can fix it for you.“  
  
She raised her eyebrows at him, looking more than skeptical.  
  
"Please, humor me.“ he smiled at her charmingly and held out his hand in an inviting gesture. With an other sigh she stood up, and stepped around her desk in front of him.  
Loki lifted his right hand to her blouse. It lingered just above the stain on her chest. She felt the heat of his hand. Then there was this green gleam on her blouse. A blink of an eye later it was gone, as was the stain. Loki lowered his hand again.  
  
"Wow.“ Carina commented, inspecting the taintless spot. "What a nice trick. Thank you.“  She looked at him and he nodded, a small smile on his lips.  
  
"Seriously.“ she added looking back down. "That’s impressive.“  
  
"Really? This is what impressed you?“  
  
Her gaze snapped up at his tone.  
  
Carina knew what would follow. She suddenly realized that they stood pretty close to each other and that she had no idea what to say to prevent what without any doubt was coming. She knew there was no way around it any longer. She saw it in his eyes.  
  
“Are we ever going to discuss the affection I received from you?“ His tone was as superior as ever.  
  
_Here we go._  
  
"You need to be more specific since I like to think I’m always quite affectionate.“ she replied with all the sarcasm she could find. "What do you want to talk about?“  
  
"We kissed. Extensively,“ he stated matter of factly.  
  
"You mean you kissed me.“  
  
"You kissed me back.“  
  
"Very true.“ she admitted easily.  
  
Silence.  
  
They were staring at each other.  
  
"You really don’t want to address it.“ It was an assessment, no question.  
  
Carina sighed, trying her hardest to make her features look more annoyed than strained.  
  
"I really don’t know what you think there is to talk about.“  
  
Loki kept on looking at her. When she forced herself to sigh again and started to turn he snapped.  
Suddenly he was right in front of her, her face in his hands, his inches from hers. His warm breath ghosted over her skin as he spoke.  
  
"You’re right, enough talking.“  
  
His lips slammed down on hers. It wasn’t the careful inception of the first time. Loki wasn’t asking for permission. He took her mouth, capturing it. His hands all but grabbed her, one was on her neck, holding her face, the other on her back. She couldn’t help but gasped as he pressed her body to his, which he used to push his tongue into her mouth.  
She whimpered softly as she tasted him again and felt a tightness in her pelvis when she heard him nearly growl in return. He let his tongue explore her mouth, caressing hers, letting them dance with another, then licking her lips, before doing it all again.  
Her hands clinched to his shoulders at first, but then she let one slid down his chest, let herself feel his hard and firm body. He wasn’t bulky but athletic and she could feel it. The other hand went to his head, into his dark, soft hair.  
  
When his lips left hers it was only to claim her neck. He titled her head with his hand in her hair to give himself better access, burning the skin there with hot, open mouth kisses, biting and licking, tasting her.  
She couldn’t help but moan softly. Carina felt her heart hammering in her chest, taking a deep breath to try and calm it down but only breathing in his scent of wind and soap. With his taste still on her lips, his hot mouth on her flesh and his body pressed to hers, it only made her more dizzy.  
As he kept kissing her neck, she slid her hand down to his abs. The silky material of his shirt felt good, but she desperately wanted to feel his skin under her hands, wanted to know what he felt like underneath the fabric. So she pulled the shirt out of his trousers and slipped under.  
  
He tensed under her touch, she felt it. But it was only a moment. She hardly had time to enjoy the warmth of his smooth skin before he grabbed her and picked her up. She held on to his shoulders surprised. In two quick steps he walked to her desk, dropping her on it. He reached behind her and she barley noticed the green glimmer. Then his mouth was back on hers, he pushed his body between her legs, one hand was on her hip, the other in her hair. He kissed her hard, almost furious. His hand started to roam over her body, he seemed everywhere, on her ass, her waist, one hand grasped her breast. As he pressed himself even more to her she felt his erection right against her heat.  
  
Her hips moved on their own, needing friction she rolled them against his hardness, making herself whimper and Loki growl.  
  
Suddenly, he pulled back slightly, his hands were on her thighs. Roughly he pushed her skirt up. Since it was a tight fit, it wasn’t so easy, so she helped him. When all the fabric was up to her waist their sights met again. His bright eyes were dark with lust, his jaw tense and his thin lips red from their heatedly kisses. She swallowed. For a short moment she hesitated.  
  
_Oh God._  
  
He pressed closer to her and she felt him again, hard between her legs and couldn’t suppress the needy whine that escaped her lips. She wrapped her arms around his neck as he bend over her, attacking every naked skin on her throat and neckline he could find, rocking his hips ever so slightly but firmly against her heat. She felt herself getting wet fast and as he slipped one hand between her legs, touching her, rubbing her slit through her tights, he felt it too.  
  
"Fuck.“ she panted as he found her clit and pressed down on it.  
  
As soon as she said it, she heard and felt her tights tearing. She wanted to look down but Loki had his left arm around her, his hand on the back of her head and held her firmly in place, as his right hand roughly pushed her panties aside and touched her hot and wet slit. She inhaled sharply as he parted her lips and pushed one finger inside. She bit her lip hard and still a moan escaped. His thumb grazed her clit and she trembled.  
  
While he pleasured her with his fingers and his mouth switched between ravishing her lips and claiming her neck, her left hand clutched to his shoulder, while the other wandered down to his belt, then reached for his hardness.  
She barley touched it before Loki let out a sound, almost like a snarl. Suddenly his hand left her heat and he took both of her hands. With a movement too fast for her to follow he had her on her back, him over her, his body pressing hers into the desk, kissing her harshly. He held both of her wrists in one hand, the other trailed down her body. And then she felt him.  
  
He was hot and hard against her. The head of his cock pushed at her entrance. She raised her hips towards him. That was all he needed. With a hard thrust he was in her all the way. Carina gasped into his mouth in pleasure and pain she never experienced before.  
She was by far wet enough, but Loki was large, in length as well as width and she went on so long without this...

He didn’t move, sensing her struggle. His kiss soften slightly.  
Loki, letting go of her wrists, pushed himself up on his elbows, looking down on her. When he saw the approval in her eyes he started to move. It were deep and hard thrusts from the start, combined with filthy, sloppy kisses that left both breathless. Carina rolled her hips against his, meeting him as best as she could. But as his pace grow faster, his grip on her harder, she couldn’t do much more but to take what he gave. Every time he entered her it was like a tremble went through her body. She felt the pleasure building, felt it deep in her center, spreading into her whole body.  
  
Carina reached her peak as Vivaldi’s 'Winter One’ did the same. It was like something enlightened her inside, she felt her whole body tensing and her walls claiming down around him, making Loki growl deep in his throat.  
  
He didn’t stop his constant pounding. He raised up and took her with him. She wrapped her arms around him, buried her face in his neck, breathed him in and held on for dear life as he took her, again and again. With deep and long, hard thrusts.  
  
Her second climax washed over her not long after. It was gentler but no less satisfying. It felt like a cold drink after a long, hard run. Loki caught her lips in a searching kiss, even though she was breathless and lightheaded, she met him with equal passion. He groaned, his pace getting unsteady and then he reached his release. She felt him jerking inside her, her walls still tighten around him.  
  
As his hips finally stilled and their lips parted, both tried to catch their breath, their foreheads resting against each other, their breath mingling. It was quite beside their heavy breathing, the last piece of music long finished.  
Carina still felt him jerking slightly in her, she herself was trembling with every movement. After a few long moments his hold on her loosened and he pulled out of her carefully and gentle. As he stepped away from her to fix his clothes, she got up from the desk on shaky legs. She felt the heat in her face as she looked down on her ripped tights and saw the results of their actions on her skin, felt it in her, leaking out slowly. Carina turn away from Loki. Swiftly, she pushed her panties back in place and dragged her skirt down. Luckily it was long enough to cover the ripped piece of clothing.  
She fixed her blouse, realizing that one button was missing, all while totally aware of the fact that Loki was long done putting himself back together and looked at her intensively. But she wanted to avoid his eyes, even if just for one moment longer. She felt a sudden tightness in her chest, searching her brain for words to say.  
  
"Carina.“ he eventual broke the silence. His voice smooth and low.  
  
As she looked at him she noticed darker spots on his clothes. Her wetness was on his pants and shirt and she quickly looked up to his face.  
  
Loki looked at her closely, almost anxiously. She was sure she looked wrecked, the alien prince looked mostly fine.

He wanted to say something when her cellphone started ringing. Carina flinched hard at the piercing sound but it only took her a few seconds before she went passed him - the movement made her feel the hard way he took her, especially after such a long dry spell - to her bag and search for her phone.  
After glancing at the display she looked back at Loki who followed her with his eyes.  
  
She swallowed. "I have to answer this.“ Her voice was quite, but stronger than she expected.  
  
Loki looked at her for a moment, apparently deep in thoughts, before he answered. "Of course.“  
  
He didn’t move. Her phone was still ringing.  
  
"Do you mind stepping out? It’s a… family thing.“  
  
This made him react.  
"Sure, forgive me. I’ll give you some privacy.“ He shifted this gaze to the desk and stepped forward. Her eyes followed the movement and with a wave of his hand a green shimmer appeared. She only then realized that all the things on her desk were gone and just came back with the green light.  
  
_Well he could have done this to my tights instead of ripping them._  
  
Without saying an other word, just locking gaze with her one last time, he left her office - his posture upright and confident as always - closing the door behind him.  
  
Her phone was still ringing. And for the first time in a long while she was beyond thankful for her mothers pertinacity.  
She pushed the button and lifted the phone to her ear.  
  
"Hey mum.“  
  
"Oh hey sweety. I no longer expected you to even answer.“  
  
"Yeah, I’m sorry. I’m still at the office. I have a few things to wrap up before the holiday.“ Carina replied easily.  
  
Her mother was in full swing. Telling her all about the dinner she planned, what’s new in the neighborhood. How excited she was to have her children home.  
Carina hardly listend. Sometimes she made some approving sounds to let her mother know she was still there. But what she really did was starring at the very desk where she just had sex with Loki.

 

 

 

 


	11. 10

In her early twenties, Carina learned to cherish being on the road. She guessed the time in Scandinavia was part of it, where the most important thing was the moment and to keep moving. She started to long for those hours in her car, yearned for the simplicity of it. Maybe she had this wanderlust in her. The longing for movement.  
But that wasn’t the only reason.  
One of her favorite artist of her youth once said in a song: 'there is nothing, that the road cannot heal’. She didn’t know if that was entirely true, but she knew that it had to at least work as a band aid, if it wasn’t the cure. And most of the times, that was good enough for her. To move, to let something literally behind her, helped her to function. That was the reason for her running, too.  
  
Well, Carina didn’t run on Friday morning, she fled. She raced along the training field in the early morning hours before the sun came up. Originally, she wanted to meet Bruce for a quick run after breakfast, but she texted him and cancelled, saying that she couldn’t make it then and would go for a little run before dawn.  
Part of her really wanted to cancel her two appointment for the day and just drive to her safe haven in NYC. But she didn’t. She couldn’t just neglect her job like that. Not because of… something like this. But she also felt like staying under the hot spray till her skin peel off. That wasn’t an option either.  
  
Funny thing was that she slept absolutely fantastic. It was a restful, peaceful sleep, without any dreams that might hunt her mind. She guessed it was just too much for her body and brain and she shoot down.  
She ended the phone call with her mother and went to her quarters maybe 30 minutes after Loki left her office. Part of her was worried that he would wait for her in the hall, but he was nowhere to be seen. She showered as she got home, put her clothes in the laundry and her tights in the trash, had a quick bite for dinner and then went to bed. Sleep found her immediately.  
  
The morning was different. Way different. She had no idea why she let this happened, how this _could_ have happened, why she had _wanted_ it to happen.  
She felt almost unbearable guilty for it, for all of it. Like she committed a crime, the burning feeling of shame creeped into her thoughts, left a dull ache in her stomach.  
Part of her welcomed that feeling.  
  
The need to feel the burning of her lungs was stronger than the fear of encountering Loki. So Carina run.  
  
She nearly felt good when she left her shower afterwards and got ready. Her appointments went by easy enough and before she knew it she was on her way to the city. She guessed she was lucky, she didn’t run into Loki.  
  
While driving, she felt herself relaxing more and more. She sang along to the songs she played from her favorite playlist through the fancy car stereo. Carina always enjoyed to listen to music loudly while driving by herself.  So she was slightly annoyed when the song was rudely interrupted by an incoming call.  
The display told her it was Sam.  
She thought for a split second about not taking the call, but dismissed the thought quickly.  
  
"Hey Sam.“ she greeted him.  
  
"You truly are a heartbreaker, you know that?“ came Sam’s amused respond and she held her breath for a second before clearing her throat.  
  
"What?“  
  
"Oh and you can’t remember even now. You wanted to have a quick lunch with Bucky and my dispirited self today. But Bruce just told us that you are already on your way to the city.“  
  
"Oh shit Sam, right. Sorry. I totally forgot.“ she groaned.  
  
"Yeah, I thought as much.“

"Really, I’m so sorry.“ And she really was. Carina didn’t spend much time with him and those other two in the last weeks and she was looking forward to that lunch. Of course it was before the events of last night.  
  
"It’s alright hon'. I just want to check that everything is okay.“  
  
He really didn’t sound mad and she was relieved.  
  
"Yeah, I’m fine. Just… I… had a lot of stuff on my hands.“  
  
"Oh, something happened?“  
  
"No!“ she answered way too quickly and cursed herself.  
  
"Is really everything alright?“ she could basically see him raising his eyebrows.  
  
"Yes, yes of course. Yesterday… was kind of a little bit crazy. A few long sessions… and this stupid report for Fury. That’s all.“ she gladly noticed that her voice sounded pretty normal.  
  
Sam took a few seconds to answer. She guessed he was deciding if he should let it go or not.  
  
"Alright. But if you… well you know you can come to me if you need anything, right?“  
  
She couldn’t help but smile but felt a little guilty, too. "Of course Sam. I know, and thank you. But everything is fine. Really. Just a long week that’s all.“  
  
"Yeah, I get that. Sometimes you just need a break.“  
  
"Yeah.“ she sighed.  
  
"You’re still spending Thanksgiving with your family?“  
  
"Yes, I’ll stay in the city for the weekend and visit some friends. Then I’ll drive there on Monday and stay for a few days. Maybe till Saturday.“ she answered in a natural voice.  
  
"You don’t sound very excited.“  
  
Maybe her tone was too natural.  
  
"Oh no, I am. It will be nice. You know… just the usual family stuff. My grandma is always worried for me. With me living and working on the compound. She’s always afraid something will happen to me.“ she tried to clarified.  
  
"Man, you have me, a nerdy Hulk and the deadly Winter Soldier himself as protection. What should ever happen to you?“  
  
Carina laughed but then… froze. She handled the rest of the conversation with Sam quite well, but later she could barely remember it.  
  
_Protection_.  
  
They hadn’t used any protection.  
  
  
_________  
  
  
  
"Cari!“ Kate called out when she saw Carina in the doorway, hugging Jake.  
  
The blond woman run to her, basically ripped her out of Jake’s arms and into her own. Carina laughed and returned the hug not less euphoric but with a pinch of distress.  
  
Kate pulled back from her but still held her by her arms. Her face the picture of joy and vitality but it slightly changed as she examined the other woman’s features closely. Kate wasn’t a small woman, she was just as tall as Carina, with a smaller build but athletic. She had a elegant face with high cheekbones, a straight nose and a mouth with full lips that were normally smiling widely. Under her bangs, which hid a forehead she thought was to large for her face, were a pair of observant, lively grey eyes.

And those grey eyes were focus on Carina right now.  
  
"Is everything alright?“  
  
"Yeah, sure. Light traffic, that was nice.“  
  
Kate let go of her but kept looking at her insistently. Carina did everything she could not to flinch under her gaze.  
  
"Babe, would you let her get ride of her coat and sit down before you start your investigation?“ Jake asked laughing and closed the door. That made Kate step back and her face relaxed. She would drop it, at least for now.  
  
"Alright, alright. Come in stranger.“ she grinned at her friend and winked at her husband.  
  
They settled down in the living room and her friends filled her in on everything that was going on in their life right now and she listened eagerly. It was a welcoming distraction but she still felt her mind wandering back to yesterday every now and then.  
  
As if it wasn’t bad enough that she slept with him. She still couldn’t believe that she had intercourse without protection. It was so very not her. One of her boyfriends in much younger years once called her obsessed with it and was slightly hurt that she thought he could infect her with something. But it was just who she always was. She guessed it was her need for control that made her extra careful, though she couldn’t see that as a bad thing. But with Loki she never really thought about it. Not even as she washed their body fluid from her skin later that evening in her shower. It wasn’t like she never had a fling, or experienced a moment of carefree passion. But she was never _careless_. She always, always thought about protection. And with him. He wasn’t from this world for haven’s sake.  Who knew what kind of disease he could have?  
She felt panic enter her mind as her call with Sam ended. It took her a few minutes to calm down. Just with some logical thoughts, about him being some kind of super human being - the Asgardian at least looked human, right? He was just stronger, with magic and a much longer life - she could talk herself into thinking that it was unlikely for him to have a disease he would pass to her. But she would make an appointment with her doctor no less. Just to be sure.  
  
"Some more wine Cari?“ Jakes voice ripped her from her thoughts which she just realized had drifted off.  
  
"Yeah sure, thank you.“ she smiled.  
  
Kate went off to the kitchen to put the finishing touch on the dinner. Carina knew better than to offer her help. Kate was pretty stubborn and headstrong when it came to her cooking. It was better to leave her alone.  
So Carina was left with the blonde’s husband.  
  
"There you go honey. So, now that she’s gone you can finally tell me everything about the super secret mission you went on that kept you busy those last weeks.“ he grinned as he poured himself an other glass of wine, too.  
  
"I can hear you, you know!“ Kate shouted from the kitchen, making them grin.  
  
"I swear she is like a ninja. But when she gets up while we’re watching a movie to get herself a drink, she never hears me when I call for her to bring me back something to eat.“  
  
"That’s because I like to watch your fine ass when you stand up and get it yourself, sweetheart.“ the blonde called and the pair in the living room laughed.  
  
"Glad to hear that.“ he remarked toward the kitchen, eyes shining with affection.  
  
It was nice to witness them interacting with each other. Of course nothing was perfect in this world. But if someone could give you the illusion of a perfect relationship, it were Kate and Jake.  
  
He looked back at Carina. "Can’t really blame her. I make sure she eats the salty stuff so she gets up for a drink because I like to look at her ass, too.“  
  
Carina grinned and he winked at her.  
  
Jake was always a handsome man but she thought that he got even more attractive with the years. She remembered as him and Kate started dating. She told her friend back then, she was pretty sure Jake would always have this boyish good looks and charm. And so far she was right.  
The first grey hairs, they all had to deal with at some point, Carina herself had to accept hers for a few years now- _thank you genepool_ \- were showing in his thick, dark brown hair, that he wore just a little bit longer than most men his age and in his profession. He rarely had a full beard but liked his three-day beard and she knew for sure Kate did too.  
The firefighter had an almost goofy smile that added the perfect kind of oddness to his appealing face, with the sharp jawline and symmetric features. His build wasn’t very muscular but he kept himself fit, just like Kate did. And Jake had one of the kindest brown eyes she ever saw.  
  
"So, how are you guys going to spend Thanksgiving? Are you going to Kate’s parents?“ Carina asked while taking a sip of her wine, enjoying the warm feeling in her stomach the alcohol slowly established.  
  
"Nah, we’re staying here. Mary and Taylor are coming over though.“  
  
"That’s good. How is she holding up?“ she asked carefully.  
  
Jake sighed, rubbing his neck. "I don’t know. She’s doing her best I suppose. Taylor is okay, at least I think so. He is taking everything surprisingly good.“  
  
"Children are often far more resistant than we think. Often it is much easier for them to accept things and move on.“  
  
"Yeah. I see that. I just wish there is something more I could do for Mary.“  
  
"You’re doing great Jake. You’re the most supporting brother I know. And yes, my own brother inclusive.“ Carina smiled comforting.  
  
Jake laughed just a little strained. „Thanks hon'.“  
  
His sister Mary had been one of the vanished, as was her 12 year old son Taylor. When both had came back they had found out that Taylor’s father and Mary’s husband Ryan had started a new life, remarrying and new baby included.  
Mary fought for her husband, tried to be understanding and patient but Ryan never left any question in the matter of what his new priorities were. He stayed with his new family. She still had a lot of painful paperwork ahead of her, but sooner or later it would be official that she no longer had a husband.  
  
"So my two favorite people in this world… Be ready for a mind blowing taste experience.“ Kate grinned as she came back into the room with the first dishes.  
  
  
________  
  
  
  
"I can’t believe you still have those.“ Carina laughed.  
  
"Why shouldn’t I still have them? They're my favorite.“ Kate told her matter of factly and wiggled her feet, which were covered in a pair of old worn out slippers she had since their high school years.  
  
"I have to give it to them… they must be from an amazing kind of quality. But… don’t they stink?“  
  
"Don’t you dare say my feet stink. Beside, I wash them every now and then.“  
  
Carina just shook her head.  
  
They were sitting on the sofa, each with a glass of wine in their hand. Jake offered to take care of the kitchen. Both women knew that it was more about giving them some time for a girl talk than about kitchen duties, which was one more reason to adore the man.  
  
"So Cari…“  
  
"No.“ the brunette interrupted her.  
  
"What? I didn’t even-“  
  
"Whenever you start like this something awful follows. Something I’ll regret mostly. Like the night we walked 5 miles because you wanted to go to McDonalds.“  
  
"Hey! First of all, don’t you twist this memory. It was a beautiful, magical night. We found fireflies!“  
  
Carina grinned.  
  
"And secondly… I just wanted to tell you about my exceptional new colleague.“  
  
Carina’s grin turned into a groan and she buried her face into her hands. "Please Kati… not again.“  
  
"What? He really is nice. His name is Daniel. He’s a hotie. Tall, dark curly, blond hair. Beard. Younger, he’s 29, but mature.“  
  
"Katie-“  
  
"He’s single since… well he is a returnee. He said he dated a girl before it happened, but not for long, they weren’t official or anything. And she moved on.“  
  
"Katie, no.“  
  
"He's really nice, great sense of humor, too. Just the other night we-“  
  
"Kate!“ Carina called out, looking up and silencing her. "I don’t want a blind date, okay? I don’t wanna be set up.“  
  
Kate gave her friend a long hard look before she replied. "You know that Paul and his wife had their second child a few months ago?“  
  
Carina’s eyes narrowed. "Where are you going with this?“  
  
"He isn't worth pinning after. He never was. I just want to make sure that you don’t forget this, that you still remember.“  
  
"This isn’t about Paul, Katie. It wasn't about him for a long time. And _I_ ended things with him, you know that.“  
  
Kate nodded. "I know. And I know that he gave you reasons to do so. And I know that you have a hard time letting people in. I’m just.. just because him and you didn’t work out doesn’t mean nobody will.“  
  
Carina let her head drop back on the sofa arm. "How many times do we need to have this conversation? I know, okay? I know. And I… it’s not that I don’t want to. But on my own terms. And when the time is right. Right time, right person. And for the last time... Paul is no longer a factor in my life. My decisions have nothing to do with him. I mean… Geez, that was in an other lifetime. It’s been years."  
  
Carina hoped her friend would move on from the topic but… far from it.  
  
"Yes, it’s been years honey. And when was your last date? Two years ago? Cari, I love you but you need to stop doing this to yourself.“  
  
"What are you… I’m doing nothing to myself.“ Carina responded irritated, raising her head and looking back at her.  
  
"You’re not doing enough, Cari. I mean it. You need to get a least laid from time to time.“  
  
_Fuck_.  
  
Carina bit her lip, she felt the heat in her cheeks rising.  
  
"Oh. my. god.“ Kate stated. "You little… you got laid! Why didn’t you say anything?!“ she almost shrieked.  
  
"I... didn’t! I’m not… it’s not what you think.“  
  
"Oh don’t you dare lie to me Carina Miller. Something was up, I know it right away when I saw you walking to that door. I know a woman that just got laid when I see one. And you my dear have this guilty look on you, the one you always get when I caught you with something, so don’t lie! Who is it?! When?! Tell me everything!“  
  
"Shhh… would you calm down?! Not everybody in the fucking building needs to hear you!“ Carina hissed but it did nothing to wipe the stupid grin from Kate’s face.  
  
"Is it a Coworker? An Avenger? Maybe this Falcon guy? He is kind of cute.“  
  
"What? No. Sam is a friend. There… it’s nothing. There is nobody.“ Carina tried to clarified. Kate just raised an eyebrow.  
  
"Really? You think I’m buying this? Come on. Tell me. Is it something serious? Or just an one time thing? From the amount of red in your face I get it was good either way.“  
  
"You bug the shit out of me with you’re questions you know that?“  
  
"Oh I love when you start cursing at me. That always means you’re truly yourself.“ Kate grinned.  
  
Carina stared at her for a moment. "You’re so lucky you’re cute.“  
  
The broad grin spread across Kate's face, but soon she sobered slightly.  
  
"Come on Cari. Why don’t you want to tell me? Is it… was he an asshole? Married? What’s going on?“  
  
Carina took a deep breath. She looked at her friend for a long time, and the other woman waited, patiently and with care in her eyes. It made it so much harder to lie to her. "It’s really not what you think Katie. There isn't really anything to talk about. And what it's like… well I don’t even know for sure myself. I assure you it’s nothing bad. I’m fine. And as soon as there is something to talk about, you’re the first one to know.“  
  
_She sees right through it. She knows I’m lying._  
  
For a few heartbeats Kate said nothing, then she nodded and grabbed her friend's hand.  
  
"Okay.“ she squeezed the brunettes hand tightly.  
  
"Okay, I’ll let it go. But you take care of yourself. And if there is something to talk about… if you’re ready. You come to me.“ She looked at her with those vividly grey eyes and Carina smiled, squeezing her hand in return.  
  
"Of course.“  
  
  
_______  
  
  
"You’re sure you don’t want to stay? It'll take me five minutes to pull out the sofa.“ Jake asked again.  
  
“No, really. It’s no big deal. Maybe an other time. I have to take care of a few things tomorrow and we all know if I'll stay here I won't go back home till late in the afternoon.“ Carina smiled as she put on her coat.  
  
Jake nodded and left it at that. His eyes looked a little tired. Carina saw that he rubbed his leg a few times though the evening, but he kept saying everything was fine.  
  
Her cellphone was beeping. The cap was there.

"Okay, that’s my ride.“  
  
Kate came out of the kitchen with some leftovers. All the arguments in the world couldn’t keep her from giving them to Carina.  
  
The consultant took the bag with a smile and a thanks, then turned back to Jake. "Don’t be a stranger, okay?“ he said as they embraced and Carina nodded. "I won’t, I promise. And we’re still on for lunch on Sunday.“  
  
Jake smiled and then Kate pulled her into a hug. She held her longer than usual and pressed a kiss to her cheek.  
  
"Love you, honey.“ the blonde whispered.  
  
"Love you, too.“ Carina replied before they released each other.  
  
On the cab ride home the alcohol as well as the precious time spent with people who cared about her paid off. She felt almost peaceful, at least for the moment.  
  
Carina smiled softly. It was hard not to smile when you feel loved.

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know. I know. No Loki in this chapter. But believe me there is much more of him to come. ;)  
> And every now and then this story follows the small people, exploring their world after endgame. Also there has to be a bit of backstory for the OFC. And not at least a little fluffy stuff… because there might be some angst to come too… ;)
> 
> I hope you liked it anyways.
> 
> Oh and after 10 chapters in, I really want to thank everyone who is reading, commenting, gives a kudo or is subscribing. It really means so much that you take your time to read my story. It means so much, it really keeps me going, so thank you!


	12. 11

  
  
His breath was hot on her neck, almost burning her. Numb fingers dug themselves into the thick material of his garment, holding on to him as his hips pounded into hers constantly.  
She thought he was talking to her as he fucked her so deeply she expected it to be painful. She was sure she heard his voice, but couldn’t figure out the words. Just the tone of his velvet, deep voice, seductive and luring.  
  
He bit down on her flash, she felt the dull ache, then he pulled his head back, but the heat stayed there.  
Loki’s bright eyes stared into hers. They pulled her in, making her weak. He opened his mouth as to speak.  
  
"Cari! Breakfast! Aren’t you up yet?!“  
  
Carina jerked awake. She blinked. It had to be late in the morning, the pale light of the early winter sun shined behind her still closed curtain. She felt heat on her neck and something more. Something was scratching her. She turned her head only to get a mouthful of fur in her face.  
Groaning she pushed herself up. "God, you gotta be kidding me.“  
  
"Meow.“ The furry intruder uttered and stretched it’s legs.  
  
"Carina!“ she heard her mother calling again.  
  
"I’ll be down in a minute!“ she called back, getting up.  
  
Standing in front of the bathroom mirror she looked at her slightly puffy eyes and the angry red marks on her neck.  
  
_Peachy_.  
  
She searched for the meds in her toilet bag and took a double dose, hoping the swelling would go down fast.  
  
Inspecting the scratches the beast left on her skin she flashed back to her dream. She guessed at least that explains the pain and heat she felt on her neck. But the other things… the longing… Carina shook her head, then looked at her eyes in the mirror.  
  
"What are you? A fucking teenager? Get yourself together!“ she hissed at herself lowly.  
  
She made quick work at dressing herself in her tights, pencil skirt and turtleneck. Then she put her hair in a bun on the top of her head.  
  
Before she went down to the kitchen she had already cleaned out her room and put her suitcase next to the doorway. Her plan was to leave right after breakfast.  
  
She entered the kitchen with her father sitting at the already set table, reading something on his cellphone.  
  
"Morning dad.“  
  
"Good morning sweetheart. You slept good?“ he asked without looking up. Michael Miller had a thing for technology and could get totally engaged in it. It was kind of cute.  
Mr Miller looked the same like he did on pictures from 20 years ago, just with more weight on his body. He was a medium-sized man, with dark blond hair and brown eyes with wrinkles around them when he smiled.  
  
"Mmh.“ was her only responds as she helped herself with some coffee.  
  
"Good morning sleepyhead.“ her mother greeted her as she walked into the kitchen. "I’m surprised you slept in. I fully expected you to at least run 10 miles before breakfast.“  
  
Carina couldn’t really tell if her mother meant it as a praise, criticism or just plain sarcastic. It was one of Susan Miller’s talents to keep her family guessing from time to time.  
She was shorter than Carina and had always been a petite woman. She shared her dark wavy hair with her daughter, only that she wore it much shorter these days. Her round, hazel eyes were kind but held almost always the slightest bit of wariness in them.  
  
"I guess I’m getting old.“ Carina smirked at her mother, who mentioned for her to sit down. It would only be the three of them, her brother went back to New York City last night. He told Carina, that he would meet with Vanessa and didn’t want their mother to know just yet.  
  
"Mum, I asked you to not let the cat into the room.“ Carina began as her mother put some eggs on her plate.  
  
"Yeah, but he sat before the door and begged so adorably.“  
  
"Well, that’s nice. But I’m still allergic. He slept on my pillow.“ Carina muttered.  
  
"You want some bacon too sweetheart?“ her mother asked, ignoring her statement.  
  
Carina shook her head. "No, thank you.“  
  
They ate mostly in silence. The last four days went by faster than she thought they would. And beside the cat incident, her mother really tried to make her feel comfortable. Carina knew that. She stayed off sensitive topics, made her favorite food and bought her favorite sweets. And Carina really hoped it would be so easy. Really hoped that a day with a good homemade meal and her favorite chocolate could wash away everything. But she was 34 years old now. Those days were long over.  
  
Carina took her leave not long after they finished breakfast. Her father gave her a bear hug like always before he went outside to take care of his daily duties around the garden. He never was one for long goodbyes.  
Her mother on the other hand followed her to her car.  
  
"We’ll see you at christmas? You’ll stay for a few days, right?“ her mother asked her hopefully as Carina put her luggage in the trunk.  
  
"Of course I’m here for christmas mum. I already told you. I’m just not sure how long I can stay.“  
  
"I just wish you kids could stay a little bit longer. Your brother drove back yesterday and you also can’t seem to get away fast enough this morning.“ Her mother sounded more sad than disappointed which made it easier for Carina to suppress a sigh.  
It wasn’t her fault after all.  
  
"Mum, it’s not like that. I was here for a few days, wasn’t I? And I have a lot of work. And Toby has some catching up to do.“  
  
Her mother looked at her, then smiled lovingly before giving her a warm, motherly hug.  
  
For a moment Carina allowed herself to close her eyes, inhaling the familiar scent of her mother, of home. Susan Miller tighten her hold on her daughter for a moment before she whispered: "You keep an eye on your little brother, don’t you?“  
  
Carina opened her eyes, then withdrew from the embrace, her mother let go too.  
  
"I see him whenever I’m in the city. But he’s doing just fine as far as I can see.“  
  
Her mother nodded. "Drive save and let me know about christmas.“  
  
"I always do and I will.“  
  
Carina returned the other woman’s smile before she got in her car. She knew her mother would wait in the driveway, looking down the road, till she couldn’t see her car anymore.  
  
  
___________  
  
  
  
The couple at the table by the window was fighting.  
She wasn’t ear shipping or anything, they spoke in low voices anyway, but their hard gazes, strained bodies and sharp gestures were all too obvious.  
  
Carina thought it was pretty early for fighting like this, but holidays could do that to you. She was sitting at a table in her favorite coffeeshop in Brooklyn. One of those where the barista was the same for the last six years and knew her handicraft well, so that Carina gladly paid a few cents more. She wasn’t the only one who thought so, since business was quite busy right now. But most of the customers just got a coffee to go on their way to work and didn’t sit down at one of the tables.  
  
She did feel guilty that she canceled on Bruce again but in the end it was an easy decision. She just needed a little more time, so she stayed in the city for the whole weekend and Monday morning. She thought it was nice to treat herself with a bagel and a coffee before driving back to the compound.  
  
She felt good today. Carina knew she was hiding out in NYC those last days. But that was over. So she slept with Loki. Well, she had one or two one night stands before, back in college with fellow students, without hard feelings and she was perfectly capable to talk and even work with them afterwards. This situation wasn’t much different. Sure, the alien thing was… confusing. Wasn't Doctor Jane Foster in a relationship with Thor back in the day? She just guessed there was intimacy between those at some point. And what Bruce told her… carnal union between different species were quite normal out there in the universe. So she guess she was liberal and modern.  
  
Still she felt fear. She was sure Fury would have a few words with her if he knew. Which he didn’t. She was sure of that. If Loki would have feel the need to tell him, Carina was sure the former Shield director would have landed with a helicopter in her parents front yard and giving her the lecture of her lifetime.  
But that didn’t happened and she liked to keep it that way and was sure Loki felt the same. If Fury would ever find out about this, she did believe it would harm Loki even more than her.  
  
The fight three tables from her seemed to pick up, voiced were raised, she could see the woman’s chin trembling.  
  
Carina finished her coffee.  
  
It was time to go.  
  
____________  
  
  
It was a nice December day, the air colder than the day before, the sky clear and blue but getting darker with the approaching sunset. She was thankful that she could call it a day so soon. She thought about making herself a pot of tea and spending the rest of the day on her sofa with a book.  
  
To her surprise she didn’t see Loki in the last two days since she was back at the facility. And also today on Wednesday he yet had to make an appearance. She wasn’t trying to get out of his way. She had lunch with Sam, Bucky and Bruce at the cafeteria on both days. She even was at the lounge, but no sight of Loki. She would have liked to have their first encounter  after their last meeting in public but the alien prince had yet to show his face again.  
  
The brunette tried to enjoy the cold wind on her cheeks in contrast with the winter sun shining down on her as she walked home.  
As she reached her building she was about to open the door when she flinched.  
  
"One could almost think you’re avoiding me Carina.“  
  
_God, was his voice always so striking?_  
  
She took a breath, willing herself to relax, then turned around.  
  
"Hello Loki.“  
  
He stood tall and unmoving - body as well as his face- before her and she asked herself how on earth he did that, just appearing like that.  
The prince wore all black. Black pants, black dress shirt under an open black coat. His hair hung loosely around his shoulders. The only thing of color on him were his bluish green eyes. A feeling was stirring in the middle of her stomach she couldn’t place.  
He said nothing, was waiting for her.  
  
"I don’t see how I’m avoiding you.“ she finally sighed.  
  
"Well, I didn’t see you in a while. Almost two weeks.“  
  
_But the last time you saw quite a bit of me._  
  
"It was Thanksgiving. A earthly holiday. I was with my friends and family.“  
  
Loki was nodding slowly, still studying her face. She couldn’t help but feel her heartbeat picking up under his gaze.

"I do think… you have to agree that there is a matter that should be discussed.“ Loki finally said, slowly, almost carefully. The way he said it sounded pretty detached and sober. She wasn’t sure how to feel about it. What she did know was that he was right.  
  
"Yes, I agree.“  
  
"Well, there is no time like the present.“ the corners of his mouth lifted slightly.  
  
Carina snorted. "You picked up earth phrases.“  
  
"I’m not only adaptable but even against common opinions, I am capable of learning.“  
  
She wasn’t sure if she wanted to be alone with him right now but she also knew that a conversation was inevitable. She nodded stiffly but said nothing and opened the door.  
  
Loki followed her silently to her quarters. She went in first and he followed again, closing the door.  
  
She got ride of her coat and shoes as he did the same and then went to the kitchen.  
"Would you like something to drink?“ she asked him. Suddenly she felt like having a glass of Whisky but also knew that it would do her no good, so she settled for some water.  
  
"No, thank you.“ he answered as he stood in the middle of the room, eyes on her. She nodded as she gulped down the cold liquid.  
  
"I am quite curious why you so importunately sought out my attention.“

 _Well, that escalated quickly._  
  
Carina nearly choked on the water. "I did what?“ she coughed out.  
  
"Do you want to deny that you did?“ he raised his eyebrows.  
  
"Yes!“  
  
"So you didn’t bring me coffee? Didn’t invited me back to this place a few weeks ago to spend Halloween with you?“ His voice was calm and smooth as ever.  
  
"Hold up! You invited yourself here. Let’s not forget that.“  
  
"You never rejected me.“  
  
Carina looked at him, confused and irritated at the direction the conversation was taking with lightning speed.  
  
"Loki, I was being friendly.“  
  
"So you wanted to befriend me?“  
  
"I don’t know. Maybe. Sometimes… well obviously sometimes people - me included-  just do things because they feel like it, not everything has an aim.“  
  
Loki looked at her sternly. "I don’t believe that.“  
  
"Well, too bad. That’s your problem.“ Carina throw her arms up in the air, walked around him to the couch but not sitting down.  
  
"There has to be something else.“ he stated.  
  
"You really can’t believe that people are just friendly to each other?“ She stared at him, dumbfounded.  
  
"Yes.“  
  
Before she could say anything else he continued.  
  
"You know, at first I thought it might be plainness, naivety and curiosity. But… it did not fit you. You’re still human, but one of the more astute ones.“  
  
"Wow. I’m honored. A compliment.“  
  
"Then I thought it was surviver’s guild that drove you. That could be why you agreed to be Fury’s puppy. A puppet he send out. He thinks I’m a threat for your precious Earth so it might be a desperate plan of his.“ he went on, ignoring her sneaky comment.  
  
"Maybe I just have the hots for you baby.“ she smirked, he was making her angry- fast.  
  
Loki gave one of his big, wicked smiles and took a step closer to her.  
  
"Oh I am sure my outstanding good looks and fetching personality is a factor in all of this. But there is more.“  
  
Carina’s grin shuddered and she turned around, away from his glare.  
  
"Thinking about me a lot, do you? Huh?“  
  
"Would you like this darling? Knowing that you are on my mind so much? Would that please you?“ he whispered in her ear, his breath ghosting over her flesh, his voice low and silky.  
  
She snorted, ignoring the tingling in her stomach. "Not as much as it seems to please you.“ she responded, keeping her back to him intractably.  
  
Loki laughed, short and sharp, then withdrew as he spoke.  
  
"It pleases me that I was right. There _is_ more. Thanos’ actions are undone. You should be over any guild for living through the events. You didn’t do anything harrowing, did you? Like bedding your best friends husband after she vanished? Drowning your parents pet instead of taking care of it?“  
  
Carina laughed and turned around. "I really captured your thoughts.“  
  
Loki was still standing right infront of her, studying her, tilting his head to the side. "What is it Carina? You don’t want to be Fury’s little spy. I know that much.“  
  
She took a deep breath and a step to him. "What about you Loki?  More than half of the time our conversations including arguments and we’re irritated with each other. And I am a lowly human, why abase yourself by touching me?“  
  
He mimicked her actions, stepping closer to her. So close she could feel his heat.  
  
"Oh Carina… I see what you’re doing. What do they say? Attack is the best form of defense.“  
  
"I guess that’s right.“ she whispered before she closed the distance between them and kissed him. Not slow or sensual but filthy and aggressive. Her right hand clenched his black shirt in a fist, her left one was in his hair, keeping him close. He didn’t see this coming and it took him a moment to react. It was a victory in her book, even when it only lasted for a few heartbeats. Seconds later he all but grabbed her, pushed her across the room into her bedroom, all while taking control over the kiss, claiming her mouth.  
  
Carina was desperate. Her hands drove under his shirt while he ravished her mouth. She wanted to feel his skin on hers. Wanted to feel the hardness of his lean body and the smoothness of his warm flesh under her hands. So she let them wander to his back, felt the muscles working as he pressed her into his chest. But she wanted more, she wanted to see him, wanted all the things she didn‘t get the first time. She let her short nails scratch down his back, knowing it would do the God of Mischief no harm. Loki groaned, sensing her need as he let go of her and removed his shirt. Then his big, elegant hands found the hem of her sweater. She barley had time to lift her arms before he dragged the clothes over her head. A fast heartbeat later his lips were back on hers. Their bodies pressed together, skin on skin. The scent of wind and soap surrounding her.  A shiver went through Carina’s body. It was like he was burning and freezing her at the same time. It was the most seductive feeling. Maybe it was because it‘s been so long since she felt an other body like this on hers. Maybe it was him. Maybe she was slowly losing her mind.  
  
She didn‘t care.  
  
Dizzy and out of breath she finally broke their kiss. Even though she missed his tongue against hers instantly. But his lips on her neck made up for it, as did the hands that went for her pants. He didn‘t bother to open them, but pushed them down roughly over her ass, along with her panties.  
  
She licked over the flesh of his collarbone pushed herself harder against him, felt his erection firmly between them and his hands roaming her body. She wanted more, needed more.  
  
With shaky hands she opened her bra. Reluctantly Loki let her take a step back to get ride of it, stepping out of her pants at the same time. She avoided his eyes as she went for his pants but in the end it was him who took off the rest off his clothes by himself with one hand, as he took her wrists with the other, pushing her back so the back of her knees hit the bed.  
They were standing naked infront of each other, again touching and kissing the others skin. Their breaths grown heavy. Carina sat down on the bed, kissed and licked down on his torso while doing so. When she was at eye level with his cock she couldn’t help the small moan escaping her throat. He had felt huge. Now she saw that he was also nice to look at. Bluish red, with almost vibrant veins. She took him into her hand, stroking him slowly. He was all hot and smooth hardness. Loki‘s hands were in her hair. He was moaning softly and Carina wondered if he also taste delicious. But right as she licked her lips and wanted to see for herself she heard him growling. He gripped her arms roughly, all but tossed her into her bed and was right on her.  
  
His weight pushed her into the mattress, his lips claimed down on her right nipple greedily. It seemed like he wanted to find out how much of her breast he could fit into his mouth. He was sucking and licking it before he went to the left one and granted it the same treatment.  
  
Carina was panting. Her fingers were in his long, silky hair, she trapped her legs over his and rubbed her hips against his hardness, making him growl and adding some biting to his licking and sucking.  
He withdrew from her suddenly, sitting back on his knees between her legs. He spread them wilder, letting his hands slid from her knees down her thighs to her core. Carina admired his figure for a moment. Loki’s body was as pale as his face, he had broad shoulders and a lean waist. She knew this before, just like he had long legs. But now she could see the toned muscles of his body, how they worked under his glorious skin. She watched breathlessly as he grabbed his cock with one hand and spread her lips with the other. Carina felt her heartbeat raising and his eyes on her - which she refused to meet - as he teased her clit with the tip of his cock, then covered himself in her wetness by rubbing his cock along her slit.  
  
When she started to tremble and bit down on her bottom lip to smother a whimper which escaped anyways, he slammed into her.  
  
Both let out a moan. Glorious pleasure, like white, glistening light went through her body as he finally sank into her.  
  
Loki stilled, letting her body adjust. His hands held on to her hips painfully. She was sure he would leave bruises on her again. Not that it mattered. Or maybe it did, because she welcomed it.  
  
After a few heartbeats he let go of her hips and fell down on his elbows as he started to move in her.  
Loki’s mouth was on her neck, licking and sucking. She held on to him, rolling her hips to let him sink deeper as he trusted into her with long and hard strokes. Carina’s pleasure was building fast. His large cock went so deep, it was almost hurtful. She lifted her head to graze his shoulder and throat with her lips and tongue, biting down tenderly to encourage him. As he increased his movements, took her harder - which made her gasp and him growl - she bit down harder to urge him on even more.  
Loki withdrew almost completely and then slammed back into her forcefully, making her whimper in pain filled pleasure. His grunts rose and he put more weight on her which made her feel even more dizzy.  
  
She felt her peak. It was near, she could almost taste it, as his pace slowed down, leaving her quite frustrated. She met his hips with more dedication, tried to encourage him to speed up again, unsuccessfully. His thrusts became shallow. Carina felt him lifting his head from the crook of her neck. He held himself up above her. She felt his long hair touching her face slightly. Her eyes were still closed, her frustration growing just like her desire for the sweet release… it was close…  
  
_What was he doing?!_  
  
He said nothing, but she felt his eyes on her. She didn’t want to look at him. She could avoid to look him in the eyes since they reached her bed. And she really, really liked to keep it that way. So she tried to allure him to move again. She let the hand on his back slid down to his ass and the one on his shoulder between them, right down where their bodies connected. While her fingers grazed his cock, her palm pressed down on her clit. It made both of them moan and for a moment she thought she had won when he gave her a harder thrust, but her victory was short living.  
  
With a movement, too fast for her foggy mind, he grabbed the hand between them and pinned her wrist next to her head.  
  
Surprised, this made her open her eyes.  
  
If anything, Carina expected a smug look on his face. A triumphant, sinister smile on his captivating features. But nothing like this greeted her. Loki looked at her with something she could only describe as astonishment. His blueish green eyes, still dark with lust but also so very amazingly bright, fixed on hers. His mouth was slightly open and his breathing still heavy. His dark hair framed his face gracefully. A few more heartbeats passed before he finally spoke.  
  
"You’re using me.“

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, well, well. So now we reached the prelude.  
> So much for discussing things... maybe those two have more luck with that next time... :D 
> 
> I hope you all liked it and are excited to find out what happens next. Thank you so much for reading!
> 
> Oh and as you can see I'm still looking for a beta... so I'm always open for suggestions. :)


	13. 12

At first she wasn’t sure what woke her up. Lying on her stomach, Carina blinked confused into her dark bedroom. Finally she recognized the noise that pulled her from her slumber. It was her cellphone, ringing softly from somewhere inside the livingroom; mostly still in the bag she hung up next to her coat when she got home with… _Loki_.  
  
Abruptly she turned around to look beside her. The other half of the bed was empty. Carina let her hand feel the sheets. They were cold. Her gaze wandered through her room. As far as she could see only her clothes graced the floor. She looked to the bathroom. The door was slightly open, no light was on.  
Her cellphone stopped ringing.  
Not without wincing from the soreness between her legs, she got up and moved as soundless as possible into her living area. It seemed to be empty, so she turned on the lights. Nothing but her quiet apartment greeted her. As she went to her bag she saw that also here his things weren’t there.  
  
Loki was gone.  
  
Carina breathed a sigh of relief. Even the thought about dealing with him right now was stressful.  
She grabbed her phone from her bag to see who called her. Of course it was her brother.  
Only Toby, ever the night owl, would call her at 1 am on a weekday. She was about to call him back when he wrote her a message, that it was nothing important, he just remembered something he wanted to ask her but guessed she was already asleep. He would try it again later.  
  
_Oh Toby._  
  
Carina grinned at the display when she felt the sticky wetness between her legs. The reality of what happened a few hours ago came back to her.  
  
_I really need to go see the doctor tomorrow._  
  
Sighing, Carina went to the bathroom to clean up and brush her teeth. After turning off the lights she stood in her dark bedroom in front of her bed. She thought about changing the sheets for a moment but really didn’t feel like it.  
_Besides_ , she thought as she laid down again, _I can always do it in the morning_.  
She felt calm and tired. There was a part in her, shouting about having unprotected sex- again. But it was surprisingly simmering down as she rubbed her face against her pillow, breathing in deeply. She would go to the doctor. She wanted to go anyway.  
  
Snuggling deeper into her covers, she inhaled the fading scent of soap, wind and leather as she drifted off again.  
  
  
_______  
  
  
The strange calmness she felt after last night stayed with her the whole morning, which was nice, since she spent most of it in the medical department to see the gynecologist. It was her first time visiting him, she preferred to go to her doctor in the city. But the man looked harmless and friendly enough.  
Carina got down to business right away as she sat down on that god awful chair.  
  
"I need the morning after pill.“  
  
The forty-something year old doctor nodded and was about to say something as he sat down between her legs, but stopped.  
  
She knew what he saw and what he was about to say. That was part of the reason why she wanted to go to her doctor in New York, but she couldn’t be choosey right now. Thankfully she didn’t bruise easily, but as she inspected herself in the mirror this morning she had forming bruises on her hips, that no doubt would look even worse tomorrow.  
  
"Miss Miller, if there was an-“  
  
Carina held up a hand and smiled. "No, everything is perfectly fine doctor. It just… got a little carried away. Really. That’s why I need the pill. But thanks for your concern.“  
  
He looked at her, no doubt searching for any clue that she was lying. After a moment he relaxed visibly. He believed her.  
  
After the check-up and him giving her a clean bill of health, she put her clothes back on. He wrote some notes down and gave her the prescription.  
  
"You might want to think about some contraceptive for the future. I read in you’re file about the possibility of a high-risk pregnancy?“ the bald man asked her with raised eyebrows.  
  
Carina tried not to flinch as she combed through her hair with her fingers.  
  
"Yeah, but that’s because… I was once told it would be extremely difficult for me to get pregnant. It seems like my uterus has trouble when it comes to holding a fertilized egg. Attaching the egg to the lining of the womb…is difficult for my body.“  
  
"When did you get this diagnosis?“ the doctor asked looking down at her file.  
  
Carina let out a breath. "I’m not sure. It was like… years ago. In my early twenties. Maybe 12 years? But I don’t want to take any risks. My menstrual cycle is pretty accurate. So unprotected sex right now is risky.“  
  
The doctor nodded. "I can see that.“ He held the prescription in his hand and was about to handle it to her when he stopped.  
  
"If you don’t plan trying to get pregnant right now, I would recommend contraceptive no less Miss Miller. Even with this diagnosis. It was a while ago. Not only bodies change but doctors can be wrong, too.“ he smiled at her kindly.  
  
Carina smiled back. A long time ago she really hoped that was true.  
  
______  
  
  
"This is unbelievable. I mean really. This is plain bullshit.“ Sam stated clearly enraged and Carina couldn’t help but nodded in agreement. It _was_ bullshit.  
  
Wanda still didn’t hear back from Washington about her naturalization. Bad enough that they sent them home without telling her right away, but it’s been days. Holidays or not, Carina smelled harassment.  
  
The group of Bucky, Sam, Wanda, Bruce, James Rhodes and the consultant met for lunch later that day.  
  
"I still have a few contacts in DC. I can make some calls if you want to.“ Rhodes offered.  
  
"No, thank you. But I’ll just wait a little longer.“ Wanda looked down on her plate. It was clear that she didn’t really want to talk about it.  
  
"I’m sure everything’s going to work out.“ Bruce, ever the lovable dork, smiled awkwardly, patting Wanda on the back.  
  
"Of course it will.“ Carina finally added. "I did a little more reading the other day. If we do get an answer back we don’t like, we’re prepared.“  
  
The younger woman smiled at her and Carina give a confident smile back.  
  
It was Rhodey who finally changed the topic.  
  
"So, I still unfortunately didn't get around to tell you how I saved this guy's ass on the last mission we were on.“ he grinned, pointing at Sam.  
  
"Wow, this is how it is? You really want to go there Rhodes?“ Sam retorted.  
  
"Sure do, I saved your ass.“  
  
"You didn’t saved anything War Machine. I was just fine.“  
  
"Sure you were! With this nasty slime thing all over you. It looked quite cozy.“ Rhodes laughed.  
  
"I had it right where I wanted it to be!“ Sam jarred and the others on the table could barely hide their snickers.  
  
"Oh yes? Right on top of you? Sorry, didn’t know that was your new girlfriend.“  
  
The hearty laughing and shouting that followed, made Carina unaware of the man that entered the lunchroom and the eyes that ever so often wandered to the group, after he took a seat in a quite corner, slipping on his coffee.  
  
________  
  
  
After lunch only Carina and Bruce remained. They talked about the upcoming holiday and Sam’s deeply disturbing desire for them to do the secret Santa thing.  
  
"You’re not here for christmas, are you?“ Bruce asked.  
  
"I’ll spend a few days with my family.“ she replied, a little vaguely.  
  
"Well, I truly envy you. You’re not one of us losers that have to stay here and have to endure Sam’s christmas mood.“  
  
Carina laughed. "Isn’t he also visiting his family?“  
  
"Nah, I think he’ll only be gone christmas eve.“  
  
Carina smiled. She had a pretty good guess why he wouldn’t want to stay with his family for longer. Bucky was pretty quite at lunch. Wanda would spend Christmas at Clint’s, Rhodes was also with his family. She guessed Bucky didn’t want to joined Sam again to visit his family and Sam didn’t want him to be lonely. Of course Bruce would be here, and Bruce was one of the nicest men she knew. But he could get lost in his work and wasn’t really someone who pushed you to be social or go out and get a something to drink or eat. And Bucky needed a little bit of pushing from time to time.  
  
"I’m terrible sorry to interrupt.“ A by now familiar, velvety voice said. The Asgardian stood next to their table, smirking down at them. Neither Carina or the big, green scientist heard him approaching.  
  
When nobody said anything, he took a step closer to the table, then his piercing eyes stayed on Carina’s.  
  
"Hello Carina. How are you today?“  
  
A flash of images from yesterday appeared before Carina’s eyes as she watched him. He looked perfectly well put together like always in his dark clothes, hair in a knot at his nape. For a second she could feel every single mark he left on her last night, like little flames all across her body.  
She smiled softly.  
  
"Hello Loki. I’m good, thanks. How are you?“  
  
If he was surprised by her calm demeanor he didn’t give it away.  
"Thank you. I’m feeling good as well. Well-nigh… contented, I would say.“  he responded, the smirk never leaving his pale face.  
After fixing her for a moment longer with his eyes he turned his gaze to Bruce who just watched the interaction.  
  
"Even though I know how… hard it is to leave the side of the dearest Miss Miller, I’m afraid I have to remind you of the task we yet have to accomplish Dr. Banner.“  
  
"Oh yes! Of course. That’s right!“ Bruce didn’t seem to noticed Loki’s sneaky comment. Carina sure did. The Doctor's huge form all but jumped up, almost knocking the table over.

"I just have to… I left some notes in my room. I’ll get them really fast. We meet in 15 minutes in the lab?“  
  
"Very well.“ Loki stepped back to let Bruce pass, but the scientist stopped right next to her.

"Aw, sorry Cari for the rushed-“  
  
"It’s fine, no worries. We see each other tomorrow. We still on for our run? As a replacement for the one I had to cancel?“ She interrupted him, smiling.  
  
"Sure.“  
  
"Perfect, see you then.“  
  
Bruce waved his big hand as he hurried out of the canteen.  
  
_Well, that leaves me with the God of Mischief and his damned grin._  
  
Without saying anything, Loki took Bruce's seat across from her. He looked at her, smirking... with his head slightly tilted and his hands folded on the table in front of him. He was waiting for her to do something. She somehow thought that he didn’t think she would withstand for long or say anything. She was pretty sure he thought she would just stand up and go. But the thought didn’t even cross her mind.  
The whole day, Carina did what she could do best. She functioned. And she felt calm while doing so. But right now she couldn’t ignore the fact that she had sex with the man across from her. Again. Even though she came to terms with their first sexual encounter - more or less - it didn’t mean the second time didn’t matter, or made it any easier to process. And as much as she like to… she couldn’t regret it. Just like she had no excuses. It wasn’t a moment of sheer madness. Her mind was clear and focused as she kissed him… she simply wanted it.  
She wanted this feeling that sprawled in her stomach as well as somewhere deep in her head. This feeling she had the first time Loki’s lips touched hers. The feeling she yet couldn’t place and she didn’t have a name for. And she didn’t know what to do with it.  
  
So she returned his gaze, looked into his aquamarine colored eyes and unmoved face without saying a word for a long while.  
It did surprise her when it was him who finally broke the silence.  
  
"You look well rested. I take it you had a good night of sleep?“  
  
Carina smirked. He still tried to get a rise out of her. "I did indeed. How about you?“  
  
Although he smirked right back at her she saw a glimmer of irritation in his eyes. "My kind isn’t in need of as much sleep as humans do.“  
  
"Does that mean you didn’t sleep well?“  
  
"It means what I said. I don’t need much sleep. The rest I do need is mostly recreative.“  
  
"Well. Good for you.“  
  
Again they just stared at each other for a few heartbeats. But this time Carina spoke up first.  
"You’re still helping Bruce with his work?“  
  
He looked at her wary for a moment before he answered. "That’s quite obvious, isn’t it?“

Carina rolled her eyes. "Yeah, I guess it is. Can you talk about what exactly your guys working on?“  
  
"Why shouldn’t I be able to talk about it?“  
  
"Can you stop answering with counter questions?“  
  
"Can you ask better questions?“  
  
Silence and stares again. After a few moments Carina couldn’t help it but snorted, shaking her head. "Alright, you win. I just can’t with you."  
  
Loki looked at her with raised eyebrows. "Oh, is that so?“  
  
"I’m just curious what he needs your help for.“  
  
His smirk grew as did the spark in his eyes and she immediately knew she made a mistake. "You my dear should know that I can be helpful with a lot of things.“  
  
She hated the way his voice dropped almost as much as she hated the way her heartbeat sped up just the slightest.  
Surprisingly her reaction seemed to be enough for him or maybe he even had some kind of mercy, because he didn’t continue on the path the conversation just took.  
  
"Won’t Bruce explain it to you? What he is working on?“  
  
Carina blinked a few times before answering. "Oh yes, he did. But I really… understood not a thing he said. The words he uses are simply not in my vocabulary. He does get all excited when he talks about his work. But the last few weeks he seemed to be also worried. So I guess you guys are kind of stuck with a problem.“  
  
"And you think you’re more likely to understand it when _I_ explain to you the complexity of the universe?“  
  
The grin he gave her now was less sinister. It was more amused and Carina returned it. She shook her head and - for the first time since he sat down - broke eye contact as she looked at her watch, standing up.  
  
"I have an appointment and I guess now you’re the one who will be late.“ Somehow they sat here for a little bit longer than 20 minutes.  
  
Loki followed her suit and rose.  
  
"You’re right. I’m sure he misses me terribly already.“  
  
Carina grinned at him as she grabbed her bag. "Bye Loki.“  
  
"It was a pleasure as always Carina.“ he bowed to her slightly, hands behind his back, as she walked by him without an other word.  
Against her better judgment she looked back as she was about to leave the lunchroom, only to see him still standing there, his eyes still fixed on her. Their gaze locked again for a brief moment before she disappeared through the door.  
  
__________  
  
  
"Hey Toby.“ She said as she picked up the phone.  
  
"Sister! Finally! Gotcha!“  
  
She laughed. "Well finally you called at a reasonable time and not at like 1 am like last night.“ She didn’t feel the need to tell him that she was just getting ready for bed at 9 pm, after changing the sheets and lying down on her bed. Her day was long, she felt tired.  
  
"Well excuse me for being young and vital and not old and boring. So I don’t go to bed at 7 pm and after reading for half an hour.“  
  
"Yeah, yeah… you make fun of me all you want. Karma is a bitch and I’ll laugh so hard when one day you’re little returnee ass will be the most boring old man.“  
  
Her little brother was laughing loudly and Carina felt the spark of pure joy in her heart she always felt when her baby brother was happy.  
  
"Mum was pissed at you for leaving early.“ She said as his laughter died down.  
"Yeah I know.“ he sighed. "I knew right away. But nothing I can do about it. I already spoke briefly to dad. He said she’s fine. She’ll get over it.“  
  
Of course she would. At the end of the day their mother would let get away her son with murder.  
  
"How was it anyway? Did things go well with Vanessa?“  
  
"Yes, yes. Very well. We’re good. In fact, we’re officially back together. She moves back in in a couple of weeks.“  
  
"Wow Toby, that’s great. I’m happy for you.“  
  
"Thanks. I want to wait till I tell mum though. You know… let her warm up to it some more because of her reservations.“  
  
"Understandable, but when will you tell her?“  
  
"I thought at Christmas? That’s why I wanted to ask you if you’ll really show up at mum’s and dad’s for the holidays.“  
  
"Of course. Why shouldn’t I?“ Carina asked puzzled.  
  
"I don’t know. You seemed distant on Thanksgiving. More than usual.“  
  
The brunette was quite. Toby always got her pretty well. He was smart and observant. But her little brother was also selfish at times and never felt a strong obligation for family matters like she did. He had a carefreeness about him that she equally admired and disdained. He was a good guy at heart, no question. However he wasn’t someone who started every conversation with a 'how are you?‘ and really wanted to hear the answer.  
  
"You know, if you want to talk about something, you can talk to me.“  
  
Carina knew he meant it. She sighed. "I’m good Toby. I just… it’s a lot going on right now. I have a few things to figure out. And the job situation here is still somewhat new for me. I’m adapting.“  
  
"Okay. Just wanted to say it. I have like a shitload of things to do but if there is something, I’ll listen.“  
  
"Thanks, I appreciate it kid.“ Carina smiled.  
  
"God, I hate when you call me that.“  
  
"I know.“  
  
"Good night big sis.“ he laughed.  
  
"Night little bro.“  
  
After hanging up Carina turned off the lights. Lying in bed, she brought the sheets up to her nose and inhaled deeply. They smelled fresh and clean. She liked them best this way, she thought as she let her mind drift off.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm aware that some might be disappointed with this chapter or expected something different. I just want to remember the slow burn tag ;) And I hope by now it's clear that our two main characters have some healing to do, are dealing with issues (with emotions, control, grief among other things) and won't give into something that could harm their already sore souls with levity.  
> There is growth to witness, and even more to come. So stay with me please. :)
> 
>  
> 
> Thank you for reading. I hope you enjoyed it.


	14. 13

  
"Knock, knock.“  
  
Carina looked up from the papers on her desk. A smile grazed her face as she saw who was visiting her.  
   
"Hey Maria. Good to see you!“  
  
The former shield agent returned her smile, walking through the open office door.  
  
"You too. Sorry, I wanted to drop by sooner. The last few weeks were kind of busy.“  
She closed the door before she sat down on a seat in front of Carina’s desk.  
  
"Don‘t worry about it.“ she waved her hand. "How are you? Sam said the last mission went smoothly.“ Carina said, grinning.  
  
"I‘m fine. Thanks. And Sam was right. Everything went well.“ If Maria noticed the teasing, she ignored it.  
  
Before Carina could say anything else Maria leant forward. "Cari, I have a favor to ask.“  
Her tone and face was serious. And Carina remembered the last thing Carina asked her to do. She wasn’t‘ really eager to find out about this one.  
  
"Okay...“ she said slowly.  
  
"You know the file I asked you too-„  
  
"Maria, I-"  
  
"Please, just hear me out. It‘s not what you think. I promise.“  
  
Carina nodded, so Maria continued.  
  
"The reason why I asked you to look at Theodor Kanov's file is … well, I was hoping you could find something that might help. You see, for the last few months he… he can… he can’t sleep.“  
  
Carina raised her eyebrows and waited for the other woman to go on.  
  
"He said it happend from one day to the other. He just can’t sleep anymore. The doctors find no physical issue. He went through psych eval. It gave us nothing. There seems to be no problem, beside his body slowly feeling the effect of the sleep deprivation.“  
  
"Is he not able to sleep at all? And it’s been months? The body has to shot down at some point.“  
  
"Heavy medicated he gets two, maybe three hours of sleep at night. But it’s nothing we can do forever.“ Maria looked truly battered as she said that. Carina didn’t know about her connection with Kanov, but she seemed to care about him in some way.  
  
"I’m sorry Maria. I just don’t see what I can do here. If he had an exploration… It has to be something physical.“  
  
Maria shook her head. "We had the best doctors looking at him. They looked at every corner of his brain, nothing. I just… your an expert with PTSD. What if that’s it and he put it so far, so well away that he himself has no idea.“  
  
"But the neurologist and psychologist were looking at him. If there would be any-“

"Please, have a few appointment with him? He’s living in New York. He isn’t on duty and I don’t think it’s good for him to come here, so you could issue it at the office in the city? He’s still a normal employee, just not active right now. I already talked to Fury. It would be okay for him if you have an appointment every two weeks with him in NYC. He’s cooperative, he wants to know what’s going on, too.“  
  
Carina had no real reason to say no. But something about the whole case made her worried. What Maria told her didn’t sound good. She was sure Mister Kanov's condition originated from something physical, most likely perilous and just not yet detected. It was unlikely for her to find a hidden trauma while consulting the ex agent, but maybe she could help him with what was to come.  
  
"He can… I’ll talk to the office in New York. If he wants to, he can call and make an appointment. I’ll tell them to make time for him in my schedule as soon as possible.“  
  
"Thanks Cari.“ Maria smiled and relaxed obviously. Carina returned the gesture.  
  
_______  
  
Later that day she was on her way to Bruce’s lab. Lately he was pretty much stuck there. He even skipped lunch yesterday. And that was so not the Bruce she knew. Since she got no message from him today about meeting at the cafeteria, with Wanda, Bucky and Sam being busy too, she decided to bring the lunch break to him. She still didn’t know what he was working on, but it had to be important.  
  
Of course she knew that the possibility of Loki being there as well was pretty high. It shouldn’t be a problem, she had enough food for all three of them, even for Bruce enormous appetite.  
  
" _You’re using me.“_  
  
_"You want to be chastened. You use me as your punishment.“_  
  
In the first two days, she hadn’t really thought about his words. Or she had successfully ignored them. But the more time passed, the more they kept repeating in her head.  
  
She wasn’t fully sure what he really meant by those words. Sure, sleeping with him was… an unorthodox thing to do. And she was pretty sure it was stupid and would bite her in the ass eventually, if it didn’t already. The alien thing aside, he was a villain. At least he had been one in the past and she wasn’t sure if what he did could ever really be forgiven.

_I guess… He might had paid for some. He died, right?_

But could there be enough atonement for his actions? She didn’t know. What she did know was that in the end, it wasn’t hers to judge. In the end, what he once said was right: she had no idea what he endured.  
And yet, he was wrong about her. She was sure of that. She wasn’t masochistic. She didn’t sleep with him because she wanted to disparage herself. It’s been a week since she let him into her bed. And although she had seen him almost every day since then and also had spoken to him, it was always in public.  
  
When she reached the lab the 'Do Not Disturb‘ sign was off. She didn’t bother knocking and opened the door.  
  
The two men were busy staring at holograms, waving their hands, making things appear and disappear. Carina really had no idea what they were doing. This kind of technology was still a mystery to her.  
  
It was Loki who noticed her first. He turned his upper body in her direction, a look of surprise on his face that quickly vanished.  
  
"Hello Carina.“  
  
At his words Bruce looked up.  
  
"Hey guys.“ The woman smiled at both.  
  
"Hey Cari. What are you doing here?“ The green doctor asked with a smile on his face.

She put her bag on the table with the least paperwork on it and started to unpack.  
"Well, since you've been tied up with work, I thought I bring you some food. You know, to keep you well fed and useful.“ she grinned, opening the containers.  
  
Bruce massive form went to her side. "What is it? It smells mouth-watering.“  
  
"Some different kinds of winter vegetables, potatoes, feta cheese, with a little bit of oil and the right amount of flavoring. Oh and I brought some bread and your favorite guacamole and sour cream.“  
  
She like home-made meals she could just throw in the oven. It was quite simple but tasteful, she thought.  
  
"And of course chocolate muffins for later.“ she grinned as she put the food on the plates she brought with her.  
  
"Thanks Cari. You really didn’t have to, but I’m so glad you did.“  
  
Bruce got his chair and sat down on it, grabbing a plate and digging right in. Carina got herself a chair and sat down as well, then she looked at Loki.  
  
The God of Mischief stood in the same spot, with crossed arms and a skeptical look on his face, eyeing the pair. Carina pointed to the third plate on the table.  
  
"You’re welcome to give it a try and join us.“ she smiled before taking her first bite.  
  
His gaze switched to the food but still the dark haired man didn’t move.  
  
"Come on Loki. You’re always complaining about the awful food in the cafeteria. This here is a treat.“ Bruce encouraged around a mouthful of potatoes.  
  
With a roll of his eyes, the Asgardian deigned to joined them.  
  
Carina watched him out of the corner of her eye as he grabbed a fork and looked at a piece of pepper carefully before putting it in his mouth, chewing slowly. His face gave nothing away, but he cut the examination after his third bite and ate the food quite eagerly, at least by his standards.  
  
They ate mostly in silence. Just Bruce complimenting her on the food a few times.  
  
"So boys… are you gonna tell me what you’re doing here that keeps you busy so much?“ Carina asked as she unwrapped the muffins.    
  
She was quite surprised to see Loki and Bruce sharing a look she couldn’t read.

"Well?“ she pressed as none of them answered her.  
  
"It is… I’m not sure I’m allowed to talk about it Cari.“ Bruce finally replied.  
  
"You’re saying it’s not my security level but his?“ she flicked her eyes to Loki.  
  
If he was offended he didn’t show it, Loki just smiled at her, chewing.  
  
"Cari…“ Bruce sighed, rubbing his head sheepishly.  
  
"It has to be something serious. You wouldn’t miss a meal if it wasn’t something serious.“  
  
Bruce didn’t answer just looked at his plate.  
  
Carina got ride of the paper and started to eat the muffin from the bottom, remembering she did it like that since she saw Loki eating it this way, right in this room, several weeks ago.  
  
She caught him looking at her, smirking. She guess he remembered it too.  
  
"To use the infinity stones to such an extent seems to have consequences.“ Loki suddenly said, still looking at her.  
  
"What does that mean?“ Carina asked.  
  
"Loki-“  
  
"We aren’t perfectly sure jet, but it seems like we changed - we opened - the universe in a way we now have to live with. There is more than one reality, more than one present age, if you want to call it that. And it seems to all through space there are doors, gateways to those realities, some of them might be opened by last years events.“ Loki explained to her, ignoring Bruce.  
  
Carina looked at him shocked. That was quite the information.  
  
"Well, what can be done about it?“  
  
He smiled. "That’s what we are working on.“  
  
"For now we are observing, learning. We can’t be sure what exactly is going on. Nothing bad is happening jet, but we keep an eye on it. Working on strategies... see what we can do if this ever becomes a problem.“ Bruce added. Carina nodded. All of this didn’t sound very promising. Even though she wasn’t fully sure she understood what they just told her.  
  
"The surprises don’t come to an end.“ she grinned and grabbed an other muffin. "At least I know I won’t skimp on the sugar stuff, you gotta enjoy it as long as you can.“ She put one in front of Loki as well since he also finished his plate.  
  
"I’m sure there is nothing to worry about. You see it’s just totally new stuff and of course highly sensible information, so we have to be careful.“ Bruce tried to reassure her as he put the rest of the potatoes on his plate.  
  
Carina nodded, then her eyes met Loki’s. She didn‘t see the same confidence in them they usually held and for a moment an uneasy feeling seemed to rise from the middle of her stomach.  
  
"I’m guessing this one isn’t poisoned as well?“ Loki suddenly asked, referring to her remark the last time she offered him a muffin.  
Carina laughed, shaking her head and felt herself relaxing. Just like that something in his gaze changed, the brightness of his eyes contained a mischief she was used to by now, as he smirked, biting into the muffin.

____________  
  
  
On Friday Carina grabbed her cellphone and went to the lounge for a quick breather and a coffee between appointments.  
Today she saw Theodor Kanov in fact did call the NYC office. His first appointment was schedule in two weeks. Since she would stay in the city for a few days after christmas anyways, she told the office they could give him an appointment then. She still had a uneasy feeling about it, but pushed it aside for now.  
  
She wasn’t surprised to see Loki standing by the coffee machine as she entered the room, his back to her. By now it was a familiar sight.  
  
"Hey Loki.“  
  
"Carina.“ He greeted her, without turning around  
  
She stepped to him, waiting for him to finish so she could get one of her own, but without a word he offered her a cup.  
  
"Thank you.“ she said, taking it from him.  
  
"I aim to please and making myself useful.“ he turned to her.  
  
She couldn’t help but feel annoyed at this statement, maybe it rubbed her the wrong way. Maybe it was the fact that she was alone with him for the first time in over a week. The last time she saw him was in Bruce’s lab. Interacting with him there was fine, safe. But now…  
  
So she turned on her heels to leave, but before she could even take one step he was in front of her.  
  
_Fucking alien speed!_  
  
"On your way so soon?“ He asked.  
  
"As far as I remember you think I’m using you anyways. So… I got my coffee. I can go now.“  
  
_That’s right… don’t you think I forget that._  
  
She tried to move passed him but he just followed her movements, blocking her way.  
  
Loki smirked wildly. "Maybe I like being used by you. Maybe I’m using you too my dear.“  
  
Carina sighed frustrated. "I’m not willing to play those games Loki. Let me pass.“  
  
"Oh, I think you’re willing. You certainly were.“  
  
"You really do enjoy this, don’t you? Getting under everyone’s skin, make them annoyed as fuck with you.“  
  
Loki stepped closer to her and she hated that she inhaled sharply as his scent hit her.  
"Oh I do enjoy getting under your skin Carina. But even more I enjoy this, just as you do.“ His voice dropped just like his head before he kissed her, taking the coffee out of her hands.  
Considering their fervid conversation, she thought his kiss would be brutal. She was wrong. Sure he was demanding, his mouth was firm on hers and as she half-hearted tried to pull away he got hold of her head, his hands gently on both sides of her face. His lips caressed hers softly and as his tongue asked for entrance by licking her bottom lip, she granted it with a small moan.  
Loki kissed her with something like… she would almost call it care. He deepened it farer, gliding his tongue against hers slowly. Carina held on to him as he pressed her to him, letting him fill all her senses with the smell, the taste and the feeling of him.  
  
The brunette would have let herself get lost in it if not for her cellphone, buzzing in her back pocket, announcing her upcoming appointment.  
  
She finally ripped her lips from his, lowering her face.  
  
"I have to go.“  She breathed and peaked up, holding his gaze. He didn’t retreat at all, his breath still on her skin, his mouth still close to hers, eyes bright and wide, searching her face.  
He held her tightly to him. One hand in her hair, one on her back, pressing her against his chest. Carina noticed that she also hadn’t let go of him. Her left hand was on his neck, unconsciously caressing the smooth skin and hair there, the other on his waist. She tried to slow her heartbeat, both of them breathed fast.  
   
Loki moved in again, clearly he decided to ignore her and his lips were almost back on hers when she put her hand on his cheek.  
  
"Loki, please.“ she whispered.  
  
He stopped his movement. Carina felt him tense under her hands. She pulled back a little bit to get a better look at his face, her left hand still on his coolish cheek, her thumb moving lightly along his cheekbone.    
  
"I have a client in 10 minutes. I need 3 minutes to get down to my office. And we both know it won’t end in 7 minutes… whatever you and I are doing here.“  
  
His face was mostly unreadable to her, but whatever he was thinking, she couldn’t see any anger.  
He looked at her for a couple of moments, before he stepped back. His hands leaving her body and Carina also let go of him.  
  
"You’re right.“ Loki nodded.  
  
"Wow. That’s a first.“  
  
"Even a broken clock is right two times a day.“ he smirked.  
  
She narrowed her eyes at him. _Why was kissing him a few seconds ago so pleasurable again?_

"Do you particularly learn insulting earth phrases?“  
  
He laughed out loud. The son of-she-really-had-no-idea-of-who laughed. Then, too fast for her annoyed and fevered mind, he held her face again in his big hands and kissed her, hard and quick, like he wanted to leave an imprint. He retreated just as fast and took a good step away from her, his hands on his back.  
  
"Have a good appointment with your client and enjoy your coffee, dearest Carina. We’ll see to… our matters an other time.“  
  
She stared at his smirking face for 10 seconds and had to swallow a few times before she found her voice again. “Right. Have a nice day.“  
  
His grin only grow. "Oh I will. You too, Carina.“  
  
And with that she moved, grabbing the coffee from the counter and left him in the lounge. The taste of his last kiss still very present on her lips.  
  
  
As she walked home that day, a grave insight arose in her.  
Carina admitted to herself that she enjoyed spending time with Loki. Sure, it was tiring, but also somewhat inspiring, entertaining and simply... nice.    
At its heart, talking to him, as strange at it was at times, was easy for her.  
  
She didn’t know him. Not really and what he shown her of himself… she couldn’t be sure if it was real. He wasn’t human after all, he did abominable things.  
But still… his touch was like burning and freezing at once. It’s been longer than she could remember since she felt something this intense. When he slept with her - was inside her- she felt so much passion as well as a subtly, painfully sting that was oddly calming at the same time. She knew that it wasn’t the most wholesome thing to do, but she realized she longed for both.  
  
She wanted to feel it again.

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next parts are my favorite so far, I'm just not sure when I can get them ready. I'm on vacation next week, starting saturday. I hope, I can get at least the next chapter done before then, but don't quote me on that.
> 
> Anyways, Thank you all so much for reading! If you like it, I would love to read from you :)


	15. 14

She wasn’t here because of him. No, she really wasn’t. Well, not _solely_ because of him. The guys spent a lot of time in the lab and Carina was busy herself with work. She wrote Bruce a text this morning to see how he was doing and he asked her to come by the lab in the afternoon to catch up- if she could make some time.  
  
Again, she didn’t come with bare hands. Carina made a ton of christmas cookies the other night - her mother wasn’t really fond of baking - to bring to her parents' house for the holidays, so she took some with her, as well as coffee for all three of them.  
  
Since their encounter in the lounge she’d barely saw Loki. She’d visited Jake and Katie on the weekend and the rest of the time she had to get christmas presents ready and many emergency appointments with clients. She didn’t even made it to the lounge and just once had her lunch at the cafeteria with the others. The days went by quickly. Tomorrow on Friday was the Christmas Party on the compound, on Saturday she would drive to her parents’ house.  
  
As she entered the lab a familiar sign greeted her. Both men stood in front of holograms. Loki was talking, Bruce wrote something down on his custom-made I-pad, nodding at the God’s words. She had no idea what he was saying, the combination of words didn’t make sense to her clueless mind. His profile was to her, his stature looked a little stiff, his arms crossed. His face was very focused, a few strands of hair fell out of the knot that held it together at his neck.  
  
Loki noticed her a moment later, or he did as soon as she entered but he wanted to finish his conversation with Bruce. His eyes looked different, she thought, as they met hers. Maybe more tired, worried even. She couldn’t be sure and it was only for a heartbeat, then the usual grin appeared on his face, so did a little bit of mischief and maybe excitement in his eyes.  
  
Looking up, Bruce followed Loki’s gaze.  
  
"Oh hey Cari. How have you been?“ he smiled at her.  
  
"Hey guys! Oh you know… busy.“  
  
"This bad, huh?“ Bruce asked sympathetic.  
  
She nodded, putting the goods on a table, after pushing some papers aside. "Holidays are a rough time. It’s hard for people with PTSD. Emotions are… triggers. Not much is more emotional loaded in this part of the world than christmas.“  
  
She looked up, smiling. "How are you? Still trying to figure out how to close the holes in our reality and the doors to other dimensions? Any monsters from those appeared yet?“  
  
Carina meant it to be a joke, but it seemed to hit a little too close to home, since the two men looked at each other, then at her. Loki’s eyes narrowed.  
  
"What do you-“  
  
"Eh we… we really shouldn’t talk about it Cari.“ Bruce interrupted Loki. "And it’s just… it is really all very new, at least to our knowledge on Earth and we can’t be sure about a lot of it right now.“  
  
Carina held up her hands, smiling softly.  
  
"I totally understand. And I was only joking. Come on. Sit down. I brought christmas cookies and coffee.“  
  
This time, Loki didn’t need a special invitation and grabbed a chair to sit down with Bruce and Carina. The consultant put everyone’s coffee in front of them and the cookies in the middle.  
"You’re still coming to the christmas party tomorrow, right?“ Bruce asked her and Carina nodded. She still felt a pang of guilt for not going to the Halloween celebration, she surely wouldn’t ditch him again.  
  
"Yeah, I even have my secret santa present ready.“ she grinned.  
  
In the end Sam got his way and him, Bucky, Bruce, Maria, Rhodes, Wanda and herself agreed to do the secret santa thing. She had to admit, it was kind of nice.  
  
"Your traditions are oh so twee. Aren't presents something for children?“ Loki remarked as he slipped his coffee.  
  
"You know Odinson, you could make a friend or two by giving sometimes.“ Bruce stated.  
  
"Oh I assure you, I’m quite generous. I can take pleasure in… giving.“ Loki’s eyes flickered to Carina’s and she became very interested in her coffee mug. She felt a little heat in her cheeks and hoped like hell she wouldn’t show any signs of it.  
  
_The little shithead._  
  
"I have a hard time believing this.“ Bruce laughed and then reached for some cookies. "You know Cari, you don’t always have to bring food when you come by. But I really appreciate that you do. Those are really good.“ he mumbled, chewing.  
  
"I’m glad.“ Carina smiled back.  
  
"Aren’t your table manners repulsive.“ Loki added, shaking his head and Bruce just grinned at him, stuffing his face with an other cookie.  
  
After Carina took some herself, Loki also grabbed one. And yes, she had to admit he ate far more gracefully than Bruce.  
  
"Well, those are somewhat palatable.“ Loki finally told her. Carina was surprised, but then grinned at him. "For a earthly food creation, of course.“ she added and Loki smirked at her wildly. "Yes, of course.“  
  
"I said it before, I say it again, your brain’s a bag full of cats.“ Bruce told Loki who looked at him more than a little confused.  
  
"Cats?“ Loki raised his eyebrows.  
  
"Yeah, cats. You’re loco.“  
  
"I beg you pardon?“  
  
"It means you’re crazy! Those are delicious by any standards.“ Bruce clarified.  
  
Carina couldn’t help but to giggle at the exchange. Loki took a glance at her then back to Bruce before he grabbed a few more cookies.  
  
"Is that so? Well then I have to insist on reserving some. In the company of dear Bruce it’s quite hard to get my share.“ Loki smirked.  
  
"Oh c’mon now! You’re just too damn picky with your food. I thought you didn’t want the sandwich anymore, so I ate it. And it was days ago. Is holding a grudge more of a Jotun or Asgardian thing or popular with both?“ the green scientist laughed and Loki scowled at him.  
  
"Jotun?“ Carina asked cheerfully. She never heard that before and was curious.  
  
Loki’s dark gaze turned to her, then back to Bruce, who stopped laughing and instead coughed.  
  
"Well, what is it?“ Carina pressed, now she wanted to know it even more.  
  
"Er, it’s nothing.“ Bruce stuttered. Carina grinned.  
  
"Oh come on. You guys are keeping so much from me. I wanna know.“  
  
Loki stood up abruptly which made Carina jumped slightly. With a few long strokes he left the lab without a word, Bruce and her watching after him.  
  
After a few seconds of silence she finally asked. "What the hell was that about?!“  
  
Bruce took he’s glasses off, rubbing his eyes.  
  
"So?“  
  
"It’s nothing Cari, really. It’s just stupid. And you know he’s a diva.“ Bruce grinned as he put his glasses back on.  
  
"I really don’t understand.“ she shook her head confused. "What's the matter? What do you mean with Jotun?“  
"Nothing, really. It’s a stupid alien thing and Loki is being Loki.“ Bruce answered. "So, christmas party? You still not telling me who’s secret santa you are?“ he changed the subject.  
  
"Very smooth Bruce.“ Carina grinned. She was still confused and curious but would let it pass for now, since Bruce seemed really uncomfortable. And she tried to not pay attention to this nagging feeling of disappointment that entered her stomach at Loki’s retreat. Instead she just smiled and shook her head, eating an other cookie.  
  
___________  
  
  
She thought of herself as a classy dresser, but simple. Feminine, but not flashy and surely more elegant than sexy. Tonight was the most dolled up she’d been in years. if not forever. She wore a black dress, nothing special, but pretty. It was more on the short side since she always thought of her legs as one of her best features, not too tight, but form-fitting enough with a V-neck that was pretty low, but slim, so it stayed tasteful. She wasn’t big on jewelry, she only wore her grandma’s small diamond studs, and a golden bracelet on her left wrist, a present from her parents for her 18th birthday.  
Carina eyed her flats as she put on her black 4 inch heels. She preferred the more comfy shoes, she also thought about putting on some kitten heels, but at the end she went with the uncomfortable but much more appealing for the eyes version.    
She checked her appearance one last time as she put on her coat. Her face was mostly clean of makeup, just a little mascara and some dark, red lipstick, her hair fell over her shoulders in soft waves.  
   
As she was about to leave when it knocked on her door.  
  
Not expecting anyone she opened the door.  
  
"Hello my lady.“ Sam’s grinning face put also a smile on hers.

"Hey you two.“ Carina hugged both men who stood in front of her door.  
  
"Hey Cari. You look very pretty, hon'.“ Bucky complimented her and Carina smiled softly. He came a long way those last months. From being reserved, shy and doubtful about himself to using pet names and flattery.  
  
"You both look good as well. You cleaned up nicely. Very handsome.“ True to be told they both wore black coats so she couldn’t see too much. But they were open and she could see they wore dark dress pants and nice bottom down shirts. Sam in light blue, Bucky in a darker color. It was cute.  
  
"We thought we could escort you to the party.“ Sam smirked, offering her his arm. Carina grabbed her bag, and closed her door before taking it.  
  
"Well, that’s very kind of you.“ she smiled as they worked to the elevator.  
  
The party was as usual in the community center of the compound and already in full swing as the three of them arrived. The decoration was cute, maybe a bit much. There was a giant christmas tree, the staff wore elves outfits, a few of them quite… revealing. Bruce told her that Tony Stark planned this party. He actually left Pepper instructions for a Stark’s Resources christmas celebration. It seemed like the Iron Man enriched everyone’s life even now.  
  
Carina saw Maria and Rhodey standing at the bar. She was slightly puzzled as Maria saw them but after a moment just looked away. It took the consultant a moment but then she realized her arm was still around Sam’s. She turned to the man, tucked on his arm to get his attention.  
  
"Sam Wilson. Did you just use me to make the former shield agent over there jealous?“ Carina asked him, trying her hardest to keep a stern face.  
  
"What?! Cari, no I don’t…“

Bucky was snickering beside her and also Carina's face broke into a laugh.  
  
"You’re terrible people.“ Sam muttered.  
  
"And you’re a chicken.“ Carina grinned, taking Bucky’s hand. "Me and Buck will go over there and we don’t want to talk to you before you went over there and talked to her alone. Get her a drink.“  
  
Without waiting for Sam’s reply she pulled the super soldier with her, leaving the Falcon to his task.  
  
After getting ride of their coats Bucky got them both something to drink and they sat down on a free table. To their surprise Bruce wasn’t there yet. He was a hard guy to miss after all.  
  
"And?“ Carina asked him. From where she sat, she couldn’t see the bar but Bucky could.  
  
The brunette man grinned slowly. "He talks to her. I guess he’s still in the doghouse right now, but he tries.“  
"He’s a smooth talker and kinda cute. She’ll forgive him for being stupid.“  
  
Bucky laughed. "Yeah, I guess. So… you’re off to your family tomorrow?“  
  
"Yeah, I’ll drive to my parents house. Just the usual people. My brother and grandma, mom and dad.“  
  
"You…“ Bucky hesitated, looking down before he continued. "You don’t seem too thrilled.“  
  
As she didn’t say anything after a few seconds he looked up from under his eyelashes, his blue eyes looked kind, knowing. Carina let out a breath.  
  
"I love my family. It just can be… really exhausting sometimes.“  
  
"All of them were gone?“ he asked quietly.  
  
"Yeah.“  
  
Bucky nodded slowly. "I get that. They don’t… understand I guess.“  
  
"They have no fucking idea.“ This came out harsher than she intended, so she added quickly, as she realized what she just said: "I mean, I’m not angry with them. It’s not their fault.“  
  
"I know. It’s still hard. You’re different from them now. Nothing will change that.“  
  
Carina looked at him, both shared a strained, maybe even sad smile.  
  
_Well, as bonding as this is, it is also a little bit too depressing._  
  
She was ready to go on full consultant-mode and change the subject when Bucky beat her to it.  
  
"So, I know Sam said we should do this all together but screw him. I’m terrible at keeping this to myself anyway.“ Bucky reached into the inside pocket of his jacket and pulled out a little something, neatly wrapped in christmas wrapping paper.  
  
"I’m your secret santa.“ he smiled and handled it to her.  
  
"Really, well that’s handy because…“ she pulled her gift out of her bag.  "I’m yours as well.“  
  
They both laughed as they exchanged the gifts.  
  
"Can we unwrap them?“ Bucky asked, somewhat excited. "Sam will be pissed.“  
  
"Oh I don’t care about him. But maybe… I don’t know, we didn’t talk about it. But I guess we shouldn’t open them before christmas.“  
  
Bucky nodded and placed his gift where his for her was moments ago. "You’re right. I’ll try and restrain myself.“  
  
"Hey guys!“ Bruce voice made them look up. "You have to try the lobster. It’s fabulous.“ he said, making the two others laugh, as he sat down beside Bucky.  
  
  
  
It was a nice evening. They were having a great time, the food was excellent, the music very corny and the drinks made it fun. Sam and Maria even danced together and Carina had to laugh so hard her stomach hurt as she went on the dance floor with Bruce, who had no sense of rhythm.  
  
She went to the bar to get herself something else to drink when she sensed a presence behind her.  
  
"Good evening dear Carina.“  
  
She turned around to stare in the blueish green eyes of the God of Mischief. His hair was loose around his shoulders and he wore an all black suit. She was surprised to see him here.  
"Hello Loki. So…you’re taking part in our twee traditions?“  
  
He returned her smirk. "Some of your conventions are bearable. So I wanted to be a respectful guest in this realm and give it a try.“  
  
"Huh.“ she nodded. He stood pretty close to her and she could smell his scent. L _eather, wind and soap_. She thought about him more than she liked after their make-out session in the lounge and knew that whatever it was that went on between them didn’t end there.  
  
Fighting the urge to step a little closer to him to feel his body heat she turned back to the bar, still waiting for her drink.  
  
"So you’re just dropped by?“ she finally asked.  
  
"Oh no, I’m here for a while. I watched you and the broken soldier with interest. You exchanged presents, how cute.“  
  
"First, I told you not to call him that.“ Carina said sternly. "Secondly, you’re stalking me?“ She turned her face back to him.  
Loki leant closer to her, his bright eyes made it hard to look away. "I think it’s pretty clear by now you have my attention Carina.“  
  
Thankfully her drink came. She thank the barkeeper and turned to leave. Her eyes found his again. He didn’t move, so her body touch his slightly as she passed him. She held his gaze as long as she could, before she went back to the table were the others sat. She was sure he would understand.  
  
Carina only waited 10 minutes, then she excused herself and left the table again. She went right passed the bathroom and into a little corridor, the second door she tried was open. It was a small storage room, but mostly empty.    
  
Before she stepped fully into the room, she felt his hands on her hips. He pushed her the rest of the way in, the door closed with a wave of his hand. Carina turned fully around, smirking. But the smart ass remark she had on her lips would never be heard, because Loki’s eyes flashed even in the darkness of the room and his lips crushed down on hers. They both let out a groan. Nothing tender was in that kiss, just longing and eagerness and she met him with equal want. She opened her lips for his tongue, gave as much as she took, pushing hers in his mouth as well. She clung to him, her hands held on to the smooth material of his jacket in tight fists.

God, she wanted that taste and the feeling of him.  
  
Loki walked her backwards. His hand cradled the back of her head before slamming her against the wall. Her body was shaking. She didn’t know if it was because of the leak of oxygen or anticipation. Maybe a mix of both. His mouth and hands were restless. His lips left her mouth, biting and sucking a path to her neck. His hands wandered to her thighs, dragging her dress up. He pressed one knee between her legs to push them further apart and while his left hand had a death grip on her hip, the other went for her folds. She whimpered as he caressed her. His fingers cool against her already wet heat. She did her hardest not to rub herself on his hand for more friction.  
  
"Loki-“ she stopped, gasping as he started to suck at the sensitive skin right under her ear. He growled at her moaning his name.

"Loki, wait.“ she finally breathed.  
  
He didn’t.  
But he spoke throaty between kisses and nips to her neck. "Don’t tell me you want to stop. Even if I couldn’t see right through the lie, the trembling of your body, the way it arches against me, the wetness between your legs… it all gives you away darling. You desire this just as much as I do.“  
  
His all so true words, the self-disclosure in his statement, together with his seductive low voice, his lips on her skin and his long fingers, stroking her folds gently through the damp panties, making it hard for Carina to think. But she had to think, _had_ to speak.  
  
"Not here.“ she panted as he sucked on her neck.  
  
"Loki not here. Someone might see.“ she said more forcefully. But beside a mumbled "So?“ against her flesh he didn’t react.  
  
"Loki please.“ She eventually pleaded with him, pushing against his shoulders.  
  
Finally he let go of her neck and his hand withdraw from between her legs, instead holding on to her hips firmly. He was looking at her, eyes dark and hard.  
  
"Where then?“  
  
"Can you still get into the space room? You know, the room you shown me? The one made for Dr. Foster?“  
  
Loki tilted his head. "Why should I lose the ability to enter a room, or push in a code all of the sudden?“  
  
One of these days she would punch the stupid smirk right off his face. "If you wanna do this with me you should lose some of the attitude.“ Carina hissed.  
  
He grinned wider. "Oh don’t fool yourself darling, you like my attitude. Almost as much as you hate to admit it.“  
  
"Just answer the question for once.“  
  
"Of course I can. You want to go there?“ Loki took her hand, he was already pulling her away from the wall, heading for the door.  
  
"Wait!“ Carina stumbled and almost lost one shoe, when she tried to stop him by pulling on his arm and diging her heels into the carpet. She fell against him when he stopped and turned to her, his hands holding on to her arms as she straightened up. He looked at her, tight-lipped and impatient.  
  
"You wait here, alright? I’ll go back to the party-“  
  
"You-“  
  
"I’ll say goodnight to everyone, then I’ll go there. You wait 15 minutes, alright? Do whatever the heck you normally would do and then we met there.“ She finished, ignoring his interruption.  
  
He blinked. "That’s quite the secrecy you-“  
  
She groaned "Loki could you just… please okay? Please?“  
  
He looked at her, his face unreadable, not just because of the darkness of the room, then he nodded.  
  
"You’ll wait 15 minutes?“ She asked, in need of assurance.  
  
"Yes. Now go. Time starts as soon as you’re out of that door. I’ll be on time, so don’t dawdle.“ His voice was deep and raw.  
  
She almost kissed him again, she really wanted to but could restrain herself. She was sure they wouldn’t make it to the space room if she kissed him now.  
Instead she nodded, pulled fully away from him and went out of the door, fixing her clothes and hair along the way as best as she could.

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this chapter is missing the whole "space-room"-scene. I'm normaly not one to tease and wanted this big chapter with the scene included, but it's just not happening, since I can't get more editing done today. This part is barley acceptable. 
> 
> So yeah, the next chapter will be pure, good old smut. :) 
> 
> I hope you like this one anyway and can't wait to read from you guys!


	16. 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise!
> 
> I know how horrible it is when a chapter ends with a teaser. I really hate it. And well, since my flight was delayed by several hours (yuck, I hate that too) and I had a lot of time to kill at the airport yesterday I totally used it for editing this as best as possible and have the chance to upload it now. BTW It was sliiiightly awkward and uncomfortable to do this is public...making sure no one was peeking... because this is smut. All of it. I'm not joking, it's pure smut. So...you've been warned :)
> 
> The next update WILL be next week, since you know... I have to do vacation stuff. :)

The halls were dark and empty. Still Carina held her heels in her hands as she exited the elevator, wanting to be as quite as possible. Her body was still hot all over, so the cold floor felt good on her bare feet.  
  
The others weren’t suspicious about her leaving. She told them that she would go to bed since she would be driving to her parents' first thing in the morning. They all would celebrate New Years Eve together here on the compound, so she was forgiven for leaving the christmas party this early. Not even Bruce or Sam put on a fight.  
She hated lying to friends like this. But the truth wasn’t an option. She could hardly tell them that she was off to get laid by the Asgardian demi god.  
  
Carina was all too aware of her heartbeat as she reached the door. She took a deep breath, trying to relax when she let out a small shriek, almost letting her shoes drop, as one arm sneaked around her middle, pressing her back into a hard body.  
  
"God damned Loki.“ she hissed, her heart was beating all the more. He snickered, squeezing her harder and typing the security code into the control unit with his other hand.  
  
As the door opened she pushed away from him and into the room.  
  
"You said you wait 15 minutes.“ she scolded, facing him.  
  
"And I did.“ he said as he pushed the buttons that started the magic of this room. Just like that the roof flew into space again. But Carina’s eyes were fixed on the dark haired man.  
  
"And how can you-“

"I assure you my dear, I waited 15 minutes, as you requested. I’m just faster than you.“ And as if to proof his words he was on her.  
  
They were equal in their fervor. Loki attacked her mouth, walking her backwards. Without much thought, Carina let her coat, bag and shoes drop and reached behind herself, opening the zipper there and shaking the dress off her shoulders. It slipped down her body and she stepped out of it, leaving her only in her panties and bra.  
  
Loki took advantage of her exposed skin, his hands roaming over her body, his lips trailing down to the valley of her breasts.  
  
"You’re seriously overdressed.“ she panted, hands gliding under his coat. He lifted his head and looked at her, an amused expression on his face, as he helped her getting rid of his coat. The rest of his clothes were gone in a haste. A wave of his hand opened all the button on his shirt, he ripped it off, his pants followed. She did the same to her underwear. All while kissing, licking and sucking the others flesh as much as they could. Before she knew it she was pressed into the vitreous wall by his naked body.  
  
Loki took hold of her ass, picking her up easily. His lips were back on hers, his hands had a death grip on her hips. But she didn’t care. She could worry about the marks in the morning. Right now she was bucking against him, rubbing her core against his hardness, dripping all over him. She was more than ready for him.  
As was Loki.  
Adjusting her in his arms, he found her slit and plunged into her all the way, only to pull out and drive right back, his pace unrelenting.  
  
She held on to him, one arm around his shoulders, her left hand in his hair. He burrowed his face to her neck, sucking on the weak spot under her ear.  
  
Her climax came sudden, unexpected. She felt her walls clutching his cock. He fucked her through it, coax a few extra whimpers out of her, before he stilled in her.  
  
The Asgardian lifted his head from her neck, looking into her post orgasm face. She was aware of the fact that he didn’t came yet.  
  
"Well it seems like you’re faster at one thing. Or I'm just really...compelling.“ he smirked.  
  
She refused to let herself blush. Instead she tightened her walls as best as she could, squeezing him inside of her, making him hiss while smirking right back at him.  
  
"It took the edge off, I give you that.“ she breathed.  
  
"Oh little vixen.“ he growled and pushed them away from the wall. She gasped as he slipped out of her and sat her naked butt down on a cold table.  
  
"Stay right here.“ he ordered. She watched as he walked to the pile of clothes on the floor, fishing his coat out of it and did the same trick as last time they were here. His coat glowed in green light and transferred into a thick blanket he spread out on the floor.  
  
Before she knew what she was doing she hopped off the table and went right to him, his command all but forgotten.  
He looked too tempting.  
  
The tall, firm body, broad shoulders, flawless skin, his hair wild from her roaming hands. And of course his cock, still so very hard and pulsing. He was about to protest, but she was already on her knees. She grasped his cock with her right hand, her left hand on his strong thigh and without hesitation she wiggled her tongue around the head of his length. At first she only tasted herself, but as she licked down and then back up to his very tip she could taste him, taste the pre cum, like she wanted to since the day she let him take her in her bed. She closed her eyes in delight, wanting to only concentrate on this. He tasted salty and rich, and very much like him. She doubt she’d ever enjoyed a man’s taste this much. Carina heard a choked groan, then sucked his head into her mouth, rubbing her tongue against the bottom of his cock.  
  
She moaned as his hands settled in her hair, holding on tight but gently. What she couldn’t fit in her mouth, she stroked with her hand.  
His breathing became rapid. She felt him tugging at her hair, trying carefully to make her let go of him without hurting her. But she had non of that. She wanted to fully taste him. She waited long enough. So she clawed her left hand in his tense thigh and sucked harder, letting him go deeper. His hips began to move with her, fucking into her mouth. She moaned at his growling and when his grip on her hair became almost painfully and he was deep in her throat, she felt him shaking, his cock twitching, emptying himself in her mouth.  
  
It was a thrillingly feeling, to make him tremble.  
  
She released him, swallowing his cum. Before she could wipe the drops she missed and the split from her chin and face he bent down to her, squatting before her. His hands held her face, thumbs wiping the fluids away. His bright eyes were dark with lust as they were fixed on her mouth.  
  
Then he kissed her, long and punishing. His teeth always grazing her lips, biting down now and then. She was dizzy when he finally pulled away.  
  
"You were told to stay.“ his deep voice mumbled as his lips wandered down her throat.  
  
Carina had a hard time to form words. His hands glided down to her breast, pinching the skin and nipples. Finally she breathed out: "Maybe, but wasn’t that fun?“  
  
He chuckled against her skin. "Vixen.“ he repeated himself, then with a firm hand on her shoulder, pushed her on her back.  
  
Loki’s head was hovering over her heat before she could blink. Both of his hands on her thighs, spearing her legs open for him. His breath washed over her still throbbing pussy.  
  
He was smirking up at her. A sinister grin, daring her to look away. She took the challenge, propping herself up on her elbows.  
  
Next thing he did was licking a thick stripe up her folds, then back down and right back up. He did it slowly, again and again, all while holding her gaze. He was driving her crazy and he knew it, increasing the pressure of his licks. As he spread her slit wide open with his long fingers, revealing her very core to him, pushing his much too talented tongue inside her pussy, she lost it. Her arms gave out, tossing her head back she arched her spine as a tremor went through her body.  
  
Loki moaned approvingly as she grabbed his hair with both hands, pressing his face deeper into her folds. God, it was filthy. It was like he wanted to devour her. His mouth sucked and licked, bit and pulled at her pussy. She never came from a man’s mouth and tongue alone. She didn’t think she could, but Loki was about to proof her wrong. Even though she longed for something inside her, his mouth give her so much pleasure she felt her orgasm rising. When it crushed down on her he let her ride it out slowly with gentle licks and kisses.  
  
Still panting, she opened her eyes to find his handsome face over hers.  
  
"You are quite a delicacy darling. And what a sight when you’re lost in your passion.“  
  
Taking a deep breath, she reached for him, hands on his face and arm. He let her tug him to her, meeting her desire with his, in a slow, lingering kiss.  
He sank down, placing some of his weight on her and Carina wrapped her legs around his hips. Loki let his cock slid though her folds, bathing it in her wetness. He grinned against her lips when she let one hand wander to his ass, giving him a light slap.  
  
"What’s the matter Carina?“ he asked lowly, voice heavy with lust, biting her lip gently.  
  
"Stop teasing.“ she nearly begged, lifting her hips to encourage him.  
  
"Mmmh, but I do enjoy you wiggling under me so very much darling.“  
  
"Loki.“ she moaned and with that he finally slid his cock into her heat.  
  
This time he let her accommodate to his girth as she clung to him. A few moments were spend with sloppy, wet kisses, wandering hands and heavy breathing before he started to move. He drove himself into her at a slow but strong, steady pace. The weight he put on her was heavy and left her not much room to move with him, but that was okay for now. Being surrounded by him like this was intoxicating.  
  
His mouth left marks on her neck, licking and biting at the flash there and she pulled at his hair, which he seemed to like - because he growled whenever she did it - and let her hands feel the muscles in his back and arms work, as he pushed into her again and again.  
  
Carina was determined to not come before him this time, so she squished a hand between their bodies, down to where they were connected. She grazed his cock, whenever he pulled out of her and her fingertips touched his balls gentle. Loki groaned in her neck. With the hand in his hair she urged him to lift his head. When he did, she crushed her lips to his. The kiss was searching, and became sloppy and almost maddening heatedly when he increased the speed of his thrusts.  
  
She came only seconds before him, their mouths still connected as he found his release as well.  Gasping for breath, he finally rested his forehead against hers.  
  
She had no idea how long they stayed like this. Him still in her, their hot breaths mingling, before Loki finally rolled off her into his back to her left.  
  
As the afterglow slowly wore off, Carina realized that she might hadn’t thought this though. As great as the sight above her was and as practical the location was… She had nothing to clean herself up on her, even though she was sure somewhere in the hall was a restroom and if she was lucky, it was arranged with the usual utensils. But besides that she was pretty much spend and had to walk back to her quarters, probably looking, well…  
  
_Well fucked_.  
  
Getting up seemed like an impossible task right now, but it wouldn’t get any better, so… Very slowly and carefully she sat up.  
  
She took a moment to breath and look around, trying to see where her things landed, while pulling her knees up, hugging her arms around them. The brunette felt cool fingertips on her back, feathery light and slowly trailing up to her neck. A pleasant shiver spread through her as he reached her hair, untangling some by running his fingers through it. She turned her head to him, a small smile on her lips.  
  
The dark haired Asgardian had a pleased look on his face, still smug, but charming no less. His hair was spread around his head, his eyes were on her. She was tempted to let her eyes wander down his tall body but resisted. He sure was a sight.  
  
"Well, I guess I better be on my way.“ Carina said softly, pushing herself to her feet, her legs still a little shaky.  
  
"Why?“  
  
She took a quick glance at him. He held himself up on one elbow, looking at her with relaxed curiosity.  
  
"It’s late. I’ll have to drive to my parents’ in the morning.“ she answered, looking around for her bra. It shouldn’t be so hard to find it. The room had hardly any furnishing, but it was quite dark and she had no idea where she tossed it.  
  
"Are you’re sure you don’t want to linger a little longer?“ he whispered in her ear as his arms closed around her suddenly. She didn’t even hear him getting up. Carina bit her lip, he was already hard again, she felt him against her backside.  
  
"Loki.“ she moaned.  
  
He put her hair to the side and nipped at the skin of her throat. Her breathing picked up anew. She wanted to turn around in his arms, but he didn’t let her, his grip on her harsh and tight, so the only thing she could do was take what he would give, her hands nearly clawing at his arms.  
  
"I want you to linger… I think you want to linger as well.“  
  
_Was his voice always so fucking tempting?!_  
  
She already came three times tonight, she was spend, wasn’t she? She should tell him to let her go. But the way he held her, so possessive, his demanding mouth on her skin. She wanted him to take her again, just as much as he did.  
Her panting and silence was approval enough for him. Loki pushed her knees further apart with his thigh before he pressed himself between her legs.  
  
He kept her locked in his arms, against his body, enjoying her small whimpers as he let his large cock slip through her folds, teasing her, before she felt the head at her entrance.  
  
Loki let out a low moan as he finally pushed into her heat, hard and deep, without restraint. His pounding was ruthless right away.  One hand was on her breast, one on her hip, holding her in place and close to him.  
  
Even though she welcomed the painful pleasure, her body was sore, her pussy overworked, so right now it was more than she could bear.  
  
"Fuck.“ she gasped, turning her head. Carina reached back with one arm, grasping his long hair to get his attention.  
  
His eyes found hers. "Easy, slow… slow down.“ she whimpered. He looked confused at first. Then he realized what she meant. His movements became slower, he carefully withdrew and pushed back in, all while placing hot, wet, smothering kisses on her abused neck.  
  
As the pleasure rose again, the pain faded and she pressed back into him, chasing her release now. Loki got the message and picked up the pace again. One big hand wandered up to her throat and chin, manipulating her head so that it leaned back on his shoulder, face towards his. He kissed her, deep and hotly, his tongue exploring her mouth, then dancing with hers. The other one slipped down between her legs, rubbing circles on her clit.  
  
She was nearly sobbing into his mouth. Her body stretched, exposed and fully occupied by him, she was slowly losing herself in the bliss. There was only their groans and moans and the slapping of flesh against flesh.  
  
Her grip on his hair tightened and he let out a growl as her climax hit her. Wave after wave washed over her body as Loki fucked her relentlessly, growling with the contractions of her pussy.  
Her body went limp, only his hands on her holding her upright. Loki moaned loudly, mouth against her ear. She felt him jerking in her as he found his release. The throbbing of his cock in her made her weak body tremble delightfully.  
  
Never before she felt this consumed. Carina could barely keep her mind from slipping into unconsciousness. She felt spent and beyond tired now. But still, she was so very aware of the man behind her and what he did to her body. Loki breathed heavy into her neck, his strong arms were around her, holding her tight to his chest. She felt their mixed fluids trickle out of her slowly.  
  
She whimpered in both - relief and protest because of the loss - as he withdraw from her carefully. Carina was sure her legs couldn’t hold her up on her own, she was afraid she would simple fall to the ground and fall asleep right then and there if he let go of her. But she worried for nothing. Loki picked her up effortlessly. His lips dragged over her forehead softly as he carried her to the makeshift bed.  
  
He laid down with her, shifting Carina’s body so it reclined on his. Her head was just under his chin, his arms around her, holding her to his chest. They were both sticky, the product of their actions on their skin, between their legs, but she didn’t care. He was warm, his heartbeat under her ear soothing. With one last clear thought she wanted to lift her head, to say something to him.  
  
_I should, shouldn’t I? We should get up… can’t just stay here. I need to go back to my quarter._  
  
She let her left hand glide up to his shoulder then she felt him pressing a kiss to the top of her head. "Sleep.“ he whispered.  She sighed, ending all her efforts and complied easily to his request.

 

 


	17. Teaser chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm incredibly sorry for the lack of updates. Life was and is CRAZY those last few weeks. I had to cut my vacation short, there was an emergency at work that's still keeping me busy. But I wanted to let everyone know that I'm still very much here and haven't forgotten about this story. So here is a little teaser for the next chapter... just the first part of it. I'm hoping to get the rest of it ready this weekend... please... bear with me...

A jabbing pain in her right arm woke her up.  
  
She was lying on her right side, almost on her stomach, the odd position had coursed her arm to fall asleep. Carina struggled to get up, so she ended in a sitting position. The first moments were blurry, but the ache in her whole body was pretty real.  
  
She was painfully reminded, that she had spent quite some time sleeping on the floor, or more like she had… vivacious sex with a demi-god. Multiple times. Her back hurt a great deal and her core was sore. In fact, she was sore all over.  
  
Rubbing her eyes, she looked around. It was still dark outside. But it was December. She guessed it was early morning. The space mode was still on. Her stuff was still scattered all over the room. But only her stuff.  
  
She was alone.  
  
Loki was gone. Again.  
  
He appeared to be the fuck 'em and leave ’em type, after all, he did so the last time, too. She shrugged, not really surprised and not caring right now. Because yeah - the brunette stumbled to her feet, stretching her back, groaning  - she was pretty jaded just as much as she was exhilarating calm. Still, she needed to get out of here. Carina really, really wanted a shower, or better a warm bath for her sore muscles before she had to drive to her parents’. She was tremendously uncomfortable with the results of last night's actions on her body.  
  
With careful movements, she stepped through the room in search of her things. Finding her bag, she looked at her phone to see that it was indeed around 6 am and quite early. With some luck, nobody would see her.  
  
"Ha!“ she called out triumphantly as she found her bra. She put her clothes on slowly.  
  
_Damn, do I feel battered._  
  
Carina was just putting her shoes on when the door opened suddenly. For a moment, her heartbeat picked up, she thought she was truly screwed.  
Surprise and relief washed over her when Loki walked in.  
  
He looked at her with a small grin.  
  
"Well, good morning dear. You’re awake.“  
  
"Hey. Yeah, obviously. Why are you surprised?“ She was hopping ungracefully to get her high heels on.  
  
"You were virtual nonsentient for hours. I guess you were pretty… exhausted.“ He told her with a smug smile on his face, walking to her.  
  
"Well, what can I say. I’m human.“  
  
Carina searched her handbag for something to put her hair in a ponytail. She ignored the Asgardian as she found what she was looking for and did her hair.  
Next, she got out her cellphone, wanting to use the camera to see for any smeared eyeliner or mascara.  
  
"What are you’re doing?“ he finally asked with a confused look on his face.  
  
"Getting ready, I have to go to my quarters. And I have to make sure I don’t look too obvious… or hideous.“ she explained.  
  
"You worried that people might see you?“ he asked.  
  
"Yes, and if I look,“ - she barley caught herself from saying well fucked - "a mess, people talk. I don’t need that.“  
  
"Your appearance is adequate, don’t worry.“  
  
Carina snorted and lowered the phone, looking at him.  
  
"Call me exaggerated suspicious, but I don’t trust you with this, god of mischief. I could have 'dick’ written on my forehead and you'd let me walk out like that and laugh.“  
  
"I might laugh, but surely I would still tell you about something like that.“ he grinned.  
  
Shaking her head she put her phone back in her bag.  
  
He grinned at her. Stepping closer, his fingertips grazed her bare arms, leaving goosebumps behind.  
  
"You can trust me on this matter, Carina. You look just fine.“  
  
She looked at her arm and saw a light green shine. Her eyes shoot to his.  
  
"What did you do?!“  
  
"No need to worry. Just a minor diversion spell. It will vanish as soon as you enter your chambers.“  
  
Carina looked at her hands. "I’m invisible?“  
  
Loki rolled his eyes. "No, diversion spell. You’re not drawing attention to yourself, at least as long as you don’t want to. If people cross your path they won’t notice you, if you don’t talk to them or touch them. If you do, they will remember you, if not, they won’t. That’s the simplest way I can explain it to a human.“  
  
_God, he is an arrogant ass. And the worst thing is I have to thank him now._  
  
"Well, alright. Thank you.“  
  
Loki nodded at her. As she put on her coat she eyed him. He looked perfect as always. A different shirt from last night, the hair in a knot. He looked well-rested. What she saw of herself looked like hell. Part of her wanted to ask him why he came back but then she remembered that she slept on his coat.  
  
"Alright, I gotta go.“ she said as she took one final look around the room, checking if she forgot anything.  
  
"Very well. Have a good journey to your relatives Carina.“  
  
"Thank you.“ They were facing each other and suddenly it became awkward. Carina had the urge to say something else, and even worse, to do something else. Maybe a kiss on the cheek, a hug? But all of it seemed…off and misplaced.  
She tasted him a few hours ago, and he did her. She felt asleep on him, with his arms around her for heaven's sake. There was 'a something' going on between them… but this kind of intimacy felt weighty and too much for her.  
  
"I don’t think you will celebrate it but… Merry Christmas Loki, have a nice holiday.“ she finally said.  
  
"You’re very right, I won’t, but I appreciate it no less. The same I wish for you.“ He smiled at her and it seemed sincere.  
  
And with that, she left him, ignoring every part in her that had other ideas.

 

_........ more to come soon......_


	18. 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here is the rest of chapter 16  
> Sorry again for the delay. It's a short chapter. But I promise the next one will be longer and full of good stuff. :)

 

 

Christmas went by just fine. Far more relaxed than she expected. Even Toby's announcement about him and Vanessa didn't diminish that. Carina was surprised by her mothers' calm behavior. But when she thought about it, at this point Susan Miller would take whatever she could get. Maybe there was hope for at least one child to bring some grandkids home. She took the disgraced Vanessa if she had to.  
  
Kate and Jake really visited Jake's aunt and of course, Carina heard all about it. But she didn't mind. Kate was hilarious when she was annoyed.  
Of course, Carina would never tell her that.  
  
Right now she sat in an unused room at the New York City office, waiting on no one else but Theodor Kanov. Carina was nervous about this appointment. She wasn't sure why, but she was. Maybe because she looked at his file without his knowledge, she couldn't tell.  
Thankfully her professionalism took over with the knock on the door.  
  
________  
  
Kanov was what she expected but at the same time, he wasn't. His green eyes held far more depth in them than in the pictures. He moved with confidence but he looked tired no less. He called her ma'am and asked her to call him Theo. He was far more amenable to this than she expected but she could sense the doubt in him. It was only natural, he told her about the many different doctors he saw, the procedure he'd been through. She had the feeling that Mr. Kanov wasn't one to get desperate. He wasn't one to give up either.  
But he wouldn't be sugar-coated with false hope. She wouldn't call it resignation. He would try to get better, but he did accept his condition by now.  
  
The first 30 Minutes he told her the same stuff he surely by now told several different people. A quick summary of a carefree childhood except for his mother's early decease. The army, shield, war zones and missions. Heavy stuff, but everything processed well, he was sure about that.  
He just started to talk about his work at Stark's Human resources when she interrupted him for the first time.  
  
"Let's focus on the last six years for now. How many of your relatives and friends vanished Theo?"  
  
He looked puzzled for a moment, his well-known speech interrupted.  
  
"I didn't have much family left to begin with, ma'am. Just one uncle who was a widower and two cousins I have no contact with. My uncle, in fact, was one of the vanished. A few of my mates did too."  
  
"Can you name them?"  
  
He eyed her warily. Carina thought for the first time since he sat down across from her, he had to do more than to tell her a story.  
  
"Why is that important?" he asked.  
  
She shrugged. "It isn't. I just like to know their names."  
  
It took him a while to answer now.  "A few of my old brother-in-arms vanished."  
  
"I can imagine. Just, tell me the first few that come to your mind." she encouraged him.  
  
"Well, there was Matt and Dillon, Scott and Hudson. Smith, Anderson and Joey."  
  
She was sure at some point someone of the many specialists he saw by now asked him those questions before. She wasn't sure about the next one she was going to ask. "Do you know how they vanished? What they did when it happened?"  
  
And she was right. Theos' eyes went wide, then he sighed and looked away. It was the first real sign of emotion he revealed.  
  
"Most of them were at home. Just Smith and Joey were on duty."  
  
"Where? What did they do?" She could tell he started to get irate but tried his best to keep himself in check.  
  
"Smith was on a mission in Cambodia. It was a rescue mission as far as I know."  
  
She waited. But he didn't continue, just stared at the wall behind her.  
  
"And Joey?" she asked quietly.  
  
Kanov rubbed his face. She could feel his sudden distress. "What did Joey do Theo?"  
  
He inhaled deeply. "He was flying a helicopter, a test drive."  
  
Again there was a long pause.  
  
"He wasn't alone, was he?"  
  
Kanov shook his head, then looked down on his lap. His posture had changed, he looked almost fragile. That was when she knew what to ask next.  
  
"What was their name?" Carina asked softly.  
  
She thought he wouldn't answer. He was silent for a long time and Carina endured it. Grief and sorrow lingered in the air. Even when he wouldn't tell her anything more, she knew that this was something he hadn't told anyone. This was something, that his file didn't tell her either.  
  
When his voice finally revealed the name it was nothing more than a whisper. "Robert." Theo swallowed hard. "His name was Robert.“  
  
________  
  
"Barnes really likes the book. I saw him reading in it a few times already."  
  
"Yeah? I'm glad. I wasn't sure, but I thought he might like it, or at least give it a try."  
  
"Oh, I think he likes it. Wouldn't tell me what it's about though. So... what is it about?" Sam grinned at Carina as they made their way to the gym. It was early morning, New Year's Eve, and the two met up to do some training together. Bucky would join them too, but he had some business to take care of first. One of the recruits messed up on the last mission and Bucky seemed to take great pleasure in waking the poor guy up with a bucket of ice-cold water every other day.    
  
"Oh, I'm not telling you either," Carina replied, grinning. She got Bucky  'Let Me Tell You A Story' by Jorge Bucay for Christmas. It was a... very special book and if Bucky wanted to keep it to himself by not telling Sam anything about it she could understand that. And teasing Sam was always fun, too.  
  
"Oh Carina, I come to think you two are keeping secrets from me."  
  
"Maybe we do." She smirked, making Sam laugh.  
  
Bucky showed up after a while and the three of them did more chatting than training at the end, but it was nice. Carina just got back to the compound the night before and she didn't have the chance to talk to them since the Christmas party. When Sam was busy with some weights Bucky thanked her for her Christmas present. She saw the sincerity in his eyes and was more than happy about it. She in return thanked him for the present he gave her. It was a really nice notebook and a fancy pen. She really liked it.  
  
"Yeah? I'm glad. I saw you writing notes down a few times. And the book seemed to be almost full, so I thought you might like it.“ Bucky smiled at her.  
  
"I really do like it." She confirmed again.  
  
"Hey, you two! Stop whispering, you making me feel left out!" Sam shouted from across the room, making the two others laugh.  
  
______  
  
She decided on a far more comfortable outfit for the New Year's party than the one she wore for Christmas. It was another black dress; tight, but elegant. The long sleeves and the high neckline were made of see-through lace and she wore flats with it to make it a bit more casual. Her brown hair, longer than she wore it in a while, fell in soft waves down her back. One of her New Year's resolutions would be to finally get a haircut again.  
  
It's been a week since she saw Loki and she wondered if he would attend the party tonight.  
It was hard not to think about him... since she still had his marks on her body. They were slowly fading but still a silent reminder of their latest actions.  
  
As she entered the common area the party was already in full swing. The air was thick with the smell of food, alcohol, and the sound of laughter. She spotted Sam talking to Maria and waved to Bucky and Wanda who sat at a table together. She pointed to the bar, and they nodded, understanding her gesture.  
As she waited for the bartender to noticed her someone else did. Carina heard Bruce's voice calling her name. When she turned to her left she saw him standing a few feet away at the bar, waving and grinning at her. And he wasn't alone.  
All in black, but with a shiny green tie, Loki stood next to the green giant, a drink in his hand, eyes fixed on her, smirking.  
She smiled at them and waved back. Now she really needed a drink, especially before she would go over to them.  
Thankfully the bartender took her order just then and only seconds later she had a glass of whiskey in her hand.  
  
_No fucking around now... straight to the good stuff._  
  
She had a smile on her face as she went over to the two lab buddies who seemed to be in a deep conversation and Carina couldn't help but be surprised. It seemed like they went along just fine. Bruce even laughed at something Loki said. The latter noticed her, she saw his eyes glinting to her as she walked to them, but nothing else gave him away. He stood in front of Bruce, his speech never faltered.  
Just as she nearly reached those two and Bruce turned to her, taking a big step in her direction, bending down to give her a big hug, the rest of Loki registered her appearance.  
  
"How are you, Cari? How was Christmas?" Bruce asked as he let her go.  
  
"I'm good and it was nice. Thank you. How was yours? Did you guys have a good time?" she asked, keeping her eyes on Bruce for now.  
  
"Oh yeah, it was nice. As nice as Christmas here can get. I was afraid you wouldn't be here for New Year's Eve." he grinned at her.  
  
"Nah, I wouldn't miss it. I just had a little bit to take care of at the New York office so I just came back yesterday."  
  
Bruce nodded at her.  
  
"So, and you guys having fun? Hey Loki." she finally looked at the dark-haired Asgardian, fully aware of the fact that he looked at her the whole time.  
  
"Good evening Carina," he smirked at her.  
  
"I'm really surprised that you give all these earthly traditions a chance," she smirked right back.  
  
"He's just trying to pass the time.“ Bruce shrugged his large shoulders what earned him a side-glaze from Loki, but he said nothing.  
  
"Well, should we go sit down with the others? Sam is busy sweet-talking Hill, but Wanda and Bucky are back there." Carina suggested after a pause.  
  
"Sure." Bruce agreed easily. "You should check out the catering too. The fried potatoes are awesome."  
  
Carina laughed. "Yeah, I'll get some later."  
  
After she let Bruce walk ahead and was about to follow him - he was amazing at cleaning the path - she noticed that Loki didn't move.  She turned around to see him standing there, one hand holding his drink, one in his pocket, staring at something in the distance.  
  
"Aren't you coming?"  
  
His eyes snapped to her.  
  
"What?" he asked, apparently she ripped him out of deep thoughts.  
  
"Aren't you coming?" she repeated her question.  
  
"Coming where?"  
  
Carina rolled her eyes big time, she was afraid she pulled a muscle.  
  
"To the table, to sit with the others? C'mon!"  
  
"I don't think my appearance would be appreciated."  
  
She barely resisted rolling her eyes again. "Don't be stupid."  
  
He only lifted an eyebrow.  
  
"Bruce clearly likes you. And I know for a fact that Bucky and Wanda don't hold any grudges. The only one who would like to see you get lost is Sam. And besides being alone on this one, he’s busy with different things right now, so... let's go."  
  
She took a step forward but the dear prince still didn't move.  
  
"Do you really need a special invitation?" she sighed.  
  
"It would be appropriate, yes." he replied and Carina lost her patience then.  
  
"Don't be so bullheaded. C'mon, please." Without thinking about it she pulled at his arm, virtually yanking his hand out of his pocket, taking it in hers.  
She was sure it would be like trying to make a brick wall move but to her surprise, Loki did move. He let her drag him along and she felt his thumb drawing small circles on the back of her hand.  
He was always one step behind her and she didn't look back. As the table came into view she let go of his hand. A wave of anxiety mixed with delight washed over her when Loki held on to her hand for one or two extra seconds before releasing her.  
  
Bucky and Wanda looked a little surprised at her and Loki but said nothing. And thanks to Bruce nothing became overly awkward. He was standing before the table, talking about the food and drinks. He let Carina slip into the upholstered bench first, so she sat next to Wanda, then he sat down before Loki took a seat beside him.  
  
Easy conversations started, even when most of the talking was done by Bruce. Wanda did tell them about some European New Year’s Traditions as Carina took a big gulp of her whiskey, letting it burn down her throat. She couldn’t help that her mind wandered back to the man, who’s body was hidden by Bruce’s massive torso.

 

 

 


	19. 17

 

 

At some point, Sam and Maria joined the others. Like Carina expected, Sam's expression made it clear that he was far from happy to see Loki sitting with them at the table. But the God of Mischief ignored the glaring soldier and the overall relaxed and cheerful atmosphere prevented anything beyond that.

Still, it seemed like Sam couldn't stand to be near Loki for too long. After Maria told him she needed a break, he could convince Wanda into dancing with him. Maria took her place next to Carina.

"He has the energy of a five-year-old. At least sometimes." Carina grinned at the other woman.

"Oh yes, you can say that." She smiled in his direction before turning her gaze to Carina.

"How have you been? Did you have a nice Christmas?"

"Oh yeah, it was alright. Quite and peaceful as it should be. We had a small family celebration, quite traditional. You know, my parents, grandparents and my little brother with his girlfriend." Carina replied casually.

"Sounds nice." Maria smiled.

"Yeah, it was. How about you?"

"Oh, we had a nice time, too. Nothing special. I'm not so much into Christmas, so I like to keep it down."

Carina nodded. She loved Christmas. At least she once did. As a child and even in her early twenties she couldn't get enough of it. Somewhere along the way, it became less and less important. Maybe that was normal. 

"Where is Rhodey by the way? I didn't see him." Carina asked.

"Oh, he had to go to New York. Nothing serious, but he had to tend to some issue. He'll try to be back before midnight. He said he takes personal care of the fireworks."

"Oh, okay. We have to make sure to save him some food. Bruce is going strong tonight." The two women shared a laugh.

"So... you saw Theo?" Maria finally asked. Carina was waiting for that question.

"Yes, I did."

"And? How did it go? I know... I know you can't tell me much..." she didn't finish the sentence.

Carina wasn't sure what she should say. The first appointment with Mr. Kanov was indeed surprising. Before she met him, she was convinced that his symptoms were the results of a physical illness that yet had to be identified. 

But now she wasn't so sure anymore. Theo Kanov became far more colorful after their session. His - apparently- lack of romantic relationships made sense to her now. They didn't go into too many details after he revealed the death of his mates, but it was clear, that one of them was far more than an army pal. His name was Robert, he said. She couldn't be sure if Robert's death and Theo's sleeplessness had anything to do with each other. But she was sure, that Robert played an important role in Theo's life. And his passing did something to the man.

Surely, she wouldn't tell Maria any of that.

"It went well, Maria." 

"Are you seeing him again?"

Carina sighed. She wished Maria wouldn't ask. "He made another appointment, yes. I'm really not feeling comfortable talking about it. I'm still not sure it'll help him with his condition either. But as long as he wants too and I'm not thinking it's doing him more harm than good, I'll work with him."

Maria nodded at her, understanding.

"What do you think? Should we give the food a try? I need another drink too?" Carina asked, ready to change the subject.

Bucky let them rise from the bench. He whispered to Carina "Hurry" before the two women left him with a still talking Bruce and unusual quiet Loki, making her smirk. As she looked back, she caught Loki's gaze. He didn't even try to hide it or pretended that he was interested in anything that Bruce said. He rolled his eyes then pointed with his forefinger to his temple, imitating a gun. Carina looked away, she tried to hide her laugh but couldn't suppress the big grin on her face.

As they came back Bruce was gone, leaving Bucky and Loki in what seemed like an odd, comfortable silence. Loki - ever the gentleman - stood up before Bucky did and to her horror, Maria slipped into the bench before her, which meant she ended up sitting next to Loki. He kept a proper distance between their bodies, but she still felt like she could feel his body heat. 

"Where did big, green and talkative go?" Maria asked as they began eating.

"I can't tell. For the last hour, only my physical form was present." Loki sighed and Carina laughed around her fork. 

"He went to get us some more drinks," Bucky explained helpfully. 

At that moment a breathless Wanda and Sam came back to the table. Wanda was smiling and Sam seemed to be more relaxed too. It was nice to see the young woman smile. Life wasn't kind to her this far. Carina was glad to see that she enjoyed life. And as nice as it was that they were back and took some of the pressure to make conversation off of her, it also meant that they all need to move... which meant in fact that she had to move closer to Loki.

A small wave of his scent hit her as she did. 

"And? Are the fried potatoes as spectacular as they were announced to be?" The Asgardian asked her after a while. The others were listening to a tale about Steve Rogers Sam was telling them. Bruce was back, too. He put a tray full of drinks on the table and sat down on a chair.

Carina shook her head, smiling. 

"They're indeed quite good, yes." She looked at him. His eyes were fixed on her.

"As good as your homemade meals?" he smirked. Like most of the time, she was prepared for an insult.  

"Most things aren't as good as my homemade food, but it’s better than the stuff from the Thai place."

"Well, that's quite easy to master, isn't it?"

Carina shrugged and took another bite. After she swallowed she said: "Why don't you see for yourself? You didn't eat anything so far."

He moved his head a bit closer to her, his voice low. "Sure, you could let me take a bite… of yours.“

Carina nearly choked on a piece of bread and had to take a big gulp of her drink to prevent it. Loki took the opportunity to pet her on the back. 

"You're alright, dear?"

His question made Maria and Bucky look at her.

"Yeah, sure. I'm fine." she smiled, taking another sip. Thankfully, the others focused their attention back on Sam and his story and she decided to ignore Loki for now and to do the same. But it was easier said than done. 

Because the hand that petted her on the back, lingered there for longer than necessary and he simply let it fall after a while. Out of sight from anyone else, his hand was on the small of her back. She felt his eyes on her. And even though she didn't turn her head to look at him, she was sure there was a question in his gaze. Carina knew she could move closer to Maria or even push his hand away. But she didn't. Instead, she sat still, listening to Sam and eating her food. A bit later, after she finished eating, Carina pushed her plate into the center of the table, using the movement to slide casually closer to Loki. Their thighs touched slightly and as he leaned back, he let his hand wander to her leg. Maybe he did it because the position was less obvious and awkward, but part of her thought differently. He rested his hand just above her knee, playing with the hem of her dress, his fingers caressing her skin gently, sending small shivers through her body. 

Yes, she was sure. He needed to feel her flesh, just as much as she longed for his.

 

______

 

"No Bruce, I mean it. I'm good."

"Aw, c'mon. It's New Year's Eve, that's the best time to drink and maybe get a little tipsy."

"Just because you can drink like an ocean of booze before you feel the slightest bit drunk, doesn't mean we do too." Carina grinned at her friend and pushed the latest shot he put in front of her away. Before he could say something else, Bucky reached over and took the glass, draining it before putting it back. 

"There. It's gone." He simply said and Carina smiled at him thankfully. Bruce, on the other hand, was pouting, which only made her smile more. 

Since Bruce only brought spirits back to the table, she and Bucky decided to go to the bar themselves and get some water or really anything without alcohol. But Bruce followed them. After he was denied again, the giant walked off, muttering under his breath. 

It was not long before midnight. In a few minutes, everyone would go outside for the fireworks. Rhodes did make it back and was with the others at the table. She was surprised that he and Loki ended up in a very much sarcasm dripping, but mostly respectful conversation about some attack tactics. She didn't really understand what was going on, but it seemed to her, that the Avengers considered Loki's notions about something relating to a mission of theirs in the past. 

Still, she used the moment with him talking to Rhodey, and left with Bucky. His hand on her leg, even though he let it slip from her knee and was just brushing her skin with his fingertips now and then, was nearly burning her. Before she stood up she reached for his hand. His skin felt cool. It was a mystery to her how hot it was on her flesh.

_Is he using his magic?_

She gave his hand a quick, light squeeze before letting go, hoping he would understand what she couldn't even explain to herself.

Carina only knew that she needed a moment. 

Those clandestine, unseen, intimate touches right under the noses of the people she came to think of as her friends, they were so very unlike her. Touches like these were meant for younger people; lovestruck teenagers maybe, hiding their affection from their doubtfull parents. Or for people with a whole other set of morale than she thought she held. Like secret lovers, hiding an affair from their significant others. 

_Well, come to think of it..._

Carina had no significant other to hide anything from, but she just might have an affair. 

But in the end, all those thoughts didn't matter. What mattered was, that she enjoyed it. Besides the fact that she yearned for his touch, the secrecy made it exciting. She felt oddly vivid around him. It's been so very long since she felt like this. 

"So, do you have any New Year's resolutions?" She asked Bucky after the bartender gave them their drinks.

"Nah, I don't." The super soldier shook his head.

"What?! Really, nothing at all? Shouldn't be there like a thousand things you finally want to try?" Carina asked, hoping that she and Bucky reached the kind of understanding by now which made him know that she meant well.

He grinned. "You see, I was never big on those and life is kind of uncertain. Resolutions, expectations... they all make it even more difficult."

Carina nodded slowly. "Yeah, I get that. It can be fun still."

They were silent for a while before a small smile appeared on Buckys lips. "You know, there is one thing."

"Yeah?"

"But it's kind of silly."

"Tell me anyway." She grinned at him.

"Well, I thought about..." he stopped.

"Goddamn it, don't draw this out, tell me!"

"I'm thinking about getting a haircut. It's kind of a resolution for the next year."

"No way!" Carina called out, the last drink she had made her a little bit tipsy.

"I know it's stupid." Bucky sighed. "It shouldn't be a big deal, but it is for me, I... I don't know."

"Oh no, no!" Carina grabbed his arm, making him look at her.

"I have the same resolution. No shit. Like my only real New Year's resolution is to get a haircut."

Bucky looked at her for a moment, unmoving, before he grinned. The grin turned into a full-blown smile, the smile into a laugh, Carina joining in easily. 

 

______

 

After their laughers died down they hurried back to the table. Midnight was near. 

Carina couldn't help but be disappointed, seeing Loki was no longer there. She wasn't sure if she was hoping to end the night with him, but she knew that she would have liked his presence for a little bit longer.

She didn't have much time to think about it since Wanda - who was a little tipsy herself - linked arms with her and the group made their way outside.

Champagne was handed to everyone and the crowd started the countdown. Carina cursed herself for not taking her coat out with her, it was freezing. Well, now wasn’t the time.

"3, 2, 1… Happy New Year!!!“

Glasses clicked, hugs were shared. And yeah, some people kissed. Carina did too, but only kisses on the cheek, to Bruce, Bucky and Sam. Exterior loudspeakers played Auld Lang Syne. In the turmoil of cheer and joy, she left the side of her friends to get rid of her empty glass. After she found an abandoned tray, she put her glass on it and was on her way back as the firework really picked up. 

The crowd was moving and more people came out to see it. Soon she had no idea where everyone was and just decided to wait a minute and simply enjoy the show Rhodey bragged so much about. And well, she had to give it to him. It was impressive, but it didn't change the fact that she was about to freeze her ass off. Carina wrapped her arms around herself. She thought about going back inside, getting her coat and then start her search for the others.

She sensed him before she felt him. Only for a second before she felt his chest on her back and his right hand on her hip, but still. His breath was on her cheek as he bent down to speak in her ear.

"With all your people have accomplished those last years, you're still drawing colors in the sky with gunpowder and fire."

"Well, it is called fireworks after all. Gotta stay true to the name." She smirked without moving, even though she desperately wanted to lean back, seeking out some of the warmth he had to offer and feel his hard body again. Like he could read her mind Loki stepped closer, pressing more firmly against her back. His left hand pushed some of her hair aside to give him access to the part of her neck that wasn't covered, he lowered his head and she felt his lips on her skin.

"Loki." she hissed quietly and tried to move away, but he held her to him with the hand on her hip. Carina turned her head to look at him.

"What are you're doing?" His handsome face looked relaxed.

"Someone will-"

"Nobody will see." he interrupted her, pushing his face into her hair, his lips touched her ear as he spoke. "Do not worry. Look around sweet Carina. Nobody will see. I made sure of that. Believe me, I wish to keep our matter to ourselves just as much as you do. It's nobody else's concern but yours and mine. And I will keep it that way."

She couldn't help but shiver at his words. And yes, as she took a look around, nobody paid attention to them, they all looked up to the fireworks.

"I'm about to retreat for the night. Care to join me?" Loki asked, the hand on her hip wandering up, dangerously close to her breast. She had to keep it together.

"It's still early for a New Year's celebration. I can't just leave now." She whispered.

"Then when?" he was like... growling and damn him but it went straight between her legs.

"An hour?" she whimpered, his hand closed over her breast, his lips lingered on her flash.

_Godamn it, what am I?! A damsel in distress? Fuck that!_

Carina took a big step away, turning around to face him. Loki let her, his eyes fixed on her.

"An hour and a half." she rectified herself. Loki looked at her with a small smile on his lips, almost admiring.

"As you wish. The space room, as you called it?"

"No." Carina shook her head. "No, meet me at my quarters."

Loki looked at her surprised but nodded. "Very well." He moved closer to her so she had to tilt her head back to look at him. His hand caressed her arms, slowly moving up to her shoulders. "You look cold darling. You should go inside." He purred. His gaze kept her's captive, so she only saw the glimmer of green out of the corner of her eye. But she felt the warmth that suddenly flowed through her.

One last smirk and then he let go of her completely and escaped into the crowd.

Carina took a deep breath before she looked back up at the fireworks, suddenly aware of the fact that the noises around her almost disappeared a few moments ago.

Was she sure about letting him sleep with her in her bed again? No, no she wasn’t. Could she handle another round of sex on the ground with him? She was _very sure_ she couldn’t.

As much as she wanted it, she wasn’t as young as she used to be.  

So, her quarters it was. She would ask him to meet at his, but he had the ability to get to hers unnoticed. She couldn’t say the same about herself.

As the last sparks lightened the night sky she made her way back inside. She wasn't cold anymore, far from it. But she thought about waiting at their table for her friends, ready to enjoy a few more cheerful moments with them.

 

______

 

She half expected to see Loki sitting on the table, not missing on the chance to tease her more and getting under her skin as much as possible. But he wasn't. Instead, Wanda and Bucky were there.

"Hey, where you disappeared to?" the younger woman asked as Carina sat down next to her.

"I wanted to get rid of my glass, couldn't find you guys out there. There are way too many people. I thought I'll just wait back here. You two also just came back?"

"I'm not so fond of fireworks. I just don't like the smell and the noises." Wanda explained and Carina nodded in understanding.

It wasn't long before everyone was back inside. They drunk some more, listened to some of Rhodes stories about him and Tony, that always left a bittersweet feeling behind, and Carina even hit the dancefloor with Wanda. It was close to 2 am when she started to say her goodbye. Of course, Sam and Bruce whined about her leaving, but she just smiled as she hugged them, repeating that she was tired.

Carina hurried to her quarters. She was already late and Loki didn't seem to be someone who would wait for long.

He wasn't in front of her building and she thought she might be right and he already left.

_Oh well then..._

She entered quickly, as she turned the corner to her floor she saw his tall dark figure, standing by her door. Carina felt her heartbeat picking up.

"You're late," he remarked tonelessly as she opened her door.

"Yeah I know, I'm sorry." she apologized honestly. She hated being late.

Carina went in first, Loki followed close behind her, closing the door.

"How do you plan to make it up to me?" She basically heard the smirk in his voice and turned around to him to see it as well. 

Returning the grin, she reached for him.

His lips felt so good on hers, as did his tongue as she granted it entrance to hers. Carina wrapped her arms around his neck, while Loki bent down to press her to his chest. She felt his hardness against her stomach and it only let the heat in her grow. She wanted him. She wasn't alone in her desire. 

Loki walked her backward, his hands all over her body. Carina got rid of her coat along the way. Her legs hit her sofa. He spun her around, his restless hands went to the hem of her dress, pushing it up impatient. Her tights ripped as he pushed them down. 

She whimpered as he reached around her again, his fingers gliding between her folds, finding her clit and drawing circles on it, his other hand on her breast, keeping her locked against him. It didn't take long for her to be ready for him. In a swift movement, he left her trembling center and freed himself. She felt his hard length against her entrance, sliding in, slow but steady till he was all the way in. Carina held on to him, one hand on the forearm around her, one reaching back to his ass. 

Loki breathed harshly in her ear, only starting to move when she pressed back at him, arching her back.

He set a deep pace, plunging to his limit every time. Loki started to play with her clit again, making her moan and twitch in his embrace. She felt the fabric of his trousers every time he was so deep in her, hitting her cervix, sending a slightly painful delight through her entire body. 

He nipped at the skin of her cheek, moving lower and leaving wet marks behind. His hand tugged at the neckline of her dress, she felt the fabric stretching.

"Careful, don’t rip it!“ she moaned.

Loki growled, obviously frustrated by not having as much access to her skin as he would like. One hand took hold of her hair turning her head so he could capture her lips in a bruising kiss. Carina matched him with her fervor. Only when she felt her climax raising she let him just take what he wanted, his tongue in her mouth as ruthless as his cock in her pussy. She whimpered against his lips as she came, bathing his length in her desire. Loki held her, speeding up even more, thrusting harder into her. She was trembling as he twitched inside of her, his grunts in her ear. Feeling their fluids mix, she was glad she took the doctor's advice to heart and was on birth control again.

Still buried deep in her, his hands wandered over her dressed body.

"As amiable as this looks on you, it needs to go.“

She nodded, breathing heavily. "I agree. And thanks for not ripping it.“ She heard him snicker.

"Let’s take this to the bedroom.“ she breathed and felt Loki nodding, his head in her neck. She knew by now that he wasn't a one-round-type of man and she didn't bring him to her quarters for a quickie.

Both calmed their breathing and Loki withdrew from her carefully. Just at that moment, she heard her cellphone ringing. She didn't take it with her to the party, she took no bag with her at all, so she found it on her coffee table. Carina moved her dress down - more out of habit than modesty - and walked to the table. The display was glowing in the dark. It was her mother.

"Shit." she whispered. She totally forgot.

"Sorry, I have to take this." She looked at Loki. He stood there perfectly still but had tucked himself back into his pants, apparently.

"By all means, take it." He didn't sound thrilled, so she gave him, what she hoped was an apologetic look and answered the call.

"Hey mom. Happy New Year!" Carina said cheerfully.

"Thank god! I called you at least three times already."

"Sorry mom, I forgot my phone."

"Well, good to know you're okay. It would have been nice if you called or answered the phone. Your grandma is her too."

Carina tried not to sigh. "Yeah, like I said. I forgot my phone."

Her mother went on about their evening. There was no escaping.

"Hold on ma, one moment." Carina put the microphone on mute, letting her hand sink.

She turned to Loki.

"I’m… well…“ she didn’t know what she should say. She didn’t want to throw him out, but she had a really hard time just blowing her mother off. 

"I guess I’ll take my leave for tonight.“ Loki helped her out, stepping in front of her. He pushed some of her hair out of her face, then his hands took hold of her head.

"We will continue this another time.“ And with that he gave her one last deep, demanding kiss, his tongue playing so skillful with hers, stealing her breath. He nibbled on her lips one last time before withdrawing and leaving her room, without a gaze back. 

She pressed the phone back to her ear after pressing the mute button again.

"I'm back mom."

Carina stood in her dark living room, staring at her closed door, only half-listening to her mother's stories, her mind was elsewhere.

_He is truly full of surprises._

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What follows is quite a personal note:
> 
> This year was, in many ways, kind to me. Just a few weeks ago I was almost bragging about all the fluff in my life. Well, that changed quickly. The last four weeks were like an earthquake every single day. It started with a tragedy -which included death and violence- in my professional life that asked a lot of me. I had long, stressful hours at work. In my private life, I had to worry about a mental sick brother, who is a danger to himself at times and the last two weeks were extra hard.  
> Today my dog, who is with me for the last 12 years, was very sick. Turned out she had a tumor that well, burst. I went with my guts and decided to try and save her by having her operated. She lived through the procedure but is far from out of danger. The next hours and days will show. If she makes it and the tumor was malignant, she has a few weeks. I'm hoping she survives and has a few more wonderful years. She is a good dog, as all dogs are, and deserves this so much. 
> 
> I don't mean to be whiny. I just want to say that right now, life is pretty rough. I'm taking a lot of hits and I'm not sure what comes next. Writing was and is an escape and hobby, but right now, I'm not sure how constant I can be with the updates. I'm trying and hoping and I hope everyone who reads my story bears with me. I WILL update as much and soon as possible, just maybe far slower than so far.
> 
> Thank you all so much for reading.


	20. 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, big thank you to everyone who is still reading this!  
> It took me far longer to find some time to write than I thought. But it's so nice to get back to it. I'm sorry it took a while. I hope this long chapter makes up for the wait. 
> 
> We're halfway through the story. Next chapter will be a lot of plot and - hopefully - up next week.
> 
> I would love for you to leave me a comment, tell me what you think.
> 
> And again, thank you so much for reading!

  
_Full of surprises_. Carina thought again on her morning run a few days later. It had started to snow those last days and the world was white and pristine. The sky this morning was clear and blue, the air cold and slightly hurting her lungs. She still - or maybe because of that - decided to run through the forest. It was just too beautiful. She enjoyed it. The quietness, everything looking so clean, untouched. The rising sun placed glittering diamonds on the treetops and the road ahead of her. Carina increased her pace. She was nearly done with her round when she saw him.  
He stood tall, hands in the pockets of his black coat, at the entrance of the forest, facing her direction. His elegant form looked wrong and right in this frostbitten environment. Coming closer Carina saw the smirk that graced his handsome face while his eyes were fixed on her.  
They hadn’t seen each other since New Year’s Eve. Mostly because she had had a lot of appointments and had spent two days in the city to catch up with Kate and Jake. She had planned to go to the lounge later, in hope to find him there. It looked like he found her first.  
  
She slowed down and came to a stop right in front of him.  
“Morning” she was panting, her warm breath visible in the chilly air.  
  
Loki’s smirk grew. “Good Morning Carina. How have you been?”  
  
She couldn’t remember if Loki ever asked her this kind of question but she would go with it. “Good. I’ve been quite busy. Many appointments, but things are slowing down. How are you?”  
  
She was still very much out of breath, trying to get air in her lungs was hard because of the cold. She put her hands on her hips and looked at him.  
  
Loki stood still. His breath didn’t seem to make little clouds like hers did. His skin was as white and flawless as the snow and his eyes looked as blue as the sky above them. His raven dark hair was open and loosely combed back, a few strains framed his face.  
  
Carina fought the urge to graze those cheekbones with her fingertips and press her mouth to his thin lips. Would they be cool against hers? She would welcome it. Her face was still hot from the run.  
  
“I’m quite well, thank you. Unchallenged and bored, however, that’s not a new development but seems to be the dilemma of my existence.”  
  
Carina laughed which ended in a cough. Loki frowned. “You shouldn’t exercise in this weather. Your human bodies are much too weak for this kind of effort."  
  
Carina smirked at that, shaking her head. “Thanks for the concern, but I can handle a bit of cold. In fact, I welcome it at times.”  
  
The look he gave her was new. His whole expression changed. Not much, but enough for her to noticed by now. He always had a slightly unsettling nature to himself, with his intense eyes and witty mind.  She came to terms with it mostly. Still, this was different. He looked like he was holding his breath, his eyes fixed on her. She couldn't truly place what she saw in his sight. Awe might sum it up, but she did want to go so far. Whatever it was, Loki was quiet no less.  
  
Carina cleared her throat. "So no interesting work with Bruce you're not allowed to talk about those last days? He virtually lives in his labor right now. When I asked him to come for a run today he didn't even answered my text."  
  
She started to walk as she began to speak, Loki falling into step beside her.  
  
"Well yes, but my answer still stands. Although it was amusing to see the dear doctor struggling to apologize to this assistant every time he managed to spill any kind of liquid over papers, or the said assistant herself, it lost my interest at this point."  
  
Carina grinned, asking: "But the problem is still there isn't it? Those gates? The holes to other dimensions?"  
  
"Like you said dear Carina, it is strictly forbidden for me to talk about it." He was giving her the most charming smile.  
  
"Oh, and you're sure are all about following orders," she smirked right back.    
  
"Of course. I'm a guest on this lovely planet and only my best behavior is acceptable."  
  
Carina shook her head, grinning. They walked silently side by side for a while.  
  
"Did you have seasons in Asgard?" Carina asked. She just thought again how much she liked the stillness of a winter day like this and was curious.  
  
Loki took a few seconds before answering, but when he did his tone was smooth, maybe even bright.  
  
"No, nothing like here on Midgard. Asgard was very different than most planets. But I did see snow before if that's what you're asking."  
  
"Oh, no. I didn't mean to imply that you didn't. I was just curious. And it's funny. A few decades ago, we thought we would be so unique, our silly little planet. The whole nature's cycle thing here, from spring to winter and spring again. Now we know that there is so much more life out there."  
  
"As soon as you could form a thought, humans always believed in their inimitability," Loki remarked.  
  
"Aren't you doing just the same?" Carina turned her head to look at him, they nearly reached her living quarters.  
  
"Well, that's because I am inimitable, darling." The look he gave could only be described as ingratiating and insinuating.  
  
Carina laughed and turned her gaze to the sky. They walked again in silence. She enjoyed the last moment out in the cold, enjoyed the prickling of her skin, now as the heat from her run left her body and the chilly air took over.  
  
"You seem to have an affection for this kind of weather condition," Loki stated. She smiled softly but didn't look at him.  
  
"I do. But to be fair, I like almost every season. They all have something to them. Under the right circumstances, every weather is enjoyable."  
  
They reached her living quarters. They stopped in front of the door and Carina turned to Loki. He had his hands on his back and looked at her with his alert, bright eyes.  
  
"However, I think the weather also requires a hot coffee later on. Care to meet me in the lounge? I'll have the last appointment at 3 pm today, it should take maybe half an hour. After that, I wanted to grab one."  
  
Loki stared at her for a moment longer, then he smiled. "I always enjoy afternoon coffee. It will be my pleasure."  
And with that, he bowed down just the slightest and give her another smirk, before he turned to leave.  
  
Carina grinned to herself as she walked to her apartment.  
  
.....  
  
They did meet in the lounge. Carina was there first. She made herself a cup of coffee and took her favorite seat on the sofa. She waited for 20 minutes and was about to grab a book and go home when Loki entered. He helped himself with some coffee and although she didn't say anything he apologized for his delay and told her that Bruce needed his help in the labor.  
  
He sat down next to her. They talked for a while, about Earth traditions and Asgardian wine. When Carina got up to refill her cup he negated her offer to do the same for him. But when she pushed the button on the machine she felt him behind her.  
Right after she turned around his lips were on hers, as were his hands. She was trapped between his hard body and the counter, as he pushed her against it. She matched him in his eagerness. She let his tongue explore her mouth, greeted it with hers as her hands wandered over his chest and shoulders to his back. The silky shirt he wore let her feel his muscles move while his hands explored her body.  
  
Carina started to feel dizzy. She wasn't sure if she would have let him take her right there on the counter. But she didn't need to make this decision because Loki broke their kiss.    
  
"This environment might not be suitable for any further progression, my dear. I suggest we continue this somewhere else?"  
  
Carina was taken aback at first. But then his words sank in.  
  
 _Of course, he's right_.  
  
She nodded, letting go of him and he did the same, even took a step back from her. Still, Loki looked at her expectantly.  
  
Carina needed a moment to find her voice. "I have some paperwork to do. I'm at my place at seven."  
  
Loki raised an eyebrow.  
  
"You remember where my living quarter is, right?"  
  
"I certainly do." He responded.  
  
"So?"  
  
"I beg your pardon, was that an invitation to your chambers?"  
  
"Loki...." she groaned. He just kept looking at her, smiling all innocent with this glimmer of mischief in his gaze. God, he was a brat. He really wanted her to say it.  
  
"Yes, it was an invitation." Carina finally pressed out.  
  
Victory joined the humor in his eyes. "Well, if my presence is requested so nicely, I shall be there."  
  
....  
  
"And then he was shouting in this surprisingly deep voice: 'begone! begone!'"  
  
"He what?" Carina started to laugh.  
  
"I swear it! He was calling out, again and again, in a deep and stern voice: begone! begone! I just thought: what the fuck is happening?!"  
  
Carina was laughing so hard by now, she nearly dropped the phone. Kate had the best stories. Just now she told her about the latest night events with Jake. And no, there were no sexy ones.  
  
"I called his name a few times and he woke up. And I mean literally woke up. He was wide awake right away. Talking about the wild dream he just had. About his ex from college or something. I was too shocked and dozy at the same time to get fully what he said. After he finished his story he went to the bathroom, came back, turned off the light and went right back to sleep. Now guess who laid in bed after her husband woke her up, kicking and shouting at 3 am? Yeah, that would be me!"  
  
Carina smiled as she sat down on her sofa. "Aww, I'm sorry, babe. But I kind of  want to know what he dreamed about."  
  
"I asked him this morning, too. He can't remember, can't even fully recall the whole thing."  
  
"That's too bad. Must have been a dream."  
  
"You're telling me." Kate snorted and Carina's grin grew, then she looked at her watch. It was almost 7 o'clock.  
  
"Alright, Katie. I'll let you go now. Give Jake a hug from me okay... if you think it's safe."  
  
"Will do, but you getting rid of me so soon? Have a hot date coming up?"  
  
"Nah, I just promised my mom to call her today." Carina hated lying to her friend but she saw no alternative right now. It wasn't like she hadn't thought about telling Kate or feared a lack of discretion on her friend's part. But she wasn't sure how to explain what she and Loki had, or did. And some part of her might fear her friend's judgment. And besides that, quite frankly she wasn't ready to share it with anyone.  
  
"You're sure about that? I think you have 'Mister Arcanely' coming over." Carina could hear the good humor in her friend's voice but also a hint of severity. The fact that she was right made it all so much harder.  
  
"Katie..." Carina sighed.  
  
"Don't even start. I know something is going on. You don't want to tell me? That's fine. But you can talk to me, right? You know that. Do I feel insulted that my best friend is possibly getting it on with an Avenger and not telling me? Hell yeah!"  
  
"Katie..." Carina now whined. "It's not like that and you know it. There really isn't something to tell."  
  
The other end was silent for a moment before Carina could hear Kate sigh.  
  
"Alright, but you didn't answer. You do know that you can talk to me? Right? About everything?"  
  
"Yes, Katie. Of course, I know. And I do. I do."  
  
"Okay, so. I let you go so you can call your _mother_."  
  
Carina couldn't help but laugh. "Goodnight Katie. We speak later this week, alright. Love you."  
  
"We will. Love you too honey. Have a fun night."  
  
Carina didn't bother to say anything else. She just laughed and ended the call.  
  
Just ten minutes after she hung up there was a knock on her door.  
Not in the mood for games, she opened the door right away. She had already changed into comfy but nice enough trousers and a casual, form-fitting jumper. Her hair was in a bun on the top of her head and she already got rid of the little make-up she wore. Loki, on the other hand, looked well put together like most of the time. He wore the same outfit as earlier, black trousers and a dark green silk shirt under a black coat. His hair was open around his shoulders and combed back.  
  
She let him in wordlessly and closed the door behind him. She had some classical music on, Vivaldi was playing in the background.  
Carina didn't waste any time. Like the last time he stood in her living room she reached for him. She noticed that her movements were more urgent than his. She let her hand wander under his coat, trying to slide it from his shoulders. But Loki held her face with both of his hands as they kissed, preventing her from it.  
She pressed herself against him when he finally helped her out and took off his coat.  
As it hit the floor she was the one that pushed him backward. Loki did so compliantly. When they stood in front of the sofa she broke their kiss. Carina took off her jumper, only wearing her bra underneath, then started to unbutton Loki's shirt.  
He let her, watched her with darkened eyes, his fingertips brushing over the exposed skin of her arms lightly. When his shirt was off, she pushed against his hard, pale chest.  
  
Loki smirked, then let himself fall into her sofa. Carina stepped between his legs, she let her trousers fall. Loki helped her, she placed her hands on his shoulders for balance, his hand gliding over her thighs and calves.  
  
"Our last encounter of this nature was deeply dissatisfying." Loki tossed the garment aside.  
  
 _This is the first thing he says? And right now_?  
  
"Oh it was?" she was slightly offended.  
  
"Only by the fact that it was so limited in time, sweet Carina. I had much more in mind than what we could do."  
  
"Is that so? Like what?"  
  
"Patience my dear, patience. You'll find out soon enough." And with a devilish grin, he grabbed her hips, dragging her on his lap. She straddled him, felt his hard cock against her already wet center. She pressed down as he pressed up, both of them muffled their moans in the mouth of the other. His hands found the way into her hair, getting rid of the hair tie, he let strands of it slip through his fingers, then his hands wandered down her back.  
  
Ohhh, she liked this, always had. She greatly enjoyed this position. She liked the heat it created, facing each other, their chest pressed together, being able to kiss and touch, having your hands free. And most guys did too, of course. But with most guys, it was simply because they didn't have to do any of the work with a girl on top, but she knew Loki was different. So far, through this whole liaison he showed her that. He was Asgardian, his stamina indisputable. But he also considerably enjoyed giving her pleasure, just as much as he enjoyed taking it for himself. The way his hands roamed over her body, pressing her more firmly to his chest and his mouth, restless alternating between capturing her lips and kissing, licking and biting every part of her naked flesh he could reach, repeating the things that made her moaned the loudest, was another proof of that.  
  
But soon, it wasn't enough. Carina reached behind herself to open her bra and Loki's left hand slipped down to her pussy, rubbing her through her panties.  
Carina put her hands to his shoulders, wanting to get up and lose her last piece of clothing when he held her hips in place.  
  
"I like these." he grinned at her, then his thumb slipped under her panties, letting her know what he meant. "But I better like them off right now."  
  
"Yeah, me too. So let me-" As Carina again tried to get up a green shimmer appeared, leaving herself as well as Loki naked.  
  
"What the..."  
  
Loki tilted his head to her coffee table. Sure enough, both of their clothes were there.  
  
Turning her head back to him, Loki proceeded to play with her clit, rubbing circles on it. His cock now free, was hard and ready against her thigh. He grabbed it with his other hand, teasing her entrance with the head but barely pushing it in. His hands gripped her hips again, but he didn't move.  When his eyes found hers she started to rock her hips tentatively.  
  
"If you can do that, why ripping two of my tights?" she moaned while she sank down on him.  
  
"I like the concept of getting undressed or undressing you."  
  
Carina's grin transformed into a gasp as Loki pressed her further down his length, till his very limit - and hers.  
  
"Fuck." she sobbed. She needed a moment, and Loki held her. He was in so deep. Her movements started slowly. He let her set the pace, his hands always holding her close, caressing her. He sucked on her nipples and kissed her panting mouth. As she thrust harder down on him he growled, his hips met hers halfway and his fingers found her clit again. When she came, he only increased the pressure. Now weak from her climax he moved her hips while pounding up into her. Carina held on to him, her face in his neck. A second orgasm washed over her and Loki took hold of her head, kissing her fiercely as his pace became unsteady. He came with a moan, his lips still on hers.    
  
Loki leaned back into the couch and took Carina with him. His arms around her, his hands caressing her hair and back tenderly. Carina reclined comfortably against him, her head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat as they both caught their breath.    
  
....  
  
They didn't make it the bedroom this time either but unlike then, it was intentional.  
  
Carina did get her robe. After he pleasured her with his mouth she needed a break and he didn't mind. She had made soup earlier. And after she pleaded with him to put on his pants, and him mocking her for not being able to contain herself around him but doing her the favor, she offered him some.  
  
"It's nothing special. Just vegetables. Pumpkin, celery, carrots, potatoes. Stuff like that."  
  
Surprisingly he agreed easily and they ate on her couch, mostly in silence.  
  
After she took their empty bowls to the sink, it was him who all but ravished her.  
  
Two hours later, she was more than tired. And she guessed Loki could see it too. After she finally found the strength to get up and lift her body from his and went to the bathroom to clean up a bit, she came back to find a fully dressed Loki, standing before her bookshelf.  
  
"You can borrow some if you want to. Just you know, remember to return it." She told him after she got herself a glass of water.  
  
"I just might take you on that offer. And I'll promise to return it to you next time we... see each other." He turned to her, smirking and Carina took a deep breath before she spoke next.  
  
"Loki, if we're going to continue this-"  
  
“ _If_? I think we already discovered that you can't resist me."  
  
She ignored his interruption. "If we are going to continue this, we need to set a few things straight."  
  
He looked at her puzzled.  Carina sighed. "Like ground rules? Basic principle?"  
  
Loki, so very much like him, rolled his eyes and sat down on the sofa, crossing his legs. "Very well, go on." he waved his hand at her when she was silent.  
  
 _God, he is too much sometimes_.  
  
"We're still on the same page about the discretion?"  
  
"I think I made myself clear. I'm as fond of my privacy as you are, darling. No one saw me coming here, no one will see me leave."  
  
"Alright." she nodded.  
  
"This is the only _dictate_... you have for me?" he smirked at her.  
  
 _Oh, I have so much more pal, like get rid of some arrogance if you want my mouth on you ever again._  
  
But Carina said nothing for a moment, just sipped her drink.  
  
"Let's keep it harmless enough in public, alright? The lounge today, for example, or... my office. This shouldn't happen again." She remembered their first time on her desk, thought about it like every time she set down on her office chair.  
  
"Oh, let me assure you, I'll be as tame as a kitten. I'm more concerned about you not being able to keep your hands off me."  
  
"Loki, I'm being serious here."  
  
"So am I darling. And don't trouble yourself. I can promise you that if you can't contain yourself, I will keep your modesty intact and unscathed. Just like I did the night of the fireworks."  
  
Yeah, she remembered very well him touching her in the crowd of people and nobody seemed to notice. She refrained to remind him, that he was groping her, but whatever.  
  
"Alright then. This weak human body needs sleep. Feel free to grab a book and then see yourself out, okay?"  
  
She had thought about offering him to stay for a moment when they eat the soup, but he was fully dressed and just so damn smug so she didn't feel obligated to make the offer right now. And she was incredibly tired. She was testy when tired.  
  
Loki just smiled at her charmingly.  
  
"That I will do. Have a good night's rest, dear Carina." He bowed to her slightly. Carina felt his eyes following her as she went to her bedroom and closed the door.  
  
A few minutes later she was already half asleep when she heard the front door closing.  
  
....  
  
"So, where have you been those last couple of days?"  
  
Carina didn't expect them to answer, but she tried it anyway. One of these days they might surprise her.  
  
"Sorry Cari, can't tell." Sam told her apologetic. Bucky just looked down on his food.  
  
"Well, the main thing is you're back and you're okay. And really... the only thing you missed is taco Tuesday. So all is good."  
  
Sam was laughing and Bucky gave her at least a little smile. "So, do the gentlemen have time to join me tomorrow for a little run?"  She changed the subject.  
  
"Aw, sorry I can't. I have a meeting at 8 am." Sam answered.  
  
"I'll come. Of course. Maybe without this slowpoke, we can finally have a real run."  
  
"Ey man. That's not cool."  
  
They completely ignored Sam's whining.  
  
"Great. Is the forest okay for you?"  
  
"Sure, the field gets boring after a while."  
  
"Hey guys." all three of them looked up to see Bruce and Loki approaching the table. They both had a tray in their hands. It was more than strange to see Loki with a canteen meal. Even more than seeing the big, green Bruce Banner with a tray overcharged with food. Carina had to bit her lip to stop from laughing.  
  
"Hey Banner. Where have you been? We could have needed you at the last mission." Sam said and eyed Loki wary.  
  
"I'm sorry, man. I was all up in work." Bruce sat down next to Carina and gave her a one-armed bear hug. "Hey Cari, it's really good to see you. I'm sorry for not answering your text."  
  
"It's okay. I know you're busy."  
  
Loki took a seat next to Bucky. Carina glanced over to him, but he was looking down on his food, distaste in his eyes. Perhaps coming here wasn't his idea. She thought that maybe Bruce talked him into trying the food.  
  
The year was two weeks old and they saw each other quite a lot. It didn't always end in sex. That was only two times so far. But they met in the lounge, sometimes randomly, sometimes they talked about meeting there. He joined her on a walk the other day, after giving her back her book. He did borrow ' _The girl that loved Tom Gorden_ ' by Stephen King. She thought it was an odd choice, even for him. She had a few classics on her shelf; ' _The Tragœdy of Othello_ ' or ' _Faust_ '. But he chose the small, tattered book.    
Of course, he didn't like it. At least that was what he said. He called it a dull tale and changed the topic.  
Yesterday in the lounge they kissed quite heavily and he asked for them to met later, but she had a late appointment in the city with Theo Kanov and they agreed on tonight.  
And yeah, she truly felt pleasant anticipation. She didn't want to give it too much of a thought but she slept better those last weeks.  
  
Loki didn't participate in the table conversations. And he also didn't eat. To his credit, she saw him giving it a try, though.  
  
Bucky and Sam left the table first.  
  
"I have to get back to business. And I promise you, Cari, next week I won't forget our Monday morning run." Bruce stated.  
  
"Don't worry Burce. It's alright."  
  
The scientist smiled kindly at her. "Are you coming, pal?" He looked at Loki.  
  
"Oh please. Go ahead, Bruce. I'm still undecided if this is actual food or something they use on Vanaheim to build their buildings."  
  
Loki looked down on his vegan Chili.  
  
"Alright. Cari, you need to come by the lab again sometime. With your food, he bitches less."  
  
Carina laughed and waved at him as Bruce left them.  
  
Loki pushed his plate away.  
  
"Sadly, he is right. Your cuisine is the most tolerable here so far."  
  
"Well, thank you. That's almost nice of you to say."  
  
Loki smirked at her. Today he looked as casual as he could. He had his hair in a low knot. A few strands were out. The dark blue shirt wasn't silk, it looked more like cotton.  
He leaned to her slightly, lowing his voice.  
  
"You don't happen to have some, let's say soup at your chambers, have you?"  
  
Carina raised an eyebrow, surprised. Was he inviting himself for dinner? Well, she shouldn't be surprised. He did it before.  
  
"Today I was going more for oven-stewed pumpkin and potatoes as well as bread."  
  
"Sounds wonderful. I guess I shall take my leave now. See you soon, Carina."  
  
And with this and one of his charming smiles and tiny bows he left her, stunned once again.  
  
....  
  
Loki knocked on her door a few minutes after eight. She did make dinner and they eat together on her sofa while Carina put on some old ' _Thin man_ ' movie. She loved those movies. They reminded her of her childhood, since her parents used to watch them, and she loved the humor and esprit in them.  
Loki watched the first minutes with a look of horror on his face. It took him a while - a few witty comments and Carina threatening to empty her glass of water over his head - before he shut up.  
  
They didn't finish the movie though. Loki made another cheeky remark about the movie and Carina simply had enough. So she covered his lips with hers and put his mouth to better use.  
Loki dragged her into the bedroom, and she was totally fine with that. They were less hastily this time. Carina remembered him saying, that he liked the concept of undressing her, so she let him.  
She took him in her mouth and he made her come with his skilled fingers before he finally entered her slowly. He moved in her with long, deep thrusts, which she met each time. The air was filled with their panting, his growls and her whimpers, breathless kisses, as well as the sound of their flesh and somewhere in the distance the voices from the movie.  
  
She came first but he followed shortly after.  
  
After a few moments, he carefully pulled out and dropped down beside her. Both breathed deeply.  
  
Carina pushed herself up on her elbows and looked at the man in her bed. “I want to ask you a question. Something I asked you before and I want you to be honest with me this time.“  
  
Loki's eyes shifted to hers. “What makes you think I wasn’t before?“ He lifted his hand and played with a strand of her hair.  
  
She gave him a look.  
  
“Very well. What makes you think I will be honest now, although I might promise to be so?“  
  
"Loki.“ She groaned and let herself fall back into the sheets.  
  
He sighed dramatically and mimicked her. He raised, looking at her.  
  
"Alright my dear, I aim to please after all. But I have one condition.“  
  
She eyed him suspiciously. "What?“  
  
"Quid pro quo. If you ask something of me, I get to ask something from you.“  
  
She frowned. "Ask something from?“  
  
"Yes… I mean it doesn’t have to only be a question. It could be a favor in the future.“ he grinned.  
  
"Oh boy…“ she covered her face with her left hand. Loki laughed, taking her hand in his, bringing it to his lips, kissing her fingers.  
  
"Questions have to be answered honestly. But no further requests are allowed about the answer. Oh and any other plea must be reasonable, of course.“ He went on.  
  
"Reasonable?“  
  
"Yes, you know… not harming in any way.“  
  
"Not harming for you? Me? Or anyone else?“  
  
Loki just grinned at her. Carina rolled her eyes. He released her hand and bend down, placing open mouth kisses on her collarbone and throat.  
  
"You have to answer the questions honestly.“ She said, trying not to get to distracted by his lips, but couldn’t help it as her hands held on to him.  
"You too.“ He whispered against her flesh, kissing her cheek.  
  
"I mean it Loki. If I think you’re lying I won’t answer any of your questions.“  
  
"Agreed.“ He breathed against her lips before claiming them. The kiss was long and deep and she felt her lust rising again when he pulled back.  
  
"Ask your question.“  
   
For a few seconds she couldn’t remember what he was talking about, he clearly noticed it too, judging by the smug grin on his lips, but as she remembered, she let her hand slid to his face.  
  
"It’s a yes or no question. You don’t have to explicate your answer. A yes or no is enough.“  
  
There was something in his eyes for a moment she never saw in them before. She didn’t know what it was and it was gone too soon for any farther observation, but it was there. He tilted his head in agreement and to show her to go on.  
  
"Did you like the books?“  
  
The question seemed to surprise him but he knew exactly what she meant. He studied her face, took his time and she waited patiently. Finally, he gave one, strong nod.  
  
"Yes.“  
  
She wanted to smile but she didn’t. Instead, she pulled him down for another deep kiss which he easily accepted.  
  
  
Afterward, they lay in deliciously exhausted silence. The Asgardian on his back, the consulter on her stomach on top of him, their legs pressed together, her left arm around him, his arm on the small of her back. Her head was on his slightly sweaty chest, but she didn’t mind. He still smelled nice. And her own heated flesh started to cool down, the sheets were nowhere to be found and she had no desire to get up and look for them. So the warmth he provided was more than welcome. The fingertips of his right hand went up and down on her back, caressing her skin oh so gently, making her tremble now and then. She couldn’t see his face but was sure he was grinning each time.  
His touch, scent and the steady rise and fall of his chest almost made her fall asleep when she heard his voice, low and soft.  
  
"It’s my turn now.“  
  
"Mmm?“  
  
"Quid pro quo. My question. Are you still with me, dear?“  
  
Carina didn’t want to answer any questions right now. But she knew there was no way around it. So she nodded against his skin.  
  
"Ask away.“  
  
"Do you want to be punished?“  
  
She stiffened. She didn’t expect this.  
  
"I… that’s not-“  
  
"One Word. Yes or no. This is the rule, my darling.“ Loki interrupted her, never stopping the movement of his hand.  
  
She was trembling now, but for different reasons. When she didn’t answer after a few moments he sighed.  
  
"Alright, let me rephrase that. Do you think you deserve punishment?“  
  
Carina closed her eyes. Still, his fingers moved up and down her back. She let it soothe her.  
  
“Yes.“ she finally whispered.  
  
Loki said nothing. He just continued his gentle movements and after a few minutes, Carina felt herself relaxing again. She didn’t know how long they laid there like this before sleep claimed her. All she sensed was his tender touch and his soothing scent.

 


	21. 19

  
_She was in a forest. She didn’t know her surroundings, but somehow it felt familiar. It was fall. The trees were colorful. The first leaves fell down, covering the mossy ground._  
  
 _And she wasn’t alone._  
  
Carina woke up suddenly and realized right away, it was the closing front door that awakened her. For a moment she panicked, sat up in bed, thinking someone broke into her apartment. Then she remembered where she was.  
The bed next to her was empty, but sliding her hand over the sheets, she noticed they were warm. Loki must have left just now. She grabbed her watch. It was 6 o’clock.  
  
 _So I guess he spent the night._  
  
For a moment, she thought about getting a few more minutes of sleep, but she decided against it. Feeling well-rested, she stretched and got up, starting her day.  
  
______  
  
"That's great, Theo."  
  
"Yeah, I think so, too. It's still not... abiding. Or more like I'm not trusting it to be continuing. We'll see."  
  
"Oh, I can fully understand you're doubting this progress. But it's far more than we had a few weeks ago." Carina smiled.  
  
"Well, yeah. But I guess I'm a pessimist or at least a realist. I think going back to work - even just the research desk job Maria gave me - is helping, too. I missed having a reason to get up in the morning. Maybe I'll increase the hours, too. But I might wait a few more weeks."  
  
Carina nodded. By now she fathomed that Theo Kanov wasn't someone for motivational speeches. Those things only made him uncomfortable and closing up. But she could always get him with a strategic course of action.  
  
"So, let's write down how many hours of sleep you had this week and what kind of awareness practice you performed." Carina smiled at him at grabbed her notebook.  
  
They made a lot of progress in the last two months. Or Theo did. Carina still wasn't sure if her part in all of this was really that big. She still wasn't sure if his sleeping problems weren't of physical cause. But since the end of January, Theo slept not only more but also far more restful. He told her his dreams been better, and most nights, he slept for four to six hours without interruption.  
  
Now, in late February, it was all about keeping the progress and maybe expanding it.  
So, she kept doing what she thought was best. In their weekly meetings, they talked a lot about his time in the army. Carina was careful not to trigger any too heavy stuff, there was no need to open up a trauma, but she let him talk, and pushed for things she had a feeling could help to bring back good, maybe long-forgotten, memories. Theo told her more about Robert. He never enunciated it freely, but it was pretty obvious by now for her that they were more than mates. The ex shield agent knew it, too. And Carina thought, just maybe it was some kind of alleviation for him.  
  
......  
  
Carina sighed as she packed her bag for the day. Except for Theo, she had no clients in the city left, so her visits to her office here became less and less. She didn't want to leave anything here, that was why she always took everything she needed with her. Checking her watch, Carina started to hurry. She would meet Kate and Jake for dinner in about an hour. She missed her friends and was always glad to see them, but part of her almost regretted agreeing to meet them.  She had planned on driving back to the compound today after she had stayed in the city for two days. But Carina knew her friend, Kate wouldn’t go easy on her tonight.  
  
She knew Loki won't be amused, and he would make her feel it for the next week. He was a full-blown diva sometimes. She could already hear his witty but snippy and insulting remarks.  
Not that she didn't understand the annoyance about getting stood up, but she did tell him to use his phone multiple times. She knew he had one. Bruce told her once. It was like the basic equipment for everyone who lived on the compound. But Loki stated that he didn't need it and refused to use it. The last time she explained to him - after he was clearly pissed off because he had to wait for her for an hour - that with a phone, she could have written him a text, letting him know that she was running late,  he basically pounced on her, growling between kisses, that it wouldn't make a difference, since he had to wait for her anyway.  
Maybe he had a point.  
  
Since the beginning of the year, they had a routine, she guessed. If she wasn't in the city, they saw each other almost daily. If not in their lounge, then they saw each other at lunchtime. Sometimes Loki and Bruce joined her and the others at the canteen, or she brought them some homemade food to the lab.  
  
They reached an understanding about their more inappropriate interactions. Sometimes he asked her if she would like his company later on, sometimes she initiate it by stating at what time she would be home.  
At times they were almost bold. He would meet her at her office and escort her home only to stay. He vowed to her that nobody ever noticed, and so far she believed him.  
  
He didn't always spend the night. Sometimes he left after they said goodnight and she went to get a shower, or grab a book. Sometimes - after she passed out in his arms - Carina woke in the middle of the night to find him gone.  
But a few times he spent the whole night. One night she woke up to find him still around her, his chest pressed to her back, one hand holding hers. Something told her that he wasn't asleep, but she said nothing, letting sleep calm her once more. One other time she woke up, thinking he was already gone, to find him still in her living area. It was a little bit awkward at first, but after offering him a coffee and sitting in silence till their cups were empty, he left her with a smirk and an unexpected kiss.  
  
She told him she would be back tonight, and she wouldn't be. It was new for her to be the unreliable one. But there was nothing she could do about it now.  
  
The knock on the door made her flinch. It was sharp and without restraint. The door opened before she could even call her visitor in.  
  
"Miss Miller, good evening. I'm sorry to bother you. I hope I'm not interrupting."  
  
No one else than Nick Fury himself let himself into her office. And he didn't seem sorry in the slightest as he took a seat in front of her desk.  
  
"Not at all Mr. Fury. How can I help you?"  
  
Her encounters with him taught her that cooperation was the fastest and best way to get it done. Still, she didn't sit down. She wanted him to know that she wanted this to be over as quick as possible.  
  
Fury eyed her for a second.  
  
"I got the last reports on time. Thank you for that." He nodded, and Carina stayed silent.  
  
"It came to my attention that you spend your time with individuals that aren't included in your reports."  
  
 _Where is he going with this?_  
  
"The Asgardian, Miss Miller. I'm speaking about the Asgardian."  
  
For a second, Carina regretted her decision against sitting down. Fortunately, she was used in appearing indifferent.  
  
"As far as I remember, you told me to report everything out of the ordinary back to you."  
  
"And you're telling me Mr. Odinson is our every day Joe? His behavior must be anything but commonly most of the time." Fury raised his eyebrow at her.  
  
"His extraordinariness is common. That's like I would tell you in every report that Bruce Banner is green and big."  
  
Fury smirked at her, standing up.  
  
"One of our conditions for our hospitality was that he isn't using his magic. Of course, I'm aware of the fact that he'll still use it, that he can hide it from us. But Miss Maximoff can sense him using his abilities every now and then. I want to know the reason. Maybe he's just toying with us. Using it to open a can of coke, and letting his firewall slip to drive us nuts. But maybe it isn't intended, and he is using an extra amount of power for something else. Something, that could be a danger for us."  
  
Fury walked around the table as he spoke and came to a stop a few steps in front of her.  
  
"I told you, I'm not a spy, Mr. Fury."  
  
"And I don't need you to be one. Like I said, just report about what you see. Any change in his behavior. Anything that might be threatening."  
  
She didn't like it. In fact, she hated it.  
  
"I didn’t sign up for this.“  
  
"You signed up for whatever I tell you, you signed up for.“  
  
"I don't know what you think I can do, but I-"  
  
"I think-“ he interrupted her, raising his voice slightly "You’re a caretaker and a pragmatist. That’s why you’re in your profession. I did my research, Miller. You did the front line stuff before Stark hired you. Not only immigrants… also the really bad and nasty shit. And you didn’t have to. You easily could have been one of those upper east side therapists, with a fancy office, nice working hours, better money. But you didn’t. You chose to stay close to the people.“  
  
Carina just looked at him and Fury moved a step closer to her, his voice quieter.  
  
"You see things, because caring comes naturally to you, just like finding solutions. It’s just something that you do. I do admire that Miss Miller. It’s a quality not many people have. But you should be careful not to care too much about dangerous things. Emend your focus.“  
  
Without another word, just a nod of his head, Fury walked out of her office, leaving her alone with her alert mind.  
  
......  
  
If there ever was a time she wanted to tell Kate about Loki, it was tonight. She was in desperate need of her friend's advice. But she knew she couldn't.  
The truth wasn't something she wanted to just drop on Kate.  
  
The whole report-thing didn't sit right with her, but his newest request hit a nerve in her on so many levels. Sure, she wrote about people she called friends, like Bucky and Wanda. But she did it with their knowledge, and always in their favor. And if there would be something off about them, she would talk to them first, as their friend, before writing to Fury. She was sure they knew that much, as did Fury.  
But Loki was different, so very different.  
  
He was shady and volatile.  
  
Carina knew that he used his powers. Of course, she did. He used them with her almost daily. For big stuff like coming to her room unnoticed or smaller stuff, like turning off the lights when she was dozing off on him. He had used his magic once for the cloth he had pressed to her bleeding cheek.  
Both of Fury's conjectures could be true. Loki could very well just mess with them every time he let Wanda knew he used his powers. Or he could indeed fail at hiding it sometimes. She had no way to know the difference since she wasn't familiar with the whole concept of magic powers.  
  
But most importantly, she was too damn close.  
  
 _I'm fucking him, damned!_  
  
She didn't trust herself, didn't trust her judgment. Would she even see a significant change of behavior?  It could be just him, wanting to get a rise out of her, because he sure as fuck liked to get her irritated at times.  
  
Carina dialed Kate's number as she walked to her car. In her mind, she already formed the words. She had a visit from Fury and had to go back to the headquarters tonight. No, nothing serious, but she had to go back no less. She was sorry for canceling, she would make it up to them as soon as possible. Close enough to the truth. Katie would understand, and Carina would swallow her guilt.  
  
She needed to go back to the compound. She needed to talk to Loki.  
  
.....  
  
He brought Thai food. He had done that a few times before, but today she really wished he wouldn't have.  
  
She was tense, and she was sure Loki noticed, but he didn't say anything. It wasn't the first time she was a little bit off around him. Just last weekend she had a very unpleasant phone call from her mother right before he came over, about her brother's upcoming birthday.  
  
They were quiet at first, eating their dinner at her table for once. It was Loki who broke the silence.  
  
"What has your mind captive tonight, my dear?"  
  
The question startled her, but she tried not to flinch. She looked at him. "Nothing."  
  
 _Perfect, very convincing._  
  
Loki grinned at her. "I do have to insist on the truth. I'm afraid I haven't made myself clear, it is a quid pro quo question after all."  
  
Normally, she enjoyed conversations like this almost as much as sex. First, they annoyed her, but by now she was looking forward to them. Once started, Loki was quite talkative. By now, she knew more about Asgard than she ever thought she would. And not just that. Carina would say she was familiar with the folklore of Vanaheim, his mother's home, and she could almost see the beauty of the rainbow bridge after all his tales about it. She tried to keep things light, though.  
   
Loki wouldn't let it go, and she was too tired to wriggle herself out of it. Besides, she long decided what she wanted to do. She just wasn't sure about what would follow.  
  
"Fury paid me a visit today."  
  
"Oh, really did he?" Loki leaned back in his chair, putting his fork down.  
  
"Yeah. He has me writing monthly reports. Recommendations mostly, but also about changes in the behavior of any resident on the compound."  
  
Loki looked at her quietly. His face gave nothing away.  
  
"I'm open about it. Maria, Sam, Bucky, Wanda... they know that I have to do this."  
  
Again, no reaction from Loki. "I never mentioned you in my reports, neither positive or negative. He told me that Wanda can sense when you use your powers. At least sometimes. And he's not sure if you slip at hiding it and she knows, or you're doing it for fun. But he said you're not supposed to use them."  
  
"Do you want me to stop using my powers?" Loki asked in an indifferent voice.  
  
"He knows that you will use your magic anyways, he's just worried that the slipping means something," she ignored him. "He wants me to tell him if I noticed a change in your behavior."  
  
There. Honesty. On her drive here she thought about it. Her... arrangement with Loki wasn’t necessarily confiding, but by now, she was always honest with him. As honest as she could be at least. She didn't want to change that.  
  
"That is what troubles you?" Loki finally asked her, his voice low.  
  
"It has been on my mind, yes."  
  
"Mmh." Loki nodded, looking down. A few moments later he grabbed his fork again.  
  
Carina followed suit, and they finished their meal in silence.  
  
She cleared the table, throwing the containers in the trash after they finished. Loki stood too, hands on his back, just looking at her.  
  
"Your turn, my dear. Don't you have a question for me?" He asked her, his voice smooth. She couldn't read him at all.  
  
Of course, she had a question. She had plenty, to be honest. She wanted to know if she was right, and he was just letting Wanda know about him using his powers for fun. She also wanted to know what he would do now. Part of her, the cowardly part, wanted him to make this easy for her. To give her a reason for a way out. She kind of expected him to let out some witty insults, suggesting that she only slept with him because she was Fury's monkey. But he didn't. And she almost wanted to feel unnerved by it, but the truth was, she didn't. Still, she would test the water.  
  
Leaning on her kitchen counter, she turned to him. "Oh, I do, something I really keep thinking about."  
  
He looked at her.  
  
"I think I never saw you eating meat. Why? Are you a vegetarian?"  
  
Loki looked truly dumfound for a minute. It was magnificent. She could basically see him trying to figure out if she was for real. It was really something that made her curious. She never saw him eating meat. Carina wasn't a vegetarian but ate it very rarely herself.  
  
"Actually, these are two questions. But I'll let it slide this one time," he finally grinned. "You observed right. I'm not very fond of it. The notion was never really appealing to me. So yes, I guess I don't eat meat."  
  
"Huh, is it a moral thing or do you just don't like the taste?"  
  
"You're forgetting the rules. No follow-up questions." He took a few more steps to her, his eyes never leaving her face.  
  
"So, you want dessert?" She smirked at him.  
  
"Sweet Carina," he smiled so very charmingly at her, his arm, reaching out for her, going around her waist to press her to his body.  
  
Fury's visit made two things very clear to her. Loki was still an extraterrestrial threat to this world. And, for the life of her, she just couldn't find the will to care.  
Carina let him lead the kiss, and wrapped her legs around his waist as he picked her up.  
She wouldn't deny herself this, even though she couldn't explain it. For the moment, that was enough.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this was quite short but necessary.  
> Angst is coming. Drama. Feels. Shit hits the fan, you get what I'm saying. :)


	22. 20

 

"Hey! I was starting to wonder. I almost thought you forgot about me." Carina grinned as Bucky came to a stop in front of her.

"No, hon. Sorry, I had a late start today. Doesn't happen to me often." He smiled charmingly, hugging her. 

"Well, good. Sam's not joining us again?" she smirked.

"Nah, he is with Bruce in Washington."

"Oh, he is? Sounds quite serious." 

They started to run at a slow pace. Carina was all for a long warm-up phase today, and Bucky was always good at following her mood. 

"You know I can't tell you anything, Cari." Bucky smiled. 

"Yeah, I know. But why aren't you attending the trip to D.C.?"

They turned right to enter the forest. 

"I'm not overly thrilled about going back to Washington. And secretary Ross and I don't have the best of history. So. Nah. I'm good."

Carina looked over to her friend and nodded. She could understand that. Bucky saw her gazing at him.

"What?" he finally grinned at her.

"You know... I'm still not totally used to your new haircut."

Bucky had been true to his New Year's resolution, and cut his hair. It was significantly shorter. Today, he was also clean shaved. Bucky looked so much more like those old pictures of him back in the day.

"This bad, huh?" He gave her a crooked grin.

"No! Of course not. You look great, and you know it. It's just different." 

Bucky blushed sightly and said nothing. They jogged silently next to each other for a while; the only sounds were Carina's heavy breathing and their feet on the somewhat snow-covered ground. Already in the middle of March, it seemed to become a long-lasting winter. 

Carina liked to run with Bucky. Sure, the so-called super-soldier could outrun her at any time. And Carina was sure he didn't need much effort to keep up with her. However, she was also sure Bucky enjoyed their runs for the same reasons she did. She liked their easy conversations just as much as the fact that they could share a comfortable quietness.

"You okay?" Bucky asked her after a while. 

"Sure," she answered him, surprised.

"It's just... you seem kind of... groggy today." 

Carina grinned at him. "Well, Sargent Barnes, not everybody can be as fit and strong as you. Some even feel their age."

Bucky barked out a laugh but sobered quickly. "I'm being serious, Cari."

"I am, too. I'm perfectly fine. Just a little tired today."

True was, she was more than tired. She had spent most of last week in the city and came back last night. Loki welcomed her quite... intensive.

That meant he had her awake almost all night with some exercises of a whole different kind than what she was doing right now. He has been fierce and relentless, more than usual. She guessed he was bored, too. Since Bruce was in Washington D.C. he wasn't allowed into the labor. And with her gone all week, he had no one to entertain him. He was even more surly when she told him she wouldn't be here the next weekend as well since she had to visit her parents.

He only left when she insisted on taking a shower before she had to go for her morning run with Bucky.

The brunette man nodded and let it be. But she saw a slight concern in his eyes. The rest of the run went by fast and smooth. 

"Thanks for having mercy on my sorry ass today." Carina grinned at Bucky as they stopped in front of her building. 

"Anytime, Cari. Even a quick and easy workout with you is better than a training session with Sam."

Carina laughed. "I highly doubt that, but thanks."

Bucky gave her a smile and a small hug. 

"See you later, Cari."

"Bye. See you at lunch."

 

...

 

A forceful knock on the door woke her up. Still more asleep than awake, Carina stumbled off the couch and looked at her watch. It was already 7 pm. She hadn't meant to fall asleep. After getting to her quarters, she had wanted to rest for a few minutes and then start making something for dinner. 

Another knock made her shake the sleepiness off. 

Carina opened the door for an annoyed-looking Loki.

"Took you long enough," he greeted her while getting in.

"Nice to see you, too," Carina replied and closed the door. She went to the kitchen to get herself some water.

"Are you ill? That could explain why it took you five minutes to answer the door." Loki eyed her attentively. 

"No, I'm fine. I fell asleep on the couch." Carina said before she enjoyed the cool water.

"Why were you sleeping in the middle of the day, woman?"

She lowered her glass and looked at him.

"I don't know. How uncommon. Since - you know - it wasn't like I slept only two hours last night."

Loki smirked at her. "I can't recall any complaints of yours last night when I had my head between your thighs. In fact, I remember pretty clearly your hands in my hair and your voice pleading with me not to stop. You're even-"

"Loki!" she interrupted him. "Alright. You made your point. Doesn't mean I don't need sleep, okay?"

"If my presence is unwanted, I can take my leave."

He looked at her, the picture of indifference. But Carina knew him too well by now.

"Are you trying to pick a fight, Loki? Because I'm tired. I'm not in the mood. I'll heat some food and then I simply want to lay on the sofa and watch Netflix. So just get rid of your coat and take a seat if you want to join me." 

She turned her back to him and did exactly what she just said. It took Loki a few minutes. Carina had already put some left-over Chili Sin Carne from last week she had in the freezer on the stove when she heard the familiar sounds of Netflix. She smiled to herself. 

Seeing Loki using earthly technology was still a strange sight at times. It had more to do with the look of distaste on his face than anything else, though. 

As she turned with the two bowls in her hands, her grin only grew. He had his legs crossed, his left arm stretched out on the back of the sofa, the remote in his right hand. The dark hair was open and framed his face, his large body took most of the space on the sofa. He had taken off his coat and the first few buttons of his shirt were open, showing the pale skin. He looked so very superior, as always. 

When she offered him his bowl, he put the remote on the coffee table and took it.

"Found anything interesting yet?" Carina asked him as she sat down cross-legged next to him. 

He rolled his eyes, giving her a look. "When do I ever find something that aroused my interest in this... medium?"

Carina took the remote. "Oh, c'mon. You know that at least some 'Black Mirror' episodes weren't too bad. You also liked '300' well enough. Oh! And that one biopic about Henry the eighth!"

"Well, not every moment of those were terrible, that's right." He grinned and then started to eat.

Shaking her head, Carina started looking through the movies and series, trying to decide what she wanted to watch.

Finally, she ended with 'Shawshank Redemption'. Carina hesitated for a moment. Even though the movies and shows she watched with Loki weren't necessarily light entertainment, she stayed away from a few topics. She wouldn't watch anything on the topic of sibling rivalry or adoption, for example. The family issues of one Henry VIII were something entirely else. 

And she tried to avoid the topic of captivity. It was Bruce who told her more about Loki's experience with that matter. She already knew that Loki was his father Odin's prisoner for a while. In his outburst a few months ago - the one that led to their first physical contact, a hug - he mentioned Thanos and it was clear those two had history. But it was Bruce who told her that Thanos indeed held Loki captive. He also stated to Carina that Loki wasn't fully responsible for his attack on New York City and that Thanos was behind all of those events.

Carina didn't ask any further questions. But she couldn't deny the unexpected relief she felt.

So, she avoided potentially sensitive topics so far. But tonight, she went with her guts. She always loved this movie and somehow she thought Loki might enjoy it too. Without any more thoughts or explanations, she started the movie. 

Loki was surprisingly quiet. It wasn't often that he stayed this reticent when they were watching something. But she didn't say anything. After they finished their food, Loki got up and put the bowls into the sink. He also brought some water for himself and her with him. He sat down closer to her, his left arm again on the back of the sofa. 

She followed the invitation and leaned her back against him, her head on his shoulder, her legs stretched out on the sofa. The first time she did this, she remembered Loki being very stiff. He appeared almost unsure about her actions. Before, most of their physical contact - except for some make-out sessions - happened before, during, and after sex. They shared some affectionate moments, but usually, after they had slept with each other. 

One evening when they were watching TV, she just cuddled up to him like this. She wasn't really thinking about it and only noticed what she had done when he slowly started to relax and put one arm around her.

Tonight, sex was the furthest thing on her mind. She was sore and tired, but she still liked to feel him. And she thought that maybe Loki took a liking to this as well. By now, most of the time it was him who made the first move. Never with words, that was for sure. But he would inch closer to her, with literally open arms. And he never said anything when she made herself comfortable at his side.

Sometimes she thought the intimacy that grew between them was far from unpleasant, but alarming no less.

'The Shawshank Redemption' was a long-ass movie, and surely enough, Carina fell asleep after roughly an hour. But it was a light sleep, and she felt Loki playing with her hair and caressing her arms gently every now and then. 

"Carina?"

A low and quiet voice, as well as soft lips on her forehead, brought her mind back to full consciousness. 

Her head was on Loki's chest by now, her left arm around him. She stretched a little but stayed more or less where she was. Loki's arm was around her, holding her, the other hand held the remote. He went back to the Netflix main page, before putting the device down.

"Movie's over?" she asked yawning.

"It seems like it, yes."

"Is it really, or did you just turn it off?"

"It ended with the two main protagonists on a beach," Loki said, dryly. 

"Nah, you could have just skipped to the end to tell me that."

"Well, I guess we'll never find out now since you fell asleep, dear."

Carina snickered against his chest as she felt him grinning against her temple. 

They were quiet for some time, the T.V. the only source of light. 

"I have a question for you." Carina finally broke the silence.

"You do?" She could practically hear the grin in his voice.

"Yeah."

"And I guess it's a quid pro quo one." His right hand wandered down her arm and back up, leaving goosebumps behind.

"Damn right, sir." 

"Oh well, be my guest."

"What was the whole Jotunn thing about?" 

His hand stopped its movement. "I don't know what you mean." He finally said in a casual voice.

"Don't bullshit me. You know exactly what I mean. You know the rules, you made them up. Tell me. What was the whole Jotunn thing about?"

He was quiet for almost three minutes. A few times, Carina almost said something. To endure this kind of silence was hard, even for her. But she did it. And Loki didn't leave. His body was tense against hers. His hand was simply resting on her arm. But he stayed. Finally, she heard him clearing his throat. 

"I am a Jotunn."

"What does that mean?" Carina asked.

"No follow up questions."

"No, that's cheating. I asked what this whole Jotunn thing was about. You were upset when Bruce brought it up. Telling me 'I am a Jotunn', doesn't answer my question. It doesn't explain anything."

Again there was silence. She didn't move. And neither did Loki.

"Tell me... please," Carina whispered. She didn't know why all of a sudden she wanted - no needed - to know. Surely, she thought about the incident from time to time. And she was curious. But this was different. She just _had_ to know it.

“It is what I said. I’m a Jotunn. I’m not too fond of talking about it. The casual way Bruce mentioned it was displeasing to me. Is this detailed enough for you, dear?"

She guessed it had to be.

Of course, she was still deeply confused. She never looked the word up... _Jotunn_. And right now she couldn't help but feel like she would somehow betray him if she did it. If it was something he wasn't comfortable talking about, she should respect it. Still, it left her with more questions than before. 

They were quiet again, Carina waiting for his turn but it never came. Instead, he made attempts to stand up, so Carina moved off him.

"I will let you rest now." He said as he stood, looking down at her.

Loki reached out, pushing some hair out of her face. His eyes were unreadable for her. He didn't seem angry, but the air was thick with tension and questions no less. 

"Goodnight," he said calmly before turning around. He grabbed his coat and was out of the door before she could figure out what to say.

 

....

 

Carina half expected him to avoid her after Monday night, but he didn't. In fact, it seemed like everything was perfectly fine. They met at the lounge the next day, and he came by in the evening. They ate, they watched some stupid show for a while on the sofa, but this time their physical contact didn't end with cuddles. Loki took her to her bed and she fell asleep afterward surrounded by him. 

A few days later - they just had lunch together-, she was fully aware of the fact that he hadn't asked her anything in return by then. But she didn't say anything. 

Knowing Loki, he didn't forget and would hit her with an unpleasant question when she least expected it. 

She was sure he would ask her about the reports to Fury sooner or later. So far, he hadn't. Carina was absolutely convinced that Fury had no idea about the true nature of hers and Loki's relationship. But it took her till the March-report to get the nerves and finally include Loki in her statements. She had rewritten it at least three times, but in the end, she was fine with the outcome. She referred to his work with Bruce in the lab. That he seemed focused and always willing to help Doctor Banner with the task. The work gave him a small purpose.

 

The week went by, and soon Carina found herself on the way to her parents' house.

Toby and Vanessa would be there as well. And she fully knew why Toby requested her presence.

He asked Vanessa to marry him. She said yes. And now he wanted to tell the good news to their parents. He was worried about their mum's reaction. Carina truly thought that it would be fine, but she understood and wanted to have her baby brother's back.

So, right on time for lunch on Saturday, she arrived at her parents. 

Her mother opened the door before she could even get her keys out. 

"Hey, sweetheart." Susan Miller hugged her daughter. 

"Hi, mom. You look great, how are you doing?" 

"Good, good, thanks. Your brother and his girlfriend are already here. Do you know something? They're acting strange." She asked the younger woman as she pulled away.

"Mom, can I come in first?" Carina laughed which made her mother grin. 

It was true that Toby and Vanessa couldn't be more clear that something was going on. It was almost comical. Lunch was a tense affair. Sadly these days, Carina found it pretty hard to come up with some conversation topics with her parents. She couldn't talk about work. And her private life... _whole different story._  

Though normally that wasn't necessary because her mother had always a story to tell. However, right now, she was quiet, eying the ridiculously obvious couple at the table. 

Carina kicked her little brother under the table, having flashbacks from 20 years ago when he was too chicken to tell their parents about a bad school grade. But he only looked at her grim.

It was late in the afternoon when Carina could corner her brother in the kitchen alone.

"What the fuck, Toby? Aren't you going to say anything?"

"Shit, Cari. I don't know. Maybe we're waiting a few more weeks." He said, rubbing his face.

"The hell you do... mom already knows something is going on. It was the first thing she asked me. Just tell her. She probably thinks you two are about to break up or something. Put her out of her misery and just say it."

Toby wasn't looking at her but nodded. "Alright. You're right. I tell them... at dinner."

Groaning, Carina turned around to leave. "You better do it. I'm here because of you. I have better things to do on a Saturday than this."

"Oh yeah? Like what? Hot date?" Her little brother smirked at her and she withstood the urge to hit him across the head.

She wasn't fifteen anymore, after all. 

 

...

 

"So mum and dad. Vanessa and I have something to tell you."

 _Thank God!_ Carina screamed in her head. 

"So, we are... well." 

She couldn't help herself, she kicked his leg again. But all it did was make him yelp. 

"Toby asked me to marry him and I said yes. We're engaged." Finally, Vanessa grew some balls. She took a ring out of her pocket and put it on her finger, waving her hand around for the family to see.

"Wow. This is some great news. I'm happy for you two! Come here." Her father was the first one to speak. He stood up to hug the newly engaged couple. After that, Carina took her turn. Then all eyes were on Susan Miller. Carina was shocked to see her mother's eyes teary. 

"Mom?" Toby asked.

"Oh, kids!" Susan finally sobbed before standing up. "This is wonderful. I'm really... just wow. I'm so happy." 

Carina took a step back so her mother could hug Toby and Vanessa. "Really, that's so great. I can't believe we can finally celebrate a wedding!" Susan examined Vanessa's ring. 

Toby gave his sister a sideways glance, but she only smiled.

 

It went downhill from there. At least for Carina. Her mother was over the moon. Toby's worries were for nothing. It was like she assumed, her mother was blissful. But in her delight, she was cruel, without acknowledging it. 

For two hours now, they were sitting on the sofa. Her father had already gone to bed, and Carina listened to every small and big remark without commenting. Listened how her mother explained her disbelief in one of her greatest wished finally coming true, that she almost lost hope. How she, Carina, wasn't interested in that wedding stuff, but Susan watched 'Say yes to the dress' all the time. She was so glad to finally put her knowledge to good use. Oh, and of course, they shouldn't wait too long for kids. It was still risky to become a mother later in life. Susan herself had her first child at 23. 

Carina listened to all of this. Till she couldn't listen anymore.

"Alright, I think I call it a day and will go to bed." She stood up from the sofa and gave Toby and Vanessa a hug.

"Goodnight dear. I hope we didn't bore you too much with this stuff tonight. I'm just so excited." Susan said as Carina hugged her as well. 

First, she just nodded and stepped away. But then she stopped and turned back to her mother, who already sat down next to Vanessa on the sofa, talking about dresses.

"Do you have to do this? Those... digs." Her voice was shaky. 

Susan blinked at her daughter, confused. "Carina, sweetheart, what do you mean?"

“I know what you think. I know what you see each time I come through this door, mom.”

Toby tried to calm her down. “C’mon big sis, let’s not-“

“A disappointment.“ Carina ignored him. 

“Carina-“ her mother gasped. 

“No. Let’s be honest. I’m a disappointment.“ 

She swallowed hard and took a shaky breath. “I’m in my thirties. Mid-thirties mind you. And although my profession isn’t totally without prestige, I’m far from having an extraordinary career.“ She paused a moment. “I’m not married. I’m childless. And as we all know, when it comes down to it… when we  _really_  look at the bottom of things, that’s how we value women, that’s how we see what they are worth.“

She laughed, humorless. “I have none of that. I don’t even have a fucking dog.“ Carina spat out before she regained her composure. “I’m a failure.“

“Cari, please-“

“Let’s face it. I’m a failure.“

 

....

 

She cried on her way back to the compound.

Carina couldn't recall the last time she cried - she was after all an expert in keeping it together- but there was no holding back now.

She had planned to stay at her parents. But after such an outburst, staying there wasn't an option. For a tiny moment, she thought about driving to her apartment in the city. It would have been closer. But in the end, she let her gut decide.

Oh yeah, she overreacted. She knew she did. She regretted everything she said. She regretted it because of the look of hurt on her mother's face. She regretted it because this was her brother's happy day, and she made it about her pain. And she regretted it because now the words were out there and she couldn't take it back. Never. They were there to stay.

And now the only thing she wanted was a little bit of solace, and she knew just where to find it.

The tears were long dry and her mind pretty blank when she stood in front of the living quarter that wasn't her own.

It was late. Thankfully the floors were empty. She wasn't sure if she had the right door. It's been months ago when she visited Bucky and Loki came out of his apartment. It was the day he first showed her the space room. And she never actually saw which door was his. Besides Bucky's room, there where only three other quarters on this floor. And Buck told her once that the room right next to him was empty. So she only had to choose between two options. In the end, she based her decision on pure instinct. 

She knocked on the door at the far end of the hall. Two firm knocks, but not too loud to keep the echo down. 

Nothing. 

She waited. When she didn't hear anything, she knocked again, a little stronger this time. 

Carina was getting anxious. She saw her hand was shaking as she knocked again. 

She was about to give up when the door finally opened abruptly. 

"What in all haven's name is-" Loki stopped his greeting when he saw who was standing in front of the door, a look of surprise on his face. He clearly hadn't expected her. Before she could do any explaining, a door at the other end of the hall opened.

_Bucky_

Without asking for permission, she pushed Loki into his room - or he _let_ her push him into his room - and closed the door. 

"What are you doing here? I thought you're visiting the dear family."

The room was quite dark. She took a quick look around. Loki's quarters resembled Bucky's a lot. Only the basic furniture, mostly in dark colors, and the only light came from a floor lamp next to an armchair. An open book lay on it. She guessed Loki was reading before her interruption.

"Are you alright?"

She looked at him again. He looked at her intensely, searching, and took a step closer; his hand went to her arm.

His hair looked so soft in this light. It wasn't combed back but framed his face. The first few buttons of his shirt were open and he was barefoot. 

She all but attacked him. Her arms went around his neck, and her lips crashed down on his.

It took him a moment to kiss her back, and when he did, it was almost unsure. She felt his hands on her waist, but he didn't try to open her coat. So, still kissing him, she let go of his neck, pushed his hands away and took off her coat. Then Carina went for his shirt, she pulled it out of his pants, her hand wandering under it to feel his skin. Loki's hands went up and down her arms now, almost soothing.

"Shh… Hush darling.“ He said as he withdrew from her slightly, his lips out of reach.

She ignored him, ripping his button-up shirt open. She didn't care. It was payback for her tights, and he was a wizard. He could conjure them back on. 

"Carina… Slow down.“

He held her by her wrists. She tried to shake him off and kiss him again, but he wouldn't let her. 

"What is the meaning of this?" He asked, staring at her. 

"Isn't it pretty clear?" She managed a smirk.

Loki looked at her sternly and said nothing. Carina sighed, looking away she tried to move out of his grip but he didn't budge.

"Did you come here for punishment?"

Her eyes shot back to his. "If you don't want it, you could just say it. Now let go of me."

"Tell me. Are you looking for punishment here?" He repeated.

"Just... let me the fuck go, alright?"

She tried to break free again, but he didn't move an inch. Suddenly she became very aware of the fact how much stronger than her he was. And how much he had to always contain himself. 

"Don't forget the rules, my turn. My question. Is this punishment for you?"

He stared at her, his eyes hard and unforgiving.

"No." she almost snarled at him.

Loki looked at her for a moment. No doubt searching her face for a lie.

"Then what is it?" He finally asked, only slightly softer.

Carina swallowed. Part of her wanted to tell him that it was funny how he just reminded her of the rules and broke them himself, but she didn't. Instead, she felt her tense body losing strength and her eyes became glassy. She had to blink a few times. Also, Loki's grip on her wrists softened. 

"Comfort." She finally whispered. "I came for comfort."

They stared at each other for a few more moments, Loki's eyes wide and focused on her. Then finally, he let go of her wrists only to hold her face. When he pressed his mouth to hers, Carina couldn't help but moan. His kiss was fiercely and breathtaking but not rushed. Her arms were back around his neck, holding on for dear life when he picked her up and carried her to his bedroom. 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do hope that the issues mentioned in this chapter don't trigger anybody.  
> By now I think it's clear Carina has some issues... And Loki, the guy had a bag full of them as well but I also think the Loki after Ragnarok did overcome a few of them, too. But we will see more of that later. Because like I said... drama is coming... And I hope I can get it done sooner...
> 
> BIG Thank you for everybody who is reading and leaving comments and kudos. Thank you all so much, that makes my day!


	23. 21

 

She slowly returned to consciousness, stretching her arms and legs contentedly. Carina sighed, followed by a frown as she heard the shower. 

Rubbing the sleep out of her eyes, she sat up and looked around.

This wasn't her room. She wasn't in her bed. Suddenly the memory of yesterday came back. But before she could dwell on it and drown in self-pity again, she heard the water being turned off, only seconds later the bathroom door opened.

Loki, with wet hair and only a white towel around his hips, walked out. His eyes found hers as he went to his commode.

"Good morning, darling," he smirked at her before pulling some clothes out. 

"Morning," Carina replied and cleaned her throat. "Didn't know you do that."

He gave her a confused look over his shoulder.

"You know. Shower, getting dressed. I thought you do it all with a wave of your hand. Like: ta-da! I'm clean and dressed. Magic."

Loki laughed, and Carina couldn't help but look at his nicely shaped butt when he dropped the towel and put his trousers on.   
She had noticed by now that he wasn't too fond of underwear. 

"That's not how my powers work, my dear."

"Then how do they work?" 

Loki pushed his hair back with both hands. Carina was tempted to admire the firm body some more he put so obviously on display for her, but she didn't. Instead, she focused on his face. She let herself fall back into the sheets while doing so. 

"I'm afraid it is hard to explain. At least to a human." 

Carina was far too used to this by now to be offended. But the look on Loki's face also told her that he really didn't intend to insult her either. He seemed to really think about how to explain it to her.

He went to his closet and got a dark blue shirt out, pretty much the same color as the bedsheets she still lay in, but stopped after a second. He tossed the garment over the armchair and moved to the bed. She watched as he laid down beside her, leaning on his left forearm.

"My powers aren't the kind of magic your legends told you about. Sorcery is real, but not in the kind of way this Harry Potter tale wants you to think it is."

Carina raised an eyebrow. "You read Harry Potter? Or did you see the movies?"

He ignored her. "I can create illusions." She flinched when a second Loki appeared in front of the bed, looking exactly like the Loki next to her.   
"And I am the God of Mischief. I'm capable of what you call shapeshifting," said the second Loki right before he disappeared, and she noticed instead of Loki, Sam was next to her. Carina let out a small scream and covered herself with the blanket some more.   
Sam/Loki laughed.

"Don't do that! It's freaking me the fuck out!" she whined.

"Your wish is my command." Loki had mercy with her and transformed back into himself. 

"I told you I don't like this." She whispered, but he was still grinning at her widely. Moving closer, he tucked a piece of hair behind her ear.

"When I let things appear," As he withdrew his hand a book appeared in it with a green shimmer. "I, unfortunately, have to say I'm not creating them. These things have to be in my possession. Or I have to be able to see and touch them." The book disappeared again. 

"Where do they go when you let them disappear?" Carina asked. 

"You would call it another dimension, I amuse. It's a place in time and space I created for my own, and only I can use."

"Oh, like the iCloud?"

Loki frowned. "I beg your pardon?"

Carina shook her head. "Forget it, doesn't matter. But what about the undressing trick? When you got rid of our clothes, and they are neatly folded somewhere else."

Loki seemed to think if he should ask about the iCloud thing some more but decided against it. "It's the same principle. I let it disappear and bring it back again."

"Okay, but how about those invisibility spells you do?"

He looked at her disapprovingly. "I told you, you're not invisible. You only don't draw attention to yourself. And it's a form of illusion. That should be obvious."

"Yeah but, how do you turn off the light or close the door with a wave of your hand? And the coat thing? I mean that's different from-"

He silenced her with a kiss and his body by rolling on top of her. When he finally pulled away, she was breathless. His hands framed her face as he looked into her eyes.

"So full of questions this morning, sweet Carina. If my power intrigues you so much, let me show you another capability of mine."

...

Well, when Loki told her he would show her some of his abilities, she never in a million years thought that was what he meant.

After another long and slow kiss, he pulled her out of the bed, and into the bathroom, where he left her. She already knew the room from last night. Although it was tempting, she didn't shower. He had a few towels and a toothbrush ready for her. So, Carina cleaned up as best as she could without showering. As she came back into the bedroom, her clothes laid on the bed. They were folded, and as she picked them up, she pressed them to her nose. They smelled freshly washed. 

Carina smiled. Maybe that was another superpower of his he spoke of. She only was a little bit disappointed.

When she finally stepped out into the living room, she saw what he really meant.

Loki was in the kitchen area. Still only in his trousers. She saw two plates on the counter, and the smell of coffee and something else was in the air.

She approached him slowly, still not fully believing what she was seeing.

Loki was making pancakes. And they smelled delicious. And no. There were no flying spoons, pans, or dishes. Not like a scene out of a movie. He did it the old fashion way, using his hands. She saw eggshells and flour on the counter, even though it was far from messy.   
Loki moved the pan gracefully, so the pancake in it flipped. 

"Impressive," she nodded. The alien prince turned his head and smirked at her. 

"You ain't seen nothing yet, darling."

_Loki and Earth-slang._

He already had a huge chunk done. After the current one was ready, he put the pan off the oven. He turned to her.

"So, does the lady prefer raspberries, chocolate, cream, or all of it?"

...

Not one question, no remark. Loki not once mentioned the way she showed up at his door so unexpectedly. And she was thankful for it. She never took his lack of interrogation for indifference.  Carina was almost convinced that he wanted to know what happened that drove her into his arms last night. But she guessed he was respecting her. Accepting what little information she already gave him. 

They ate the - also deliciously tasting - pancakes mostly in comfortable silence. 

Carina thought about asking if he wanted her to help with the dishes after they were done. But Loki already stood up and took their empty plates with him. 

Besides, reality was waiting for her. 

She knew she had to call her mother. She had to apologize. She would call Toby, too. She only hoped the whole thing was as unpleasant for them as it was for her. So they would sort it out fast and never talk about it again.  
She hoped.  
But she also knew that whatever happened, even with the best outcome, something would linger. 

"I have to say this was unexpected and delicious," Carina said as she finished her coffee. 

"Well, I aim to please and to surprise." Loki grinned at her, standing behind the counter. 

"And you're pretty good at both." She smiled at him gently, realizing that she really meant it. 

Loki stared into her eyes for a moment before he tilted his head down. 

"Well, thank you," was his quiet response. 

"Alright. I'm out of your hair now." Carina stood up and went to the sofa where her coat was. "Maybe I can return the favor. Dinner tomorrow, at my place?" She asked him as she put it on. She kind of wanted today's evening for herself, not knowing how the phonecalls she had to make would go. 

He looked at her,  his hands behind his back, smiling slightly. "I will be there."

They looked at each other for a few moments before Carina cleared her throat. "Can you do your 'not drawing attention illusion', please?" At first, she wanted to call it an invisible spell again. Just to piss him off. But she contained herself. She would save this for some other time. Besides... he had made her breakfast. 

"Oh, yes! Of course." He smirked, a sparkle in his eyes as if he had read her mind. 

...

Well, it could have been worse, at least that was what she told herself. Toby was easy. He wasn't mad. Carina even heard the concern in his voice. But her little brother was never someone to press for answers. He wasn't used to be the supportive one in their relationship either. So he was more than happy to tell her to not worry about it. He did say that he never wanted to hurt her with this whole wedding stuff and that what she said was bullshit, anyway. She was still the poster child, as he stated it. 

Her mother was tougher. She had to call three times since she wouldn't answer the phone for the first two times.    
Carina apologized, saying she never wanted to ruin the evening. Susan Miller was quiet at first, only answering with 'Mmh' and 'o.k.'. Carina was used to the silent treatment. Her mother did this since her childhood. But after a while, she came around. She always did, this time was no different. 

"You know, your father thinks you have a point and that I'm being subliminally reproachful. But I only want you to be happy, sweetheart." Susan sighed. 

"I know, mom."

"And I am proud of you. I hope you know that, too."

"Yes, I do." Just not as proud as she could be. 

"And if you think about it Carina - with a reaction like this - maybe you are unhappy with your situation. And you can talk to me. But you shouldn't take it out on us."

_She just couldn't..._

"Well, mom. Like I said. I didn't mean to make you upset or ruin Toby's and Vanessa's day."

"Alright, sweetheart." Her mother sighed. And after only a few seconds of silence, her mother told Carina about the new neighbors, and how her grandmother's last medical checkup went. Carina listened, letting relief and sorrow overcome her. 

___

 

"Tell me again, why are we here?" Bucky whined.

"Because you, Mister, didn't tell me anything about your birthday! You can't just ignore it!" Carina stated.

"Cari is right, man. Not cool." Bruce mumbled with a mouth full of Tacos. 

"Yeah, if you don't want to celebrate it, that's one thing. But you can't steal an opportunity from us to eat and drink." Carina smirked.

"Yeah, right. As if Bruce needs an excuse for that."

"HEY!" the green giant shouted and pushed the super-soldier, which made the rest of them laughed.

"Oh, that's really nice. First, you drag me here, and now you're laughing at me."

When Sam and Bruce came back from Washington, Sam had asked Carina if they had celebrated Bucky's birthday in their absence. Carina had no idea, felt terrible about it and insisted on making it up. Bucky kept saying that it wasn't a big deal, and he didn't need it, but the consultant was unrelenting.

So, two weeks after his actual birthday on March the 10th, Sam, Bucky, Bruce, Wanda, and Carina, managed to leave the compound and went to a really nice bar in the city. It was a Thursday night and not very crowded, but it was the only night everyone could make it.

Carina would stay in the city for the night, as well. She had an appointment with Theo in the morning and a lunch date with Katie after that. 

"So, do you want to go to a club next?" Sam asked.

"Oh, I would like to go to a club." Wanda jumped in.

Bucky actually growled and threw his head back. "I'm 107 years old, man. I'm _not_ going to a club."

"Well, maybe we can go to the next retirement home, see if they have a bingo night or something. You could find a cute gal there, as well." Sam smirked.

"I hate you." Bucky sulked.

"Oh, c'mon! That's enough! Everybody stops picking on the old man. It's his birthday, after all." Carina grinned at him. 

Bucky shook his head but couldn't help and cracked a smile in the end. 

They had a nice evening, even without going to a nightclub. The food was good, as was the mood. It's been a while since they were all together like this. Of course, they attracted attention. With someone like Bruce in the group, it was a safe bet. But people were rather polite about it. Just two times someone came over, asking for a selfie. 

To leave the compound was Carina's idea. She thought it would be nice for Bucky to get out for a change. He was the one who stayed at the facility the most. But still, she felt a little bit guilty. If they had stayed at the compound, she just knew Bruce would have dragged Loki along. Or even _she_ would have bugged him to join them. She last saw him yesterday, and he didn't act different than usual, though.  
She realized that she developed some kind of loyalty for him. It wasn't unusual. After all, they had this... arrangement for months now. Most of the time, they spent more nights of the week together than apart. Still, the recognition was somewhat disturbing at first. 

...

"You look good, Theo."

"Thank you, ma'am. I'm feeling pretty good, too." Kanov smiled at her brightly. 

"You're working more hours?"

"Yeah, I'm back in the game. It's really good. I sleep well and regularly, at least seven hours a day. It's all really good."

"Wow, that's great."

"Yeah, I think so."

Carina was surprised. In their last two sessions, Theo told her about some big steps and changes. Not only did he work full-time again, but he also moved back to an old apartment he once shared with Robert. He had left it right after Thanos.   
Carina was ambivalent about those steps. Especially the last one. It was good that Theo faced the loss of someone so special to him rather than ignoring it. But moving back into a once shared living space could also make letting go so much harder.   
Theo assured her that he made progress. He told her about the changes he made in the apartment. 

"I also signed up for some reconnaissance missions. I mean, the office job with the research was good. But I think I'm ready for more."

"Oh, alright." Carina was surprised. She definitely thought this was too soon. A few months ago, the man couldn't sleep more than two hours a night. "This is a pretty big step."

"I know, but that's good, I think. Maria also thinks I'm ready." 

Carina smiled at the blond man. He was cheerful today. Far more than she ever saw him. And as much as she was happy for his positive progress, Carina was discerning. 

When Theo left and before she left to meet with Kate Carina made the decision to contact the medical department of Stark Resources. She knew that Kanov was out of active service for some time now. In order to be put back into action, he had to go through some medical tests. That included testing for mental instability or disorders. In her function as a consultant Carina could inform the medical department if she had any kind of concern relating to an employee. And she had concerns. Theo's whole demeanor was different. She noticed this even at their last meeting. Of course, the cheerfulness could be explained with him finally being able to sleep again, getting his life back together. But in Carina's experience, it wasn't that easy.  And something about Theo's change was off. She didn't know the man before he lost the ability to sleep, but somehow she was sure, Theo was more of a reserved man. She had no way of knowing if she was right, but she went with her guts.

So, Carina wrote the medical department an email with her recommendation for a mental check-up for Kanov. She didn't go into detail, she didn't have to thanks to discretion. Maybe she was wrong anyway, but if something was wrong with Theo, they would find out.

Out of the corner of her eye, Carina saw her phone blinking.   
She grabbed it and grinned. Katie was already at the cafe and sent her a goofy picture of herself with some coffee. 

Just when Carina was about to log out of the email program, an email from the security department arrived. The brunette groaned. The security department could be a pain in the ass. They often sent questionnaires or reminders about constant safety instructions. This mail was marked as important and was on the subject of "potential security breach". 

It sounded serious. But the poll last week was also marked as important. The thing was, as soon as she opened the email, they expected an answer in the next 24 hours. 

Carina was already late, and not overly curious right now. It was Friday, and she hadn't seen Kate in a while and couldn't wait to spend some time with her. And she told Loki she would be back tonight.  He told her about some kind of astronomic phenomenon that was going on right now. It's been a while since they had been to the space room, but she hoped they could go this weekend and he would show her what he was talking about.  
So, she decided to call it a day. She would find out what they wanted from her on Monday. 

Little did she knew, that this decision allowed her one more weekend in blissful ignorance.

 

 


	24. 22

 

"Well?"

Carina was overwhelmed. The only thing she could do was stare and spin around slowly.

"Carina?"

"The universe was made just to be seen by my eyes," she whispered to herself.

"What was that?" Loki tried again.

"Sorry I'm...I'm just...this is stunning. It's really amazing." She finally managed an answer. 

"So, you like it?"

"Of course, I like it. It's... I don't even know what to say. Wow."

Loki smiled wildly.  "Well, I'm flattered that I could make you speechless." 

Carina only gave him a look and then fixed her eyes back on the scene above her.  
Loki hadn't exaggerated. The astronomic phenomenon he promised her was spectacular. At first, she was afraid her mind couldn't handle all of the colors, lights, and shapes. But she was staring at the roof for five minutes now and couldn't get enough.

"And this is happening right now?“ She asked Loki without looking at him. 

"It certainly is."

They had met in front of the space room at 1 am. But Loki must have been here before because the technology was already in full swing. Since she entered the room, it captured her whole attention.   
It took Carina another two minutes before she could finally tear her eyes away. 

Just then, she saw what else he had prepared for them.

"And how on earth did you get this in here?!"

Right in the middle of the otherwise scanty furnished room stood something like a king-size bed. Well, it looked more like a really thick mattress. The sheets were in a dark, blue color and shiny. It was quite high. So, when she sat down on it, her feet couldn't reach the floor. 

She looked at Loki. He still stood a few feet away, watching her. He got rid of his coat just like her and was dressed in dark blue colors, his hair loose around his shoulders. She wore comfy jeans and a jumper. The alien prince looked neat and handsome again. He had his hands behind his back, the familiar smirk on his lips.

"I have my ways, darling." He simply answered. 

"I'm sure you do." Carina smiled at him before placing her bag on the floor and leaning back.

She couldn't help but sigh. "This is nice. Very nice."

"Well, I thought I arrange something more comfortable this time. I remember you complaining about backache. You're whining was quite annoying."

Carina rolled her eyes even though she knew he couldn't see it.

"Thanks for clearing this up so I don't accidentally think you care about my well being. Now come on, join me."

Without taking her eyes off the magic above her, Carina lifted her right arm and reached out her hand for Loki.

She truly thought he would give her another witty remark. But to her surprise, only a few seconds later, she felt him slipping his fingers through hers and lying down next to her, not letting go of her hand. 

They were quiet for a while, for how long, Carina couldn't tell. Time seemed meaningless right now. The sight before her eyes, the softness below her, Loki's body next to hers, his thumb caressing the back of her hand, was all she noticed. 

If she should describe for anyone, what she was seeing right now, it would be a lost cause. Every word she could think of wouldn't do it justice. It was like a symphony of colors, bright lights, and shooting stars that looked like they were dancing. She never saw anything like that before. She doubted she ever would again. 

"What exactly is happening up there?" She finally asked Loki.

"I guess you would call them bolide. They are like the sun in your solar system, only smaller. Little fiery comets."

"But they're so many. And they seem to be so colorful. It's not like a meteorite shower. Some are like... spinning." Carina wondered. 

"Well, I agree with you. It's like nothing you have seen here on earth."

"But what is it?"

Loki laughed. "What happened to simply enjoy it?"

"Oh, I do. But I would also like to have a name for it. I mean, I know I wouldn't understand what is happening right there anyway."

Loki took a while before he answered. 

"To be honest, Asgardians didn't really have a name or an explanation for this phenomenon, either. It didn't concern Asgard and it only happens every few hundred years. So, I'm afraid I can't tell you what exactly they are or where they come from."

"Oh, but...does it have a name?"

Loki's thumb stopped its movement for a second. 

"My mother called it 'the glowing dancers," he said quietly.

Carina smiled. "It's fitting. They do look like they're dancing."

After a few minutes, Loki pulled at her hand. "You know, this nice piece of furniture is quite big. It would be a shame if we don't take advantage of it. We can lie down properly."

"Yeah, you're probably right."

"I usually am."

This time Carina rolled her eyes very visible for Loki as she got up to get rid of her shoes.

"How come you know about all this stuff since it wasn't well known and researched in Asgard? Were you some kind of astronomer?" she asked him as she crawled into the middle of the bed. 

Loki laughed. He was already lying on his side, leaning on this left forearm, looking ready for a photo shoot. 

_It is ridiculous. It is the middle of the night, he should at least look a little bit tired or something!_

Carina dropped down beside him extra ungracefully.

_Just to bring balance to the force._

"No, sweet Carina. I wasn't an astronomer." He finally replied.

"Okay, but what job did you have? I mean, even in Asgard... people needed a purpose, didn’t they?"

Loki's face lost a little bit of its light expression, but he still had a smile on his lips.

"I was the second son. Odin, he once had a purpose for me. But he let go of those plans. So, no. I had no real assignment in Asgard, besides being a prince."

"And what did a day in the life of a prince of Asgard looked like?"

"Every time I answer a question of yours, it seems like you have a thousand more," Loki smirked at her. 

"You should be flattered that I find a liking in your stories." She grinned.

Loki raised his eyebrows. "Oh, is that so?"

Carina just grinned and turned her head. 

"Tell me what you were saying earlier." She heard Loki say after a while.

"Huh?" was her smooth response, still not looking at him.

"Shortly after we entered the room. The first thing you said. I couldn't fathom it out." 

Carina thought for a second. At first, she didn't know what he meant. She felt like her mind went blank after she first laid eyes on this view, but then she remembered. She smiled softly.

"Oh... I said: The universe was made just to be seen by my eyes. It's from a song."

"I would like to hear it." Loki stated.

"Sure, I can show you sometime."

"Why not now?"

He could be truly annoying. 

"Because that means I have to get up and get my bag to get my phone."

"Well?"

She turned her head to look at him. She knew this face by now. He wouldn't let it go. 

"Gosh, you're persistent. Only if that's a quid pro quo situation."

Loki's smirk grew. "Then it shall be a quid pro quo situation."

Sighing, she got up to search for her phone, muttering under her breath that he will make fun of the song anyways and making Loki laugh.

"Here. It’s called Saturn.“ She announced after she found it and pressed play. Carina set the device down over their heads and laid back. Loki did the same, arms behind his head.

The music started, softly the violin played. The organ, drums, and piano followed. 

"I don’t hear anyone-"

"Shh!“ Carina stopped Loki’s bitching by pressing her fingers to his lips. "Be quiet. Just listen.“ she whispered.

And Loki _was_ quiet. But he also took hold of her wrist with one hand and pulled her to him, so she had to place her head on his shoulder. He kept the arm, which she was half laying on now, behind his head, but his right hand didn’t let go of her left one.

Carina listened to the music, so very fitting for the sight above her. She took a deep breath, letting Loki’s scent of soap, wind, and leather fill her. Without noticing, she moved closer to him. Loki let go of her hand, pushing her sleeve up to her elbow. His fingers moved up and down on her arm.

The choir joined the powerful instruments before everything died down, and the singers' gentle voice could be heard. 

Carina found herself singing along with every other line, soft and quiet, just a whisper. 

_"How light carries on endlessly, even after death..._   
_With shortness of breath, you explained the infinite"_

It was so suitable for what she experienced right now. In this very moment, everything seemed full of beauty, and nothing was unlasting, nothing would be ever lost. 

_"How rare and beautiful it truly is that we exist…“_

After the song ended, they stayed quiet. And even though she didn't want to, Carina was sure she would fall asleep soon. 

"How much longer will it last?" Carina finally asked. 

"Huh?" Came Loki's unusual ineloquent response. She felt him looking down at her, so she lifted her head to meet his eyes.

"The glowing dancers. How much longer will we be able to see them?" She clarified. 

"Oh...only a few more hours. You can see their number is already diminishing. We could follow their path on Asgard for a little while longer, but the technology here won't let us reach this far into the universe." His voice was quiet, gentle. 

"Mmh." Carina blinked, her eyelids became quite heavy. 

"Do you wish to sleep?" Loki asked her as she opened her eyes again.

"Well, it is...I have no idea what time it is, but it's late for sure." 

"Then you should rest." Loki's eyes were fixed on hers.

"But...shouldn't we go? Can we just sleep in here?" She got more comfortable with her head tilted up. 

"We did it before, we can do it again. Don't worry. Sleep if you desire so."

"Okay." 

However, she didn't close her eyes. Instead, she kept gazing into Loki's, which looked so very warm and dark green right now. She didn't know how it happened, but her hand wandered higher up his body to his shoulder, then her fingertips grazed the exposed skin of his neck. She felt her heartbeat picking up, and even thought she noticed Loki's breathing changed slightly. And she just couldn't look away from his eyes. 

Loki lowered his head slowly, and just when his lips settled on hers softly she closed her eyes. Carina felt his hand come up and cup her cheek as he deepened the kiss.

Carefully Loki rolled her into her back and sank on top of her. Their lips and tongues moved slowly and passionate. They tasted each other until her mind was dizzy. Carina had one hand in Loki's hair, the other roamed over his body as he released her mouth to trail kisses down her jawline and neck. 

Nothing was rushed about it. Loki pulled the jumper over her head slowly, kissing every part of skin he could reach in the process. Her bra followed soon. His tongue played with each nipple and he licked and bit at her skin while moving lower, listening to her moans and whimpers. Loki held her hips in his hands and kissed her right under her navel before he took off her jeans and panties. He licked a path from her foot back up to her pussy.  Spreading her folds, his tongue circuited her clit. 

"Loki." Carina gasped and tucked on his hair. He was still fully dressed, and she needed more right now. His gaze found hers, and he seemed to understand.  
He sat back on his legs and took her with him. Carina opened his pants and together they unbuttoned his shirt. She kissed the pale skin of his wide shoulders and chest, letting her hands wander over his torso. 

Finally, she pressed her naked body to his, as their lips found each other again. She enjoyed his hands on her back and ass, and the taste of herself on his lips. Carina pushed his pants blindly further down over his ass, but to fully get rid of it Loki had to stand up. Reluctantly, she let him. Again, their eyes locked, Loki sat back down on the magical bed and reached for her. He pulled her over his lap and both moaned when his hardness came into contact with her wetness. Carina felt his cock pulsating against her heated flesh. She wrapped her arms around his neck, grinding her pelvis into his. Loki growled and kissed her again. One hand was in her hair, with the other he lifted her hips. His tip found her entrance and ever so slowly, he let her sink down on him.   
Carina whimpered into his mouth when he was fully inside. She had to break the kiss and Loki let her, staring into her eyes. For a few moments, they simply stayed like this before she started to move.

She kept him deep in her, only moving her hips back and forth, ever so slowly. So he touched the deepest parts in her, stayed buried in her to the fullest. Loki helped her move her hips. His left hand had an iron grip on her hip. Carina felt that he wouldn't let her go any faster, even if she wanted to. He felt it, too.

It was torture. It was pure bliss.

The air was filled with Loki's groaning and her whimpers. Her nails were almost clawing into his scalp and his hand on her hip would leave a few bruises. But still, their movements were slow. Their flesh was hot and sweaty. Skin on skin and still it wasn't enough. When they weren't kissing, their lips stayed close, their breath mingled. 

When her orgasm hit her, it was almost painful. It washed over her in seemingly never-ending waves of pleasure. If it wasn't for Loki holding her head and moving her hips, she would have collapsed on him. But he did hold her, kept kissing her, and so her orgasm prolonged. She was nearly sobbing when she finally felt him also reach his peak, as his cock jerked and he came deep inside her. 

Loki let her rest her head on his shoulder. He caressed her back as they both caught their breath. 

Carina was nearly asleep when he finally laid her down on the sheet. She winced slightly as he withdrew from her. 

"Are you alright?" She heard him ask softly. But she was too weak to open her eyes now.   
She just nodded and rolled on her side, blindly reaching out for him, hoping he would settle down beside her.

And he did.

Loki pulled her into his arms, so she was half on top of him. Carina felt her naked chest against his, fingers brushed some hair out of her face before cool lips kissed her forehead. Sleep claimed her seconds later. 

......

Her growling stomach woke her up on Sunday. Turned out, she slept till lunchtime. She woke up alone, but that wasn't any surprise. Loki got bored fast and whenever she slept longer, she didn't see him in the morning. She did notice that he had clean her up. Since she couldn't find any body fluids on her.  Still, waking up naked in a room that was made of GLASS alone was...less than pleasurable. Even when nobody from the outside could see her. 

Carina got dressed quickly and then made her way back to her quarters. She trusted Loki to put his 'not drawing' spell on her before he left her. The brunette felt good, even when she was a bit sore and she could see quite a big bruise form on her hip. Well, she had to live with that. She did promise Bucky and Sam to go on a run with them and they wanted to have dinner with Bruce and Wanda later.

 

____  

 

Nobody loved Mondays. At least in her experience. And really, on a regular workday Monday, what was there to like?

This one wasn't any exception. 

She had a few calls to make and the office in New York City couldn't find some papers, so she had to go there and take care of their job as well.

It was around noon when she finally remembered the email of the safety department.

She sat down in an empty, small office and opened her Mails. As she was reading the message her eyes narrowed and her breathing picked up. A feeling, like she was weightless, started to settle in her bones. She opened the file that was attached to the mail but was just as lost as before. She swallowed multiple times, but the tightness in her throat didn't disappear.   
With shaking hands, she reached for the telephone on the desk. 

It only rang a few times before Tom, the man from the security department who wrote to her, answered the phone. She knew him. He had installed and explained the whole system on her laptop to her a few years ago when her access had been created.

"Safety Dep. You're speaking to Tom."

"Hi, Tom, Carina Miller here. I don't know if you remember. I'm a consultant at the-"

"Hello, Cari! Of course, I know who you are. How are you?" He interrupted her.

"Hey, yeah. Thanks, I'm good. Tom, I got...I got your mail." She went right in.

"Oh yeah."

"I have to say, I don't really get it. My computer was hacked?"

"Oh no, no! If that was the case... no! Don't worry. Sorry, I'll explain. You're using a very low type of security. For your note and reports. Just the login data and a password."

"Yes, and I get a code on my phone whenever I log in to work on this stuff."

"Yeah, that's right. See, we have a security program, it spots any kind of abnormality in your workflow, you know anything that's out of your normal schedule."

"I don't know if I even have a regular schedule," Carina said.

"Oh, believe me, you do. Everybody does. We're talking Stark here. Even when humans can't find a pattern, the program does. But it's still not 100 % correct all the time. The system noticed an anomaly in your pattern. So it recommends for you to check all the times you were in your files. If it says you were working when you remember you won't, we have to see what happened."

"But to get into my files someone would have to also get my phone... and it's with face ID."

A cold shiver ran down Carina's back.

"Yeah, I know. I wouldn't worry about too much, Cari. If you can't think of any possibility of how someone could get a hold on your password, your phone, _and_ your face, you're good." Tom laughed. "Just to be sure, check the days, alright? And you should get a new password. It's due for a change anyway. Just come to my office when you got the time."

Carina swallowed and kept her voice carefree.

"I'm at the city office right now, may I come in today?"

"Sure, if you like. It's a lazy Monday."

_Wow...there are people who like Mondays._

Carina barely remembered saying goodbye to Tom. The file he sent her was still open and this time she knew what she had to look for. Not that it mattered. She already knew what she would find.

She had many sleepless nights in her life. She remembered a lot of them pretty clearly. But she hardly worked when she couldn't sleep. She was no good then. She went for a hot shower, read, or even went for a run. And one thing was sure, she slept like a baby those last couple of months.

Still, someone had logged in with her data. Used her password, used her phone, used her face. Roughly a dozen times in the last few months. 

The realization hit her harder than it should have.

“Of course,“ she whispered into her dark office. “Of course.“ 

It was Loki. 

He had stolen her login data. Of course, it was him. That was what he did, wasn’t it? He was Loki, God of Mischief, after all. 

And god... did he make a joke out of her.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry it took me a week longer than planned. Still, I was lazy with the editing here. I apologize for that.  
> I had to let go of my four-legged girl last week and even though she went peacefully in my arms it's tough. I had her with me for so long. 
> 
> But to quote the great Winnie the Pooh: How lucky am I to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.
> 
> Sooooo. Happy topics. I hope you liked this chapter and enjoyed the fluff and sweetness. Because, like promised, the next few chapters will be full of drama, sorrow, angst... :)


	25. 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Et voilà... 
> 
> I hope you like it :) Your kind comments made my day! Thank you so much for reading, leaving comments & kudos

 

  
Thankfully, Carina was an expert in pretending to be okay. After she sat in front of her computer for almost 15 minutes, to get her breathing under control, she packed her things and went to the security department.   
On the way, she made a couple of calls and wrote some emails to clear her afternoon. 

Tom was surprised to see her so soon. But Carina was sure he had no suspicion. She was cool and collected. She told him that she had sorted out the file but couldn't find anything suspicious. She mentioned some late-night work, and that maybe the system had picked up on that. He bought it, and Carina felt horrible. But her conscience had to wait. She had to go back to the compound. She had to confront Loki.

....

  
She knew he would find her. He usually did, today was no different.  
So Carina waited in the lounge. She just sat on the sofa, looking out of the window. Her mind wouldn't shut up. But at the same time, she felt a little dizzy. Still, she was sure this was what she needed to do.  
This wasn't about getting confirmation. She didn't need that. She already knew what he had done. But she wanted to know why he did it and how.

It was late afternoon when the door opened.   
Loki saw her right away. He closed the door behind him and went to the counter.

"Well, hello Carina. Care for some afternoon tea, my dear?"

His voice was as smooth as ever. Carina didn't look at him. 

She took a deep breath. "How and why?" 

Her voice was even, quiet. 

"I beg your pardon?" She heard him putting two cups on the counter.

"I want to know how and why you did it."

"What do you mean, dear?"

"Do you really have to ask? Didn't you think this would happen sooner or later?"

"Oh darling, I do enjoy a good riddle, but you have to give me a little bit more than that."

She stood up and finally turned her head to look at him. He had left the china on the counter and went to where she sat. He looked handsome as ever, black pants, green shirt, hair in a low knot. She _hated_ that she noticed all of this.

"You used my computer. Somehow got hold of my access information, my password. And you used my phone, as well. To get the second security code."

Loki stood still, said nothing, only looking at her.

"And I want to know how and why." Her voice was still controlled, with a calmness she didn't feel.

Finally, he smiled at her and took a few steps in her direction.  
"Seriously Carina, I don't know what you are talking about."

"Don't!" Her voice cracked as she took a step back when he nearly reached her. "Don't do that. Don't lie to me."

Loki stood before her, he sighed, looking annoyed. Like he was dealing with an unreasonable child.

"This is my quit pro quo question. How and why, Loki? You have to answer me. And don't lie. Please." she finished softly. 

Moments went by without any of them moving. Carina almost thought she just imagined it when he finally answered.

"I have my ways. The technology you're using on this planet isn't hard to outthink."

She was wrong. She guessed she _did_ need confirmation... or at least part of her hoped that there somehow was another explanation. But hearing him admitting it - in his very own smug way - it hurt more than she could have imagined. 

"Why did you do it?" She asked.

"Just one question, my dear. Remember the rules." He smiled.

"Are you kidding me? Besides, you didn't answer the first question, not really! You give a shit about rules!" 

Loki looked at her again, almost confused. "You are really quite upset about it," he observed.

Now it was Carina who took a step forward. "And this surprises you? You're telling me you really can't see what you've done?"

"And what is it, that I have done, Carina?" The arrogance and seemingly carefreeness in his voice and posture made her nearly shake with anger.

“You used me! You used me to get information!” 

“I really don’t see what all this tizzy is about. I merely took a look. No harm was done.  You don't truly think that petty Miss Jones, who doesn't love her son or Pete Morgan's lack of potency, are pieces of information that could bring a potential threat to this world?“

"No harm was done? You really don’t see how you violated my trust?“

"Trust, my dear? What trust have I violated?"

"You lied to me!"

"And how did I do that? I can't remember ever telling you that I didn't log into your precious little program." Loki grinned at her, almost charmingly.

She stared at him. Nearly lost for words. Was he trying to be funny? How could he _be_ like this? How could _she..._

_I should have known._

"So that’s how it is? Huh?“ she pressed out.

"That’s what it is, darling.“

Carina could feel it. The rage, the hurt. It overwhelmed her.

"Alright, you know what? Fuck you! Fuck you and your logic, flowery words and twisted mind! I gave you nothing but honesty!“ She shouted. 

Loki looked at her puzzled, his bright eyes widened, his mouth slightly open, clearly surprised with her outburst. Sadly, it didn’t last long.

“Carina, you can listen to me or-“

"Listen to you! Now you want to tell me about it? Why?! So you can lie to me some more? How fucking stupid do you think I am?! I won’t ever listen to the likes of you again!“

Something twisted in his gaze. He took a deep breath, slowly stepping closer to her. It took Carina a lot of strength not to take a step back. "Yes, yes dearest Carina. You win. I’m exposed. All of this is true. And you know what else is true?“ He leaned over her, his voice even lower than usual. "You knew. From the very beginning, you knew. Who I am, what I am. And still you speared your legs for me, let the monster have you, mark you. Or should I say precisely because of it? Since this is what you wanted, isn’t it? You were so ridiculously desperate to feel something because you’re empty. An empty, hollow shell of a woman. And you wanted to fill this void, so you came to me. Now, don’t you speak to me about using, since you’re a master of it yourself.“

Carina swallowed. She did her best but still, she could feel tears, seconds away from spilling out. Loki watched her, anger and rage burning in his eyes, his breathing heavy.

His words hit home. They both knew it. As she realized a sob tried to escape her throat, she came into motion quickly, trying to move past Loki, not wanting to give him even more satisfaction by seeing her in this pathetic state. But he caught her arm before she could.

"Where do you think you’re going?“ His voice was icy. 

She tried to get free, but he wouldn't let go. So, with all the strength left in her, she looked him dead in the eyes. If he needed to see the tears that by now were running down her cheeks, she would do it with composure.

"I’m done. I’m done getting used by you. And I’m done using you,“ she whispered. His stunned expression gave her time to break her arm from his grip and slip out of the room.  

....

It was pure instinct that drove her to Kate and Jake's door this evening. She finally reached her breaking point. Carina just couldn't keep the secrets any longer, couldn't handle the hurt alone. She needed to talk to someone. And this someone was Katie.

When Jake opened the door, Carina barely held it together. Jake knew her long enough to see it. He pulled her into a hug and whispered: "What happened?" 

Carina just shook her head and swallowed a sob. That's when Kate came out of the kitchen. Only a few minutes later, Carina found herself on her friends' couch. A glass of wine in her hand, wrapped in a blanket. Katie had sent Jake to the store to get some ice cream, but Carina knew he would stay gone at least for two hours to give them time to talk.

"Okay, Cari...what has he done? And no denying anymore, alright? You don't have to tell me who he is, but you need to tell me what the asshole did."

And to her friend's surprise, Carina did tell her, not only what he did, but who he was. 

....

She started right from the beginning. Their talks, how they somehow spent time together, then the small fight, her fall in the woods, the kiss...the first time in her office and how it became more and more and more. Till she reached today's events.

Katie listened. She had a question a few times but mostly just listened. At first, when Carina told her who the man was, she saw the shock in her friend's eyes. But after she kept telling her about their interactions, and what Bruce said about Loki's role in the attack of New York City in 2012, it disappeared slowly.   
Carina left a few things out...she didn't tell Katie about the night she went to him, about her confessions. And she didn't tell her how...intimate the last time they slept with each other felt. But she had the feeling, she didn't need to tell Kate all this. Her friend understood, nonetheless.

Finally, Carina ended her tale. Katie looked at her, compassion in her eyes.

"Oh, Cari. I'm so sorry," she whispered.

That did it.

Carina broke out in tears. Kate held her as she cried, harder and longer than she did in a very long time. 

...

 

"Morning sleepyhead."

The aroma of coffee and something else, something sweet, reached her nose. Someone pushed her legs to the side and set down on the couch.   
Slowly she opened her eyes.

"Hey, honey." Katie smiled at her.

"Good morning." Carina sat up and stretched her back. "Shit, what time is it?"

"Still early. Jake just got off to work. I still have an hour or so." The blond sipped at her coffee.

Carina rubbed her eyes. "Oh, Katie, I'm sorry for causing so much trouble."

"Hey! Don't say that. You don't. I'm glad you came here last night."  
After her crying fit, Kate had brought her something to sleep in, ordering her to change in the bathroom because she would spend the night here.

"Still, I'm sure you two had better plans."

"Ah, nah. Not really. We're getting old and shit."

Carina smiled slightly, then grabbed the cup, Kate set for her on the coffee table. "Thank you, Kate."

"No problem, I also made cookies." She pointed to the plate on the table.

"You made cookies?“

"Yeah, got bored this morning.“

"Bored, huh?“

Katie just grinned and shrugged. Carina grabbed a cookie.

"Well, they taste amazing.“ 

"Thanks, honey. How are you feeling? I mean...really?“

Carina signed. "Okay. A bit ridiculous. I thought those hideous crying fits are behind me. I’m exhausted, I’m too old for this shit.“

"Babe, you’re never too old to get your heart broken.“

Carina nearly choked on her cookie. She coughed out crumbs. "I _did_ not get my heart broken!“ she replied after getting her breathing back under control.

"Oh yeah, you did. And you did get it shattered really good. I can see it, it’s all over the place and it ain’t pretty. I’m telling you.“

Carina just stared at her. 

"But do you wanna know the good thing, huh? You are strong. The strongest fucking woman I know.“

Carina drunk her coffee and said nothing. Kate was wrong. She wasn’t that deep into this whole thing. Her heart wasn't broken, she thought. But she had to admit to herself that she at least opened her heart for Loki if only a little bit. She trusted him, and he threw it back into her face. 

"So...you didn't say much yesterday." Carina finally stated.

"Well, it was a lot to take in. I'll be honest, I didn't expect… _that_. But I'm glad we can still surprise each other." Kate answered lightheartedly.

"Katie, I'm serious. Are you...I mean I can understand it...it's a lot, it's shocking."

"Nah, not really. You always had a pretty exotic taste in men. At least sometimes. Remember this guy who was born in Texas but grew up in Spain? His father was Chinese, and where was his mother from again?“

"You mean Dan? His mother was Israeli.“

"See!? Considering that…this warmongering alien prince is almost boring.“

Carina groaned and hid her face in her hands while she heard Katie laughing.

"Okay, okay. Here's the thing." Kate said, moving closer to her friend. "From what you told me, I get it. He is an alien, and... strange. But he also seems to be entertaining, intelligent and charming."   
Carina peeked through her fingers. 

"And he sounds like a freaking amazing fuck," Kate smirked.

Carina hid her face again. Kate took her hands away, urging her to look at her.

"But maybe the most important thing, and as crazy as it sounds to say this about him, I think you thought he was safe. It was safe for you to have something with him because you never thought it could become more than just something to pass the time. But it did, honey. As much as you want to deny it, it did."

For a few moments, the two women just looked at each other.

"What do I do now?" Carina finally whispered.

"First, you eat another cookie." Kate pushed one in her hand. "And drink your coffee. Then you're welcome to take a shower and get ready for your day. And then... well, that should be obvious." Kate took a cookie herself, and Carina knew it was all for dramatic effect. "You'll face it. You’ll deal with it. And you’ll be fine. You'll grow stronger, learn from it. It's what you always do, what you always did."

 

 

 


	26. 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember.... it has to get worse before it can get better...

  
_She was in a forest. She didn’t know this place, but it felt familiar. It was fall. The trees were colorful. The first leaves were falling down, covering the mossy ground._

_And she wasn’t alone._

_Two wolves were in front of her. She didn’t know their names, couldn’t remember where they came from. But they belonged here… belonged to her, and she loved them._   
_Carina knew that much._

_One was smaller than the other, white and brown. The larger one was nearly all black, only with a few white spots. They were beautiful._

_She looked to her right. A man walked beside her. And she knew his name..._

Her alarm woke her up, but Carina’s mind had trouble letting go of her dream.   
It felt like a déjà vu or déjà rêvé, to be even more precisely. She felt like she had this dream before. But before she could give it more of a thought, the memories of last week came back to her. 

She hadn't seen much of Loki. Once, she had caught a glimpse of him in the canteen. But that was pretty much it. He hadn't sought her out, and she did everything she could to avoid him. She had kept herself busy with work.  
Katie was calling every day, just to check on her. It was sweet but mostly unnecessary. For Carina, it was clear that she would keep her distance from Loki. Deep down she knew if he would approach her - which she doubted would happen - she would listen to him. Something in her still hoped that he would at least apologize and _mean_ it. Maybe give her an explanation she could somehow understand. But Loki completely failed to see what he did, leaving her no other choice but thinking that he indeed only used her. 

Trying to get her mind out of those thoughts, Carina took a shower to start her day. She had to hurry since she promised Bucky and Sam to go for a run with them. Bruce these days was almost always busy. Carina missed their little Monday morning runs but she understood. 

It was a nice, sunny spring morning. The two soldiers were already waiting for her on the training field. 

Sam was stretching his legs, warming up. Bucky was just standing there, smirking at him. "Hey, guys." She grinned.

Bucky gave her a hug, and Sam did the same after he was done with whatever the heck he was doing.

"So, I know we said we train on the field today but the weather is nice. How about we take this session to the forest?" She suggested.

"Sure, I'm in." Buck smiled at her. 

"Yeah, whatever," Sam mumbled. 

"What?" Carina laughed as they started to slowly jog to the trees.

"He's just afraid of getting his new shoes dirty." Bucky grinned.

Carina stared at Sam.

"Shut up Barnes."

"Well, it's true. Isn't it?"

"So what? I've got new kicks. I like to keep them clean and shiny. Sorry that some of us care about a nice appearance and don't want to look shabby and scruffy all the time."

"Wow, pal. That was low."

"Hey, I'm only speaking the truth. You have to make an effort, man. You had a good start this year with getting the haircut. But you have to keep it up, dude."

It was true that after his haircut in January, Bucky hadn't gone back to keep his hair short. And he had mad hair growth as well. His brown strands already reached his chin. He wasn't wildly in favor of shaving, either. 

"Nah, I think Bucky can do both. Savaged or neat."

"Thanks, hon," Bucky smirked at her.

"Damned Cari! Don't encourage him!"

She couldn't help it. Those two were hilarious.  
Before they even entered the forest, Carina was laughing so hard she had to slow down her pace, and the guys followed suit. 

 

...

 

It felt good to spend some time with her friends. Bucky and Sam really helped to get her mind off the Loki situation. The long and hard run through the forest did, too. 

"Goddamn, you two." Sam was breathing heavy, bent over with his hands on his knees. "How come you're not feeling like you're going to see your breakfast for a second time?"

"We're just in better shape than you are," Bucky smirked as they left the forest, and walked slowly back to the living quarters.

Carina just smiled. She also felt pretty exhausted, but she welcomed the feeling. They walked passed the training field, Sam joking about Bucky's untamable hair again, when the other man came to an abrupt stop.

"What the hell?" the brunette wondered. Carina and Sam stopped walking as well and followed his gaze.

On the landing zone behind the training field, was a jet. Nothing too uncommon, but the folks that stood before the plane were quite unusual.   
Carina knew only three of them. One was Bruce, and he was talking to Dr. Stephen Strange. She never saw the man in person, but she saw pictures and heard stories. Then there was a figure that looked kind of... stony and blue. She guessed another alien. There were two other human-looking people but Carina somehow knew that they were more than that. She had spent enough time around an Asgardian to spot them by now. She guessed the woman had to be Valkyrie. Bruce told her about the new Asgardian leader quite a lot and her appearance fit his description. The man next to her was tall with dark skin and seemed to be on alert. 

Rhodey stood next to the jet as well, a few feet away from the others, but he watched the scene attentively. He looked tense, and an uneasy feeling also formed in Carina's stomach. 

Then she noticed the other figure that made its way to the group of people. And she would recognize him in a heartbeat.

He wasn't wearing his usual clothes. It was kind of strange. She never saw him in boots before. His whole garment looked to be out of leather. In this outfit, he looked far more like the alien prince he was than ever before.   
Loki greeted the group of people. Bucky, Sam, and Carina stood about 50 yards away. Still, she could see his smirk. 

To really see him for the first time in a week and after his last words to her, left her almost numbed. She even had to tell herself to keep breathing evenly.

"What is going on there?" she finally asked. Her voice was rough, and she hoped if the boys noticed they would blame her shortness of breath on their previous run. 

Sam crossed his arms. "I have no clue. But I'm not sure if I like it." 

At this moment, Bruce noticed the bystanders and waved at them. Carina was sure Loki saw them too. But if he looked at them, she didn't see it. He at least didn't turn his head. 

Bruce seemed to say goodbye. He hugged Valkyrie, shook the other men's hands and then he turned to Loki. He patted the dark-haired man's back and Loki returned the gesture by doing the same to Bruce’s arm. Then, the green scientist walked over to Carina, Bucky, and Sam. 

"Hey, guys." He greeted them. Carina's gaze was fixed on the scene by the jet. Dr. Strange was still talking to the visitor. Loki just stood there, looking the other direction.

"What the hell is going on there, Banner?" Sam finally asked.

"Well, it looks like Loki is leaving us." 

"What?" Bucky asked.

"Shocking, I know. I thought he was getting used to living here by now." Bruce grinned.

"Why is he leaving?" Sam wanted to know.

"I have no idea. He came to me last week and asked if I could contact the Asgardians. He said it was time for him to live with the likes of him. That's pretty much what he said."

"You're sure he's not up to anything?" Sam asked.

"You never know with this guy. But he is in very competent hands. Valkyrie handled him just fine before. And Heimdall literally sees everything. I called Stephen Strange just to make sure and of course, Fury had to give his blessing, too."

Carina heard every word, but she had nothing to add to the conversation. Her eyes were fixed on Loki.  
The group by the jet seemed to get ready for departure. The stony guy, as well as the man - she now knew was Heimdall - entered the plane. 

"Well, last chance to say goodbye," Bruce said.

"No, thank you. I have to say I'm glad to see him leaving. Never trusted this pale dude." Sam stated and Bruce laughed. "Well, he did kind of grow on me," he added.

Bucky was silent and so was Carina. Some part of her hoped for a sign, some kind of signal that he noticed her... some kind of goodbye. But it never came. Loki's posture was upright. With confident steps, he walked up into the jet and out of her sight. No hesitation, no glance in her direction. No gesture of farewell.

Bruce and Sam were talking, Carina could no longer make out the words. The jet was about to take off, and she finally took her eyes off the scene.   
When she turned away, just for a second, Bucky caught her gaze. Even with the sorrow in her mind, she saw it very clear in his eyes... the concern. 

...

Monday turned into Tuesday which turned into Wednesday, without her really noticing it.   
She realized she had trouble processing all the things that happened in those last few days.  
She was angry with herself. For letting her guard down, for getting so comfortable, getting so _used_ to this alien prince's presence. And she was angry with him. Not only for using her... she had to admit that him leaving the way he did felt even worse. 

_You'll face it. You’ll deal with it. And you’ll be fine. You'll grow stronger, learn from it. It's what you always do, what you always did._ She kept repeating Katie's words in her mind ever so often.

It was another sunny spring day, so very much the opposite of her mood, but she tried to find solace in it no less. That was why she sat down on a bench outside in the afternoon. She had a book with her but couldn't concentrate on it. So she settled for closing her eyes and letting the sun shine on her face.

"We missed you at lunch today."

Carina opened her eyes to see Bucky standing next to the bench, looking at her.

"Hey, yeah. Sorry. I worked right through lunchtime." 

Bucky nodded. 

"Would you mind some company?" he eventually asked.

"No, of course not." Carina smiled softly and patted the spot to her left. Bucky sat down, and they were both silent.

Minutes passed before Carina finally decided to address the elephant in the room.

“You saw me, didn’t you?“

She felt Bucky looking at her and turned her head to meet his eyes.

“A few weeks ago… in front of his door. You saw me, right?“

It took Bucky a few moments before he answered, his gaze never leaving hers. “Yes. Yes, I did.“

"And we both know... why I was there."

"Well, I guess I put two and two together. I'm old... but not that old."

“You didn’t say anything.“

“As long as you were okay, it was none of my business.”

“I’m sorry.“ 

Bucky’s eyes were soft. “Oh Cari, you have nothing to be sorry for.“

“Yes, yes I do.“

“No, hon. You don’t.“

Carina looked away. “What do you think of me?“ she asked softly.

“What do you mean?“ he seemed confused.

“I was hiding an affair with a former enemy.”

“Cari, don’t ever believe I could think bad of you. Never. Besides, I mean what I said about him. I… don’t think he is a threat. He can be dangerous? Of course. He isn’t good enough for you, that’s for sure. I was a little surprised at first… I wanted to make sure you’re okay. But you seemed fine. And I already knew that he was smitten with you.”

“What?” She looked at him, puzzled. 

Bucky tilted his head. “Well, I’m a soldier after all. I observe things. And I caught him looking at you a few times. Especially when you weren’t aware of it.”

“You got it wrong Bucky. It wasn’t like that.” 

The brunette smiled softly at her. “Nah, I think I got it pretty damn right.“

“No. I was a fool, Buck.” She sighed. “He simply used me. He had stolen my login data, for my computer and looked through my reports. He had also access to personnel files. He only used our... thing to get information.”

Bucky was quiet for a bit. “That’s seriously a dick move.” 

“You can say that. If you tell this anyone, I’ll be fired by the way… which I should be, I guess.“ Carina smiled at him sadly.

"What?! No Cari, of course, I won’t tell anyone! And you shouldn’t be fired! He shouldn’t have done that. It wasn’t your fault.“

"But it was. I should have known that this was all he wanted.“

“I still think it was more than that.”

Carina just shocked her head. 

“The guy is an ass, I mean, really. And he has a different kind of moral, I guess. But... I don’t think anybody else noticed, but he couldn’t refuse you anything.”

“Seriously, that’s bull.” Carina snorted. 

“Every time you used the word please with him he did exactly what you asked for.”

“That’s not true.” Carina frowned. 

“Well, I can remember a few times I witness it. When you asked him to join us for lunch or try some food.”

"Maybe part of his plan.“ Carina sighed.

They were quiet for a while.

"Did you confront him?“ Bucky asked. "Is that’s why he left?“

Carina shrugged. "I guess. And yeah, sure I did. He didn’t deny it. But he also didn’t see what my problem was. He said no harm was done. He simply took a look.“  She took a deep breath. She couldn’t tell Bucky the rest. “Doesn’t matter now. I ended it. And he’s gone. It’s done.”

They sat side by side for some time, letting the spring sun warm their faces. 

It was Bucky who broke the silence this time. “Back in Bucharest. There was… there was someone.“

“Someone?“

“A… a girl.“ he breathed. “A young… student. Exchange student. She was American. She was… nice to me. Had no reason to be. But she was just very nice to me."

Carina smiled. “What was her name?“

Bucky was quiet for a few seconds, then whispered. “Ruby.“ It sounded rough like he had trouble getting it out… like he didn’t speak in a long time. He cleared his throat. “Her name was Ruby. She said her parents named her after a Rolling Stones song.“

“I know that song. It’s a good one.“

“Yeah, she played it for me.“ A nostalgic smile was on his face. 

They were silent for some time before Carina asked softly: “What happened to her?“

Bucky shook his head slowly, his eyes far away. “I don’t know. I... I left when... the whole Zemo thing happened. I saw her one last time before I tried to get away. But after Siberia, I went straight to Wakanda...“

“Do you want to know how she‘s doing?“

Again Bucky took his time to answer. “I thought about it. Many times. Even before Steve bought me to Wakanda. I knew it was too risky then to contact her but… maybe having Steve see if she was alright... But the punk did so much for me already. I couldn‘t ask for it.“

“And what about now?“ 

“I just don’t... it’s been years. More than eight years. I don’t want to bother her. Besides... I’m terrified of the thought that she might...“ he couldn’t finish his sentence. But that wasn’t even necessary. Carina knew exactly what he meant.

Carina took Bucky’s hand and squeezed it, which he returned.

The two friends sat there for a long time, silently, hand in hand. Both were alone with their thoughts of those who left such a deep, aching imprint in their souls, but joint no less. A light breeze went trough their clothes, taking at least some of the heaviness away.

 

 


	27. 25

Time flies quicker and quicker the older you get. It was common knowledge. Still, everybody is surprised by the fact that it happens to them. Carina was no different. She could remember when it happened to her pretty well. It was her 28th birthday. She had just broken up with Paul after a long and - at the every end - painful relationship. It had been a few months before half of every living creature was ripped from existence.

On that day she truly felt it for the first time. 

You don’t have eternity. At least not in this life. Time moves faster and faster, every year. 

Spring became summer without her really noticing it, besides the rising temperature. And man, did it rise. It was a remarkably hot summer, and she had never been so grateful for air-conditioning. She got up at 5 am to do her morning runs since this was the only time you could exercise outside without risking a sunstroke. Sometimes Sam and Bucky joined her. 

Work kept her busy. She participated in one of Stark’s charity project for troubled teens for a few months. She missed working with children sometimes. It was nice, so was working outside of the compound. Her feelings towards her workplace were conflicted. She loved it here, loved the friendships she had made. But it was also full of memories of Loki. To get away from here more often was good for her. Because she knew she ran too hard at times, showered in hot water till her skin was red afterward.

On the 4th of July, Kate talked her into coming with them to a party. A lot of Jake's co-workers were there. Carina ended up chatting quite a bit with a guy named Danny. He was a few years younger than her, had short dark blond hair, pale green eyes, a strong jawline, and a very charming smile. In her heels their were the same height. She liked the way he touched her elbow every now and then while talking to her, and that his eyes held no false promises. So, at the end of the night, she went home with him. 

He was a generous lover but also quite exerted. She enjoyed his touch no less. The drinks she had at the party helped her to push the face of a dark-haired man out of her thoughts.   
To praise his efforts - and prove something to herself - she moaned Danny's name when she came on his fingers.

He was still sleeping when she tiptoed out of his apartment the following morning. With a starting headache and a strange tightness in her chest. She didn't leave him her number, even though Kate scolded her for that later. She told her repeatedly in the following weeks that he was asking Jake for her number. She wasn't sure if that was true. But Carina's reply stayed the same. She wasn't interested. 

\---

At the end of July, her brother called her. Toby and Vanessa decided on a late summer wedding in September, two weeks before Carina's birthday. She was surprised by the sudden rush. She thought she would eventually become an aunt, but Toby denied it. He said they just wanted to get married and didn't want to wait any longer.

Still, they strived for a big wedding, not without her mother's influence, of course.   
Her mother, a woman of dedication. Carina knew her outburst a few months ago would come back to hunt her. Susan Miller wouldn't stop bugging her daughter about bringing someone with her to the wedding. She recommended multiple oh so fine young men to her, hoping her daughter would make one of them her plus one for the wedding.  
She did her best to avoid the topic. But the date came closer. She didn't know how much longer she could ignore her mother's inquiry. 

It was a Wednesday, and Carina met Bucky, Sam, Wanda, and Bruce in the canteen for lunch. It was rare these days that all of them could make it. When they first moved to the compound, they would meet up quite often. But that was fine, Wanda - a full American citizen by now - had attended a few missions with Sam and Bucky and even went on them on her own. Bruce was a busy man, anyways.   
She still spent time with Bucky and Sam regularly, whenever their work allowed it. But Carina knew they had a whole other circle of people she really had no business with. Carol Danvers, Doktor Strange, a few other superhumans, and aliens. She completely understood. So, it was indeed adorable that Sam tried to find a date for all of them to go out together. 

"I'm sorry. This week isn't working for me. I have so much to do, I can't make it." Bruce looked apologetic.

"How about in two weeks?" Sam asked. 

"I'm at Barton's then." Wanda sighed.

"And we can't make it after that. So okay, maybe we need to think ahead.  But... Oh! How about Saturday four weeks from now?"

Everybody checked their schedule and nodded. Carina didn't need to look.

"I can't on that day. But you guys should go ahead." Everybody looked at her. She had been quiet so far, so she guessed her comment came unexpectedly. 

"What? No, of course, you have to come with us. We look for a different date." Wanda said.

"Oh, it's okay. Really. This is the only day all of you can make it, you should go for it."

"But that sucks, Cari. We'll all go. But shit. The day would have been perfect. There's no way you could make it?" Sam shook his head.

Carina gave them a lopsided grin. "Sorry, I don't think there is a way around this one. It's my little brother's wedding," she announced.

"Oh wow. Congratulations!" Bruce beamed. 

"Thanks, I'll tell him."

"You don't seem too thrilled," Sam raised one eyebrow. "You don't like the bride?"  
   
"Oh, no. Vanessa is a nice girl. They love each other. I'm happy for them. It's just... the whole fuss. My mother can be exhausting."

"Yeah, my mother is the same. She went nuts with my little sister's wedding. It was the only thing I heard whenever I called her. For months. And she couldn't stop bothering me about who I'm taking with me. She nearly paired me up with my third cousin." Sam laughed.

"Oh, I know the struggle. She is constantly throwing random guys in my face to help me find a date for the wedding." 

"Surely, you don't need help for that." Wanda smiled, and Carina thought about her answer for a moment too long. 

"Oh, c'mon Cari! You can find a date in a heartbeat." Sam laughed.

"It's not about that. Maybe I don't want to bring some stranger to my brother's wedding."

"I don't get it," Bruce said around a mouthful of food. "What's the bad thing about attending a wedding alone? You go to a birthday party alone, you don't necessarily need a date for that. Why are weddings different? I never understood that."

Sam, the wise, tried to explain. "Weddings are just different. You celebrate the union of love. And it's a whole other affair. So many people, it's easier to deal with pairs. You know, seating arrangements and stuff. It's a sure thing you have someone to talk to. The cliché of the loser table? It's real. There is always this one table with people you can't put anywhere else. And mostly they're without a plus one. And she's the big sister! Her little bro gets married, and she's there alone?"

"Wow. Thanks, jerk." She said dryly. 

Sam turned his gaze to her. "You know what I mean. This shit isn't good."

"Well, thanks for your concern, but I'll be fine."

"Nonsense. How about I come with you, huh? I'm a great date! You'll see, I'm a real gentleman. Your parents will love me. I'm cultured, funny, polite."

"Polite? Like telling me I'm a loser for being single at my little brother's wedding?" She said with a stone face but he saw the good humor in her eyes. 

"I would gladly come with you, too, Cari," Bruce stated before Sam could answer.

Sam laughed loudly. "Oh great! I'm sure they'd love that."

"Hey?! Why not?"

"We're talking about some classy stuff here, Banner." 

"And you think I can't do classy? Who of us is the genius here? Muscle and brain, remember?" 

"How about they need like a truckload of tacos to feed you?"

"How became this to a debate about who joins me at the wedding?! I'm going alone. End of discussion." Carina said loudly before either of them could speak out.

The air was tense for a moment. "Well, I think you should take both with you. That would be great. I bet people would love it. Even though, I would gladly come with you, as well. I think I'm the most fun one." Wanda finally said. 

Seconds later, the whole table bust out laughing.

...

"Cari! Cari, wait up, please." 

The brunette turned around to see Bucky jogging after her. They just finished lunch, and she was on her way back to her office.

"I'm heading in your direction as well, let's walk together." Bucky smiled as he reached her.

Carina just nodded.

"So... how is your week going? How are things with the charity project?" 

Carina ginned. "Buck, we both know that you don't need to go anyway near my office right now. So, why don't you tell me what you really want to say?"

It took him a few seconds. "Don't go to your brother's wedding alone, Cari." 

She groaned. "Bucky..."

"If you'll have me, I'll gladly go with you."

Carina looked at him surprised. "You hate big social encounters like that."

"I don't hate them. I might feel a bit awkward at times. But I'm getting better. And I guess it's good for me to get out of my comfort zone from time to time. You would do me a favor."

"Sure." Carina laughed. "Bucky, I really appreciate your concern and the offer. But I will be alright. And I don't want you to feel uncomfortable, as well."

"I would really like to go with you. A dame like you shouldn't attend a wedding alone, especially in this situation."

"A dame, huh?" Carina smirked.

But Bucky just sighed. "You're my friend, Cari. And I know that..." He lowered his voice. "I know that you've gone through a lot this year. I don't want you to feel bad on this day. So, let me go with you. I mean... I understand if you don't want to because of who I am-"

"Oh, Bucky, don't be stupid. That's not the reason. I'm proud to be your friend. I'm proud to be friends with all of you. It's just... my mother can be... it's just not always easy for me." She finished, unsure about how to put her feelings into words. 

"So, let me be your friend and be there for you. It'll be fun."

"Wow, you can be even more persistent than Sam." 

"Oh, you have no idea, hon," Bucky smirked at her charmingly.

"And this has nothing to do with the fact you'll be able to rub into Sam's face that I won't go with him but go with you?" 

"What?! Of course not!" Innocence shined in his blue eyes. 

Carina raised an eyebrow. 

A slow grin stretched on Bucky's face. "Well, maybe a little bit." 

She took a deep breath. "Alright, Bucky. But you better clean up nicely."

\---

Sam was mortally offended. For a while, Carina was sure she had to take both of them with her to the wedding.   
She couldn't tell why in the end she had agreed to take Bucky with her. Maybe because he knew about Loki. She had to admit, It was easier to be around him. 

It was a rainy day. Quite nontypical for the very late summer days this year. Carina wore a long, dark green chiffon dress. Her shoulders were bare and it fell nicely, but it was mostly unspectacular. She felt comfortable in it. She was too lazy to do anything with her hair other than leaving it down, just curling the ends.  

Carina put a jacket on and grabbed her purse when she heard the knock on her door.

"Wow, look at you!" she exclaimed when she opened it. Bucky did clean up _very_ nicely. He even went to get a haircut. He wore a very well-fitting dark blue suit. They hadn't spoken about their outfits, but she had to say his suit matched her green dress nicely. He wasn't clean shaved. But it gave him a bit of rawness that look good combined with his otherwise clean look. 

"You look very handsome, Buck." 

"You think? I wanted to shave, but Wanda said I shouldn't. She said it was _edgy_. Whatever that means." Bucky rubbed his chin. Carina laughed and grabbed her things, closing the door behind her.

"Oh, she is right. It does. It's a good thing." 

"Well, I don't want to embarrass you." He said and took the umbrella from her. 

"You won't. I promise." 

"Good. You look really beautiful, by the way. I thought it's commonly not to outshine the bride." He grinned and opened the door for her.

"Yeah, yeah... you and your 40 charm. You haven't even seen the bride." 

Bucky just laughed. He opened the umbrella and offered her his arm.

"So, you're ready for this?" He said as she linked arms with him. 

She took a deep breath. "Yeah, yeah I am."

...

The wedding was lovely. It took place in a small church in her hometown. After that, they went to a nice cottage a little bit outside of the city, with a gorgeous ballroom. The whole arrangement was very nice.    
At the service, Bucky and Carina hadn't drawn much attention to them. That was different now. But the reception went well. She introduced her company to her grandma and a few distant relatives, as well as a few of Toby and Vanessa's friends. Some clearly recognized him right away. She thought that the dark blue glove he wore over his metal hand, might give him away. But everyone was more impressed than shocked and mostly very polite. 

Bucky was so charming, it was almost annoying. Her mother gave her looks, a few of them hopeful, a few of them doubtful. But Carina chose to ignore it. She made it pretty clear that Bucky was only a friend. If her mother thought otherwise, it was her problem. 

A few speeches and toasts later, Carina could finally congratulate her brother.

"Hey, kid." she tapped him on the shoulder, hugging him when he turned around.

"I'm so happy and proud of you."

"Thanks, Cari. And don't call me kid." He said into her neck. She grinned and pulled away, still holding him by the shoulders.

"And look at you. You look so grown up and handsome."

"Thanks. But I don't think I look as handsome as your date." She followed his gaze and saw Bucky talking to their mother. Well, she was predominantly talking, and Bucky listened. 

"I hate you, you know that. How could you bring someone like _him_ to _my_ wedding? Stealing all my thunder." He mumbled, with humor in his eyes.  

"Well, I have a reputation to keep as the rebellious, exciting sibling." She grinned.

"He's good with mom." Toby mused.

"Yeah, he's used to torture." Her brother burst out laughing and Carina realized she should slow down with her drinks. Alcohol made her brutally honest. 

"Is there something going on between you two? You're really just friends?" Toby asked her after a few moments, an unusual seriousness in his eyes.

"No, we're really just friends."

"You know, it would be alright if there was more."

Carina laughed. "Well, thanks for the permission, but there really isn't. Bucky is my friend."

Toby saw the truth in her eyes, and for a moment she saw pity in his. She had to swallow.

"So, I think I'll let you go back to your wife now little bro and I'll see if the petit fours, mom couldn't shut up about, are really so delicious."

...

Well, the petit fours were delicious. They were almost sinfully good. While sitting at the table and allowing herself the third one, she watched Bucky still standing next to her mother and father, talking to them. She was sure he was aware of the many eyes on him, but he didn't show it. 

It was then that suddenly the scene in front of her changed. She couldn't help it. Maybe it was the three glasses of champagne she had or the sugar rush. But in her mind, for a short moment, she saw a tall, pale man, dressed in a black suit, standing next to her parents. His dark, long hair was combed back, his facial expression amused. 

Carina looked down on her plate but the scene continued to play out in her mind's eye. He would be charming, no doubt. Telling amusing stories and listen closely to everyone, or at least pretend to do so. When they stood next to each other, his hand would be far lower on the small of her back, or on her bare shoulders. Not just below her shoulder blades, not touching her naked skin like Bucky.   
He would lean down to her every now and then, whispering witty remarks in her ear, only for her to hear.   
As the evening went on, he would add some filthy words, as well. Making her long for the moment when they could say goodbye to the other guests. 

Would he dance with her? She thought he would. And he would be an excellent dancer. One of the kinds that made her look good as well as look magnificent himself. He would lead her, leaving no room for objection. And when the music was right, he would press her closer to his body, make her feel his desire for her.

"Would you like to dance?" 

Carina jumped at Bucky's voice. Almost stabbing herself with the fork she held.

"Wow, sorry. Didn't mean to startle you." He said and laid a hand on her shoulder.

"No, it's okay. I kind of just... zoned out. I'm sorry."

Bucky smiled at her. "Well, would you like to dance? I'm... the last time I danced was in the forties, and I might be terrible, but I like to try."

Carina blinked a few times, letting go off her daydream slowly. Then she stood up and took Bucky's gloved hand. 

"I'd love to. And you'll be fine. I bet you can even teach these young folks a move or two."  

...

Bucky's inability to get drunk on earthly alcohol came in handy. She had driven them there, but he could drive them home now.

The day had gone well. No one had asked her when she finally would get married. Even when her mother was all over Bucky at times.  

"You alright?" Bucky asked her after a while.

"Yeah, I am. Tired. But... Thank you, Bucky. You were amazing. I know this wasn't overly enjoyable." 

"Oh no, it was fun. Really, Cari," he smiled at her, then turned his gaze back on the street.

"You know, nobody believed that we're friends. They all thought we have a thing going on."

Bucky laughed nervously. "Yeah, that might be true. I'm sorry about that." 

"You're sorry?"

"Yeah, I... I know it has to be awkward to be associated with me in such way.  I really hope I didn't cause you any problems."

"Are you serious right now?" Carina squeaked and Bucky looked at her surprised. "You really think people amusing I'm involved with you is a bad thing?"

"Well, yeah. I mean, it can't be a good thing."

"Bucky," Carina said sternly. "Remember when we were dancing a few hours ago?"

Bucky looked confused but nodded.

"Well, every - and I mean every woman, maybe expect Vanessa, but I'm not even sure there - wanted to take my place. And a few of the guys, too."

She saw him trying to hide it, but she noticed his grin.

"And it's not solely because you're an Avenger or the famous Bucky Barnes. If you weren't those things, they would still feel the same way. Firstly, you're gorgeous. And we're all guilty when it comes to this... we're simply noticing attractiveness. You're a very handsome man, and you know it."

The blush that crept into is cheek was obviously, but Carina wasn't done yet.

"But the most important thing is - and the reason why people were jealous of me tonight - you're a good person, Buck. You're kind, charming, funny, intelligent, loyal, and polite. I mean it, Bucky. You really were amazing tonight. Even if you don't see it. Believe me, people do."

"Uhh, thank you, Cari." Bucky cleared his throat. 

"You're welcome," she answered softly, reaching over, giving his shoulder a squeeze. 

They drove in silence for quite some time. Carina had to admit, she could be a backseat driver. But not with Bucky, he did an excellent job behind the wheel, and Carina felt herself relaxing more and more. 

"Can I ask you something?"

When she heard Bucky's soft voice, Carina had to blink a few times. She had almost drifted off to sleep. 

"Sure." She said and stretched a little.

"How are you? I mean, really?"

People ask this question all the time. Most don't want to hear an answer. It was just Smalltalk. Something you say. Kate was asking her this all the time, too. And she wanted to know. However, it was hard for Carina to be honest with her best friend. More than once, she said she was just fine. Just needing time.  
The lie rolled off her tongue easily, each time a little bit more. But today was different. Today, somehow, the truth found a way out.

"I don't really know," Carina said slowly. "I feel okay. But I'm not sure I know what okay means for me. At least not anymore. At times in the last months, things seemed blurred. Just... like I'm getting by. But I'm not sure if that's enough."

Bucky let her answer sink in for a moment.

"We never... I mean I never asked, and you don't have to answer. It's none of my business, I know. But what was it, between you and him?"

Kate asked her pretty much the same question, a few weeks after she came clean about everything to her. But just like the 'how are you' question, Carina had trouble giving Katie an answer. Somehow it was easier with Bucky. She didn't know why. Maybe because he told her about the girl in Bucharest. Maybe because sometimes he had the same kind of heaviness in his eyes she saw in hers when she looked in the mirror. 

"I... I guess it's hard to explain." Carina sighed. Bucky was silent, giving her time to think. "I guess, with everything that happened in those last years, I just closed a part of me off."

"You mean what happened with Thanos?" Bucky asked.

"No, I mean, yes. That, too. But - to be honest - it started far earlier. In my twenties, I was in a long term relationship. This kind of relationship you settle in, at least I thought so for a long time. I thought I would marry him, have children with him. We had our troubles. Sure. But I really wanted it, you know? I really tried to make it work. For so long. Far too long. I strongly believe that love is also a decision, at least to some degree. So I chose my relationship, over and over. Till I couldn't choose it anymore... because I realized... It wasn't me putting our relationship first. It was me putting him first. All the time. So I ended it."

"I'm sorry." She heard Bucky say and looked at him, smiling.

"No, don't be. We had good times, but we weren't right for each other. And it was my decision to live like this for so long." Carina took a deep breath, then looked at the dark road ahead of them.

"Still, I loved him. Leaving pained me maybe more than him. Then almost a year later, Thanos happened, and I guess I made a decision again."

She almost whispered the last part. "I somehow thought that what was left of me had to be free to survive. Even with the people closest to me, I felt a distance. I know it was me, I put the barrier up. And then, when everybody came back..." she took a shaky breath. "At some point, I understood... I wasn't _free_. I was barely there." she finally whispered. "And I just didn't know how to change it."

Carina couldn't go on. But she hoped she didn't need to. Somehow Bucky would understand. 

"And with Loki," Her voice cracked, just the tiniest bit. She hadn't said his name in months. "I guess something did draw me to him, and maybe it was because I never thought... I never thought things would go the way they did." she paused, thinking about Katie's words. "Talking to him was strangely easy for me. I know he's an odd character.  But he was entertaining, funny and even charming. I liked spending time with him. And even when I first realized it when it was more than obvious, there also was an attraction."

"Yeah, don't need to hear too much about that," Bucky smirked, and Carina hit his arm.

"Oh, shut up." She grinned as well.

They were both quiet for a while before Bucky asked: "Do you miss him?"

Carina didn't answer for a long time. Bucky almost thought she either didn't hear him or that he overstepped. He was about to apologize when he heard her voice, gentle but clearly.

"Yes. Yes, I do."

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you'll enjoy the chapter, even though it's without Loki.  
> He will be back.. I promise. :)


	28. 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Plot. Plot. Plot Plot...

"Good morning, sunshine!"

"What the..."

"Wake up, sleepyhead."

"Kate!" Carina growled, hiding her head under her pillow. It was far too early to get up. The two women had been to a bar last night. Katie had insisted on it. And after that, she had convinced Carina to spend the night at her and Jake's apartment. She had been more than a little tipsy, so she easily agreed. 

Now she started to regret this decision since Katie was practically bouncing on the sofa she laid on.

"Well, you have to wake up. I made birthday pancakes for you!" Kate pulled at Carina's pillow.

"My birthday was like... four weeks ago. And we did celebrate it yesterday. Remember?" Carina's muted voice said.

The blond tugged harder on the pillow, and Carina gave up with a sigh.

"Ha, ha!" Kate grinned triumphantly. 

"Why are you so bright this morning? My head is already starting to pound. Why do I always let you talk me into this kind of stuff?"

Carina turned around, looking at her friend, who was sitting next to her on the sofa.

"Oh, c'mon. Since you were so busy those last weeks, we had to have a belated birthday party. And I couldn't get you a proper birthday cake. So here!" 

Kate pointed to the plates on the coffee table. She indeed made pancakes. The one for Carina had whipped cream on it with sprinkles. 

"Well, alright, this is very sweet of you, babe. Thank you." Carina sat up so she could hug her annoying friend.

"Welcome. And I'm all kinds of sweet. You know that."

"Yeah, and what I also know is that not only I was busy those last weeks. You and Jake were, too."

"I know. You always think things can't get any crazier, and than life proves you're wrong in a heartbeat." Katie sighed as she passed Carina her plate.

Jake's sister had stayed with them for a while. She wasn't in a good condition. Part of her still hoped her husband would come back to her. But more than a year after Tony Stark's sacrifice, it was pretty clear that wouldn't happen. He would stay with his new family.

The women had a delightful morning, at least until Kate decided to mention Danny again. 

"Why don't you want to get out with him? Just one date. You said he was nice! And you said he knows how to satisfy a girl." Katie grinned. 

"Yes, I know. Still, it doesn't mean I should go out with him. Let it be, Katie. It was a one night stand. And it was months ago!" Carina grabbed her coat and went to the front door, Kate following her.

"Exactly, and the guy is still asking about you. I'm not joking, Cari. He really is."

"Sounds a little bit obsessive to me."

Kate growled. "Only you can turn something sweet into something creepy. No, he's not talking about you or asking very day. Just from time to time. The guy simply likes you."

Carina sighed, and Kate looked at her hopefully, with her big, soft eyes.

"Damn you. Alright."

"Yay!" Katie clapped her hands, jumping up like a three-year-old.

"Don't give him my number! Jake can give _me_ his number, and I promise I think about texting him, alright?" 

"Got it! Oh, that's gotta be so much fun! We can go on double dates!"

"Katie..."

"Yeah, I know. I know. Your decision, your rules." She said but kept grinning from ear to ear.

...

At the end of October - a few days before Halloween - the air was already chilly. The sky was free of clouds, and the maturing sun peeked out from behind the treetops.   
Carina enjoyed Sunday afternoons on the compound like this. It was quiet, but yet there was living. Her lungs burned slightly, just the way she liked it. She increased her pace for the last bit of her run and enjoyed the wind on her skin. She would have appreciated the company of Bucky Sam or Bruce as well, but she hadn't seen much of them in those last weeks.  
Katie was right: things were being crazier. The Avengers were on missions for weeks now. They hadn't spent more than three or four days on the compound this month as far as Carina knew. Carina didn't know any details. But of course, she knew about the strange earthquakes in Japan, the tsunami that nearly destroyed some coastal areas of Great Britain and the hole that basically swallowed a big - thankfully mostly uninhabited - region of Siberia.  
She had the feeling that the whole dimension stuff was responsible for the latest disasters- not that anyone told her anything.

She felt good as she walked back to her living quarters. _Surprisingly_ good. It's been a while since she felt like this. Carina seriously thought about giving Danny a call. She hadn't been back to the compound, and Jake had already texted her the man's phone number. She had enjoyed his company and if they just had some good times together, why shouldn't she? She wasn't getting any younger, and he had seemed like a good guy.  
For the first time in months, her shower was hot, but not her usually _nuclear-fuel-rod-hot,_ that left her red for hours after.   
She just got into some comfy clothes, her hair still slightly damp, when there was a knock on her door. Carina was about to put some socks on, when it knocked again, this time even more forceful.   
Her visitor seemed quite demanding. 

"Alright, I'm coming!" She called out, opening the door a second later.

"Hello, Miss Miller. I'm hoping I'm not interrupting anything important."

Carina was truly dumbfounded. So she first did a strange thing... among nodding and shaking her head all at once before she found her voice again.

"Yes, I mean no. You're not interrupting. But... what are you doing here, Mr. Fury?" 

"I like to discuss this inside if you don't mind." The intimidating former  Shield director said. 

Carina just nodded and stepped aside to let him in. He did so without hesitation, and Carina closed the door slowly. 

Nick Fury took a look around her apartment before he focused his eye back on her.  
He was clearly the last man she ever thought would stand in her apartment. Well, maybe the second to last man. Carina remained by the door, waiting for him to speak. What he finally said surprised her no less. 

"A few months ago, you counseled a man named Theodor Kanovsky. Is this correct?"

"Yeah. Yes, I did." Carina answered slowly.

"How long did you work with him?"

"I'm not sure... a few months. We started in December, and his last appointment was in April or May, I think. I can't remember right now."

"How often did he see you?"

"Every few weeks, it depended on his and my schedule. Why are you asking me this?"

"Is it right that you wrote the medical department a recommendation for a mental check-up on Kanov after his last appointment?" Fury went on without answering her question.

Carina frowned. "Well, Sir, you already seem to know all of this, so why asking me?" 

Fury said nothing, just looking at her. She crossed her arms, staring right back at him.

"Hmm." Fury grunted. "Put on some shoes, grab your coat, and follow me, Miss Miller. I'll show you why I'm asking you all of this."

...

_And here I thought it was a good day._

Carina had never been in this building. She knew this was the military part of the compound, and Bucky, Sam, and Wanda spent most of their time here. Bruce was here too, but only occasionally.   
Fury led her to a big office, apparently his. He pointed to one of the chairs before his desk, and she complied his silent request and sat down. 

Fury grabbed a device from his desk and handed it to her. Carina just looked at him. Still quiet, he just nodded, and with a sigh, she took it.

She knew right away what she was looking at, medical reports on Theo Kanov, about his mental as well as physical health. And all of them were excellent. The tests were done in May, so she guessed this was after her recommendation.

According to these results, Theo proved himself quite well. She thought that was a good thing. Was Fury angry because he thought the tests had been pointless?

"So, the tests came out fine." She eventually said. 

"Yes, they did." He nodded.

"Well, I'm sorry. But I really don't understand what this is about. I mean, I guess the tests were kind of useless."

"They did indeed proved to be useless. And what I want to know - Miss Miller - is, why did you suggest Kanov be tested."

Carina held into Fury's unrelenting gaze for some time. Maybe she had messed up. Maybe she overreacted with Theo. Still, she couldn't understand what the big deal was. She didn't think she messed up his career. And in her mind, one check-up more was better than one less. But Carina was never one to shy away from responsibility.

"In our last meetings, I thought Theo's behavior was conspicuously different. He made progress, but the process was off, the rate too soon. I thought it was out of character for him. Yes, I didn't know him for long. But I thought I got a good glimpse of the person he was behind the sorrow. And something was off. I understand that you think the tests were unnecessary. But at that time I thought it was my duty to recommend them. I still believe that."

Fury looked at her, and she thought she saw the hint of a smile on his lips before the door opened suddenly. A young cadet entered the room without knocking.

"Sir, I'm sorry to interrupt, but they're back."

"Finally. Where are they?" Fury stood up.

"Already on their way to the operation room, Sir." 

"Alright. C'mon Miss Miller. I would like you to join us. You can tell anybody what you noticed, and everyone else missed."

...

_This is scary. Mad scary. Should have stayed in the city._

Well, another first. Carina and Fury stood before the elevator. As he opened two surprised pair of eyes greeted her.

"Cari? What are you doing here?" Sam asked and looked from her to Fury and back. He and Bucky were in their combat gears, looking tired. Bucky seemed to be just as surprised as Sam. She saw the questions in his eyes but could only give him a small shrug as she and Fury entered the elevator. 

"I decided to seek out Miss Miller's counseling. She joins us." Her friends looked as uneasy as she felt but said nothing. The rest of the elevator ride, as well as the walk to the said operation room, was silent. 

When the door opened and she walked in, sandwiched between Bucky and Sam, the first thing she saw were the many holograms. Scenes of the latest disaster playing, open files and pictures. A tone of stuff she didn't understand. Wanda was sitting at the big table in the middle of the room. She seemed surprised to see Carina but smiled at her.   
Then she saw Maria Hill. She hadn't seen her in a while as well. Maria looked at the newcomers, her gaze finding Carina's. The consultant couldn't read her eyes. After a tiny smile and a nod, Maria looked away.

Carina followed Bucky's and Sam's suit and was about to sit down on one of the chairs when she saw something else from the corner of her eyes, leaning against the wall at the other end of the room. Something blue and stony.   
She had seen some blue and stony creature before. She turned her head slightly, not meaning to stare but still curious when she nearly forgot to breathe. 

The stony guy wasn't alone. Another tall pale individual stood next to him. The raven hair framed his face, arms crossed, eyes fixing something on the wall straight ahead. He looked just like she remembered. Maybe a little bit colder. 

_It couldn't be._

Carina looked away quickly and sat down next to Sam. Her head was spinning. _What was he doing here? What the fuck was going on?_

Fury stepped behind the holograms. He moved his hand, closing everything but one. "So, Dr. Banner and Dr. Strange can't join us. We should start." Again some gesture.  
"One of our biggest and most important research labs- besides the one on this compound- was attacked six hours ago."

Carina swallowed, trying to focus.

A hall appeared before their eyes. She could see people in lab coats, presumably scientists, doing their work. Then all hell broke loose. People fell to the floor, bleeding. Carina knew what was going on, someone was shooting at them. And then this someone came into view. All thoughts of the miserable alien standing in the back disappeared when she saw no one other than Theodor Kanov, standing over a female scientist, shooting her in the head. Carina winced. The camera followed Kanov into another room. He shot more people, disappeared into the next room, then the recording ended. Fury closed the hologram.

"Now you might understand Miss Miller why I wanted you here." He placed both hands on the table before him, looking at her. "Out of the blue, Theodor Kanov killed over twenty of our people today. We have the best neurologist and psychologist. None of them saw what you saw. You were the only one who voiced your concern about his revaluation. My best people were sure he could be trusted." Fury still looked at her, and she held his gaze, but she could see out of the corner of her eyes how Hill lowered her head.

"I was indeed concerned about him, and I already told you why. But this... I never expected this." Carina said.

Fury nodded. "I understand. But do you have any idea what might have caused that?"

"Well, no. I mean... did he just went in and killed everybody? Did he take hostages? It's a research lab? Did he take anything?" Carina asked.

Fury snorted. Again, he opened a hologram. "I guess you already heard about what Banner is working on for the past year? And don't worry. Speak freely."

She only thought about it for a second.

"The whole dimension thing? The use of the infinity stones ripped small holes into reality? Whatever that means. Yeah, but that was pretty much it." Carina nodded. 

"Well, there are indeed portals to other dimensions. Some are less dangerous than others.  The latter are our biggest concern right now."

Videos played in front of them, showing black and blue circles in the air, some quite small, some alarmingly big.

"We have a few bases where we supervise the ones we found." Fury went on.

"Bruce figured out how to keep them in check. We're keeping them small. One became so big, it coursed the tsunami in Europe. And the things that are coming through those doors. They ain't pretty, either." Sam added. 

"Kanov stole information about how to modify a portal. In both ways." Fury spoke up again.

"I want to know what I'm dealing with. Why is Kanov doing this? What does he want with the information? Is he suicidal? Or did he think about hurting others? What's his play?"

Carina shook her head slowly. "No, no I never thought he was suicidal. I don't think he's sadistic, either. But he is a soldier. Hurting others as a side effect to accomplish his mission is tolerable for him, I guess."

Sam said something, then Wanda. Fury talked again but Carina didn't listen anymore.   
Her brain was racing. All those images. The dead. Theo, shooting this woman in the head. She went to every single one of their meetings, trying to remember something. He was off, he was unusually happy. He moved back into the apartment he shared with Robert. He rearranged it... _he rearranged._

_For what?_

_He was happy._

_He seemed to have a purpose._

_But what?_

_He shot the woman in her head._

_Robert._

A foul taste was in her mouth. 

"Did only ever nasty things come through those doors?" Her voice was soft, but still, it was suddenly very quiet.

"Why?" Fury asked.

"I remember Bruce once said something about other realities. That those things might be portals to another parallel universe."

"It might." Fury said curtly.

"Well, is it true or not? Did someone come through the portal?" Carina looked at her friends, but everyone looked as unknowingly as she felt, so she looked back at frowning Fury. 

Carina sighed. "Theo wasn't mourning. That was his problem. He was in denial just as much as he was suffering and in deep sorrow. He lost someone. Maybe the only one who ever truly mattered to him. And I think... I think to get this person back he would do almost anything. Even if it means killing... or ripping holes into reality. But he isn't delusional, not truly. He wouldn't do something like this if he wouldn't think there was a real chance of success. That's why I ask if there is someone who could have told him about other realities. And the possibility to enter them."

There was a long silence in the room, that was answer enough. 

"So, I guess we know now what his play is. He's trying to open a portal. Maybe he wants to get someone here or get there himself. Doesn't matter. We have to stop them. At all costs." It was Wanda who finally said something.

"Do we have any clue where he could go?" Bucky asked.

Maria shook her head. "Not yet. There're a few portals under our control, but we have no idea how many of them are still unsupervised."

"We should focus on the big ones, for now, keep a close look at them. But it's pointless to go look for him. We have to wait until he makes a move. I suggest you be ready, get some sleep maybe. As soon as we know where he is, we strike."  
He took a deep breath and looked at Maria. "And maybe you can still talk some sense into him." 

Everybody nodded and was about to get up, only Carina remained in her seat, deep in thoughts.

"Cari?" Sam whispered.

"I could come with you." 

All the eyes in the room shot to her.

"What?" Fury asked, eyebrows raising.

"When you find him. I could go with you. I know Kanov. It might help if I'm there.“ Carina clarified.

"No.“  
"No.“

Bucky and no other than Loki said at the same time. Of course, the first word she heard from him would be _no_.

"Wow, Jinx.“ Carina said dryly but except for Sam - who snored a laugh - nobody reacted. The alien prince, who stood in the background the whole time, was suddenly very present as he stepped to the table.

"Under no circumstances, you will join this endeavor.“ Loki said sternly. When she entered the room he had ignored Carina, now he was starring right at her.

"It’s far too dangerous, Cari.“ She heard Bucky. He spoke quietly and wasn’t meeting anyone's eyes.

"Excuse me?“ She looked at both of them, blinking.

"Yeah, I second that. I guess I didn’t get the memo about the pale ass alien thug, I won’t trust even when sweet baby Jesus himself tells me he's all good, and a barely rehabilitate assassin, are in charge now.“ Fury shouted.

"If she attends, I won’t.“ Loki stated, his hard gaze fixed on Fury.

"Well, too bad, princess. You don't have a say in it. We have an agreement. You better act like it, or I have to tell your _queen_."

Loki looked like he was ready to rip Fury's head off but said nothing. And Carina thought she saw him angry the last time they spoke to each other. 

Fury turned his gaze back to her.

"I might be desperate but not enough to throw a civilian into the battlefield, Miller."

"I had the basic training when I joined Stark, Mr. Fury. I can handle a gun, I'm healthy and fit. I don't know if I'll help at all, but I would like to try."

"Cari, don't do that." She heard Bucky and looked at him. Before she could say anything, Sam put his hand on Bucky's shoulder.

"Carina knows him better than we do. She might reach him. It could be helpful. And we're making sure nothing happens to her.“

Bucky didn’t look like he liked any of this but said nothing.

"Alright. Miller, when we know where he is, you'll go with them. But you'll stay in the background, as much as out of harm's way as possible, alright? You'll do your job. You'll _counsel_ them. Hill will try to get close to Kanov and you help her, alright?"

Carina took a deep breath and then nodded.

"Yo, bro. Wait for me, man!" 

When she turned around, she saw the stony guy running after Loki, who had already left the room in a hurry. 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not a born science fiction author, I'm not very good with genre-specific elements. I had this "antagonist" planned from the very beginning but I still re-wrote this chapter a lot. I hope the explanations make sense. It does in my head :D But I'm a bit lazy when it comes to that... I gotta admit, I don't do research with this, the action is not really ingenious. For me, the events are there for the protagonists to grow, not to be overly clever.
> 
> Okay... I hope you like it. I mean, hey. Loki is back! And so much is happening in the next chapters! I'm not sure when I can update but I wish everyone happy holidays! I hope you can spend time with the ones you love, that you're healthy and happy.  
> Thank you so much for reading. And if you like to, leave me a Kudo or comment. It's Christmas after all and it would make my day ;)


	29. 27

Turned out, "being ready" was quite nerve-wracking. At least for Carina. She had no idea how the guys did it all the time. The first night, she couldn't sleep, invariably expecting her phone to ring, or an imaginary alarm to go off. While showering the next morning, she kept glancing at her phone, as well. 

It didn't help that Loki was back, either.

The ' _why_ ' wasn't really a question. Fury's comments and the fact that they had to deal with some serious space issues and he was an alien prince, who worked with Bruce on that matter, made the reasons pretty clear. 

She tried not to give it too much of a thought and was pretty sure he would keep his distance from her anyways.  After all, his reaction to Carina's proposal to join the operation was pretty telling.

Well, it wasn't the first time she was wrong; it was surprising no less. 

As she went to lunch, she spotted Bruce, Bucky, and Maria, along with Loki and the blue, stony guy.

Bruce was waving at her.

_Great_.

Gripping her tray so tight her knuckles turned white, Carina walked over to them. 

"Hey, Cari! Are you alright?" Bruce asked her as she reached them.

"I'm good. Thanks." She forced a smile she didn't feel. "How are you guys doing?"

Bucky, quite the gentleman as always, moved a seat up, so she didn't have to sit down directly across the alien prince. Instead, she was facing the stone-guy. He was almost as big as Bruce.

"We are doing great. Thank you very much. We haven't been properly introduced yet. My name is Korg." His voice was surprisingly gentle.

She looked up at him and smiled - for real this time. "Hello, Korg. I'm Cari."

"Nice to meet you, Cari." He said and smiled an adorable stony smile back at her.

"Nice to meet you, too."

"So, we just talked about how we're going to stop this evil scientist from the other dimension and the one of yours he recruited from tearing this lovely planet apart." He went on, and Carina almost choked on the bite of her sandwich she just took.

_Evil scientist from another dimension?!_

Bucky patted her back as she gulped down some water. Bruce in the meantime hushed Korg and changed the subject. 

"You alright?" Buck asked her quietly. When she turned to look at him her gaze grazed Loki. He was staring at her frankly... unveiled. 

"Yeah, I'm good. Thanks." She nodded. "Where are Sam and Wanda?" 

"Wanda does some research... of her kind. We're hoping to find Kanov sooner this way. And Sam... well let's say he didn't like the company." His eyes went to Loki, who smirked at him. 

"Well, I assure you, the feeling was mutual." His velvet voice was thick with dislike. Then he looked back at Carina. It was still so familiar to see him, to have his eyes on her. But the conflict in her was new. She felt a strange mix of numbness and anxiety. 

"And I assume you're still planning on taking part in the upcoming events." His tone of repugnance hadn't changed.

"Indeed, I do." She replied without missing a beat.

"How very aggravating." He smirked.

"Loki, man. I understand by now that you don't want to be here. But stop this, alright pal? Cari is just helping, we should all try to get along. We did it before, okay?" Bruce tried to appease the God of Mischief. 

"Oh, I'll be on my best behavior. Merely voicing my concern that the presence of a civilian, who's value in this matter hadn't come to my knowledge yet either, can jeopardize the whole undertaking."

"Shut the fuck up." It was Bucky who all but growled at Loki, his voice quiet and low. Carina saw him clenching his metal fist. 

"Bro, that wasn't nice. You should apologize to the lady." Korg said and smiled at Carina. "He is just moody. If it helps... he's horrible to everyone." The big guy shrugged.

Bucky and Loki simply scowled at each other. The atmosphere was going downhill fast.

Carina took a deep breath before she broke the silence. "Well, I appreciate your concern for the well being of the people here, for the whole planet, and the operation. I'm trying my hardest not to be a burden, especially to you." Her voice dripped with sarcasm.

His eyes had snapped to hers. Carina didn't look away. In fact, she held his gaze. For a long time. She even took a big bite from her sandwich, chewing it slowly, while still staring him straight in the eye. Sure enough, it was Loki who finally broke eye contact by getting up and leaving the table without saying any other word.

When he was gone, it was Korg who started to... giggle. Bruce chuckled as well, shaking his head. Bucky gave her a lopsided grin. "You're a badass, Miller."

She just grinned back, even though she didn't feel really badass-like.

...

  
"And it felt like... it felt like... I don't know." The woman had trouble finding words.

"Instant regret?" Carina tried.

"Yes! Yeah, exactly. Suddenly, I was terrified. I thought it was all over. And somehow had enough strength to get to the phone and call 911. And I'm so glad. I never felt like this again. After that, I got help. I'm so, so thankful for that. Therapy helped me so much. I just wish Ian could see this, too. I think he needs to talk to somebody. I see him struggle. Every day. I'm just... I don't want him to go down the same road I did." The blond wiped away a few tears that escaped her eyes.

"You think he's in a dark place right now," Carina stated.

"Yeah." She whispered.

"Beck, talking to me isn't betraying him."

The blond smiled through her tears. "You're good."

Carina smiled, too. She kept that smile but her voice was serious. "You can't force him into therapy. That's for sure. But if there're signs that he could harm himself, it's also not a betrayal to ask him or get him help if needed. Think about what you wish people would have done back then for you. Be that person. But you also have to take care of yourself."

The blond took a deep breath. "Yeah, I know."

Carina smiled, handing her another tissue. 

"Thanks, Carina. Thanks for your time. I know your busy and I could have waited for our next appointment-" 

"It's fine, Beck. Really. Don't worry about it." Carina assured the other woman before saying goodbye.

Maria had told her she should cancel all her appointments as long as they still waited for Theo to show up - and she had done that, at least most of them - but Beck seemed pretty distressed on the phone. So she told her to come to her office. 

After the session, she grabbed her phone and like ever so often, her feet carried her to the lounge. She had hardly slept those two last nights and needed caffeine. She made herself a coffee to go and wanted to get back down to take care of some paperwork when the door opened. 

She was truly shocked to see Loki. Their encounter yesterday at lunch still very unpleasant in her mind. What the hell was he doing here? This had to be on purpose. He was seeking her out. 

He was grinning at her as he walked to her slowly. The tall alien was back to wearing the fashion she was used to. Dark pants and shoes, a dark green shirt, and a black coat.

"Ah, earth's newest heroine." He smirked.

Carina groaned loudly. 

"What? No smart remark, darling?"

"I have nothing to say to you." She wanted to slap herself for saying that, as she tried to move past him, but he blocked her way. She refused to look at his face.

"Already leaving?"

"Get out of my way." She tried to say as calmly as possible.

"Uhh, why so rude, darling?"

Now her eyes snapped to his. "What the fuck is your problem? What do you want from me?" She snapped.

"My problem? Who wants to play the savior?" His cold eyes were fixed on her.

"How dare you! You know nothing, you don't know me."

"Oh, I do know you, darling. You feel guilty because you failed. You failed the soldier who is now on the loose."

Carina swallowed hard. 

Loki stepped closer, bending down to her so their faces were just inches apart. She could even feel his breath on her skin as he spoke his next words.

"Do yourself and everyone else a favor. Stay out of it. You have no idea what you're dealing with."

It took her a moment but then she straightened up, coming even closer to him. "You know shit about me, God of Mischief." 

And with that, she walked passed him and out of the room.

...

Damned, she was tired, and sleep didn't come. But since she needed to "stay ready", each one of her usual methods like a run through the forest, or a glass of wine was out of the question. Even reading didn't help. She was lying on her bed, in shorts and a shirt. Carina kept looking at her phone. Even though she knew she didn't need to. She would hear it ringing, after all. She started to think Loki was right. She was no good with the whole thing. What help could she really provide? Maybe she should call Fury, tell him she couldn't do it.

Before she could extend that thought, there was a knock on her door. She stumbled out of her bed and basically ran to the door, thinking it was time, maybe Bucky or Sam had come to get her.

As she jerked the door open, she was wrong again. 

_Happens a lot lately._

"What are you doing here?" She asked him as calmly as she could.

"Can I come in?"

"No."

"So, you prefer to have this discussion publicly in the hall?"

"I prefer for you to leave." She snapped at him and tried to close the door in his face. Of course, he caught it and wouldn't let her close it, she was no match to the god's strength.

"Loki, I swear, if you don't leave..."

"You threatening me is almost charming, darling."

She could strangle him. She really could. Still, she noticed how his name on her tongue felt so bittersweet and maybe she just imagined his smirk being a little less cruel.

She felt weak, exhausted. So she let go of the door and stepped back.

"Why are you here?" She said after he closed the door quietly. He wore the same outfit as earlier, only missing the coat. His hair seemed messy. 

_Maybe he was also restless._

She dismissed the thought as soon as it came.

"Against my better judgment, I came to try one last time to talk some common sense into you." 

"Oh yeah? Why is that?"

He looked at her, strangely serious. 

"Carina..." She was well aware of the fact that it was the first time he said her name since he left. "I suppose you think you're helping. But for the good of everyone, I'm telling you one last time, stay out of it. I'm doing you a favor."

"Oh, you know the role of the benefactor doesn't suit you." She laughed. 

His eyes turned hard. "No, that is the role you prefer, I know."

They were quiet for a few moments, the air tense.

"I don’t know why I'm even having this discussion with you.“ She finally hissed.

"What difference will it really make? Do you truly believe your ambition does any good in the end?“ His voice was full of venom.

"Why does it matter to you?“ She replied, and he turned away from her rapidly with a low groan, muttering under his breath about her foolishness, pacing before her.

"I won’t stop.“ Carina continued louder, so this bitching, nagging, fretful excuse of a demi-god could hear her. "I won’t back down from this!“

"Such a fatuous woman you are! Presumptuous and ignorant. You think you will come out of this in one piece?!“ He hissed.

"It does not matter to me! I'm empty anyway, right?!“ She nearly screamed, and that made him stop in his tracks, his piercing eyes were back glaring at her.

He was all up in her face, his breath on her skin, his cold greenish-blue eyes staring her down. "It doesn't matter to you?" He snarled.

_I won't back down._

She leaned even closer to him. Their noses almost touched. "Yes.“ She hissed back at him.

As soon as it was out of Carina’s mouth, he pressed his on hers. She was frozen for a second then ended the contact, jerking her head back forcefully to look into his wild eyes. He stared at her for three long seconds before he did it all again. This time she didn’t shrink back. She returned the kiss, opening her lips for his tongue. He growled low in his throat, and one of his hands was in her hair, the other on her waist, pressing her to his body. Her hands were on his chest and shoulders, holding the fabric of his shirt in tight fists. His tongue was in her mouth, fighting for dominance over hers, then licking her lips only to get back between them. He was kissing her like he wanted to drink her in. Loki walked them back to the wall, and she was trapped between it and his hard body. He left her mouth, with his teeth almost gently biting her lower lip. She took in a deep breath but it wasn’t enough to calm her racing heart because he was biting, kissing and licking down her throat and back up. Loki claimed her mouth again, demanding… all lips and tongue and teeth.  
Then all of a sudden his mouth was gone from her lips, and he was kneeling before her. Carina was deeply confused for a second and blinked down on him.

"What are you doing?“ The brunette’s voice sounded raspy and shaky, and she did not like it. 

He looked up with his crystal clear eyes, hands on her hips.

"You'll see.“

"But-“

He roughly dragged her shorts down and her right leg over his shoulder in a fast and sharp movement. His hands on her hips, holding her in place against the wall, keeping her from falling.

His face was right in front of her crotch. She could feel his breath on her. Carina knew he could smell her. His eyes burned into hers.

"Tell me to stop.“ He requested sternly.

"Loki,“ was all she got out before he ripped the panties from her body. She felt how wet she was. She shouldn’t be, but she was. And he knew it.

"Tell me to stop.“ He said again. This time it sounded like a plea.

She stared right back at him. 

Her hands, hanging uselessly at the sides of her body since his lips had left hers, now slowly found their way up. One to his head, tentatively in his hair, the other on his shoulder. That was all he needed. With a growl, his mouth was on her pussy. There was no teasing, no slowly building, his tongue leaked from her slit to her clit vigorously, before thrusting into her as deep as he could go.

"Fuck.“ She moaned, biting her lip to keep quiet. His eyes shot up to her, and he seemed to fuck her with his tongue even more energetic. She couldn’t stand his searching look anymore, so she let her head fall back against the wall. He finally left her slit and began licking, sucking and biting her clit. The Asgardian drew circles with his tongue around it, only to bite down in the next moment then to suck it into his mouth forcefully. It was almost too much and not enough at the same time.

_And the bastard knows it!_

"Loki,“ she moaned. 

He made a sound from the back of his throat, sucking harder.

"Loki!“ She begged louder, holding on to his hair tightly. It all felt so good. His lips, his silky hair between her fingers, his large hands holding her hips. Even finally saying his name again. 

He barely backed away from her pussy, she could feel his lips moving as he asked: "Yes, darling?“ 

_This sneaky bastard._

She looked down on him just to see how he let go of her hip with his left hand and drove two of his fingers into her. 

She moaned loudly. "I.. uh.“

This was all too entertaining for him. "Words, dearest Carina. Use words. I came to the impression that you’re quite eloquent, was I mistaken?“

He fucked her with his fingers, and his tongue toyed with her clit again. His fingers finding the spot in her that made her twitch. She was whimpering by now, was so close but he wouldn’t let her come, always holding the bit of pressure back.

"Gods, you taste truly exquisite. I want to feel you falling apart on my tongue and fingers, my darling.“ 

His velvet voice was nearly too much. She closed her eyes again but had a death grip on his raven hair.

"I want you to say it though, Carina. Tell me what you want from me.“

He fucked her harder, avoiding the special spot.

"Loki," she whimpered.

"Mmh, nice but not good enough.“ He was groaning, and in a distant part of her brain, she thought that he might be as worked up as she was. 

"Loki, please.“

"Please what, darling?“ He asked harshly, putting a third finger in… Carina moaned loudly. That was it.

"Please make me come. Please.“ She whimpered, and he was on her. His fingers fucking her roughly, his mouth continuing this celestial torture. And when he first bit down and then sucked her clit into his mouth so very vigorously, she lost it. She came with a throaty sob, biting down on the inside of her cheeks so hard she tasted blood.  
Carina felt like she had no bone in her body left, and the only thing that kept her standing was Loki’s firm hand on her hip. He was still licking at her pussy, making her ride out her orgasm. 

"Stop." She whispered when the sensation became too much. 

Surprisingly, he did as he was told. Her eyes were still unfocused as he let her leg slit from his shoulder and dragged the shorts smoothly up her slightly trembling legs.   
When he stood back up he put his right arm around her, pressing her to his front, kissing her slowly. To taste herself on his lips was intoxicating.  
Her mind was delightfully empty, except for this. She could feel him hard against her thigh and let her left hand travel from his neck down to his waistband. After she opened the fly and tried to get her hand in his pants - all while still kissing him - one of his hands shot out, taking hers to conjoin their fingers. He kept kissing her, so she tried with her other hand. This time he broke the kiss. 

"Don‘t!“ He whispered sharply, and she froze. He didn‘t look at her. His forehead was pressed to hers. 

"Why? You gave me pleasure, and I‘ll return the favor.“ She kissed his lips softly. "Quid pro quo.“

"You truly mean that.“ He said slowly.

She wasn't sure if it was a statement or question but took it for the latter.

"Yes, that‘s how it's been so far, right?“

The growl that left his throat wasn't totally uncharacteristic, but with all the aggressiveness he possessed, he always seemed to be very controlled. This growl sounded different, and she could barely process what was going on, when his mouth was on the flesh right under her ear, sucking, and he picked her up so very easily. Her hands held on tight to his shoulders while he carried her to the bed. While walking, she noticed a green gleam, he got rid of his shoes.   
He lifted the sheets and lowered them both on the mattress. Loki shifted them onto their sides, facing each other, covered their bodies with the blanket and pressed her into his chest. His chin was on the crown of her head, her face nestled in his neck. 

"Loki“? Carina whispered uncertainly, the first time ever slightly scared about his demeanor.

"Loki, what-"

"Shhh…“ He appeased her.  
   
"Quid pro quo. And this is what I want for pleasure. Let me linger here… while you sleep.“

She was astounded. It was totally unexpected. She was silent, didn't know what to say.

"Will you let me?" 

His tone wasn't devoted or pleading _or_ sarcastic. But still... It appeared to be... vulnerable. It might all be an act on his part, but there was a tentative certainty in her that told her, this was truly what he longed for. Still, if she‘d ask him to leave, he would go without a fight or another word.  
Instead, she said nothing but moved even closer to him, interlacing their legs, placing her right arm around his waist. She could still feel his hardness against her but ignored it.   
Carina concentrated on the steady rise and fall of his chest, his hand in her hair, stocking it gently, casually, the other one on the small of her back, holding her tightly to him.   
She breathed in his familiar, soothing scent of wind and soap. She had missed it greatly.

With calmness in her, she hadn't experienced in a while, she let her mind go dark. 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, Happy NEW YEAR!
> 
> I hope everybody had a nice holiday and a good start into the new decade. 
> 
> I want to say THANK YOU for coming this far with me and that you're still reading my silly little story. It means a lot. It's not a whole lot of it left... I think 5 or 6 more chapters - if I won't make any dramatic last minute changes - and then my tale is done. But... a little more is to come. And I hope you stay with me for it. :)


	30. 28

Her bladder woke her up, slowly but persistently. Carina stretched lazily and soon felt that she was trapped against a hard body.    
She opened her eyes. It had to be early morning, still mostly dark outside. But she could see the pale, grey light of the rising late October sun behind the curtain. She was lying on her stomach half on top of Loki. Her face was pressed over his steady heartbeat, one leg was over his thigh, his right arm was around her, and she let out a breath to calm her nerves.  
The brunette lifted her head, looking up. Carina blinked, several times. The sight before her so very strange. She knew right away, he wasn't faking it. No. She never saw him like this before. She never thought she would. The God of Mischief... he was sleeping. She had never seen his face this relaxed. His mouth was slightly open, his breathing so soft and even. He looked younger, no lines on his skin, no grin on his thin lips. His black hair spread out on the pillow, so wonderfully tangled and soft looking. 

It was really a beautiful sight. 

She would have loved to keep looking at him like this, maybe even for hours. But besides the fact that her neck started to ache, and nature was calling, she knew she shouldn't look at him like a lovestruck teenager. She shouldn't have let him in her bed to begin with. 

Still, she didn't want to wake him up. For more reasons than the fact that she didn't want to deal with him yet. So, carefully, with more grace than she thought she held - especially in the morning - she slipped out of his arms. He winced slightly, reaching for her out of instinct, she guessed. But she was fast and was already out of his reach. He followed her movement no less, rolling to his side and hugging her sheets to his chest. 

Carina looked at him a moment longer. He was still in his shirt and trousers from the night before. She couldn't help but admire him.

Finally, she shook her head, turning away. She grabbed a few clothes as well as her phone and tiptoed into her bathroom, closing the door behind herself silently. 

Carina knew the shower would definitely wake him up. She was torn. If he woke up, he would surely be gone before she even left the bathroom. She wouldn't have to deal with him. But she couldn't fight the hesitation, couldn't dismiss the feeling of calmness while knowing that he slept so peacefully in her bed. 

"I'm an idiot. Such a pathetic idiot." Carina muttered under her breath. 

_Fuck it!_

In the end, her excuse was simple. She had no time for a shower. Her phone could ring at any moment, and she showered last night anyways.   
So a sponge bath it was. When she was more or less satisfied with her state of cleanliness, she got dressed in black jeans and a jumper and put her hair into a tight bun at the nape of her neck. That was her ready-for-launching-look these days. She was about to leave her bathroom when her cellphone buzzed. It was a text from Maria.

After reading it, she opened the door.

Loki wasn't gone. But he was awake. However, there was no time to think about what this could mean; if it meant anything at all.   
He had opened the curtain and stood before the window, looking out into the misty morning. His hands were on his back. She noticed that his clothes looked neat and proper, nothing hinted that he slept in them. His hair was combed back as well. It looked like he was the one who spent half an hour in the bathroom, not her.   
Magic could be so annoying.  
The Asgardian turned slowly, and his unreadable eyes found hers. 

"You should go back to your room as soon as possible." She broke the silence. Loki rose an eyebrow.

"I'm sure they're already looking for you. Maria texted me. We'll meet in 15 minutes. Wanda found Kanov."

...

As she put on her shoes and her jacket, Loki left without a word. She _did_ see him again only a few minutes later. He was in his leather-alien-prince-warrior-outfit. It was hard to imagine that he laid in her bed, not an hour ago.

Sam and Bucky were in their combat gear, same as Hill and Wanda. Korg waved at her, which was both cute and irritating. They met in the same room in which Fury had shown them those horrible images of Theo.

"Where is Bruce?" Carina whispered to Hill as Fury entered the room.

"Doktor Banner is already busy." The former SHIELD director answered her question.  
"Two hours ago, we lost contact with our base in Florida. We protect the largest portal we know so far there. These are the last pictures of the security cameras we've got. One of our targets is there."

The recordings appeared. A guy in a rather strange outfit fought off guards and soldiers easily. He made his way through the facility, moving fast and precisely. She guessed this was the evil scientist Korg was talking about.

"It seems like he has the whole base under control. And it has the best defense system we've got. Banner and Strange are already on their way there, as well as the kid and Lang. King T'challa is on his way there, too, and I'll join them after this. We'll fight him off. And then... Hopefully, Banner's calculations are right, and we can close the gate."

Fury took a deep breath. "You guys will go there."

A security video of a hospital was shown. Carina saw Theo right away.

"It looks like Kanov found a yet undiscovered portal. This is a hospital in New Mexico."

"An undiscovered gate?" Sam asked.

"It's true. I felt it." Wanda confirmed it. "It's a big one, too. The energy is more than compelling."

"That's why you all have to go. This one makes me even more nervous than the one in Florida. We know nothing about it."

"They're trying to open two gates at the same time, right?" Carina asked.

Fury nodded grimly. "Everything indicates that this is exactly what Kanov and his supposable mentor are trying to do."

"What happens when he'll succeed?" Carina couldn't help but ask.

"And enormous energy would come loose," Maria said quietly. "If Bruce's study is right, the planet couldn't handle the force of it. It would tear the Earth apart."

"We won't let that happen." Fury said. "You'll take out Kanov. And Maximoff and our dear extraterrestrial guest will close the portal."

Sam stood up first. That was when she saw the Captain America shield in his hand. "All right, let's move."

...

It was her first time on a Quinjet, and she had to admit she was impressed. Even though a possible apocalyptic scenario was upon them.

She had never flown so smoothly, after all.

Sam and Maria were operating the thing. The others sat in the back. Bucky explained to her a few things. The hospital was already evacuated, as well as most of the nearest buildings, and Kanov barricaded himself in the basement of the building. That was where the portal was. He had a few men with him, too. Bucky called them mercenaries who helped him. 

"He needs power to modify the portal. The hospital has an emergency generator. We guess Kanov will use it as well as some equipment he took from the research lab." Bucky stated. 

Carina just nodded. Loki sat at the far end near the exit. She couldn't see much of him. He sat there mostly motionless, his hands on his knees, and unusually quiet. 

"Alright, guys. We're here. Get ready." Maria stood up and went to the back.

Carina looked out to see that they landed roughly 100 yards away from the hospital on the street. She stayed where she was, just watching how those super soldiers and extraordinary beings got ready. Bucky armed himself with a few more guns, Korg took one, too. Maria did the same. Loki was just standing there, eyes fixed on the exit.

"Hey, Cari! Come over here." 

Sam called out for her and Carina flinched, but jumped up and went to the control board.

"Here, through this monitor, you can see Hill's body cam, so you know what is going on. You'll hear us, and you can speak to us. You just have to press here, okay? We'll hear you." He explained to her what she had to do and let her repeat what he just told her.

"Alright. You stay here, understood? Nothing will happen, you're safe in the jet. But..."

He took out a handgun.

"You're familiar with this model?"

"Yeah, yeah. I know how to handle it. Don't worry."

She took the gun from him.

"Okay." He looked at her, then Sam nodded and turned around.

"Alright, guys. Let's go."

Maria opened the gateway. She shared one last look with Carina as well before leaving, same as Bucky, who even gave her a tiny grin. 

Loki didn't look back.

When everyone was out, she pressed the button and closed the gateway just how Sam told her.

...

It was strange to observe the events through a monitor. Not much happened at first. The corridors were empty, something that was quite creepy, they were in a hospital during the day, after all. She felt like she was watching a horror movie, waiting for the jumpscare.

Finally, the group reached the basement. She flinched again when the first shot was fired. She heard Sam shouting orders, more shots. It ended rather quickly, though. They had taken out the mercs Bucky talked about, or at least a good number of them. 

"We're close. I can fell it." She heard Wanda whispering. Carina swallowed hard.

Then everything happened really fast. More running and more men, shots, and fire. Then she saw him. Theo. He was standing beside something that looked like a tornado made of lightning. 

"Stand down! NOW!" She heard Sam shouting.

"Kanov!" Maria called out. "Theo, it's me!"

Carina hadn't seen him in months, at least not in person, but he looked not much different. Just a little bit rougher, maybe. But that could be her imagination, too. The former soldier ignored the team. He stood next to a big machine, bushing buttons. In his other hand was a gun.  

"Kanov, you have to stop this!" She heard Maria again, stepping forward.

"Stop right where you are. You know what this is. I have enough energy here to blow the whole block to hell. Don't come any further!" He finally responded, still he wasn't looking at them.

"We have to do something. The generator is almost ready. If too much energy flows into the portal, we might not be able to close it." Wanda whispered.

"NO!" Maria screamed, and it looked like Loki wanted to move towards Theo. Bucky held him back, and Carina thought she saw daggers in his hands, but Maria was facing Theo again, so she couldn't really tell.

"Remind him of the facts, Maria. Tell him that the portals will destroy the planet." Carina told her.

"Theo, I don't know what this guy told you, but it won't work this way. The portals will rip the Earth apart. He's opening one right now in Florida! It will destroy everything."

Kanov didn't respond. Not in the slightest.

"Tell him, that you understand that he misses him," Carina whispered.

Maria did just that.

Theo stopped his work on the generator.

"Tell him to remember the promise they made to each other in France. That they take care of each other's parents, and to do the things they promised to do together if one gets harmed."

Maria repeated this as well, and Carina could see a slight change in Theo's posture.

"Theo, he wouldn't have wanted this," Maria added.

For the first time, Theo looked at her. Even with the creepy body cam Carina could see the cold look in his eyes. 

"You have no idea what he would have wanted!" he hissed. 

Suddenly, the screen was blurred, there were more shots. 

"Shit, gunmen on the left! Sam, watch out!" Bucky shouted.

"We have to take him down, now!" Wanda screamed. 

"No, no... wait!" Maria cried again. "Cari, please? Any ideas?" She whispered when the shooting stopped again.

"Try one more time to talk to him." The consultant answered.

"Theo!" Maria faced him again. "Theo, I just want to help you."

"Tell him, he won't get him back. I know that it's unfair and brutal. But this won't work. Not this way."

Maria repeated after her, word for word.

To Carina's surprise, Theo looked at Maria and smiled, almost friendly. "Oh, it'll work just fine."

Carina swallowed hard. 

Her mind was racing. This wasn't the reaction she expected, not could explain. A moment ago, there was so much anger in his face, hurt in his voice.  She thought she would see a little bit of desperation. But this was calmness and anger. Was he psychotic? She hadn't thought he was. Nobody said anything about mind control, either. So what...

_Oh, it'll work just fine._

"Oh god..." she whispered. "I was wrong."

"Cari?" She heard Bucky. "Cari, what did you say?"

Carina swallowed, her throat was dry. "I was... I was wrong."

"What do you mean?" Sam asked quietly. Carina looked at the still gently smiling Theo on the screen.

"This isn't about getting someone back. It Isn't about that at all. He isn't trying to bring his spouse back."

She had to take a deep breath. "This is revenge."

"What?!" Sam asked, confused. 

"He's just trying to string you along. He never wanted the portals to open so he could be with the one he loves. It was never supposed to work this way. I don't know about this evil scientist and what his deal is. But Kanov knows that the planet will be suffering if he opens the portals. He's counting on it. It's revenge."

"What? No!" Maria cried.

"Are you sure, Cari?" Sam asked calmly.

"Doesn't matter, we have no time left anyway," Wanda whispered harshly.

"You see it too, don't you, Sam?" Carina said firmly.

For a few seconds there was nothing, then she heard Sam's quiet "Yes."

Everything was a mess after that. Sam was shouting orders, guns, screams and the sound of metal against metal. Carina looked away from the screen.

Only when she heard Bucky saying "all clear here." she looked at again.

"That was nicely done, guys." She heard Korg's voice.

"Alright, let's close this motherfucker." Sam sighed. 

She didn't need to ask, Kanov was most likely dead. Maria said nothing, but since she saw her body cam, she guessed she was alright. Carina saw that they all faced the lightning tornado. It was getting bigger.

"It's already too far open. We might blow up the building anyway." Wanda said. "I can create a shield to protect us, but I can't hold it very long."

"Don't worry about it. Korg, you come with me. We check for the men that run away. Bucky secures the entrance. Maria, if you want you can-"

"Don't you say it! I stay right here." She interrupted Sam.

"Alright. Let's go to work." Captain America answered.

 

Carina took a deep breath and turned away from the screen once again.  
That was when she saw something out of the corner of her eye. She first thought it was just some paper in the wind or a bird. But then she looked again. 

People. There were still people in the building. Someone had opened the window of the fifth floor and was waving a towel. And either the person was sitting down, or it was... a child.

There were still civilians in the hospital!

"Sam!" Carina said hurriedly.

"What is it?" he answered.

"Sam, there're still-"

That was when all hell broke loss once again. It sounded like a big explosion.  
   
"Sam, are you alright?" Bucky called out.

"Shit! Yeah, but we need you over here! Shit! There are a few more men. There are booby traps, too. Korg you alright, buddy?!"

Carina didn't hear his response but it seemed so because Sam only said "Alright."

"Shit," Carina whispered. 

The team was busy. Loki and Wanda had to close the gate. And the basement was full of gunmen and traps. 

_And there are children in the building._

Before she recognized what she was doing, her feet already carried her out of the Quinjet and to the entrance of the hospital. She held the gun tightly in her hands, could feel the sweat running down her back.   
She took the stairs and tried to think about in which room the person could be.

As she reached the fifth floor it appeared empty just like the rest of the hospital.   
Carefully she opened every door, looked in every room in question. Finally, one door didn't open. It wasn't locked, but something blocked it.

"Hello? Is someone in there?" She asked quietly. No answer. "It's okay. I'm here to help. I get you out of here."

She heard movement behind the door and stepped back. 

The door opened slightly, then some furniture was moved, and Carina could see who was inside. She stepped into the room and closed the door.

It wasn't a child after all, but two nurses with one patient. One nurse had crouch down by the window and waved the towel. The patient was a teenage boy in a wheelchair. He was pretty thin and pale looking.

"We tried to get out! But before we had him ready everyone else was gone! No one waited! And we saw men with guns! So we stayed here." One of them explained. 

"It's alright. We have to move, though. C'mon."

Carina opened the door and looked outside. Everything was still empty.

"Who are you? Are you from the police? Were are the others?" The older nurse asked. 

"No, I'm not the police. I'm... I'm with the Avengers. The others are downstairs. You'll be alright, but we have to go now!"

"You're an Avenger?" The boy peeked up. 

Carina turned around and looked at him. He looked truly sick. His sunken cheeks boded ill.  
She offered a strained smile. "No, I'm not an Avenger. But they are here. And it'll be okay, I promise. But we have to go now. Fast and quietly, alright?" 

She looked at the younger nurse. "You take him. The elevators are still working, so it should be no problem."

The nurse just nodded. They reached the elevator and Carina signed in relief when it _did_ still work. She heard her heartbeat in her ears when the elevator doors opened. Part of her fully expecting a gun in her face. But there was nothing. She waved the three civilians out. 

Then she heard it.

It was a terrible snarl from somewhere inside the building, nothing she ever heard before. Nothing out of this world, she knew this right away. She froze, just like her company. 

"What was this?!" The boy said, clearly scared.

The sounds came closer. Carina turned around. She could see the exit. They could make it.

"Run," Carina said calmly. She turned around again, raising her gun, pointing at the direction of the snarling.

"What?!" One nurse asked.

"I said, run. To the exit!" Carina shouted, just when those creatures turned the corner. Carina ignored the screams of the nurses, just pushed them with one hand and was glad when the started to move.

There were four of them. Those things, grey-skinned bug liked aliens, as big as a black bear, with two legs but four arms, black eyes and a mouth full of sharp-looking teeth, run down the hall and towards her, destroying everything on their way.

She looked over her shoulder as she took a few steps backward, the gun still pointing at those beasts. The nurses and the boy were nearly at the door.

The first shot missed; the second hit one in the leg. But she had their attention. She took off running down the hall to her right, they followed her. 

They would get her. No way she could fight those things off. They were only a few feet behind her, and she was nearly at the end of the hall. She turned again and shot one right in the head. One nearly got her, but she jumped out of the way and through an open door. Somehow she could close and lock it. The creatures banged at the door. They were snarling and growling. The door wouldn't hold them off for long. Carina looked around. She was in an office and went for the window. 

"Oh fuck!" She swore. It wouldn't open. At least not wide enough for her to get through. "Shit, stupid security!" 

Wood shattered. The beasts broke through. Carina whirled around, about to fire her last shots, when a dagger speared through the thing that just entered the room. It felt to her feet. 

Carina followed the movement, looking at it confused, then back up. Loki stood there, daggers in his hands, breathing heavy, his hair was untamed, eyes furious. 

"What are you doing here?" He growled at her.

"I'm... I..." She stuttered. He didn't wait though. The - at this moment, very much demi-god looking - prince took a few big steps in her direction, reached for her arm and practically dragged her out of the room. She had to fight the urge to vomit as she saw the hall. A mess of terrible grey flesh and dark blood. 

"You were supposed to stay in the jet!" He went on, still dragging her along.

"I saw people, civilians. I had to help them."

"You could have told your friends."

"You guys were busy downstairs!"

He said nothing.

"What were those things?" Carina asked.

"They came through the portal." His highness answered.

"Is the portal closed?"

"Not yet."

She tugged at her arm, and he let go of her. "Well, go down there! You have to help Wanda."

Loki looked at her sternly. "I get you back into the jet and make sure you stay there."

"I can go alone. But first I have to make sure no one is left"

"Are you mad, woman?! You nearly died moments ago!“

"Loki, maybe there're more people in the building. I have to at least look for them!“

"No, if you want me to go back and close the gate, you’ll go directly to the jet and wait there!“ He snarled. 

She rolled her eyes. "Yeah, okay. I'll go.“ She turned away from him.

He grabbed her arm roughly, spinning her around to face him.

"Don’t lie to me!“

She looked at him with shocked eyes. "Loki-“

"I can’t bear the thought of you in such peril!“ He screamed in her face, gripping her arms tightly - painfully. She stopped her struggling, looking at him, shocked. "So, promise me! Promise me you go to the jet. No detour. You go to the jet, and no matter what, you’ll wait there till we get back. Promise me!“ 

Such honesty in his wide, green eyes, such entreaty. She had never seen more sincerity in a person's gaze.

The realization hit her hard. 

"How did you know I was in trouble? Why come for me?" She whispered, taking in his beautiful face.

Loki didn't answer. Just looked at her, and she saw him swallow.

"Okay, yes… yes. I’ll go. I promise.“ She finally nodded.

Loki nodded as well, then let go of her. Their eyes locked a moment longer before he basically pushed her away.

"Alright, go! Go now!“ 

Carina stumbled. She looked at him a few more moments, then she turned and run towards the exit.  
Outside she let out a breath of relief. Her eyes were on the jet but she stopped when she saw movements to her left. The nurses and the boy in the wheelchair stood beside a car on the parking lot. It seemed like they tried to open it.

The brunette hesitated - the image of Loki flashing through her mind - but only shortly.

"Hey!" She called out and started jogging towards them. "Go to the jet! You're safe there, go to the-"

An explosion shook the ground beneath her feet. It was so loud, her ears hurt. She covered them and ducked instinctively. Another explosion. Her ears were ringing as she looked up. Her eyes widened. The side of the building was crumbling. The first bits were falling around her. The whole side would collapse. There was no outrunning it. She looked around, panic rising in her. She saw a bench and made a go for it. A few fragments nearly got her and not a second after she slipped under the bench concrete and metal was all around her. The sound was deafening. Still, Carina knew she screamed. Something landed on the bench. The screaming stopped.

...

Carina didn't know if she lost consciousness or if she lost memory, but her first clear thought was that it was really dusty. She couldn't see much, but she could feel. She felt her whole body... and everything hurt. Badly, really badly. And she was dizzy.  
Something was holding her down, pressing on her stomach and chest and made it hard for her to breathe. She could move her legs, but only a little. 

_I'm buried alive._

Then there was shouting, a name maybe. She wasn't sure. Other loud noises, she wished it would stop. It hurt her ears even more. And suddenly, it did. And the weight on her body was gone as well.

She opened her eyes or maybe her eyes started to work again, she couldn't be sure, but there he was.

Loki's eyes were glassy. He was kneeling next to her. As soon as his hands touched her, the pain vanished. He held her, cradling her against his chest.

“I guess you were right.“ She coughed; the taste of copper in her mouth.

_Blood_. 

“Maybe I should have stayed home.“ Carina said weakly, her eyes fluttering. She was so tired. 

“No, no, no. Don’t. Stay awake, my beloved. Stay with me!“

Loki picked her up into his arm. His cold lips were against her forehead. “Please stay with me,“ he pleaded.

He sounded… desperate. And she really wanted to do this for him, _stay awake_. But it was such a hard task.

He started to run with her in his arms. Her head was against his chest. His heartbeat, his scent were comforting. Carina heard him, talking to her, pleading for her to stay conscious. She wanted to tell him that it was okay. And that she was thankful for so many things. One of them was him. All his harmful words or actions, leaving the way he did... it didn’t matter anymore. She wanted to tell him that she was glad he was here. That she forgave him what was hers to forgive. That she was sorry, too. That meeting him was a gift, their time together gave her something she thought she had lost for good. If she had any say in it… she would have loved him, all her life.

  
But she couldn’t. She knew she moved her lips, but no sound left her mouth. Loki was still speaking to her, she more felt it in his chest than heard it. She was exhausted, ready for the blissful darkness. And with one last deep breath of his alluring scent, she let go.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo... this is that. I hope you enjoyed it. Don't hate me.
> 
>  
> 
> Annnd... I'm also not an "action-scene-writer" I wish I were, but I'm not. I wanted more action, but I suck at it. :D I hope it turned out okay. I'm quite busy this week but I wanted it out sooo... I hope it's not too flawed.
> 
> THANK YOU ALL so much! You guys are awesome!


	31. 29- Interlude

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING:
> 
> I updated an other chapter yesterday. Make sure you read it before reading this!

 

The dark-haired man had stared at the roof for hours. He was no stranger to this activity, he had done it many times in the past. His tall body laid upon the dark, green bedsheets, his hands folded on his lower stomach. His breathing was deep and evenly.   
There was no sign of emotion in his face. His greenish eyes looked bright and alert.

When he got up, his movements were precise and determined; elegant as always.  
The sky was still dark, but he didn't turn on the light as he went to the kitchen. The man drank two glasses of cold water. Then he sped up his movements even more. He put on shoes and slipped into the black coat that hung near the entrance. 

He only paused for the moment when he was about to leave the apartment. He lowered his head. A frown on his face. Then, with a few quick steps, he was back in his bedroom. He went to the nightstand, his hand reached out, his fingers lingered for a moment over the book. His fingertips only slightly touching the cover, gently. As if it was his lover's skin. His features softened before he took a deep breath. The man grabbed the book. His long legs carried him out of the apartment, with focus and haste. Like he had an important task. He had an aim and no more time to waste, nothing more to lose.

...

"You can't see her. I'm sorry, but you have to wait. You were told yesterday to come back in the morning."

"As far as I'm concerned, it is morning."

The doctor rolled her eyes. Her staff was intimidated by the dark Asgardian. Well, she wasn't. Helen Cho had dealt with worse. If his brother was in his place, she might... _oh well..._

"Hey!" He tried to move pass her and looked down on her hand as she grabbed his arm. His eyes went to her face.  
The look he gave her was... murderous. Okay, maybe she was a little bit intimidated.  
Slowly, she removed her hand.

"She isn't conscious yet. We have to monitor her closely for the next days."

"That's what you said yesterday as well. Your Midgardian medicine! It's a farce! Your so-called doctors are butchers and charlatans. Her injuries should be cured by now!" he hissed, a cold fire burning in his eyes.

"Her body is healing! The damaged organs are restored. But she needs more time to recover. The concussion was severe. And I don't see you oh so special aliens being a great help here, by the way." Helen crossed her arms, clearly offended.

The God of Mischief gave her one more hateful look before he again tried to walk into the patient room. The three guards Helen had sent for when she was informed that Loki had yet again entered the medical department, blocked his way. They looked nervous, and the smirk Loki gave them only made the sweat on their forehead worse. 

"Let me pass, or I shall remove you from this environment," Loki growled. 

"It's okay, Helen. Let him."

Loki didn't turn around, but Helen looked at the man who just entered the scene.

"We have rules here, Barnes. The rules apply to everyone equally. I can't make an exception simply because he thinks of himself as so very supreme."  

"Helen." Bucky moved closer to her, trying to appease the situation. "I know. And I'm not asking you to do so. But it's only a few minutes before visiting hours, right? And I think..." 

The super soldier looked at the God who was still glaring at the three unfortunate guards. "I think it's good for Cari. Let him sit with her." 

Bucky saw how Loki's posture relaxed a little. 

Helen sighed. "Alright, if you think so. It's not like I'm the doctor here.  It's okay, let him pass." 

The three guys basically jumped out of the way. Loki turned his head. His eyes didn't meet Bucky's, but he gave him a small nod of gratitude, before he slipped into the room, closing the door behind him. 

Helen shook her head and looked through the window into the room, Bucky stepped next to her. They had had a fervid discussion with Loki that the curtains had to stay open when he was with her. Sam had nearly ripped them off the wall, and Bruce had to get a hold of Loki. It had been messy, and Bucky had to remind them that _this_ wasn't helping Cari at all.

They watched as the dark man put his coat over one chair and sat down in the other, his back to them. At first, he just sat there, staring at the still pretty banged up looking woman on the bed. He was pretty sure the God was talking to her, but he didn't hear anything. The room wasn't soundproof - especially not for Bucky-, the walls were thin. But they already guessed that he used some kind of spell so they couldn't hear what he was telling her. 

"Anything new?" Bucky asked Helen as they watched.

"She's stable. Her wounds healed nicely. Her liver and lungs are looking good, as well. The brain swelling is gone, too. But with a head injury like this, you never know. It's only been two days." 

Bucky just nodded. 

"Barnes."

Bucky turned to see Rhodey coming their way. The two men shook hands. Rhodey nodded at Doctor Cho.

"How we're holding up?" The lieutenant asked.

"Still waiting for her to wake up, but she's stable," Bucky said.

"Alright." He nodded, then he saw who was inside with Carina. "Sam doesn't like this very much, and neither do I. And I don't even want to know what Fury has to say about this when he finds out."

Bucky took a deep breath, his arms folded before his chest.

"Yeah, I know. But you have to trust me on this one, alright? He won't harm her."

Rhodes rose his eyebrows but nodded. After a few seconds of silence he added though:   
"Are you sure he's helping? Maybe she doesn't want to wake up because she would have to deal with his grumpy ass again."

Despite everything, Helen couldn't hide her grin, and Bucky smirked at Rhodey, who held his hands up, muttering "just saying".

Doctor Cho had to go back to her duties and Rhodes left shortly after. Only Bucky remained.  
After a while, he saw with amazement that Loki had a book in his hands. He couldn't see what it was, but when he started to read, he could hear him. 

_"Pregame. The World had teeth and it could bite you with them anytime it wanted. Trisha McFarland discovered this when she was nine years old."_

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you really think I kill her just like that? Nah, not me.
> 
> Since I started this story I'm soooo tempted to write in Loki's pov. BUT what I find so fascinating about his character is that he is so inscrutable, enigmatic... he's hiding his feelings and thoughts, you never know his intentions. So, this is a little compromise with myself on that.
> 
> Oh credit to the great Stephen King. The last line is a quote from "the girl who loved tom gordon".
> 
> I hope you like it. More is coming soon. The hard part is done. We're back to interaction. :)


	32. 30

"What are _you_ doing here?!"

Slowly, the god of Mischief lifted his gaze from the book in his hand and locked eyes with an angry looking blond, that just entered the room.

"I beg your pardon?" 

"Oh, don't be all polite. You can cut that bullshit. What are you doing here?"

"Who are you?" The black-haired man stood up, and the blond did her best not to be intimidated. She said nothing but kept glaring at him. 

"Is there a problem here?" Helen Cho appeared in the door and looked from one to the other.

"Yeah, what is he doing here?"

The blond asked her without taking her eyes of Loki. 

Cho sighed loudly. "No one can tell, really. But he insists on it. It's okay, though. It's cleared with Barnes and Hill. He's allowed to be here."

"I really don't see why Cari would want him here." The other woman replied, looking at the doctor.

Loki's lips twitched like he was about to say something, but he kept quiet. 

"We don't think it's harming her. Barnes thinks it might be helpful." 

"Well, I'm not only her emergency contact but also her best friend. And I don't think so."

"So you are the famous Kate." 

Kate's eyes flew back to Loki's.

"What?"

"You're Kate if I'm not mistaken, right?"

Kate just looked at him. 

"Maybe I am mistaken. As far as I remember, Carina said you're quite sharp."

"She told you about me?" Kate said in an unusual squeaky voice.

Loki rose an eyebrow. "Of course she did. You're her best friend, after all."

Since there was nothing left for her to do, Helen decided to get back to her duty, shaking her head while backing out of the room. The alien prince couldn't be reasoned with. She already learned that. 

"I'm sure Carina is glad that you visit her. Since she's very fond of you. I will let you have some privacy. But I will be back in a little while." And with that, Loki bowed slightly and left the room.

It was one of the rare occasions that Kate was speechless. She was surprised but also a little hurt.   
Apparently, Cari had told Loki about her, _and_ he was back. Her best friend failed to tell her both. Like she only told her about the affaire with the alien when it was already over.

But alright, this wasn't about Kate's hurt ego.

Finally, she looked at her friend. Someone had braided her hair. It made her look younger.   
She looked better than Kate had expected. Just a few cuts on her forehead, but they were healing nicely. 

She has been unconscious for three days now. Doctor Cho said it was normal and nothing to worry about. But Kate was worried... and quite unsure. She had to tell Carina's parents soon. And that wasn't something she looked forward to. 

With a sigh - and not without some averseness since Loki sat there moments before - she sat down on the chair next to the bed and grabbed her friend's hand.

"Hey, Cari. You have to wake up soon, honey."

  
\---

  
_She was in a forest. She didn’t know this place, but it felt familiar. It was fall, the trees were colorful. The first leaves had fallen down, covering the mossy ground._

_And she wasn’t alone._

_Two wolves were in front of her. She didn’t know their names, couldn’t remember where they came from. But they belonged here… belonged to her, and she loved them._

_Carina knew that much._

_One was smaller than the other, white and brown. The larger one was nearly all black, only with a few white spots. They were beautiful._

_There was a man by her side as well. And she knew his name._

_It was Noah, and a much younger vision of herself was once in love with him. It hadn’t lasted very long. Only one summer when she had been in her early twenties. Their fling had ended when the festival season did the same._  
_She hadn’t thought of him in years. Looking at the man now, she remembered how attracted to him she was back then. His untamed, dirty blond hair, falling into his forehead and those kind brown eyes... the thick beard that covered his cheeks… There was always something about him, a gentle roughness. He had been a quiet man, grounded. Maybe too grounded, too in balance with himself. She remembered... It had scared her back then._

_The corners of his lips lifted up slightly, only a hint of a smile._

_“Do you remember that one afternoon?” He asked her as they walked slowly, the sun peeking through the thinning treetops. His voice was deep and calm. She remembered it to be just like that._  
_And strangely enough, she knew exactly what he meant._

_“Yeah, I do.” She smiled and saw it all so clearly... They’d been lying on his bed. His arms around her, his head on her chest. He had put a record from ‘The Sounds’ on, it had been playing softly in the background as she’d combed through his hair, enjoying his weight on her. She had been reading a book. It had been a struggle to read like that, but she hadn’t mind. They had been seeing each other for a few weeks. She’d been obsessed with his scent. She remembered thinking that he smelled like pure masculinity._

_"Do you remember how you felt back then?“ Noah asked her._

_“Horny?” She smirked._

_He laughed, and the sound was new to her. The Noah she once knew had a friendly, casual nature. But she couldn’t remember him laughing out loud a lot._

_“Yes, yes. That too. But I mean something else.”_

_She looked at him. His kind brown eyes so warm and inviting in the sunshine._

_“You do remember, do you? How did you feel? About yourself? About life?” He clarified._

_Carina frowned. She felt something soft on her left hand and looked down. The smaller wolf had slowed down his pace and was now walking beside her. Its soft fur grazed her hand. The canine looked up to her as she petted his head._

_Wildness and wisdom shined in its eyes._

_"I... I guess I felt hopeful. Excited and... confident." Carina answered without looking up._

_"Confident about what?" Noah asked._

_"Well, I guess... everything. Life, myself."_

_Noah stopped walking, and Carina did as well, looking at him. He was smiling. "Can you feel it now?"_

_"I don't understand." She shook her head._

_He just kept smiling._

_Carina was puzzled but then nodded slowly. "Yeah... yeah, I think so. I guess I do."_

_Noah nodded, his smile widening, his face suddenly looked different._

_"You're not Noah, are you?" Carina asked. She barely noticed that the world around them blurred slowly._

_"No. No, I'm not. But I like your memories of him. What his memory represents." He still smiled warmly._

_"Then who are you?"_

_"I mean well. You're a brave and warmhearted woman, Carina Miller. Remember the faith you found in yourself when you wake up. Retain it."_

_He changed. The man before her wasn't Noah anymore, he looked like him. But at the same time, he didn't. "When I wake up? Who are you? Do I know you?"_

_"No, you don't. But you know my son."_

_"Your son?"_

_He said something, but she couldn't understand the words._

_"What?"_

_Everything was so bright right now. Carina had trouble seeing._

_"Farewell, Carina. And remember, retain it."_

...

  
The first thing she noticed was the smells. Disinfectant and lilies. Carina opened her eyes slowly since her eyelids were so heavy.

When she got used to the light, she took in her surroundings. Surprisingly her brain put the pieces together quickly. The memory of what had happened was pretty clear in her mind. She let out a breath, then she noticed the man sitting beside her bed. Or rather... he was sleeping in the chair beside her bed.

Carina smiled softly, reaching out for his arm. It was quite a struggle to move her hand, but she managed.   
His steal blue eyes opened immediately when she touched his arm.

"Hey!" Bucky nearly fell out of the chair as he moved closer to her. "God Cari, you're awake. Damn, you really scared us here."

"Sorry." She said in a rough voice.

"Wait here... drink something." Bucky stood up and got a cup of water for her. 

"I should get the Doc, so she can make sure you're okay." He said while he helped her drinking the deliciously cold water in small slips. 

Carina moved her legs slightly since everything was sore, wiggling her toes under the blanket as well as looking at her arms. It looked like she was okay. 

"I think I'm doing alright, especially considering a building dropped down on me." Her throat was still sore, but the water helped.

Bucky laughed. "I guess your head is fine as well." His voice was more serious with his next words. "Doctor Cho said not to worry, but you had a pretty bad concussion, some swelling as well. You've been unconscious for almost five days now."

Carina looked at him bewildered. 

_Five days?_

She could so clearly remember being on the jet with anyone. Theo... the people in the building. Those monsters... and Loki.

"Is everything okay? Did everyone make it out? There were civilians."

"I know. Don't worry. Everyone is fine. Other than you, none of the team was harmed. And besides the ones you got out, no civilians were in the building. The nurses and the boy are fine, don't worry. Sam will give you a hell of a lecture for that, so you know. He was so pissed that you left the jet."

Carina sighed. "Yeah, he wasn't the only one."

"Oh yeah! That, too," Bucky smirked, and Carina looked at him puzzled.

"You know what I mean. Do you remember who got you out? Who found you?"

Carina only nodded.

"Well, he refused to leave your side for the first 24 hours. Wouldn't let Bruce touch you when we were on the jet at first. He wouldn't have left this room for the last five days if we didn't force him too... every now and then. And doctor Cho is pretty strict when it comes to visiting hours. I only have you by myself right now because Fury insisted on his presence for a report. And I'm sure he wants to question him about the two of you."

Carina listened to all of it but wasn't quite sure how to process it.

"So, everybody knows?"

"It's kind of obvious by now." Bucky shrugged. "Don't worry about it. Everything's going to be fine. And I should really get doc Cho right now. She'll yell at me for not calling her right away even more if I'll wait any longer."

...

Doctor Cho filled her in about everything that was damaged and repaired on her body. She guessed she was incredibly lucky, and the fact that she worked for Stark and had access to all of this technology saved her life. Otherwise, she would have needed new lungs. Or would have bled to death, to begin with. The doctor sent Bucky out and did some tests, asking her a lot of questions to see if her brain took any damage. She seemed to be pleased with the results but still scheduled an MRI for the following week.  
Carina had to take it easy still. She had some bruised rips she would feel for a while. Helen Cho explained that her body was still in healing, and she needed to rest. She wanted to keep her for another night to make sure she was fine.

She was still explaining a few things to her when they heard the voices. 

"Hey! I said stop! You're not allowed to go in there just yet!"

"We will use all necessary means to stop you!"

"Oh please, do. It would be my pleasure to burn this place to the ground."

The blinds were closed so they couldn't see what was going on on the other side, but Carina knew who's voice that was. And she could nearly hear the smirk in it, too. 

Helen looked at her, and Carina nodded with a sighed. The doc shook her head and rolled her eyes but called out to the guards anyway. 

"Let him in. At this point, it really doesn't matter."

Seconds later, the door opened.

"What in the heavens name is going on? Why are the-"

He paused when he saw her. His eyes were wide. Carina guessed, no one told him she had awakened. 

Loki was silent, and Carina couldn't think of anything else but give him a small wave and a strained smile. It didn't make the situation any less awkward. 

Finally, it was doctor Cho who broke the silence. 

"Well, I think we're done here. I'll come to see you later. If there is anything else, just call." With that and a disapproving glance at Loki, she left the room, closing the door behind her. 

Loki still looked at her. It took him another few seconds before he spoke.

"Are you alright?" 

She wasn't sure what she expected, but this was as good as any start, she guessed.

"Yes. Yeah, I mean. I've been better. But considering the circumstances, I'm pretty good. Doctor Cho said I'll be as good as new in a few weeks."

Loki nodded. Then looked at the chair next to her bed. "Do you mind?" He asked while pointing to the chair.

"Of course not." She answered. Carina was surprised that he even asked. If Bucky told her the truth and after his entrance, she was pretty sure he did, he basically lived in this chair the last days.

"So..." she started when he said nothing, just looked at her. "Thank you. For everything. Saving me from those monsters and for finding me and getting me out after the building dropped down on me."  
   
She tried to joke, but the god of mischief face was stern. 

Carina heard herself swallowing. He was well dressed, as always. But his hair was unruly, and he looked paler than usual.

"Your body was heavily damaged. You were unconscious for five days."

Carina said nothing. She already knew all of this.

"It was extremely dangerous to come into that building. You were told to stay in the jet. To stay safe." 

His tone was unusually serious. His low and deep voice sending chills down her back.

"I know." She said quietly. She was about to justify her actions again when he went on.

"You promised to go directly to the jet. I all but begged you, and you promised."

Carina didn't know what to say. She was stunned. By the sincerity in his eyes as well as the slightly hurt in his low voice. 

"Loki." She finally breathed, and something flickered in his eyes. "I did. I went straight for the jet. Me calling out for those people didn't change much. Maybe it was for the better because I could still reach the bench. But I did, just as I promised." 

Their eyes locked for a long time before Loki nodded and looked away, taking the rest of the room in.

"So, what else did the dear doctor say? How much longer do you have to stay in this lovely and progressive place?"

There was the cynicism she knew so well. 

"Just tonight, to make sure I'm fine, and then I can go back to my quarters and recover there. She said to get some rest now. I thought about reading." Her eyes went to the books on the bedside table. She was pretty sure she knew who left them there. "But I guess I am too tired."

"I could read to you if you like," Loki asked quietly.

Her gaze found his again, and he had more than one question in his eyes.

Carina smiled, then nodded. "Thanks."

Loki nodded as well, grabbing a book from the table. Her growing smile a wordless approval for his choice. 

Not long after his velvet voice started to read her the tale, she leaned deeper into the more are less comfortable hospital sheets. Her sight was fixed on his appealing features as her eyelids started to get heavy. He hadn't come further than page six when sleep had nearly claimed her, and she felt his hand holding hers. Carina gave it a light squeeze which he returned, still reading smoothly. Shortly after, she was asleep. Her hand in his, his voice all around her.

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am soooo sorry. I wanted to get this out two weeks ago, then I thought I could make it last week, but...life.  
> Quite sudden I adopted a puppy and the little fluffy baby keeps us quite busy, besides the usual drama when you have a family and a full-time job. lol. But it's also fun. And a lot of work. And fun :D
> 
> So, this chapter was much longer but I decided to cut it here because I wanted them to have a quiet "reunion" and the tone in the next half is different, so I made two chapters out of it.
> 
> I hope you like it. I try to update as fast as I can. I miss writing! So I will take some time.


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